If you were so inclined to write one final letter to your ex-MM, what would it say?

[wisernow]

Stevie_23,

 

I noticed your affair was a long-distance EA, no actual meeting with exMM.

 

If you've read my story before, you'll know my ex-MW was similar, though we did meet and it ended shortly after.

 

I can understand where you are coming from, wanting to send that letter, to put down into words what you will say to ex-MM, because in the end you'll feel as though you've had your final word in the end of the affair.

 

Many times, I considered writing ex-MW a letter of sorts, each and every time I almost finished that letter and sent it but I didn't, I wrote them to myself and saved them in the event I ever had to look back on my previous thoughts.

 

And you know what? By sending them to yourself, giving it time and possibly writing more, the catharsis is the act of expressing yourself without them having to see it.

 

Stevie, he's been over it, any words at this point are moot and will only upset you and in some ways prove to him; ' She's not over me.'

 

I had to be emotionally kicked every time I thought about sending ex-MW a letter, realizing that when you trade one full day with that person versus the amount of hours they spend with the spouse, you realize it doesn't matter anymore.

 

Consider this; Write the letter to yourself a few times, revise it and revise it again. Put that letter away for a few weeks and come back to it again and decide if it's still worth sending.

 

It's tough, I know...but you'll get through this, trust me.

 

Peace,

 

-FC

 

Stevie-- Hope you'll read this, more than once. Sage advice.

[Sarabi]

This is sitting in my "waiting to be sent" folder in my email.

He hasn't spoken to me for a few days...so, I don't know. He might almost be but is not quite an ex...:

 

It hurts not hearing from you but sometimes...it also hurts hearing from you.

You can't have both of us...one of us has to hurt.

If you love your wife and want to move forward with your life then I want you to leave me alone. No texts. No calls. No emails...nothing.

I don't really care what happens to me but as long as you come out of it unscathed and with your family then life will get better for you.

 

She is such a beautiful woman. I just don't understand why you ever wanted to do it to her...

 

Please don't insult the little intelligence I have by saying you ever loved me or that you will love me forever. You think you do but you simply don't. You never will and never could. I'm sure you will move heaven and earth for the woman you love and being as you are already with her on earth, you'd better start moving heaven to give her the life you both want and deserve.

 

You might not agree with what I am saying but you need to let this go once and for all.

You are where you want to be. I just pray you work hard, no longer take it for granted and start to appreciate the beauty of what you have.

 

I truly wish you both the best and every happiness for the future. Trust me...it will all get better for you very soon

 

S x

[Sarabi]

P.S. let me know what you think guys. If I want to go NC is this an ok thing to say? I never wanted it to be acrimonious or accusatory or full of mean spirited things...I simply want him to go on his merry way back to his family and leave me be. Even if it hurts like hell

[spice4life]

Honestly, stevie and sarabi, sending those love and heart filled letters will not mean a thing and will fall on deaf ears. It is just a waste of time. Write those sentiments to yourself and save it to draft and go back and read and revise until it's out of your system.

 

Sarabi, if you truly want to go NC then send a simple two line note telling him it's over and to NOT contact you again. Then block all forms of communication. If you send what you wrote (and don't take this wrong) he will roll his eyes and say oh boy, here she goes again. Then he will wait for your emotions to calm down and then slowly work his way back in again. All that letter will do is give him the information he needs to figure out how to manipulate you out of those feelings. Plus, he might send something back that you aren't ready to hear and it will hurt. DON'T DO IT. If you what wrote is how you really feel then do the right thing and close the door with a short note and then block him from contacting you in every way possible. If he is able to contact you through other channels - ignore ignore ignore. That's really the only way.

 

Stevie, would you still feel the same if you found out that the whole D-Day thing was a ruse because he found another online mate? If he was able to carry on with you like he did, it is highly likely he is a master manipulator who orchestrated the ending of your affair so he could devote his time to someone else. Or, what if he realized that he had an addiction and is now trying to get over it? Sending a letter may throw a wrench into his healing process. I think you need to look at some of the darker possibilities here because they may be true. If you must send the letter, send it to yourself and edit and revise according how you feel until you can finally let go. And lastly, if he is devoting his time to his wife then sending the letter would be doing her a HUGE disservice because it would open up the wound caused by the infidelity.

