pteromom Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). I think this is a good thing to keep in... I think it is important to be with someone who has your core values. 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. Some people have very good jobs and little education. I would adjust this one to "Must be employed and have career goals and ambitions." 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. Yeh - don't blame you. Keep it. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with I wouldn't put this on your main list, but would consider it a "red flag" area. I'd take it on a case-by-case basis. 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle I'd take this on a case-by-case basis as well. There ARE Christian guys into yoga and organic foods. I wouldn't discount someone based on this, but again, it could be a "red flag" to watch to see if he goes too far on this stuff. 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while I think the hygiene is more important than the height requirement. After all, if you met a guy who had every single one of your criteria and was a wonderful guy but was 5'4", would an inch be that big of a deal? I think your list isn't bad, but obviously the shorter the list, the more options you have. Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I think its great that you have some standards. its anyway better then having none. But somehow i find your first one kind of weird. Like you say you want chicken but you dont want meat. I think it will be more clear if you choose to be one or the other. Like you want to be a Christian but you want to be cool with some stuff God does not approve. Maybe that is where some people may think , what is this girl really about? Like is she really Christian or is she trying to mix it all up. And i think 5 is a very good one, cause those things have noting to do with Jesus. They are the new way that the devil have introduced to the world so he can gain more souls for hell. You are entitled to your own beliefs about everything, including what it means to be a Christian person. So are the rest of us. As I posted previously, there are lovely mainstream Christian religions that are inclusive and celebrate being so. Before I even read this post, I was going to suggest to the OP to steer clear of self identified "Christians" whose religious beliefs include marginalizing people who believe differently, attributing evil and "Satan" induced reasons for ( God given, IMO) diversity, and who think that their belief system is the only "real" one and that they are the only gang who can understand the bible, Jesus, etc. That includes many adherents to Evangelical branches of Protestantism. Not all.
outsidethebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 OP, I think your standards are right on the money. They are minimal and reasonable but unfortunately the hardest part is finding out if the guy communicates enough to show caring, etc. Might find out right away, might take a few encounters online and IRL.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 A bit off topic but I really hate how the right has hijacked Christianity and religion in general. Believing in some kind of higher power does not mean a person should want to oppress gays and tell a woman what to do with her womb. Atheist and rightwing nut are not the only two choices. I HATE HATE HATE HATE it too. How dare a political group of people co-opt Christianity? The "religious right"? Excuse me while I hurl. My husband and I have been attending different churches lately looking for one to join. I am going along with him with an open mind - personally, I don't feel drawn to organized religion but I can and do find inspired sermons to be thought provoking along with study of the bible and considering how to apply it to life. He was raised in a VERY strict fundamentalist type of church, and he rejects that now. Yesterday we were driving and he wanted to see if any interesting Christian radio shows were on. What did we find? Stuff about how gun control is not Christian. Keep politics and spiritual practices in separate camps, please. Sorry for participating in the hijack. 4
outsidethebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 oh, I read on. No I am not praying for anyone. It excludes a lot of religious women but I'm just not interested in the religious stuff. I do think the kids should go to church for some time to make their own informed decisions. I did.
somedude81 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Frankly, looking at your full list, a few do contradict with each other. Even then a couple of them are hard to get by themselves. It's a pretty serious list
TheGuard13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Yeah, lists are generally counterproductive when it comes to relationships, but she doesn't have ridiculous standards. It shouldn't be impossible to find that man.
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Yes. It's going well with her. I'll be heading back over in April. She has standards similar to yours. I've been spending weeks at a time over there. It's feeling a bit like home. glad your girl is making Europe feel like home to you . 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 And I thought the 12 days of Christmas was ridiculous. You can pick a few but you can't have them all. I didn't even have a list, and my husband fulfills all of EH's standards, except that he smokes. Which I considered to be a del breaker, until I met him.
xxoo Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I didn't even have a list, and my husband fulfills all of EH's standards, except that he smokes. Which I considered to be a del breaker, until I met him. Funny how that happens! 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Wait. Are you equating gay marriage OR polygamy with bestiality? :eek: Either you believe in dignifying alternative sexual lifestyles with the institution of marriage, or you don't. That includes at the very minimum polygamy. Also adult incest. I'd argue it also includes bestiality, though if you were an extreme PETA type who wanted no animal "enslaved" in any way, either for meat or for a pet or for a "life partner" you could have a pass on that argument, so we'll just ignore it. So, someone arguing for gay marriage AND polyamorous marriage AND adult incest marriage would at least have my respect for having beliefs that are honest and consistent. Conversely, someone that picks and chooses, putting gay marriage on a pedestal while DENYING other adults the same "right" to have their personal sexual lifestyle choices publicly recognized and elevated to the status of marriage is nothing more than a hypocrite. I HATE HATE HATE HATE it too. How dare a political group of people co-opt Christianity? The "religious right"? Excuse me while I hurl. ... have you ever even opened the bible? Its stance on homosexuality is quite clear, even in the new testament straight from the gospel. It's not "co-opting" Christianity to follow biblical teachings, whether or not YOU happen to violently disagree with those passages of the bible. Edited February 19, 2013 by ChessPieceFace
Woggle Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 It's stance on eating shrimp is even more clear so let's get those anti-shrimp election year ballot initiatives going. 1
BetheButterfly Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I didn't even have a list, and my husband fulfills all of EH's standards, except that he smokes. Which I considered to be a del breaker, until I met him. My husband used to smoke, before I met him. I would possibly have married him anyways even if he still smokes cause I love him and that love doesn't depend on whether he smokes or not (though I don't like the smell of smoke and the fact that it hurts people's lungs). I would have nagged him a lot though about it, and complained. So yep, I totally understand about something being a dealbreaker, until meeting him. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 you really need to study the bible more thoroughly if you're serious about upholding ALL of it's "teachings." Talk about picking and choosing! Leviticus 18:22 “‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable." Leviticus 20:13 “‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." I Corinthians 6:9-10 "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." Romans 1:26-28 "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. 28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done." Etc, etc, etc, etc. I could post a dozen more. Hey guess what - I didn't write it. But it doesn't take a genius to see that anyone who claims to believe in both Christianity and gay marriage IS "picking and choosing" as I have clearly demonstrated above. So yes, OP, you will have difficulty finding Christians who support gay marriage.
