skylark100 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Just curious how normal it is for a new relationship to take on very serious undertones. Specifically moving in together and planning a future. When I mean new, I'm talking about a month long relationship. I am younger than my partner by 4 years, and can understand their desire to move quickly. But alarm bells are sounding in my head. This just doesn't seem normal.
starla33 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Just curious how normal it is for a new relationship to take on very serious undertones. Specifically moving in together and planning a future. When I mean new, I'm talking about a month long relationship. I am younger than my partner by 4 years, and can understand their desire to move quickly. But alarm bells are sounding in my head. This just doesn't seem normal. If there are alarm bells then I would assume something is off 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 You should definitely taking it halfheartedly, anything he says and does may be to manipulate you in this stage of the game to pull you on. This is tactic for men who try to easily swoon women to get them to "give it all" thinking this is for the long-term while they're not even exclusive as you think they are. It's basically... - Tell her everything she wants to hear - Make her fall for me and think I'm the most amazing thing ever - Sink the hook in real good to lock in her emotionally so then she doesn't have the brain power to back off once she sees the real me So If I were you, I definitely would watch out...it's not abnormal for this kind of situation to happen, many people tell each other things in the moment they really don't mean or because there's a heightened sense of emotions. But often the men who take it this far, are doing it for the starry affect rather than sincerely genuine. After all, how serious can you be after one month? the whole thing could turn sour in a heartbeat and you'd have no history together to really leave...it's an easier thing to walk away from than you think, in spite of all the serious words and supposed emotions. Long-lasting relationships and emotions take time, that is a whole different part and area of a relationship that gets discovered over time...this is all just infatuation, intrigue, maybe chemistry and maybe even some BS or even completely. The fact that you question this is a good indicator that something isn't right...sometimes there's something off and you can't just put your finger on it, and that's because something shady is going on and the pieces don't quite line up or something alarms you...but since it isn't clear you might think oh well, maybe I'm just scared or exaggerating, and then put the blame on you somehow. Trust your gut and your instinct, honestly just how you're coming off, the vibe that I'm getting from you....this guy definitely sounds like trouble, you just seem to have that posture and doubt, you sense something really off and you'll be right about it...just don't think you have to hit your face on a wall before you realize it's there when you could feel it was coming, trust your intuition and pull back...the facade will wear off, I can assure you of that. 1
Author skylark100 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 You should definitely taking it halfheartedly, anything he says and does may be to manipulate you in this stage of the game to pull you on. This is tactic for men who try to easily swoon women to get them to "give it all" thinking this is for the long-term while they're not even exclusive as you think they are. It's basically... - Tell her everything she wants to hear - Make her fall for me and think I'm the most amazing thing ever - Sink the hook in real good to lock in her emotionally so then she doesn't have the brain power to back off once she sees the real me So If I were you, I definitely would watch out...it's not abnormal for this kind of situation to happen, many people tell each other things in the moment they really don't mean or because there's a heightened sense of emotions. But often the men who take it this far, are doing it for the starry affect rather than sincerely genuine. After all, how serious can you be after one month? the whole thing could turn sour in a heartbeat and you'd have no history together to really leave...it's an easier thing to walk away from than you think, in spite of all the serious words and supposed emotions. Long-lasting relationships and emotions take time, that is a whole different part and area of a relationship that gets discovered over time...this is all just infatuation, intrigue, maybe chemistry and maybe even some BS or even completely. The fact that you question this is a good indicator that something isn't right...sometimes there's something off and you can't just put your finger on it, and that's because something shady is going on and the pieces don't quite line up or something alarms you...but since it isn't clear you might think oh well, maybe I'm just scared or exaggerating, and then put the blame on you somehow. Trust your gut and your instinct, honestly just how you're coming off, the vibe that I'm getting from you....this guy definitely sounds like trouble, you just seem to have that posture and doubt, you sense something really off and you'll be right about it...just don't think you have to hit your face on a wall before you realize it's there when you could feel it was coming, trust your intuition and pull back...the facade will wear off, I can assure you of that. Interesting point of view. I AM the guy.... 1
blindotter Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I would be very hesitant to move forward. We live in a society where everything is marketed, and we absorb this on a subconscious level. That means that even those with marginal social skills are still able to instinctively put their best face forward during the initial courtship phase. My general rule of thumb is that people can hide entire sides of their personality for 3-6 months, depending on face time - sometimes even longer if we are talking about an individual with sociopathic tendencies. Also, on a personal note, since when is 4 years a huge age difference? My partner is nearly 9 years older than me. My Dad was 22 years older than my mother, LOL.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) Interesting point of view. I AM the guy.... That made me LoL... I'm sorry man....but with the whole skylark thing and the way you talked, I thought you were the woman. So you think she's trying to tie the noose around you really quick then? You think she might be looking to settle down in a hurry? How old is she? how old are you? she wants kids? does she already have kids? She may be a clinger, or maybe someone looking for a baby-daddy or even a relationship desperately...you'll have to add more about that. How do you feel about her? You're going to have to disregard my last post lol about the man tactic, however the rest still stands. You definitely get the sense that something is off, unfortunately you didn't go into any detail in your first post into what exactly you're dealing with, it was very generic and vague. Edited February 18, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas
