boblet Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 So. I'm already around 2 months NC, would have been 5 months NC except we spoke twice during, as I mentioned in some of my earlier posts. Anyway, so I'm back to feeling angry/hurt again, maybe not to the same intensity but it's still there. And it got me thinking, why should I care what he thinks if I really told him off about what I think? I have a lot of resentment for how he cheated on me, how he didn't do enough for our relationship for someone who cheated, and the manner in which he left me. Partly, I know it is my fault for tolerating some of it. But honestly.... some days like today, I want to give him a piece of my mind SO badly.. and it makes me wonder, why should I care if I look like an angry bitter ex who can't move on? Would it help to get it out my system? Because some time has past, and this anger isn't going away.. I've tried to be the bigger person, forgiving him for cheating, cutting ties and letting him go like he wanted to be.. but sh** I'm still so angry at his reasoning for cheating, saying he did something "uncharacteristic".. I have so much more understanding now that we've been apart.. I'm so damn angry still when will it go away? He doesn't care
Love Bytes Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You shouldn't. If it makes you feel better to yell at him, that's your call. But keep in mind, it probably won't make him feel bad at this point, he'll just laugh and think he's better off. He isn't worth your time...when you get this upset, just fart in his general direction. Sorry you're having a bad day. We all have them. :/
H3Drvr Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 If he doesn't care, do you think he would care to hear you yelling at him? It might make you feel good at the time but if you receive no response (I'm sorry etc.) do you think your time an effort was worth receiving no response? If you got hit on the head with a rock and you yelled at the rock...would you feel like you accomplished anything? I myself would think..."am I stupid or something? Why am I yelling at a rock?"
Hopeful714 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It will go away when you don't care anymore. And wow...you are a big person to have forgiven him for cheating. I didn't, and won't. I don't buy the "uncharacteristic" excuse. Chances are he had an opportunity and just decided to take it. Uncharacteristic or not..what the heck kind of excuse is that? I get so tired of ruminating about the things my ex did. I can only hope that there are 2 types of men...those who cheat and those who don't...and that I meet the latter type next time round.
Author boblet Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for the responses guys.... just having one of those days. He probably won't care, no, but I almost feel like I am suppressing my anger? I've really shielded him from some of the wrath I'm feeling. And to be honest I don't know if I'd care for a response since it won't change anything, but I just feel like getting out of my system instead of indirectly dealing with it, if that makes any sense. But I know it probably won't get me anywhere it's so frustrating. I'd like to think I forgave him at the time. But I was so concerned about how sorry he was and reverting to what we had that I was willing to put aside my feelings and insecurities about the incident.. when really, he should have been doing more instead of brushing it under the rug at the time. I was so concerned about getting past it just to keep him around.. next time I'm putting me first
Love Bytes Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It will go away when you don't care anymore. And wow...you are a big person to have forgiven him for cheating. I didn't, and won't. I don't buy the "uncharacteristic" excuse. Chances are he had an opportunity and just decided to take it. Uncharacteristic or not..what the heck kind of excuse is that? I get so tired of ruminating about the things my ex did. I can only hope that there are 2 types of men...those who cheat and those who don't...and that I meet the latter type next time round. This. I'd had a ton of opportunities to cheat on my ex...with some VERY attractive women...and I passed every single time. I won't lie...as a normal human male, you're tempted of course...but it's never worth it. Never cheated, never will. 3
newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 If you contact him even just to yell at him, it let's him know that he's still under your skin and he shouldn't get that satisfaction. Try writing a mean letter but don't send it. Or I know Friday I was really angry and alone and I went for drive and just screamed and screamed and screamed all the stuff out that was in my head. I still feel like crap today but it helped a little.
LostOne1 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 This. I'd had a ton of opportunities to cheat on my ex...with some VERY attractive women...and I passed every single time. I won't lie...as a normal human male, you're tempted of course...but it's never worth it. Never cheated, never will. same here man.. I had lots of girls interested and I thought it was great. But I liked my ex a lot and I wouldn't have thrown her away like she did with me. I guess what helps me go on is knowing my morals are STRONG as a rock. And I'm okay knowing that 1
Author boblet Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 This. I'd had a ton of opportunities to cheat on my ex...with some VERY attractive women...and I passed every single time. I won't lie...as a normal human male, you're tempted of course...but it's never worth it. Never cheated, never will. You know what's the messed up part about it? He knew I was at that party, I saw him a few minutes before I caught him in the act smh. Now I've come to realize it was an attention/pride/ego thing for him, I think. Yeap sometimes I write it out. Or I go running and play music that matches my mood, that way my anger kind of gets let out constructively. I guess part of me wants him to feel the pain I feel quite honestly, which I guess shouldn't be my motive
Love Bytes Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You know what's the messed up part about it? He knew I was at that party, I saw him a few minutes before I caught him in the act smh. Now I've come to realize it was an attention/pride/ego thing for him, I think. Yeap sometimes I write it out. Or I go running and play music that matches my mood, that way my anger kind of gets let out constructively. I guess part of me wants him to feel the pain I feel quite honestly, which I guess shouldn't be my motive That sucks. Some people just don't give a ****. Though I don't think harmless flirting is terrible, I would never even do that when I was in the same place as someone I was dating. Hell, I even had opportunities hours away, with people I'm completely unconnected with. I knew 100% that I would never be caught, but for me...that's not the point. I don't not cheat because I might get caught.
destroyed4sho Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I would do this too and I think it is healthy to vent. The reason I don't is because I am too proud to let her know at this point that I even care. I lost my dignity before several times. If she does contact me or text me to give me a breadcrumb...maybe I will go nuts and pick up the phone and vent. **** her, she was a horrible horrible animal. Everything she said to me about loving me,etc ...was a LIE. She was a liar and checked out of the relationship a LONG time ago, used me as a buffer until she was sure the ineveitable BU would not affect her. She is a complete LOWLIFE, spineless POS!! A real LOSER too....with no goals or ambition. And her looks? Not that great. I guess that is what I would say if she tries to throw me another breadcrumb!