outsidethebox Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Just like you have difficulty finding Christians who eat pork? I don't think so. There are tons of don't do this and do this in there. Tons and tons. What matters is OP's lifestyle and moral choices and finding someone compatible with that to meet one of her list requirements. It ain't me even if I were her age but it may not be you either.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Just like you have difficulty finding Christians who eat pork? I don't think so. Except that most religions are heavily focused on ideas behind and standards of sexual morality, and Christianity is no exception. It's not a footnote. As for pork, it's very logical why 2000 years ago it would have been a bad idea to eat it. I don't like to eat it even now. Heard of porkworm? Now imagine a society that didn't even know about the science about microorganisms and sickness and the reason why proper heating is required to kill all the porkworm larvae. Yet in their RELIGION they were still smart enough to make a correct judgment call. The collective knowledge from the people who died or were made sick from porkworm was formed into a dogmatic rule which was indeed best for the society to follow, whether or not the real reason was understood. We in 2013 understand the science behind it, so we don't need to follow a dogmatic rule. Back then, without the scientific understanding, the dogmatic rule was best and very valid. Extend that to sexual morality. Our scientific knowledge has advanced to the point where we don't need to follow dogmatic biblical rules to protect us from science we don't understand. But our moral knowledge certainly has not. We've made advances which we could lord over the humans of the past, such as the abolition of slavery, but we've made just as many moral regressions. There is very little moral authority from humans of 2013 to make an informed judgment call and discount thousands of years of moral teachings. The fact that the humans of 2013 BELIEVE they can make a judgment call proves nothing. Humans have always believed that. The proof is in the results. Our marriages and relationships are falling apart. We have no moral authority to make a "better judgment call" with respect to marriage if we can't even make marriage work anymore.
outsidethebox Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Marriages still going strong last I checked.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Marriages still going strong last I checked. Then you must only be checking with people your own age, if your pic is accurate. I know some "right-wing fundamentalist Christians" that have stable marriages. The general populace... no. We're living in the society of the absent father.
outsidethebox Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 My pic is accurate, info also in my profile. Society of the absent father. We live in a society where parents shift around but days when divorce was not allowed ended a long time ago. I know religious type people would like to return to those days but just one of many reasons I don't get along with them.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 So yes, OP, you will have difficulty finding Christians who support gay marriage. You probably don't believe that Lutherans, Episcopalians, and Presbyterians qualify as "Christians," right? That's okay. My husband was raised to believe that only members of HIS branch of HIS particular Christian religion had the Jesus hotline, and he managed to expand his perspectives and scale back on the judgements. Even his mother has, now that she's 93!
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 As for pork, it's very logical why 2000 years ago it would have been a bad idea to eat it. Yet, observant Jews still choose to follow this edict. And to follow your logic further, I believe that every single one of the Old Testament laws and "abominations" can be shown to have pertinent roots in the lives of people living in those times. I've read plenty of posts from you, and I do not get the impression that you are, or intend to remain pure until your marriage. If you have an unhappy marriage, I have the impression that you would seek a divorce. Unless YOU are going to follow every Biblical word to the letter, why not consider leaving people who happen to break different "rules" than you do to their own devices? I'm pretty sure gay people who wish to have the option of marriage are not any more abominable then we heteros are.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 I am so tired of this gay marriage crap. There was this big protest yesterday in PR against it and a BUNCH of people I know who consider themselves Christians were against the protest and chose not to participate. My man will come. End of story. I just need to work now on being the best me until then. Easier said than done.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 20, 2013 Posted February 20, 2013 We live in a society where parents shift around That's a humorously sanitized description of it ... but days when divorce was not allowed ended a long time ago. I know religious type people would like to return to those days but just one of many reasons I don't get along with them. How about instead of that, days when divorce was rare and people were raised with values to respect each other, and respect their gender roles to the extent that it provides a stable family structure? My opinion of divorce is similar to abortion - I can understand why it's allowed, but if society were working properly, it would be rare. Society isn't working properly, and that's why in both cases it is not rare, but quite common. You probably don't believe that Lutherans, Episcopalians, and Presbyterians qualify as "Christians," right? I wasn't aware that Christian denominations founded centuries ago had a charter statement supporting gay marriage. If that really is the case I would find that fascinating.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 That's a humorously sanitized description of it ... How about instead of that, days when divorce was rare and people were raised with values to respect each other, and respect their gender roles to the extent that it provides a stable family structure? My opinion of divorce is similar to abortion - I can understand why it's allowed, but if society were working properly, it would be rare. Society isn't working properly, and that's why in both cases it is not rare, but quite common. I wasn't aware that Christian denominations founded centuries ago had a charter statement supporting gay marriage. If that really is the case I would find that fascinating. I can't believe you are not aware that there are entire churches that support gays to the extent that they put up flags outside of their church in representation of this 1
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