Malyuh 2 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Hey folks. Here's a non-dilemna. OK, my former fiance ended our relationship almost 2 years ago, it was messy and very hurtful. There has been no contact since then, and there will never be any. I think the world of her as she is a very nice gal, and understand the end fully. In fact, it was in all probability the proper end. Here's the dilly-oh. I have dated many women since then, all very beautiful - but I have had trouble with being attracted to them. I just have not developed any deep desires, or been struck by it for them. This, in fact, goes back to the first girl I ever went really head over heels for about 8 years ago. Heck, I wasn't nearly as attracted to my ex-fiance as I was the other. Now, I resolved all the issues I had with the 1st, and there are no issues to resolve with the former fiance - so WHY IN THE DICKENS am I not developing any deeper feelings for women that I have been seeing. They, especially 1 incredibly intelligent beautiful gal, are incredible individuals and have much of what I seek when I look for a partner. So where is the passion?! I guess I don't know if I need to talk to a therapist or a priest. What do ya'll take on this? Thanks for the time.
uriel Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 We tend to feel the strongest emotional connection to people who trigger our early childhood issues. It's a certain combination of traits that trip that trigger. When that's combined with physical attraction, too, passionate love ensues. This isn't always a good thing -- if your childhood was messed up. Often, a sort of unpredictability or aloofness will be the trigger in those cases (someone who, at some level, doesn't want you or respond to you as much as you do them). Could this be the case here? Are these women making it too "easy" for you? If so, yes -- therapy's a good option. -- uriel
ECVegas Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Malyuh: First loves are the toughest to get over. Believe me, it took a long time for me to get over mine...and I don't really think I'm ALL THE WAY over her going on 14 years. But from what you are saying, it doesn't sound as if all the issues are resolved regarding your 1st (as you mention). When you first feel intense love, it's an image in you mind that lasts for ever. As the years go by, it get's blown more and more out there. Did you ever remember playing in a "huge" backyard when you were, like, 5 years old? To you back then, it was sooo big!!! That's how you remember it, even if 20 years have gone by. But funny thing is, if you visited that yard now, you might not think it was so big. Why? Because you are physically bigger now than you were 20 years ago. You could swear you remember it being bigger than it is now....but it isn't. That's what first love is like. You remember it being so big, so special. But funny thing is if you ran into the exact situation now you probably would still think your first love was better. Only because of how you remembered it. You need to let it go. It was your first....and it was good, but it obviously wasn't meant to be. You are blocking your heart from falling in love again...maybe because that first love broke your heart...and your afraid it might happen again. But you'll never find love if you don't risk getting hurt.
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