 

So I say to you both, DO NOT SEND. It will not do a thing to help you; it will only end up hurting you.

[Sarabi]

Thanks for the advice Spice :)

[spice4life]

Thanks for the advice Spice :)

 

You're very welcome!

[Toots]

What would you say if you felt you wanted to write a letter to your ex?

 

"I hope you have managed to find peace, and that you've had some gains to offset your losses. "

[wanting more]

If I were to send one now it would be filled with hate and curse words. I thought about it in the beginning but didn't send anything. And I'm glad I didn't.

[Pierre]

Yeah. I don’t want my letter to come across as me being unable to get go. I want it to show that I HAVE let go and this is my final, gentle and caring goodbye message. Treat him at the end of our relationship like we treated each other throughout, you know?

 

The closure syndrome is all about external validation, low self esteem, and seeking one more chance to re-start the affair. Don't kid yourself!

[Toots]

Another thought for you ladies........to contact someone with kind words and warm thoughts, who dumped you like yesterday's trash, you should see that as humiliating and to give them anymore of you, even words in a letter is even more humiliating and desperate. Yes, you can go on and do it, but you will be making excuses for him about why you were dumped, the mean ole wife made him do it,blah, blah, but that isn't reality and won't help you. See it for what it really is and act accordingly.

 

Sometimes it's the OW who dumps the MM.

[ComingInHot]

Toots;

You are absolutely right & I applaud any OW/OM who figures out they no longer wish to be an OW/OM (for whatever reason) to break it off or "dump" the MM/MW.

[Toots]

Of course.......but we aren't talking about that here.

 

Perhaps you personally weren't. But not everyone on the thread was talking about what you were, so "we" doesn't apply.

 

The OP says "your ex", not "your ex who dumped you"

[skylarblue]

Stevie, I know the question isn't if you should or not send it, but I'd still like to comment. I don't know whether you should send it or not. I don't know whether its a good or bad idea. But if you feel you need and want to send it, I support that. Not everyone's way is the same and what may not have been right for one may be beneficial to another. If you feel you need to send it FOR YOU then do it. All I have to say and caution is just be 100% sure that you want to send it. Be SURE and REALISTIC that you have no expectations in doing so. Be sure and realistic that you are doing this for closure (meaning last of contact) and no other agenda. Think of the worst possibility that could happen either to you emotionally or in him responding or not responding, and if it's a deterrent or leaves you with reservations about sending it. Because if you have the tiniest bit of reservation, don't send it. In fact, even if you decide you're going to, want to, and will send it, whatever day you decide you're mailing it say I'll mail it tomorrow. Then tomorrow say I'll mail it the next day. My hope is after time you won't even feel the need to mail it.

 

As for the actual question, I still have a friendship with xMM, but I did send him a letter via text the night I ended it. I was swimming in a wine glass when I did so I don't really remember all and exactly what I said, but I do remember it was far from a "thank you" note lol. I can recall me saying something about wanting to get on with life and not remember him, about being unappreciated, taken for granted etc and insulted his ego and perception.

[Sarabi]

I was like a puppy begging for a snack. You gals don't see it that way.........but you will be like that puppy too. It's not a good feeling, even after all this time, it's makes me squirm to know I betrayed myself like that.

 

Luckily for me I have all you lovely people to thank for your excellent advice so I do see what you mean

I am that puppy...but fortunately for me working at a supermarket...I buy my own snacks lol

He hasn't spoken to me for a few days...so I didn't bother to respond. Just deleted everything...(texts, call lists etc.)

I haven't caved in yet...and have surrounded my bed with books, chocolate and DVDs to make sure I don't!!!

[wisernow]

Stevie,

 

I don't get your obsession with this man. By your own admission (on numerous threads) he is a less than stellar catch. Been married 5 times, is a serial cheater, mistreated his own children, and those are the just a few of his traits that you've mentioned.

 

What do you think the outcome would be when/if he receives a letter from you? Are you hoping his wife will get it, kick him out, then you and he can resume your virtual affair?

 

Have you actually seen him? I forget. I know I've read where you made videos for him, but did you see him? I ask, cause MTV has been airing that show Catfish all day.

 

Anyway, my advice would be to write whatever you need to to gain some sense of closure, but don't mail it. He's not going to give a rats ass about receiving something from you. He made his choice, and he is right where he wants to be.

