Want A Girlfriend/Feeling Torn

[veggirl]

No offense taken. I'm just saying; common perception on here is that I am a womanizing sleazebag. Now part of that may be my own doing, and living up a persona that may not be totally me; but I don't mistreat women.

 

A guy who mistreats women doesn't write poems for them, and (more recently) turn then down when they're taken and proposition me for sex.

 

Good looking is subjective, but yes, I am aware of my positives. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm loyal. I'm a lot of things. My issue is I'm not finding women worth showing that to.

 

what the chicks on LS like throw themselves at you.

 

Anyway, I agree with the premise of your OP, I truly do think so much of the beginning of a relationship is luck based. This "you excude suchandsuch vibe" doesn't really fly with me, I don't buy it. I remember when I was wanting a relationship and only met guys who wanted to hook up and whatnot. I wasn't putting out an eff me vibe, but it's what I was meeting. I think a lot of it is age/environment. Now with my current BF....I honestly think I lucked into him! I think we have lasted because of MANY other factors but I think the initial bumping into one another was all luck.

[Ruby Slippers]

Yes, thank you, honestly. But that doesn't solve the issue of the girlfriend.

 

No one is going to argue that it is almost purely a matter of time and circumstance?

It sounds like you're good at being sociable and meeting new people, which is a great start.

 

I agree that the energy/vibe you're projecting has a LOT to do with what you're finding. Your attitude and the way you conduct yourself are the "bait". If you're trying to bait casual, that's what you get. If you're trying to bait meaningful, that's what you get.

 

The more dating experience I get, the more surprised I am by how accurate I am at finding someone on my wavelength. The clearer I get in my life, the more self-reliant and self-actualized I become, the more compatible the guys I meet and date.

 

If you want a relationship, start living like a relationship kinda guy. Invest in yourself, do well in school, work toward a fulfilling career that lets you shine at whatever you do best. Make friends both male and female, talk to people, enjoy life. Start to think in terms of what you can bring to a relationship, how you can help your partner grow and evolve as a person, just as she will you.

 

Don't worry about finding a relationship partner. Just live your life, meet cool people, be proactive in getting to know the ones you click with best. You'll naturally meet potential girlfriends.

[MrCastle]

It sounds like you've dug in too deep to the man you created and lived by, and now you don't really know how to get yourself out of it. [/Quote]

 

The man I live by is who I am now. Albeit there is a theatrical component to my character where I try to mystify who I am, and come across as more mysterious, but I enjoy doing that, and women seem to take to it.

 

You've definitely got to be able to open yourself up emotionally and connect with the women you are with beyond a physical level[/Quote]

 

I've opened myself up before. Back when I was unsuccessful. The only way I will open up now is if a woman opens up first or somehow conveys that her vagina will not dry up the second I let my guard down and say something/do something to put me in a position of vulnerability. History and personal experience has shown me women may *say* they want a sensitive guy, but they exaggerate exactly what they mean by that. Very rarely do I see the "sensitive guy" get the girl.

 

I believe you have to be able to accomplish that first...how do you think this is going to hit you when you're in a relationship and all of this comes to surface? you're going to have a hard time being vulnerable and exposed, and your relationship will suffer and have a distance between it.[/Quote]

 

This kind of goes back to my last point--I have no problem showing vulnerability with the right woman. I'm willing to bet I'm one of the most passionate and emotional men on this forum, and more so, among most men I know in real life. I just do a good job of hiding it because like I said, some women are not ready for the intensity I bring emotionally. Or sometimes, they take it too far and get attached much faster than I'd like, and that has ended with me having to dump them, and them subsequently stalking me. Part of why it may seem I'm guarded is because I don't want to break another heart/have a girl stalk me.

 

Relationships are a different dynamic because the real person comes out beyond the facade or surface level. Once you start getting to know women on a personal level...where they're from, what they've been through, what they've experienced in life...you're going to be surprised by how the judgment of these women can change. A lot of time women just go with the flow, they do things based on how the man engages and handles things.[/Quote]

 

But I do know women on a personal level. Unfortunately, the only women I have this with is women who are taken. They seem to be the only women willing to expose themselves to me.

