Eternal Sunshine Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'm not one to impinge on somebody's relationship criteria, but there are some pretty awesome guys out there who are divorced with kids (ahem....sorry, had something stuck in my throat). Ultimately, at its core, a relationship is about the connection between 2 people. Everything else is just details. True, authentic, magical connection does exist, and as pretty much everybody here can attest to, it is so rare that its almost a waste of time to look for it. So, what happens when when you find something that you've been looking for forever, but he's got a couple of kids? Pass? I mean, hey....however you wanna do it. It's your life. Or, do you take a step back and re-evaluate? The girl I like (like being a very mild euphamism), she is at the very top of the ladder. Gorgeous beyond words, amazing heart and personality, intelligent, educated, cool as hell, funny, professionally successful and completely independent. She can literally have any guy she wants. For some reason, she seems to like me, and the hurdles she would face with me go WAY beyond me just having kids. But when people find what theyve been looking for, they just deal with the other stuff. Just sayin. I have only felt that strong, magnetic attraction twice in my life. Yes, for that type of attraction I would make exceptions. For that type of attraction, I would go to the ends of earth. Nothing is an obstacle. But it's so rare for me, that I can't exactly expect to feel it again. I am the type that doesn't connect to people easily at all. If I ever do decide to have a relationship, I am realistic enough to know that "the magical feeling" I will have to do without. I may as well pick a partner that has no ex wife/kids to make my life easier.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 She wants regular calls but not too regular otherwise he is getting too attached. I also found the bit about getting an "I love you" in the first month freaking her out hilarious. She does know I love you's in bed don't count. They are just to get better sex. except I had not slept with either of them... but thanks for the judgment
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 There is nothing to be jealous of when it comes to a woman with unrealistic and contradictory requirements who loves listing more than she can allow herself to love people. Whatever you say hater.
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Some people are hard cases that need more attention. Projecting??? 1
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 you know nothing about what that guy meant when saying "I love you". I don't and you sure don't! only the two of them do. saying "I love you" is a big thing. Huge. In bed, outside bed, near the bed, whatever! I cannot believe just how easy it is for one to jump to conclusions and just say these things. They can be very hurtful, instead of helpful.
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Her issues are non-issues. Mine aren't so easy or contrived. Then I guess that's where your jealousy comes in but it's not nice or helpful to keep attacking a good person. I'm sorry you have big problems but taking it out on somebody else is unkind. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Then I guess that's where your jealousy comes in but it's not nice or helpful to keep attacking a good person. I'm sorry you have big problems but taking it out on somebody else is unkind. Amaysyngrace don't worry about it he's not worth it 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 you know nothing about what that guy meant when saying "I love you". I don't and you sure don't! only the two of them do. saying "I love you" is a big thing. Huge. In bed, outside bed, near the bed, whatever! I cannot believe just how easy it is for one to jump to conclusions and just say these things. They can be very hurtful, instead of helpful. This is the first time I have ever heard anyone say that saying I love you can be like saying "hello".
johan Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Your standards are way too high, EH. Fortunately I meet all of them, and also several others you didn't list. I'll be in touch. 1
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 The criteria you listed is quite reasonable. But why document your standards for dating? It creates rigidity in a process that should be fun ... and well unsystematic. I don't see how it helps you. You will instinctively know when you meet the right person. No checklists are needed. unfortunately that is not my case. I obviously have a broken people picker. I am trying to analyze and think about what I want so I will not keep dating losers.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Your standards are way too high, EH. Fortunately I meet all of them, and also several others you didn't list. I'll be in touch. do you really think they are too high or are you self-promoting? I forgot to throw in something about my legs in there... does that grant me the right to raise my standards a little more?
johan Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 do you really think they are too high or are you self-promoting? I forgot to throw in something about my legs in there... does that grant me the right to raise my standards a little more? Self-promoting, actually. No, they aren't too high. If certain people don't like what you wrote, it's probably validation that you're on the right track as much as anything else. Maybe it's Fred logging in under those IDs. Yes, don't forget your legs have to date the guy, too. He needs to be up to their standards or it won't work.
somedude81 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while 7- will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, 8- will appreciate me. 9 - Have a strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. 10 - someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. 11 - Don't be super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) 12 - Someone who takes the lead. OK, that's what your list really looks like.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 OK, that's what your list really looks like. yes. OH BTW SD I am just about to get my period so my boobs are a little bloated. You know what that means right??? Its 34B bra time!
