Want A Girlfriend/Feeling Torn

[Archgirl]

Ah. And for whatver reason it didn't work out/wasn't possible and now every other girl is grey and blah by comparison, and you don't know why you suddenly feel like you've lost something?

[MrCastle]

Ah. And for whatver reason it didn't work out/wasn't possible and now every other girl is grey and blah by comparison, and you don't know why you suddenly feel like you've lost something?

 

Yes!..Yes!

[Els]

It's called the rebound haze. Give it time.

[MrCastle]

It's called the rebound haze. Give it time.

 

More like the "why-are-you-with-him-becareful-i-might-break-you-up-okay-maybe-not-but-why-cant-we-be-together" haze

[Els]

That's a bit of a mouthful, but I guess it works too.

 

We've all had serious crushes that didn't work, I think. Sounds like this was your first big one. It's all good.

[Archgirl]

I'm sorry sweetheart, you don't want a girlfriend, you want her.

Happened to me last September, like being hit over the head, struck by lightning. I think it's meeting the exact right person at totally the wrong time, maybe you'll get another time. I don't know. It's worse I think because you never got to find out the reality, just the promise of what it might be like.

I eventually decided that there was no point not meeting other people and enjoying their company as much as possible, but really I still feel the same as you, I just started to really resent it

[Archgirl]

Plus I figure it at least gave me a massive head start on what I need in someone!

[MrCastle]

That's a bit of a mouthful, but I guess it works too.

 

We've all had serious crushes that didn't work, I think. Sounds like this was your first big one. It's all good.

 

I've had crushes before, but as I get older, they get more and more serious. You know, at 15, I had a crush on the girl with the big ass, then a week later, fell for the girl with the bigger ass.

 

Now it's more like "wow, she writes creatively like I do? She has the same world views as I do? She has a big ass? (some things won't change) I gotta have this girl!"

 

And she becomes this perfect woman in my eyes, although your perception of someone is always better than the reality.

[MrCastle]

I'm sorry sweetheart, you don't want a girlfriend, you want her.

Happened to me last September, like being hit over the head, struck by lightning. I think it's meeting the exact right person at totally the wrong time, maybe you'll get another time. I don't know. It's worse I think because you never got to find out the reality, just the promise of what it might be like.

I eventually decided that there was no point not meeting other people and enjoying their company as much as possible, but really I still feel the same as you, I just started to really resent it

 

I kind of considered this being an option but now that you've really brought it to the forefront, yes. Right now my journey is to find a girl like her. I just can't for the life of me, at this time, believe that it's possible.

 

Like, recently she did something that bothered me. And I was ready to confront her about it, but then I get a sweet text from her, and I just completely dropped what I was going to send her. I'm not even mad any more.

 

She gives me a little pinch of sugar, and I am putty in her hands.

 

This is bad you guys. I need to find her doppleganger except the single version...and bang her.

[Els]

I've had crushes before, but as I get older, they get more and more serious. You know, at 15, I had a crush on the girl with the big ass, then a week later, fell for the girl with the bigger ass.

 

Now it's more like "wow, she writes creatively like I do? She has the same world views as I do? She has a big ass? (some things won't change) I gotta have this girl!"

 

And she becomes this perfect woman in my eyes, although your perception of someone is always better than the reality.

 

Yeah, sounds like a huge crush to me. Your 15 year old thingy was just a minor one. Although unfortunately when I was 15 mine lasted a year - that wasn't fun at all!

 

There'll be someone else, I promise. Just give it some time. The bolded is also very true a lot of the time.

[MrCastle]

Yeah, sounds like a huge crush to me. Your 15 year old thingy was just a minor one. Although unfortunately when I was 15 mine lasted a year - that wasn't fun at all!

 

There'll be someone else, I promise. Just give it some time. The bolded is also very true a lot of the time.

 

I mean, but we are all flawed though. Right? And I believe flaws can be sexy.

 

You know, when I was having this conversation in the OTT, most of the women said they liked this version of me better, as opposed to the persona I often present on here. But all I was really doing was discussing my insecurities and fears. Exposing my flaw of wanting to be loved by everyone. They found that sexy. It is what it is.

[Els]

I mean, but we are all flawed though. Right? And I believe flaws can be sexy.

 

Very true also, but it takes two pretty compatible people who are very deeply in love to be able to get to know someone's flaws and still love them. That's why most Rs dissolve after the honeymoon phase ends.