 

Personally I'm more a relationship guy, hooking up for me is too simplistic and simple.[/Quote]

 

No, it isn't. Tell that to the countless men here who are dateless, virgins, or both. I myself was a late bloomer. "Hooking up" is far from easy if you have high standards, which I do. Maybe if you take an unattractive woman with low self esteem, and add alcohol, it's easy. But to find a quality woman who is only interested in hooking up and not settling down, good luck.

 

I've always been the guy who's wanted more and desired more depth and complexity, once something is simple and figured out for me I get extremely bored...and even a naked girl wouldn't be all that enticing, it just doesn't get me going easily like a lot of men, there has to be more, and maybe that's because I'm used to getting to know women on different levels as I am not ever seen as the just have fun kind of guy...well not typically, I'm typically the "potential" guy because I have more depth, relationship qualities and desirable traits that women generally seek in men.[/Quote]

 

I too seek complexity and depth, which is largely why I feel lonely now, because I'm not getting that. But, again, I can only be deep and complex with girls that I feel are worthy of that, and so far, I haven't found any.

 

So I think for you, you've got to start seeing yourself differently and acting like it. People take things at face value, they see you always flirty, sexy talk, and you're so engrained in the hookup lifestyle that you don't even realize all the things you do that give off that vibe. You've got to be careful because when you want to change something after you've been doing it for a while, it can be hard to change the little things that tell women you're not the guy that should be taken seriously.[/Quote]

 

Almost everyone who has come in here has said something along these lines and still refuses to answer my rebuttal to that. How does who I am influence who they are? Where are you guys getting this idea that if I change my mind state/attitude, that suddenly the women I've been going after who are taken will become single? I fail to understand how the two correlate.

 

Look at somedude and some others who live, sleep, and breathe girlfriend. That's all they want. They don't want to hook up, they honestly want just one girl to call their own. They are not having success either, which speaks to my overall point, relationships are a matter of being in the right place at the right time. You can call it luck, or fate, whatever. You cannot work towards a girlfriend because finding the right girl has more to do with who they are and less to do with who you are.

 

As far as not being able to meet women you would desire a relationship with, that seems highly unlikely, I think this has to do with the way you judge or size women up...I think there's something to this, you like the taken woman for some reason, you enjoy the way she acts and behaves differently than the hookup women. Maybe they're more modest and respectable, whereas the single ladies give off keen interest and available vibes...maybe you just like a challenge to an extent.[/Quote]

 

I don't know why it's hard to believe I can't find women who meet the four points I listed before. Go to college and find girls that are very attractive physically, are smart/funny/have a great personality, are single, and who are also interested in dating you. You may find the attractive physically/personality wise part, and hell, they may even like you on top of that, but are they single? Most times, no. Or if they are, they are usually single because their standards are high themselves, or they just plain don't like you personally.

 

I do like a challenge, but there is no challenge in taken women. They have actually been the easiest to reel in. Again, I've never acted on it, but I've had more chances to be with a taken woman than I've probably had with single women. You want to talk about the vibe I give off, I would go on to say my vibe is probably that of a great guy, or, at the very least, a guy better than their boyfriend, if they are willing to stray. This is not something I look for purposely, it just happens, and if I was into that, then I would have taken one of them up on their offers already but my values and moral code simply won't allow me to.

 

Have you thought about what exactly is it that you think defines these women differently than the ones you hook up with? beyond the physical attraction and personality compatibility, is there anything beyond that? what don't you like about these other women in particular? what do you like about the women that are taken? what is it that usually gravitates you towards the women you want relationships with to be specific?[/Quote]

 

The women in relationships to me, have shown that they are more responsible, more grounded, and less flakey. An attractive single girl has many options. Getting back to you in a reasonable amount of time is not high on her list of priorities. Canceling a date last second is no sweat off their back. My luck, the women who are better at communicating with me are the ones who are off the market.