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Your standards are way too high, EH. Fortunately I meet all of them, and also several others you didn't list. I'll be in touch. Are you still with your lucky european lady?
johan Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 yes. OH BTW SD I am just about to get my period so my boobs are a little bloated. You know what that means right??? Its 34B bra time! Are you going to post a picture of them in a tight t-shirt with "Somedude" printed on it?
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Also, do you believe in legalizing polygamy? How about bestiality where you can prove the animal likes it? Wait. Are you equating gay marriage OR polygamy with bestiality? :eek: Sorry - off topic. EH - I know dozens of people who go to church and consider themselves "Christian" who are fine with gay marriage, or even in gay marriages; whole and mainstream factions of both the Lutheran and the Presbyterian churches as well as the Episcopalian church bless same sex marriages and ordain openly gay people as ministers. Most also believe that a woman has a personal right to terminate a pregnancy even if their official stance is against abortion. Your standards are very reasonable and reflect you being true to yourself, which is always the right path. 2
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Are you still with your lucky european lady? wait, Johan doesn't live in Europe... does he ?
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 wait, Johan doesn't live in Europe... does he ? back off girl i'm next in line!
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 well... I've always thought it is a privilege's man to choose... should he have the chance to! Soooo, great lists and great taste in men, you're doing alright, girl!
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 well... I've always thought it is a privilege's man to choose... should he have the chance to! Soooo, great lists and great taste in men, you're doing alright, girl! aww! you too
johan Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Are you still with your lucky european lady? Yes. It's going well with her. I'll be heading back over in April. She has standards similar to yours. wait, Johan doesn't live in Europe... does he ? I've been spending weeks at a time over there. It's feeling a bit like home. 2
BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Over the past 11 months I dated on and off a man who was not right for me... I have written about this extensively. I don't think he is a bad person and I gave him many, many chances because I really like to believe people can change (I feel I have changed, for the best, from mistakes I have made in the past). After it has been over I have vowed to a) not settle for someone who is not that into me b) have higher standards So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? I don't think your standards are too much. My husband fits all 6 of your standards... they were my standards (or desires for how I envision my mate). Now, the only difference is my husband disagrees with me concerning gay marriage; he thinks marriage should be one man and one woman. However, he does not hate people who live a homosexual lifestyle and he does not condemn them to hell. He just thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman. That's his right to believe that, same as it's the right of other people to believe marriage can be a man and a man or a woman and a woman. I personally believe marriage is simply a promise, a commitment to love and be faithful to another person and to grow old together "till death do us part." I don't see any reason to deny people the right to promise love and faithfulness, even if they are of the same gender. Anyways, I don't know how many guys who fit your standards live up north. However, I do believe though that God can bring you and a wonderful man (who fits your desires for a mate) together!!! I will pray for you about that, because it is a great blessing to be "one" - a team- with a wonderful man and enjoy life together!!! Blessings and until you meet him (as well as afterwards) enjoy life!!! Please don't get desperate. Being desperate to meet him just makes the wait so much harder and many times can lead to mistakes. It's good to work on learning and growing mentally, physically, and spiritually while waiting. It's also great to get involved in community activities where you can meet people and help others!!!
BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Maybe it's just the school you go to. Or maybe the places you hang out. When I was in college I always found myself surrounded by very religious Muslim people, Vietnamese people, and very conservative Christians. It was an interesting cross section of American society to be sure. I bet lol!!! Diversity is so cool!!!! Have you ever been to Chicago? I loved the diversity there... it was so cool to get to know Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jewish Orthodox people, and Atheists, as well as people of other beliefs!!! I really enjoyed living there when I was there because of the diversity. I learned a lot and got to know, respect, and appreciate many precious people who are not of my belief. I fell "in love" at different times with an Atheist, a Hindu, a Muslim, and a nominal Catholic; two of them live in Chicago. However, it didn't work out and though I still greatly respect and admire these men, I see why it didn't work out with them and am so thankful for my husband who believes very similar to me!!! It does help to walk in the journey of life together when the people walking are in the same journey (or belief)... However, it's awesome to live in an environment of tolerance for people of different beliefs and to respect each other and agree to disagree.
Woggle Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 A bit off topic but I really hate how the right has hijacked Christianity and religion in general. Believing in some kind of higher power does not mean a person should want to oppress gays and tell a woman what to do with her womb. Atheist and rightwing nut are not the only two choices. 3
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