Author boblet Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Here's what I don't understand. I mean not to sound arrogant or anything, but I do get approached by a lot of guys.. and I have turned down a lot of guys before him. The girl he cheated with was ugly as f!@$. He was drunk BUT he knew I was at the party. From a guy's perspective, wtf is up with that? Even if you were drunk.. wouldn't your gf's be the first girls you thought of?
Simon Phoenix Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Here's what I don't understand. I mean not to sound arrogant or anything, but I do get approached by a lot of guys.. and I have turned down a lot of guys before him. The girl he cheated with was ugly as f!@$. He was drunk BUT he knew I was at the party. From a guy's perspective, wtf is up with that? Even if you were drunk.. wouldn't your gf's be the first girls you thought of? He wanted something new I guess. But trying to rationalize why he did what he did is a useless enterprise. What's the point? What's done is done.
Author boblet Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I know.... I really really need to let it go... I know I will I can't wait till I'm there it's so annoying think about all of it
Hopeful714 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 The anger is something your just going to have to deal with. I know its horrible. There were days I was just so pissed I walked around with a scowl on my face all day long. I have also screamed in my car like the above poster mentioned (lol) But I knew to pick up that phone and bitc* at him was not an option. The night of the "show down" when he was caught and confronted was one of the worst nights of my life. I gave it to him then but never had a person ever made me feel so worthless, shattered and broken inside. I had nightmares about that night for weeks. Since that night I never lost my dignity to him again..and I am so thankful for that. I can't explain the cheating. Like you, I'm an attractive, together girl with much going for myself. All my ex's family and friends liked me. He claimed he liked me. It's a male thing, possible ego thing, but what it boils down to is its a morals thing...either your gonna do something to stab your partner in the back for a moment of selfishness or cheap thrill, or your not. Much applause to the guys who posted their honest thoughts here. It is people like you that give me hope for the future that I will be able to give my heart again when I meet the right guy who shares your values.
Inviv_girl Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 He took the best in me and went off. Away..left me in a terrible broken heart. Each of my wake up time I will always have him in mind. Sometimes the hate feelings on him really stick in my mind and makes me crazy. Another time of that love feelings I have for him, because its true, I do love him with all my heart. But I keep those for myself.. it is useless to yell at him and angry at him anymore, it wont change anything. I did that and the worse feeling is all I got. Listen to music I like, walking everwhere I want, deep my self in a pool and scream!!! I do anything but will not contact him!!
cavalier99 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Hi boblet. Sorry you having a rough day. But that is all it is. I also go days and I'm fine then all of the sudden out of the blue i remembered what happened towards the end and i get so angry. It was so unfair of her how she handled things after so long together with me. I deserved so much more even if she wanted to BU. And i am so upset sometimes that i lost my self respect and was actually understanding of some things that now i NEVER would tolerate. BUT this trauma is in the past. She is long past it and i cant stay stuck and angry. It is a trauma we need to get over. Get mad but don't dwell too long. It is poisonous to dwell. I can make myself sick thinking of some scenes the last couple weeks of my RS and the BU ecetera. We need to let it go because it is so toxic to dwell on it. I know..easier said than done. I feel the anger a lot but i also need to forgive and let it lie because it gets us no where except getting us all bent out of shape.. take care. Cav PS what happened to guy you went on date with?
LostOne1 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 The anger is something your just going to have to deal with. I know its horrible. There were days I was just so pissed I walked around with a scowl on my face all day long. I have also screamed in my car like the above poster mentioned (lol) But I knew to pick up that phone and bitc* at him was not an option. The night of the "show down" when he was caught and confronted was one of the worst nights of my life. I gave it to him then but never had a person ever made me feel so worthless, shattered and broken inside. I had nightmares about that night for weeks. Since that night I never lost my dignity to him again..and I am so thankful for that. I can't explain the cheating. Like you, I'm an attractive, together girl with much going for myself. All my ex's family and friends liked me. He claimed he liked me. It's a male thing, possible ego thing, but what it boils down to is its a morals thing...either your gonna do something to stab your partner in the back for a moment of selfishness or cheap thrill, or your not. Much applause to the guys who posted their honest thoughts here. It is people like you that give me hope for the future that I will be able to give my heart again when I meet the right guy who shares your values. Yeah don't let one guy make it bad for other guys. Heck, if you lived near me I'd def ask you out right now. I mean it's funny, because it seems like all the awesome people that get hurt are here. And yet we say we can't find anyone that's good for us.. when the people we could want the most are right here next to us.. we just overlook them. I see a lot of girls here do that too.. the BEST and NICEST guy is next to her. But she wants something better and in reality what she gets is an ASSOLE. But she thinks an ASSOLE is what she wants.. till she gets burned and realizes her mistakes. And by then the nice guy is already taken.
Author boblet Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Thanks for the responses everyone. The anger is something I have to deal with, I think it will really be a test of my forgiveness, that's for sure. It really is so poisonous and toxic, sometimes it just shapes my whole day and weighs me down. Hopeful714, do you still feel as angry as you were before? Cav, I've been out with that guy a few times after, I'm probably not ready for anything serious though, because at this point I feel really hyper sensitive to rejection and sort of disconnected.. I don't really have much hope for connecting with someone anymore and I can't imagine snapping out of it
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