 

The vibes I'm getting from you is that you are secretly a pretty vulnerable and in some ways insecure guy. You stick with what you're comfortable with, you don't challenge yourself because you're afraid of what you might look like or how you might be judged. I think you're going for women that have a clear interest in you because it doesn't take much of an effort, the situation is already guaranteed. I don't think you're really pursuing women you are really interested and see as "quality" because of your own personal fears and insecurities. [/Quote]

 

Fair point, but I think all of us are insecure at some level. All of us have something we're insecure about. As far as not challenging myself when it comes to relationships--I know what I like, and that's really all I can say. I don't take risks or deviate from my norm because I know to a tee, what it is I want. The type of woman I want is a rare one, and when I do find her, it's always something. Boyfriend, husband, kid, whatever. Never a single woman unattached.

 

I think in this world right now you are in and have created for yourself...you're a cool, confident and attractive guy that knows how to pull the strings on the ladies. As long as you are in your element you're just fine, you already know the score, you've already broken it down to a science. But I think you're afraid to step out of the box because of the uncertainty, I believe you might want to open up and be more emotional to the women you see, but either afraid to be judged, feel like they wouldn't understand without giving them a chance or that they'd think differently about you.[/Quote]

 

Another fair point, but again, I will be that guy you're speaking of--the one who is unafraid to show emotion and be vulnerable and all that, when I find a woman worthy of showing that side of me to. I've been burned too many times in the past to know I cannot show that side until I've been given the green light. The green light usually being, her becoming vulnerable first.

 

If you want to change, you've got to do some reflecting and figure out what you really want and what kind of man you're really trying to be. What is it beyond what you're just looking for in a woman and what it is you're actually trying to fulfill in yourself...what in it is really missing for you, what is this void that you feel and where does it come from....since you've got time to think. You're growing up, getting a bit older an the same old distractions aren't quite doing it for you anymore....that's normal and you've got to be able to challenge yourself out of your comfort zone to evolve.[/Quote]

 

I know who I want to be, more or less. I want to be great. I want to change the world on a big scale. I'm a creative type, so I'm hoping one of my creative avenues provides the platform needed to get me noticed, so I can make a positive influence on the world. I want a companion who will be there to support me. A partner in crime. A strong woman.

 

I think you also desire someone to connect to and talk to right now, so try and open up to one of these women you are being intimate with and see where the conversation takes you. Try being a bit vulnerable, step out of the box, let yourself feel judged or even ridiculed...you've got to be comfortable with this dynamic and I speak from that perspective with a great deal of experience. I came from a background of men who's philosophy was never to be sensitive, always be tough and never show emotion...I really had to go against the grain because I looked at them and decided they weren't the kind of men I wanted to be...I thought they were strong, but I realized they were just afraid of their own emotions and vulnerable and at least for me...that wasn't good enough, I thought "men" weren't supposed to be scared of anything, so why am I scared to talk about the way I feel? am I not strong enough to take the criticism and judgment of others while still maintaining my confidence? that was the goal for me in my early to mid 20's...I've always raised the stakes and never let myself get comfortable as a man.[/Quote]

 

I've tried. It has led to less texts, and less dates. Single girls are not interested in emotional men. It scares them off. I've tried it before. Any sign of chink in the armor, suddenly they're too busy to text me or hang out. Like I've said, some of what you're telling me has been tried by me, and some of the other men on this forum. It doesn't work. Not in this day and age. Or at the very least, not on the women we're using it on (mostly women in their early-mid 20's).

 

Hopefully some of that helps and clicks for you...I think in your journey for finding and even meeting the right woman, I think you need to be more emotionally prepared and open, maybe you wouldn't know how to be the guy you wanted to be once you are in a relationship? You've got to start by being expressive and vulnerable, if you really want to connect with a woman you've got to be able to open that door....that alone will separate you from at least 80 percent of the other men in the world, without being one of those sensitive nice guys...don't worry about that, you've got to have faith in your strength.

 

Don't do things for women....do things for yourself as a man and the rest will follow...things will change.