 

I truly wish you could find some peace and let this man go. For good.

[stevie_23]

MFH70, yes I have thought of his wife. This is why I’d send it to his office, not his home. I also know him well enough (even now) to know he would NOT be transparent. He has NEVER been able to be transparent to anyone (apart from me, though I am aware he most likely wasn’t with me either. I don’t honestly think he knows HOW to be transparent) and he also wouldn’t hurt her by showing her that anyway.

 

LadyGrey…you’re right. I am still in the affair, to an extent. In a weird way. I realised this morning that I STILL spend a lot of time thinking about him…and up until now I thought I was ok and that I was moving on fairly steadily because I don’t cry and I’m not distraught all the time like I was before…but if I’m still thinking about him all the time, what am I supposed to do?? I mean, how do I STOP that?! I was under a false sense of security because those thoughts didn’t anger or disturb me anymore, but…they still exist.

 

I also know he doesn’t want to see how I am or any of that. The thing is, what I believe is he WOULD want to know how I am but he’d want MORE than just that. He’d want it ALL. And he knows he can’t have that, so he doesn’t try for any of it. I understand that.

 

I don’t want to think of him as dead. I can’t bring myself to do that. It’d be too sad. And I’d know he wasn’t dead anyway, so…you know. I can’t just “trick” my brain into believing that.

 

Spice4life, it will mean something to him. I know it will. It won’t change the situation for either of us, but it will mean something to him. He hasn’t moved on. He never WANTED to actually move on. He just couldn’t be with me anymore. It’s not as if he’s going to find someone else or re-commit to his wife.

 

Ooh, would I feel differently if I found out he had lied about everything to do with the D-day and he was actually with someone else? Of course! I’d then believe, without question, that there was nothing left and of COURSE I wouldn’t bother sending the letter. What would the point of that be?

 

The thing is, I don’t want doubts and questions in my mind, to go forward with. This is why I’m not angry at him and why I don’t believe he lied to me. I have SOME evidence to support the fact he was truthful and I don’t have a NEED to question that. If I knew for SURE that he’d lied, then fine. I’d be angry and then I’d extricate myself from the situation I THOUGHT was real but wasn’t. But I DON’T know he lied. I am pretty sure he DIDN’T lie, and wondering or questioning that based on not a lot does not help me at all. I also know this latest D-day is truthful because of things I saw after it happened on other websites he went on and his wife’s activity also.

 

Also, and this may make some of you laugh, but WHY oh WHY would he EVER get involved online with someone else?! I wondered this before actually. If he was going to develop feelings for anyone else, I think he would have VERY hard about it first. Whether it’d be worth going further into that, after what he’s been through with our A and his wife and all that. Online stuff was too hard for him, with his wife always finding out. He wouldn’t go down that path again. He WOULD however do it in person, as that’d be easier in many ways. So…yeah.

 

He was able to “carry on” with me the way he did for almost 2 years because for the first few months, his wife didn’t know of my existence. The next few months she did but thought I was a gay friend from another country who was almost half his age. Then she DID find out and became more paranoid and we were careful. She would leave for work at 6.30am some days and get home at 11pm other days (shift work), so we spent time together easily when she was out working. When she was home, for a long time we were able to still be together but he had to be very careful and it was usually only possible when she was asleep. Because of our time difference, even if she was home, we would spend time together very early in his morning so she wasn’t awake yet. So…it’s not as if he was constantly lying and manipulating. She simply wasn’t HOME the majority of the time we were spending time together, you know? This doesn’t make it any better of course. That’s not my point. I just meant that it wasn’t THAT hard to “carry on” like this, because he was alone a lot of the time when we were together. It WAS hard for him though, once she found out stuff and things closed in more and more, her kids moved into the house, etc.

 

What you said about the healing process for HIM and me throwing a wrench in it? I actually considered that too. This is a slight concern of mine, but I also believe he is extremely resolute once he decides something. This is also why I wouldn’t send him any sort of message online where it’d be easier, quicker and somehow feels closer, to respond to. By sending it by mail, it’s more…distant. The handwriting is intimate, but the fact it’s taken 2 weeks to arrive and he can’t just respond by clicking a button and there’s no return address on the envelope and all that. It’s a goodbye. A nice, final goodbye. I feel that he is at a more advanced stage of his healing / moving on process but that he is being held back by feeling….the unresolved things about us and our time together, and how he ended things and he doesn’t “care” enough to DO anything about it because there’s no point now since it wouldn’t change anything, and he feels he probably CAN’T do anything because he may think I would completely bite his head off due to how he treated me at the end, or that he wouldn’t want to hurt me further by contacting me and also his wife…SO. By me writing this goodbye, he can finally move on.