 

You know, when I was having this conversation in the OTT, most of the women said they liked this version of me better, as opposed to the persona I often present on here. But all I was really doing was discussing my insecurities and fears. Exposing my flaw of wanting to be loved by everyone. They found that sexy. It is what it is.

 

Can't speak for others, but I like this version way, way better.

[MrCastle]

Very true also, but it takes two pretty compatible people who are very deeply in love to be able to get to know someone's flaws and still love them. That's why most Rs dissolve after the honeymoon phase ends.

 

 

 

Can't speak for others, but I like this version way, way better.

 

Yeah. I'm not sure why, but I will take it. I do feel as though that is my flaw. Chasing perfection, or, chasing love.

 

I assume being a late bloomer and going through most of my life unnoticed (not bullied, just never got much attention from peers) that I have this chip on my shoulder that now, everyone has to like me. I need to be loved. Especially by women.

 

It has created a minor case of narcissism as now I am out to prove I am the best at whatever it is I choose to do with my life and everyone has to like me.

 

It is that narcissism though that has fueled me to improve myself, so that I can get everything I feel that I deserve.

 

I am never comfortable in my skin, and I'm a perfectionist that always expects the best because I give my best.

 

I don't know what that really has to do with the original topic but yeah.

[Archgirl]

I kind of considered this being an option but now that you've really brought it to the forefront, yes. Right now my journey is to find a girl like her. I just can't for the life of me, at this time, believe that it's possible.

 

Like, recently she did something that bothered me. And I was ready to confront her about it, but then I get a sweet text from her, and I just completely dropped what I was going to send her. I'm not even mad any more.

 

She gives me a little pinch of sugar, and I am putty in her hands.

 

This is bad you guys. I need to find her doppleganger except the single version...and bang her.

 

You didn't even get to sleep with her?!?

If you ever get the chance - do it! Soo intense!

And also I'll do you a deal: keep me posted on your doppelgänger hunt and I'll keep you posted on mine: first one there buys the beer

[Archgirl]

I

You know, when I was having this conversation in the OTT, most of the women said they liked this version of me better, as opposed to the persona I often present on here.

 

I liked the persona too, he is hell funny, they're both you anyway right? Neither is really a persona?

[MrCastle]

I liked the persona too, he is hell funny, they're both you anyway right? Neither is really a persona?

 

I guess that's true

[Archgirl]

Are we done with the Mr Castle blah blah Mr Castle blah for now?

[MrCastle]

Are we done with the Mr Castle blah blah Mr Castle blah for now?

 

For now but only because I am going to retreat to my sleeping quarters. We will start this back up again tomorrow morning. Eat your breakfast. You're gonna need the energy.

[Archgirl]

ooo lala. Sounds like you two should hook up.

 

Castle, look at it this way: when things don't work out the way you want them to in life, it builds character (well, if you don't go off the deep end).

 

Only after we've hooked up... Captain

[Mary7720]

It's good that you're cautious but maybe too much. Keep in mind the reason most of those marriages fail is because they're not really in it. Money, cheating, workaholics, drugs, or whatever makes someone think they come first all the time and never think of their spouse. So 50% fail, that means 50% success. Of course, you say you live in NY, that's also something against you. I lived there growing up and people are just not geared for marriage at a young age there as much as other parts of the country.

 

As for the baby comment, she could've been just trying to feel you out and show interest...are you thinking about having kids or not? Marriage or casual? It actually sounds like something from a magazine quiz, probably more like a conversation starter...I really wouldn't put too much stock in comments like that. Maybe you're dating the wrong types of women or maybe you had that reaction because you were looking for something casual then. I'd just say chill out with those kind of comments, they often don't mean that much. If she is trying to be sure you're in it, yeah she has feelings, why not say so? Personally I decide asap to go ahead with something or not, don't want to waste my time or emotions. Be decent with breakups, they obviously thought you had something good going and were probably at least a little blindsided. That's why people react that way.

 

I don't know if I'm ready because most relationships fail, I mean that's just the reality. How many people marry their first partner, and from there, how many of them last until they die. Very few. Along the way there were breakups. Most relationships don't work. So, am I ready to tie myself down to one woman, with a 50% chance that it won't work out? Am I ready to dedicate my time, and invest emotionally in something that only has a 50% chance of working? It's a gamble.

 

The thing about girls moving too fast, yes, it does scare me. We'll know each other for a month, go on a few dates, and she'll say something like "so if we had a baby what would you want to name it?" -- I mean, maybe not exactly that, but certainly they'll do or say things that make it known they want me in it for the long haul, and they definitely said it way too soon in the relationship. When I would break it off with them shortly thereafter, I would get stalked/harassed. They didn't handle it well. That scares me.