 

I agree with this but like I said, it's great in theory, but application, not so much. And I don't do things for women, I do things for me, and hope to meet a woman who will accept me for me.

 

Even through all of that, though, it will not provide me a quality single woman who feels for me the same way I feel for her.

 

I still stand by what I said, relationships = circumstance and time. Not 100%, but certainly a very large portion of it. Being this emotional, complex man will not help you if the girl you're going after already has a boyfriend.

[Lani]

Yes, thank you, honestly. But that doesn't solve the issue of the girlfriend.

 

No one is going to argue that it is almost purely a matter of time and circumstance?

 

It is absolutely all a matter of time and circumstance.

You've said that you've met women who fit the criteria, but they're taken. So the reason you don't have a girlfriend definitely has something to do with luck.

If you had met the woman you wanted to be with, who fit everything you wanted, then you would be with her. Despite the bachelor life you thought you wanted, she would have made you rethink everything, because she was perfect for you.

 

Just give it time. She's on her way.

[Lani]

PLUS! It's winter where you are.

We all get like this when the weather gets bad.

[MrCastle]

PLUS! It's winter where you are.

We all get like this when the weather gets bad.

 

That is true. This is not my season.

[Treasa]

I was going to say what Lani said. I think winter is starting to wear on all of us. When things change, like semesters and whatnot, it's normal to feel how you're feeling.

 

However, you're young, and you really do have plenty of time to find that right girl who "gets" you. Definitely best not to rush it and try to "find" her, as that's almost never how it goes. My current boyfriend and I got together very randomly and surprisingly. In fact, I had a new year's resolution to not date anyone this entire year....and I made it to January 12th.

 

I think you should go on rocking with your bad self, and let things fall as they may.

[MrCastle]

I was going to say what Lani said. I think winter is starting to wear on all of us. When things change, like semesters and whatnot, it's normal to feel how you're feeling.

 

However, you're young, and you really do have plenty of time to find that right girl who "gets" you. Definitely best not to rush it and try to "find" her, as that's almost never how it goes. My current boyfriend and I got together very randomly and surprisingly. In fact, I had a new year's resolution to not date anyone this entire year....and I made it to January 12th.

 

I think you should go on rocking with your bad self, and let things fall as they may.

 

I hope so. But again, there's the "feeling torn" part to all this. I don't know if I'm ready for something that serious, but like I've always said, if the girl is the right girl, I don't see why I wouldn't want to be serious.

[Lani]

I hope so. But again, there's the "feeling torn" part to all this. I don't know if I'm ready for something that serious, but like I've always said, if the girl is the right girl, I don't see why I wouldn't want to be serious.

 

It's normal to feel conflicted about this sort of thing.

And if you didn't, it could lead to this want for a girlfriend completely consuming you. You could decide that it's the only thing you want, and you'd spend all your time thinking about it, wanting it, trying to make it happen.. Or you could decide that you do not want a girlfriend, and spend your time getting laid by women you have no major connection with, failing to see what could be happening with other women.

This feeling of being torn is a good thing.. We all have it deep down, you're just admitting it. Being open to any type of lifestyle that's coming your way, just go with it.

[MrCastle]

It's normal to feel conflicted about this sort of thing.

And if you didn't, it could lead to this want for a girlfriend completely consuming you. You could decide that it's the only thing you want, and you'd spend all your time thinking about it, wanting it, trying to make it happen.. Or you could decide that you do not want a girlfriend, and spend your time getting laid by women you have no major connection with, failing to see what could be happening with other women.

This feeling of being torn is a good thing.. We all have it deep down, you're just admitting it. Being open to any type of lifestyle that's coming your way, just go with it.

 

You are pretty good at this advice giving thing.

[Mary7720]

Your comment (I don't know if I'm ready for something that serious) makes it sound like you're not ready for a real relationship, you say you want one but you go for an excuse to not do that....maybe you're just bored and need to find groups that have discussions about topics you're interested in. I'm all for sharing my interests with a guy but I don't force him to take on all of my interests...some interests I really enjoy but I picked up some of those in HS, I doubt I'd come across lots of other people a few decades later who shared all of those. And your comment about girls who liked you quickly, I guess it scared you and you ran? Look at why you reacted that way because that's the ideal, to have someone really like you.