 

He’s also not devoting his time to his wife. What he is doing is the same he always did. When we were together, we would spend every moment we could together, when his wife wasn’t home. When she WAS home, he would still be online but just not with me because we couldn’t be (especially later on in the relationship when she knew more and was aware of things). He’d still be in his music studio by himself while she and the kids ate dinner and such. Nothing has changed.

 

Pierre, I 100% do NOT intend to re-start the affair. If I wanted to do that, I would go about it in other ways. But I KNOW that I would get no “validation” or “reward” from attempting to re-start the affair, because I KNOW that simply cannot happen. I’ve been down this road before. Back last June, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts in other threads, he got really sick, got married to his wife, and left me for a month. But I never felt it was over. And it wasn’t. He came back and we were ok again, after some required adjustments in our outlook and dreams and expectations. But this time, since the middle of December I’ve known was different. It’s final. I DO know that.

 

Lady Grey, I don’t consider he dumped me like yesterday’s trash. A part of me did at one stage. I wrote a song about it actually, called Yesterday’s News. Lol. That channeled that particular anger out of my system pretty well.

 

I am also under no illusions that his wife “made” him dump me. Of course she didn’t! I have come to terms with the fact he COULD have left her if it really did come to this. Ages ago we discussed this sort of thing and he always said if it came down to the fact that we were seriously threatened, he would leave his house and his wife at that point. This was before he got sick and got married and things changed. Of course, if he absolutely HAD to, if it was life or death, he could still leave. But he doesn’t want to, and I don’t blame him. So it’s nothing to do with HER. Sure, on the surface I say his restrictions affected us negatively, got in the way, his wife found out a fourth time and he ended it. Yes, that’s true, but HE ended it. I am aware of this.

 

ALSO, I’ve already done the begging, the pleading, the negotiating, the requesting of tiny breadcrumbs if that’s all he’s prepared to do. I knew I was humiliating myself. I knew I had thrown away my self respect and dignity by that time. Last June when he went away for that month, I reacted differently. There was desperation but only when I didn’t know if he was alive or not (I thought he’d had a stroke as he hadn’t felt well, then was in the hospital, etc), and then I switched straight to continually just giving him love, every now and then (once every 1-2 weeks I’d contact him). No pushing. No begging.

 

But this time, there was HUGE desperation. I knew this was it…that it had been “it” for a while (over, or slowly suffocating itself), so…yeah. I freaked out. I’ve been there, done that. And THIS letter is nothing like that.

 

I should be angry at myself? Yes, I am angry at myself. I have been angry at myself for several years I think, for varying reasons. Angry at him? Sure, in a way. I’m angry at him for not leaving his wife. I’m angry at him for being 61 years old and not in the best of health so it wouldn’t be good for him to leave his wife. I’m angry at myself for letting myself get in so far that I fell in love with someone who’s almost twice my age and who I can never really be with. I’m angry at him for leaving BEFORE I got the chance to fall out of love gently and leave HIM. I’m angry at how he left me. I’m angry at myself for being so completely lost that I’ve actually cheated on my own partner of 12 years who I love and who would be 100% SHOCKED if she knew. She wouldn’t even know who I was.

 

I don’t necessarily cut him a wide path because I don’t think I’m any better…it’s more the fact I didn’t CHOOSE any better a path myself, so…

 

Thankyou, Skylar!! I don’t feel a huge desperate need to send this letter. I haven’t even written it yet, and you know what? I honestly may not ever get around to doing it…but I would LIKE to do it to get that final, peaceful closure. To send that final bit of positive energy out there. And that’s it. NO expectations of a response. NO expectations of any sort of re-start of anything at all. As I said before, to me it feels entirely like a soft kiss goodbye to someone I cherished my time with and still value as a person who enriched my life in certain ways (CERTAIN ways. Not ALL ways of course).