[Lani]

Developments overnight!

Is this perfect woman married, or just in a relationship right now? And do you think she possibly has feelings for you too?

A good friend of mine met his perfect girl and she was with someone else. No cheating happened, but he knew he wanted her and put it to her straight. "I want to be with you. I'm not interested in being someone on the side, so if you want anything to happen, you need to leave your relationship and we can pursue something. I'd do anything to be with you, except be in an unfaithful relationship.'

They're married now.

My point is that sometimes people are in relationships with the wrong people. And if you really think there's something there, then fight for your woman Castle!!

[candie13]

didn't get to read all the pages, but... I will chip in, anyway:

 

What I consider true (not necessarily true):

- you are a highly attractive individual

- you are successful with women

- getting women was never an issue, because you got (easy) those you wanted

- this means, at some level, after constantly getting all girls you wanted, it sort of wears off (hooking up) and you need to feel the thrill

- for the X of Y reason, you did not necessarily get the emotional connection and you may associate that with the thrill that is missing in your life

 

Can I ask you... out of all the beautiful, single women that are around you, why are you only talking about the ones taken? Why do you think they are all better, more interesting, more compatible with you? Is it not... because.. maybe, just maybe... they are making it more difficult for you?

 

Mr.Castle, I may be wrong, but I think you miss a real play partner. Someone to dig you and get you, for sure, but also, someone to give you a run for your money. Your equal in seduction. And that is difficult... because most (single) girls want to be with you, anyway . And those smart enough to understand how you function are not strong enough or pretty enough to stand a fair chance. That could be why you're after someone in a more complicated situation. More of a challenge. Someone finally saying "no" to Mr. Castle, finally a provocation. I love challenges and provocations, not having that would frustrate me terribly .

 

Listen, I apologize if I am making wrong assumptions, but you are about to create a pattern that will prove impossible to break later and might for sure get you miserable. Because after the girl manages to get out of the complicated situation ... you may not like her anymore.

 

Ideally, you should try to really look at women, as persons, as people and not as potential sexual partners, irrespective if available of unavailable (for the moment, you got the unavailable as more interesting). When you understand what your type of girl is, it'll be easy to single her out. But I mean, a real set of values, and no just "good creative writing skills" and "big arse" won't cut it.

 

The next big task, after understanding what type of girl you want, is how to make that girl become your gf - 'cause hooking up will never make that happen.

 

Being patient and getting to know her will. Taking your time and building expectations, tempting and enjoying every step of journey - as opposed to clothes ripping type of passion I am sure you must be inspiring . It is very very different.

 

on a happy note... you sound a bit to be the victim of your own success... . You have a difficult lesson ahead of yourself and that is not a joke.

[ThaWholigan]

I liked the persona too, he is hell funny, they're both you anyway right? Neither is really a persona?

Precisely, it's simply another extension of himself . How congruent this extension of himself is with his core self will be revealed to him later.

[MrCastle]

Developments overnight!

Is this perfect woman married, or just in a relationship right now? And do you think she possibly has feelings for you too?

A good friend of mine met his perfect girl and she was with someone else. No cheating happened, but he knew he wanted her and put it to her straight. "I want to be with you. I'm not interested in being someone on the side, so if you want anything to happen, you need to leave your relationship and we can pursue something. I'd do anything to be with you, except be in an unfaithful relationship.'

They're married now.

My point is that sometimes people are in relationships with the wrong people. And if you really think there's something there, then fight for your woman Castle!!

 

She is married. It could never work. I mean marriages end, and of course the odds of that happening if you've married young are even higher, but I am trying my very best to try and limit my interactions. It is too painful and I would never want to be the cause of a breakup, let alone a divorce. I am slowly accepting the fact that it cannot be and am more so just holding out hope that I will meet her twin somewhere down the line.

[Lani]

She is married. It could never work. I mean marriages end, and of course the odds of that happening if you've married young are even higher, but I am trying my very best to try and limit my interactions. It is too painful and I would never want to be the cause of a breakup, let alone a divorce. I am slowly accepting the fact that it cannot be and am more so just holding out hope that I will meet her twin somewhere down the line.

 

Ahhh yeah, if she's married it's a different situation. I just assumed she was in a relationship.

 

Holding out for her twin is nice in theory, but don't let that stop you considering other women. Keep your eyes/heart/head/pants open for others, you never know where things might lead.