 

Overall I'd say, yes timing has something to do with it but if you have your head in the right place you'll start noticing people who are looking for the same things you are. Good luck.

[Lani]

You are pretty good at this advice giving thing.

 

Giving it away for free, because I'm certainly not using it!

[Pyro]

For the most part I agree that it is all about timing and luck.

 

My situation was more of a rarity because we had been 'friends' for many years through here and once we both became single it happened.

 

Everyone has met the type where you feel that you connect with them perfectly but they are already spoken for. Can't avoid that.

 

You just need to not think about it so much and go about your daily routines and then by luck and good timing you will cross paths with her.

 

The hard part is not becoming bitter and hateful due to lack of patience.

[MrCastle]

Your comment (I don't know if I'm ready for something that serious) makes it sound like you're not ready for a real relationship, you say you want one but you go for an excuse to not do that....maybe you're just bored and need to find groups that have discussions about topics you're interested in. I'm all for sharing my interests with a guy but I don't force him to take on all of my interests...some interests I really enjoy but I picked up some of those in HS, I doubt I'd come across lots of other people a few decades later who shared all of those. And your comment about girls who liked you quickly, I guess it scared you and you ran? Look at why you reacted that way because that's the ideal, to have someone really like you.

 

Overall I'd say, yes timing has something to do with it but if you have your head in the right place you'll start noticing people who are looking for the same things you are. Good luck.

 

I don't know if I'm ready because most relationships fail, I mean that's just the reality. How many people marry their first partner, and from there, how many of them last until they die. Very few. Along the way there were breakups. Most relationships don't work. So, am I ready to tie myself down to one woman, with a 50% chance that it won't work out? Am I ready to dedicate my time, and invest emotionally in something that only has a 50% chance of working? It's a gamble.

 

The thing about girls moving too fast, yes, it does scare me. We'll know each other for a month, go on a few dates, and she'll say something like "so if we had a baby what would you want to name it?" -- I mean, maybe not exactly that, but certainly they'll do or say things that make it known they want me in it for the long haul, and they definitely said it way too soon in the relationship. When I would break it off with them shortly thereafter, I would get stalked/harassed. They didn't handle it well. That scares me.

[MrCastle]

For the most part I agree that it is all about timing and luck.

 

My situation was more of a rarity because we had been 'friends' for many years through here and once we both became single it happened.

 

Everyone has met the type where you feel that you connect with them perfectly but they are already spoken for. Can't avoid that.

 

You just need to not think about it so much and go about your daily routines and then by luck and good timing you will cross paths with her.

 

The hard part is not becoming bitter and hateful due to lack of patience.

 

It is hard. It's hard when I think I've found "the one" and she is already spoken for. Worse even is when the chemistry is exceptionally strong and you just feel like, had you met her just a few months later...

 

*sigh*

[Eternal Sunshine]

It is hard. It's hard when I think I've found "the one" and she is already spoken for. Worse even is when the chemistry is exceptionally strong and you just feel like, had you met her just a few months later...

 

*sigh*

 

It's even worse when they become single again and they still don't go for you

[MrCastle]

It's even worse when they become single again and they still don't go for you

 

I haven't been kicked in the marbles that hard. Yet.

 

It's been me waiting and waiting for them to leave who they're with, but it never happens.

 

As bad as the relationship may be, they stick around.

 

One girl was super into me and made it pretty well known she would be down to leave her boyfriend for me.

 

I was totally going to do it, except she had a kid.

 

I can't come between a child and their father, all to feed my selfish desires.

 

If she had no kid I would be sticking her right now

[Pyro]

Bingo! It's not like men who run their lives the way you have been will be taken anymore seriously than women who do this. This is a situation you've created and perpetuated for yourself. If you really want a girlfriend, your first step should be to stop whoring around. Women know how to identify and distinguish the players from the keepers. You, and only you, set the tone.

