shikikanzero Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 ive dated one of my best friends of 4 years, was going out with her for about 2 months. was kind of chasing her before her and her ex broke up, because i knew we had a connection. well the ex broke up with her and found another girlfriend a couple weeks later, only to come back recently to tell the girl (now my ex) that he wants her back, that everything his recent ex did only reminded him of her. hearing this, she said that this is the first time hes ever done this for a girl and thinks he might be really serious about this, so she feels like she has to give him another chance. this guy really treated her like ****, would manipulate her into thinking shes wrong in every argument and constantly put her down. i just know that its going to go wrong again. she had a really hard time between me or him, me because i treated her so well and was more sexually compatible and him because she didnt want to let go of her history with him, and that she always thought she was going to marry him. all her friends and coworkers think shes doing the dumbest thing possible by going back to him and she knows they all think that. where im at now is, where do i go from here? in the 2 months i was with her she was a girl like no other. ive never felt this way for any of the girls ive dated. what do i do from here? i still value our friendship, so i dont really exactly want to go no contact, but i also want another shot at this (next time on my terms though, when i know she can fully commit). or even if it somehow does work out with her ex, if he really has changed and theyre happy together, then i could be happy for her. i just dont know where to go from here. it also doesnt help we work together. also why did she leave me with her first pin that her mother bought for her and really cares about? and told me to just hold on to it for her? i know she really cares about it..
iouaname Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'm so sorry that this happened to you She must have just not been able to let go of her relationship with her ex yet and you were caught in an unfortunate position. The best thing for you to do is to just forget about her. It's not a good idea to wait around or to keep in touch with this girl after she did this to you.
Author shikikanzero Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 i dont really mind that she did this to me, in a sense that im angry or anything, because i know she cant help it herself in a sense. i feel that i would do the same thing too, or at least think of it. i know i wont exactly be waiting around for her, but at the same time im open to starting things up again when shes ready. im not going to exactly jump back in her arms when she comes swinging back if you know what i mean. what im trying to know is what would be the best action to keep that possibility open?
radinna82 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Wow! Eerily like my situation. Read my thread"was it real or all an act by her" and youll see. I dated her for 2 months as well and she did the exact same thing, only broke up with me over Facebook, so I dont think she is even worth my time if she would do that. Im going to give you some difficult advice, and something Im thinking I shouldve done. If you love something, set it free, and if it comes back, its meant to be. You have to let her do her own thing. If you chase her and talk her to come back to you, theres nothing stopping him from doing the same again. Yuo have to let her do her own thing and see what she wants. Maybe she will miss you and want to come back. Maybe she will miss being treated nicely. If she does and comes back..shes yours. Now maybe she wont, but thats her mistake to make and hopefully lesson to learn. I think my situation cant be salvaged because we both said a lot of bad things to each other after the fact, Dont let it get to that...let her find her own way. I know its hard but it is best.
marklarsson Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Do you was the rebound basically?...she never fully got over her ez before getting with you that's why as soon as she felt he had changed or wanted to change she went back. It's in unfortunate it happened to you but it usually does happen. Sometimes it even happens when their hate for them goes away
Chi townD Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Dude, you really need to think about going NC on her for a while. I realize that the two of you were really close friends. I get it. But, here's the thing. You can't be friends with her while you still have romantic feelings for her. That's going to tear you up everytime you hear that she's spending the night at his place or you make a plan to meet up for coffee only to have her cancel on you in the last second because he wants to do something with her and you've found yourself kicked to the curb again. It's going to hurt. And one other thing is likely to happen. If this guy is as much as a douche rocket as you say he is, sooner or later she's going to be calling you up and talk to you. She'll send you mixed signals and will be looking for you to listen to her problems and looking for you to give her some warm fuzzies about everything. She'll have the best of both worlds then. She'll have you for the emotional needs and him for the physical needs. Now, how is that fair to you? Look, she made a choice. She basically said that she values this other guy more than you as a romantic partner. That was her choice. Therefore, you need to give her exactly that. She can have him. ALL of him! But, she gets nothing from you. If she doesn't like it, sorry! This was her choice. Now, am I saying that you can NEVER be friends with her? No. You need to stay NC until ALL romantic feeling are gone for her. And not a second before. This isn't a punishment for her. It's a tool to help you heal and move on. That's how you have to view it and that's how you have to explain it to her if she asks.
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