imconfused101 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I was a closet gay and dated my first boyfriend for 2 years from 2008 - 2010. He's 13 years older than me. We had very good relationship for 2 years, He was so in love with me that he had future plan for us and he wanted me to live with him. at that time I was still confused and didnt know what I wanted and that kinda freaked me out because I didnt want to hurt him if eventually I couldnt stick to his plan as I was still in a closet. I ended up broke up with him and I had a rebound for 6 months. While, I was dating my rebound I was still closed to him and still had sex with him. Short story, I broke up with my rebound and I felt like to reconcile with my ex. he was excited at the same time I wanted to take it slowly. We were trying to make it work for while. But, we ended up with a lot of fights and arguments. I felt he gave us on him. Yes, I admitted I created all these mess. He decided to break up with me for real 11 months ago at he got sick of me complaining. We had very nasty break up. I realized I was losing a very good man that I love. Since then I tried to be better person. I was bagging at the beginning then I realized it just made it worse. I went out of country for work for about a month and having NCP. he approached me at the swim practice(we are in the same swimming group) Since then we started hanging out again sometimes on the weekend. But he has never been the first person that asked or called me. He only called when he needs help with his stuff. When we went out he couldn't look at me in the eyes and when I tried to flirt a bit (like holding his arm) he pushed my hand right away. Also, I found out he also has been dating here and there. and he wont answer my phone while he's hanging out with his friends or he's on his date. Sometimes, i felt like it's time for me to move and let him go. at the same time I had a feeling that he still likes me. I really want to ask what we are now? but I dont know when and what to say? he also lied to me sometimes that he has a date. i'm really confused what to do? i want to ask him if he wanted to give a try and be honest to me. Otherwise, I'm just gonna move on and we can still be friend and he won't be my prioritize anymore. I would treat him just as regular friend. any suggestions? sorry if my story is too long and confusing. i would be happy to explain. thanks for the advices
creighton0123 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 It's not confusing. You're both in very different places in this relationship after having taken two tries at it. For him, perhaps the discomfort of being with someone who is in the closet was quite a bit to deal with. For you, the time apart when you were in a "rebound relationship" might not have been long enough to heal the pain of the first breakup. In my opinion, there are some instances when getting back together isn't an option. There's too much being hurt and being unsure of the level of commitment on both sides. I would suggest that you do what many on here have found so incredibly helpful: move on and don't be friends... at least not yet. Neither of you can heal from it if you both keep stirring the pot by spending time together and think about giving your romance another go.
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Based on the situation you describe, I concur with Creighton. I wouldn't be friends - I'd go NC and save yourself more pain.
Author imconfused101 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Thank you for the suggestions, I actually came out not while after we broke up. It's not only for our relationship but I guess it's healthier for me mentally. Creighton, I broke up with my rebound because I found out what I wanted and who I wanted be. But I guess I was little bit too late at that time. On the other hand, every time he disappointed me, I decided to have no contact and move on. I didn't have any attention to contact him, and suddenly he would call me out of no where. for instance, I didn't call him for a week and he was calling me million times at on the night Valentine Day then he texted me at 12.00am Happy Valentine. it was kinda pissed me off because no one said that at the end of the day. I decided to call him back and he was sweet but at the end he asked me for help with his tax (i'm a CPA). Also, I told him that I'm going to travel internationally for like 3 months for work and when he heard that he wanted to know all the details but I didn't tell him and he sounded little bit sad. He wanted to take me out for dinner before I leave. That's one of the example that makes me confused and think he still wants to work it out but he doesn't want to bring it up.
Author imconfused101 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Another thing, why did he lie to me when he went out for a date? if he doesnt like me anymore. I told him that won't make me jealous but I just want him to be honest to me.
mcdo Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Another thing, why did he lie to me when he went out for a date? if he doesnt like me anymore. I told him that won't make me jealous but I just want him to be honest to me. My ex is dating someone already. A couple of weeks ago we were still in regular contact and I had figured out she was seeing someone long before she was going to say anything. So I told her she should have said something - it would help me give up all hope of getting back together. She simply said it was just too hard to say anything. And she was probably worried about hurting my feelings. There's nothing else behind it really. I think your ex just wouldn't find it easy to tell you and would be afraid of hurting your feelings.
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