 

This is what I don't understand though. How does that influence the women I meet?

 

(My apologies if this has been said already in this thread)

 

When you first meet a girl and set up a date and go on it, how does the flow of the conversation go? Who does most of the talking? Is it even? When you are talking to her what percentage of it would you say is flirting vs. telling her about yourself/opening up?

 

What I am saying is that if a lot of your talk is flirtatious talk then she may get the idea that you only want a physical thing.

 

The key is to be flirty (lets her know that you are very interested) while also opening up (some not too much) to her and also at the same time take an interest in what she has to say and compliment her on her achievements and other positive aspects (non physical ones) of her life.

 

I hope that it all makes sense.

 

It is hard. It's hard when I think I've found "the one" and she is already spoken for. Worse even is when the chemistry is exceptionally strong and you just feel like, had you met her just a few months later...

 

*sigh*

 

The best things in life are very rarely easy.

[Els]

Honestly, I think that you aren't ready for a serious relationship, unless you've had a 180 degrees change of mindset since a few weeks ago. A R isn't just about having someone to talk to when you're lonely. You need to be ready to provide what a R needs as well, and I don't just mean looks, game, or good sex. I mean loyalty, commitment, the tenacity to stay by someone's side when they're down and need you the most. It is about giving as much as getting. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices for them. Do you feel you are ready to do that?

 

If you aren't, then stick to casual dating. There is nothing wrong with it, and I don't see why it can't meet your needs (based on what I've read your needs are) if you have enough 'game' to have a steady flow of casual partners.

 

If, after some introspection, you genuinely feel you're ready, you'll have better luck looking in new social circles. If you are having as much casual sex as you say you are, most girls in your social circle probably already know this. The girls who want a serious R are unlikely to consider you, so you'll need to start afresh.

[MrCastle]

I'm in the same situation as you. I get girls easily and often, but am tired of that and want a girlfriend....with no potential girlfriend in sight.

 

However, you're in a much better position than me. I'm in the military in a somewhat isolated area (there are clubs within an hour from me....which is where I go to meet women). I was just stationed here and have no social circle (well, I have made some friends....but it's not the same). I meet ALL of my women through cold approach.

 

I think you should start doing cold approaches. If I wisened up a bit in college and wasn't such a manwhore/a-hole, I would be in a LTR with one of the many attractive, quality girls that wanted to date me, but didn't (because of my reputation).

 

Just keep approaching. It just sounds like you haven't met anybody yet.

 

Well God Bless you and thank you for your service.

 

Yeah, I mean, I just don't get why some of us on here have to go above and beyond, while others have stuff fall in their lap.

 

At 25, I have yet to meet 1 friend, successful, semi-successful, or unsuccessful with women, tell me that they approached a girl on the street and got her number.

 

It's just something that has not happened. No one I know has done it.

 

They find all their women through school, work, and mutual friends. That's it.

 

I don't get why that can't be me. Why are they finding these single, quality girls, and when I find them, they are taken.

 

Goes back to luck as I was talking about.

 

My number is bound to come up at some point. Just tired of waiting.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes MrCastle, a lot of it is down to luck. Things never seem to line up for me with men I meet. As in; all men that I really connect with are taken.

 

It is hard, because I don't really connect with someone often.

 

*Hugs*

[Pyro]

My number is bound to come up at some point. Just tired of waiting.

 

In all honesty your waiting has just begun considering you were all for casual flings just a week or so ago.

 

Work on that patience.

[MrCastle]

Honestly, I think that you aren't ready for a serious relationship, unless you've had a 180 degrees change of mindset since a few weeks ago. A R isn't just about having someone to talk to when you're lonely. You need to be ready to provide what a R needs as well, and I don't just mean looks, game, or good sex. I mean loyalty, commitment, the tenacity to stay by someone's side when they're down and need you the most. It is about giving as much as getting. Sometimes you need to make sacrifices for them. Do you feel you are ready to do that?