Author skylark100 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 That made me LoL... I'm sorry man....but with the whole skylark thing and the way you talked, I thought you were the woman. So you think she's trying to tie the noose around you really quick then? You think she might be looking to settle down in a hurry? How old is she? how old are you? she wants kids? does she already have kids? She may be a clinger, or maybe someone looking for a baby-daddy or even a relationship desperately...you'll have to add more about that. How do you feel about her? You're going to have to disregard my last post lol about the man tactic, however the rest still stands. You definitely get the sense that something is off, unfortunately you didn't go into any detail in your first post into what exactly you're dealing with, it was very generic and vague. It's all good, no worries! I am 28, she is 32. I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to serious relationships, but have had a few 5-6 months ones that never really got serious so fast. I really do like this girl. She is smart, funny and a pretty good match intellectually, but at the same time why the rush? I have noted she talks about her ex boyfriends a little too often. She definitely wants kids, and eventually I do as well. She was close to an engagement at some point not long ago, (within the year, and called it off). So I am wondering if this is the rebound effect talking in some way. She also said she has had a tendency to be in relationships out of convenience rather than for the right reasons. So there is the alarm bells. I wonder if I am just filling a void in her life right now. My major problem is that I can actually see myself with this girl in the future because of our common interests and goals. The talk of getting together does interest me and we both agree that we should get to know each other better. But, by certain things she has said, I know she wants to move quickly (move in together by the summer). I am a little scared.
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 It's all good, no worries! I am 28, she is 32. I am relatively inexperienced when it comes to serious relationships, but have had a few 5-6 months ones that never really got serious so fast. I really do like this girl. She is smart, funny and a pretty good match intellectually, but at the same time why the rush? I have noted she talks about her ex boyfriends a little too often. She definitely wants kids, and eventually I do as well. She was close to an engagement at some point not long ago, (within the year, and called it off). So I am wondering if this is the rebound effect talking in some way. She also said she has had a tendency to be in relationships out of convenience rather than for the right reasons. So there is the alarm bells. I wonder if I am just filling a void in her life right now. My major problem is that I can actually see myself with this girl in the future because of our common interests and goals. The talk of getting together does interest me and we both agree that we should get to know each other better. But, by certain things she has said, I know she wants to move quickly (move in together by the summer). I am a little scared. to m e....and i have had failed engagements moving in if serious about one another is actually a mistake..if you arent ready to marry living with soemoen si equal to marriage without the paperwork.......getting to know one another takes longer than a month...it shouldnt feel forced it should be a natural progression and if you have alarm bells and you didnt even mention love....yeah too soon way too soon.......the two failed relationships i had were live in one three years,then one fifteen years...both of them moved in with me and around with me, it wasnt through me it was the guys who asked me.......i wouldnt feel right pushing any guy into something he wasnt comfrotable with .....and if i am with them i know what makes them uncomfortable....and that takes time.....and effort to know.......a fair amount of time......taking a relationship slowly is a way to see how compatible you really are behind the excitement and dreamy phase.......if a woman is ready to live with you ....its way too serious at the month mark......when you are ready to live with soemone is a commitment......that should be long term and honestly be willing to marry her or him.....thats my opinion archaic as it is.......deb
veggirl Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 So she wants to move in with you after a MONTH of dating? How many men has she lived with? Sounds like she thinks relationships are: meet, move in, see what happens. that's not the normal cycle. You guys need to date much longer than a MONTH before moving in. That is so effing crazy, I can't even... you barely know each other after a month, jumping into "insta-relationship" is typically a death sentence, only its harder to end things cause you live together! you're right its not normal to do this. Ask her what her intentions are, ask her why she wants that SO quickly. If its just to spend time together, well you can do that without living together. It'd be in your best interest to give this a big HELL NO stamp.
eduardo23 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Sorry TLDR everything... but maybe she senses her 'clock' ticking and that's why she is like this? Just playing devils advocate, I do think shes rushing 4-6 months.
ja123 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'd be seriously freaked in your shoes. And, yeah, I'd be concerned that she's using be as a convenient way to fill her void, as you say. No one can really ever fill the void of another, and people who try usually have unhealthy relationships. I moved in too quickly with 2 men before, and wasted time trying to make the unworkable work! I didn't know them well enough before taking that step. I can tell you, through hard life experience, it's not something I'd want to jump into in the future. As someone said above, it's harder to break up because you're living together; plus, there's the pride involved to admitting to having made a mistake, and admitting defeat. Listen to yourself. Respect your intuition.
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