 

I’ve already thought of the worst possibilities of me sending it, which would be…

 

• Receiving a letter back directly from his wife, which would mean he had shown my letter to her. That would hurt me but it would also make me realise wow, he really HAS committed to her now. Something I thought he’d never, ever do.
  
• Receiving it returned unopened. Though this won’t happen because I’d put no return address on it.
  
• Receiving a new letter from him, saying something like “Please go away. I realised I don’t love you and never did. You were a huge mistake. You are half my age and a crazy person. Please let me live my life in peace now I have finally found happiness away from your evil clutches.” Lol
  

I AM indeed waiting. This is why I haven’t even written it yet, because I’m just sort of…not in a rush to do it. I do want to, and the above things don’t put me off, but I am waiting out of caution. The same as if I had written it and then waited to send it.

 

Wisernow, yes, on paper he is not the most appealing guy to be hung up on. 61 years old, married 5 times, not the best of health, cheated previously (he has NOT mistreated his children by the way. The reason he doesn’t see them now is because his ex-wives moved to different states with their new husbands and he didn’t care enough to insist on maintaining regular contact) But…you can’t help who you click with and fall in love with I guess. I still think he was good to me and for me (in certain ways). I still don’t see him as a bad person.

 

And no no no no NO! The absolute LAST thing I expect from this letter is for his wife to find it! Why do you think I’m sending it to his WORK address!? Addressed to him personally with “private & confidential”? So it does NOT go to his home where she will find it. I don’t want her to know it exists because there is no need for her to. It does not change her situation now. Also, as IF he’d leave her for me NOW and as IF she’d kick him out NOW because of this. If she was going to do that, she would’ve done it already, not because of some last final goodbye letter from me. And he wouldn’t have let us end if he really wanted to be with me. This has nothing to do with any hope of ever being together again. I let go of THAT part of things a while back.

 

Oh, and yes, I saw him in the videos he did. Billions of videos (well, thousands). Saw him clearly. His face, body, walking around, sitting around, lying on the couch, eating, cooking, doing the dishes, driving, shopping in the supermarket, trying on clothes in Macys, walking through the woods, half falling in a river thing, limping around when he hurt his leg, trying to put on incredibly thick socks to cushion his ankle when he hurt that (he did Aikido martial arts and has a few old and more recent injuries), trying on that Aikido uniform, driving to class, driving to the train station to pick up one of his wife’s kids when her car broke down, he filmed himself texting me, filmed while we were chatting online, brushing his teeth, filmed while he stayed in a hotel up in Vermont for a few days, filmed in the shower, even going to the TOILET for god’s sake. Lol. So. Ok. Yes, I have seen him.

 

I believe he is NOT right where he wants to be in GENERAL, but within his situational constraints and his life right now, he is, yes. But I do believe that he will be happier to read what I have to say than he is at this moment, not having read it.

 

LadyGrey, no I do really believe we’re on the same level. I do. You’ve hit the nail on the head there. I was thinking this last night actually. I don’t worry that he lied to me because truthfully? I lied to him sometimes about some things. So I’ve got that “protection” there in a lame way. Like if he lied to me, oh well, he’s not THAT bad because I’m worse. That sort of thing, you know? Also, I believe we do feel similar ways and think similar things and so I feel we’ve always been on the same sort of level in that way too. So…yeah. Also yes, of course, BOTH of us were cheating. I’m again WORSE than he is because if HE hadn’t ended it, I would STILL be cheating. So…

 

Oh, and hey…I’m 100% honest about this – there is absolutely NOTHING going on with the man who I started to develop slight feelings for a month or 2 ago. We are purely friends and nothing more. I cannot express this strongly enough. The other guy? I don’t know. It’s just a casual flirtation and affection. There is nothing there. I’m not interested. He’s a nice guy but…meh. There’s nothing. And there is NOBODY else I talk to online besides my normal real life Facebook friends and a female friend from Florida who I’ve known for years and who I have NO interest in whatsoever beyond friends. So…know that. I know I don’t have to justify or explain myself on here, but I don’t want anyone thinking “there is more that I haven’t told people on here”, ok? Cause there really isn’t. Isn’t my story that you already know bad ENOUGH!? Lol.

[stevie_23]

Aw DAMMIT! Don't bang your head! We don't need another person on here (besides me I mean) who has arguable mild brain damage! lol

[wisernow]

Okay- You're right you didn't say he "mistreated" his kids, rather, "he turned his back on 3 out of the 4 kids" My bad. I'm not sure how that's not mistreating them, but whatever.