 

If you aren't, then stick to casual dating. There is nothing wrong with it, and I don't see why it can't meet your needs (based on what I've read your needs are) if you have enough 'game' to have a steady flow of casual partners.

 

If, after some introspection, you genuinely feel you're ready, you'll have better luck looking in new social circles. If you are having as much casual sex as you say you are, most girls in your social circle probably already know this. The girls who want a serious R are unlikely to consider you, so you'll need to start afresh.

 

No, I totally get you. I agree relationships take a lot and I've even said as much when these threads pop up. I guess I am in limbo right now.

 

The last couple of times I got physical, it was very cold. I had to actually tell myself things to stay hard as opposed to most guys who try to tell themselves stuff to prevent them from cumming too soon. It was just unattached, unemotional, mechanical sex. I don't know how much more emptiness I can tolerate.

 

The sad part is knowing these girls don't give a f*** about you. You put your clothes on and leave and that's pretty much it. I can't call these girls at 1am to talk about the meaning of life, or where they think they're going to end up in 10 years, or what their dreams are.

 

It's

 

"hey baby ;-)"

"hey girl, I'm picking you up at 11 right?"

"yeah, I'll be waiting sexy :-)"

 

That's it. When I need them, when I need a shoulder to lean on, when I need advice from a woman's perspective, I have none.

 

I have no female friends. Now, that of course is my own doing, and I don't regret that, because those women, instead of using me for sex, would just use me as their emotional tampon, and I want someone who is both sexually attractive to me, and wants to stimulate me emotionally/get stimulated emotionally.

 

Again, my rep is fine. Yes, lately I have had to fight off player/man whore labels but at the same time, those very women who called me a player and whatnot, are still around, and are still interested in me. The problem is, the ones I feel I could get serious with, are taken.

[MrCastle]

Sh*t man, really?

 

This is how many of my friends meet girls. In fact, one of them just got married to a girl that we met together at a pizza place in Penn Station (lol).

 

Especially after college, it's hard to maintain social circles. People are always moving away, getting married, etc.

 

Yeah man, not one. Not a single one. And more so now since most of them have Facebook and whatnot, so they'll get set up with a friend of a friend of a friend, etc.

 

None of them are out in the street approaching women.

 

Maybe they'll tell a girl "wow, I just wanted to say you're very pretty", but that's it. They don't put together a gameplan and try to get a number.

[Els]

No, I totally get you. I agree relationships take a lot and I've even said as much when these threads pop up. I guess I am in limbo right now.

 

The last couple of times I got physical, it was very cold. I had to actually tell myself things to stay hard as opposed to most guys who try to tell themselves stuff to prevent them from cumming too soon. It was just unattached, unemotional, mechanical sex. I don't know how much more emptiness I can tolerate.

 

The sad part is knowing these girls don't give a f*** about you. You put your clothes on and leave and that's pretty much it. I can't call these girls at 1am to talk about the meaning of life, or where they think they're going to end up in 10 years, or what their dreams are.

 

It's

 

"hey baby ;-)"

"hey girl, I'm picking you up at 11 right?"

"yeah, I'll be waiting sexy :-)"

 

That's it. When I need them, when I need a shoulder to lean on, when I need advice from a woman's perspective, I have none.

 

I have no female friends. Now, that of course is my own doing, and I don't regret that, because those women, instead of using me for sex, would just use me as their emotional tampon, and I want someone who is both sexually attractive to me, and wants to stimulate me emotionally/get stimulated emotionally.

 

You have to make a decision, then, based on what you feel you really want and what you are willing to do in return to make things work out. The bolded is definitely a major part of why some of us have/want relationships, but most relationships fail fairly quickly if you're unwilling to put in what I mentioned above.

 

I'm not saying it's not possible for you, just that these things come with tradeoffs and you need to be able to make them.

 

Again, my rep is fine. Yes, lately I have had to fight off player/man whore labels but at the same time, those very women who called me a player and whatnot, are still around, and are still interested in me. The problem is, the ones I feel I could get serious with, are taken.

 

Solution is still the same, in that case, new social circles.