 

I just keep going back to this post and the picture you paint of this clown. And he's 61? Eck. And you're in your 20's, right?

 

I wish you'd read your thread over and over again until it truly sinks in what a loser this old man is.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/367661-warning-signs-you-never-saw-before-turning-them-positives

[promises]

My final letter would read something like this:

 

Dear A-hole,

 

You're nothing special. Maybe you've known that all along.

 

I've never been rude, mean, or callous towards you.

 

So, f-off this one and only time and goodbye forever.

 

I hope you are never able to get an erection again.

 

Bye.

[Lillyfree]

My final letter would read something like this:

 

Dear A-hole,

 

You're nothing special. Maybe you've known that all along.

 

I've never been rude, mean, or callous towards you.

 

So, f-off this one and only time and goodbye forever.

 

I hope you are never able to get an erection again.

 

Bye.

 

hah! the last text i sent did include an advice for self-fornication.

 

should have included the erection thing

[stevie_23]

Okay- You're right you didn't say he "mistreated" his kids, rather, "he turned his back on 3 out of the 4 kids" My bad. I'm not sure how that's not mistreating them, but whatever.

 

I just keep going back to this post and the picture you paint of this clown. And he's 61? Eck. And you're in your 20's, right?

 

I wish you'd read your thread over and over again until it truly sinks in what a loser this old man is.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/367661-warning-signs-you-never-saw-before-turning-them-positives

 

Ah yes, I do remember that thread.

 

I think the thing also is, now it's over and with no hope of re-starting, those "warning signs" and any potential issues FOR a relationship simply aren't relevant anymore, so they aren't problems for me that get in the way of me feeling the sentiments I wish to express in this letter.

 

I'm 34, by the way. Turning 35 later this year. (my long term partner is 51 soon also, so not my same age either. I have no problem with an age gap, even a large one)

[sb129]

Could you put yourself in your long term partners shoes for a second?

 

IF she knew, how do you think she would react to this thread. (it is a she right?)

Do you think she would be "oh sure honey, I get its all over, but you want to make contact one last time, yeah I'm cool with that"

 

If the affair is OVER- its OVER, that means no more contact, no letters, no songs, no internet stalking.

 

You owe it to your REAL LIFE relationship to cut ties now.

[stevie_23]

No songs? I need my songs. I’d go insane (more so) without my songs as a creative outlet for my emotional turmoil.

 

I HAVE stopped writing my songs as a way of talking TO him though. At least that’s something. The next song I have planned is called Love Machine (NOT in the way you probably assume, lol) and it’s about a vending machine that dispenses love to this girl (me) who has been holding into her coins tightly for so long because she’s been hurt and needs love, even if it’s dispensable, or something like that anyway.

 

My long term partner…if she knew about ALL this, she would be totally shell shocked, she would be threatened not only by the fact I had this affair, was able to lie and deceive and betray her and our exclusive bond, but also the fact it was with a MAN. How can she possibly compete with that? (not that she should have to, but this is how people think sometimes)

 

In terms of the letter idea? IF she was somehow ok or had come to terms with everything else, and I said I was going to write one final goodbye letter which was more a case of saying goodbye to that side of MYSELF…she’d be ok with it. But I don’t see how she’d ever trust me again, whether I wrote a letter or not.

[sb129]

I HAVE stopped writing my songs as a way of talking TO him though.

 

Thats what I meant.

 

My long term partner…if she knew about ALL this, she would be totally shell shocked, she would be threatened not only by the fact I had this affair, was able to lie and deceive and betray her and our exclusive bond, but also the fact it was with a MAN. How can she possibly compete with that? (not that she should have to, but this is how people think sometimes)

 

In terms of the letter idea? IF she was somehow ok or had come to terms with everything else, and I said I was going to write one final goodbye letter which was more a case of saying goodbye to that side of MYSELF…she’d be ok with it. But I don’t see how she’d ever trust me again, whether I wrote a letter or not.

 

There is your answer.

 

If you are merely saying goodbye to that part of YOURSELF- there is no need to send it to HIM.

[sb129]

Do you feel bad for your partner? A teeny bit?

 

If it was she that had done all this would you be OK with her making more contact with the other person?