fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 There's a big difference between what's best for an individual, and what's best for a society. What's best for society is to leave individuals alone to figure out how best to live their own lives... 2
Woggle Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I have yet to meet a man who is not a complete sexist that views a woman having a career as a bad thing. What usually happens is that other negative personality traits turn a guy off and then they claim it is because men are intimidated by strong and independent women. If a person does not have the basic fundamentals that make them a good relationship partner nothing else will matter. It's like a car with a bunch of features but no wheels. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 What's best for society is to leave individuals alone to figure out how best to live their own lives... So we should abolish all laws and standards of behavior, sounds like a great society. Also, parents, don't inflict those hateful "rules" on your children. Let them do anything they want, that's the best way to be a parent.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 So we should abolish all laws and standards of behavior, sounds like a great society. Also, parents, don't inflict those hateful "rules" on your children. Let them do anything they want, that's the best way to be a parent. Well, my neighbors and the state are not my parents. And children are not adults and usually should not be treated as such. As for laws: don't hit, don't steal, don't kill. Easy enough. People can pretty much figure out what standards they should live by outside of that basic outline. Heck, we figured out how to tie ties and use chopsticks, I'm pretty sure we could handle a competitive market in social standards. I'm not gay, gay people getting married does not affect my life in any way.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 What's best for society is to leave individuals alone to figure out how best to live their own lives... Also, do you believe in legalizing polygamy? How about bestiality where you can prove the animal likes it? If so - at least you are consistent, but you're also showing that the 'slippery slope' really does exist. If not - then I deem you to be as "hateful" as those who disagree with gay marriage. Pick one. And the point is not to start another stupid worthless argument thread about gay marriage where no one listens but rather to demonstrate to the OP that they might need to reexamine their "certainty" of belief when deciding whether to dismiss a potential mate just because of said beliefs.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 If that were true we wouldn't be heading toward an underpopulation crisis. I don't think there's a crisis. Everybody has a crisis: we're all going to be replaced by robots, global cooling, global warming, climate change, peak oil, nuclear war, Saddam Hussein, Ghadafi, overpopulation, underpopulation, on and on. At some point, it's just the boy who cried wolf. Except without the wolf at the end, it's just a stuffed animal. Besides, banning gay marriage (or more specifically not legally recognizing gay marriage) does nothing to make people have more children. Unless you are under the impression that if gays can't marry they'll just become straight and have lots of kids...
HopelessRomantic76 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Unles youre in it more for the lavish lifestyle then connection i don see why anyone would want an ovetly ambitious person who works 24 hours 7 days a week and rarely has time to see you Time is the most precious asset in life in my opinion
Woggle Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Unles youre in it more for the lavish lifestyle then connection i don see why anyone would want an ovetly ambitious person who works 24 hours 7 days a week and rarely has time to see you Time is the most precious asset in life in my opinion I want balance. Of course I want somebody that wants to work towards a better life but not somebody so caught up in it that they forget how to have a healthy relationship. 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Also, do you believe in legalizing polygamy? How about bestiality where you can prove the animal likes it? If so - at least you are consistent, but you're also showing that the 'slippery slope' really does exist. If not - then I deem you to be as "hateful" as those who disagree with gay marriage. Pick one. And the point is not to start another stupid worthless argument thread about gay marriage where no one listens but rather to demonstrate to the OP that they might need to reexamine their "certainty" of belief when deciding whether to dismiss a potential mate just because of said beliefs. Polygamy? Yes. Bestiality? No, because the animal cannot meaningfully consent to it. Maybe I am hateful. I really don't care. I think the point of the OP by the way was that she was looking for a Christian who wasn't going to go around talking about how gays were going to hell, were immoral and trying to corrupt children, etc. 1
Eclypse Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Not too high. I have similar ones (and I fit all of those except the first). I wouldn't want my children raised in a church setting sorry... But overall, seems reasonable and shouldn't be too hard to obtain.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I think the point of the OP by the way was that she was looking for a Christian who wasn't going to go around talking about how gays were going to hell, were immoral and trying to corrupt children, etc. And if the OP has that kind of intolerant attitude, I don't see how she could tolerate being around anything even remotely resembling Christianity.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 In the first world, the largest reason for us heading toward underpopulation is the age at which people become established enough to consider having a family is increasingly later in life causing people not to have the number of children they wish to. We may have a decrease in population. But I'm not sure if that's "underpopulation" or a crisis. Perhaps the lower population number is a better one. Of course, maybe it isn't and we do have too few people being born. Without having a crystal ball how do we know?
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 And if the OP has that kind of intolerant attitude, I don't see how she could tolerate being around anything even remotely resembling Christianity. That's one way to describe it, sure. Or perhaps we could just say she wouldn't be compatible with somebody who wasn't socially liberal. It's semantics. What does it matter? Tolerance is an overrated concept. Tolerate who you want, don't tolerate who you don't want. Just don't initiate violence against anyone.
eduardo23 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Over the past 11 months I dated on and off a man who was not right for me... I have written about this extensively. I don't think he is a bad person and I gave him many, many chances because I really like to believe people can change (I feel I have changed, for the best, from mistakes I have made in the past). After it has been over I have vowed to a) not settle for someone who is not that into me b) have higher standards So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? Requirements 3-6 are easy to find. It's when you mix in 1,2, and those 'hidden' requirements in ur paragraph. 7- make you feel cherished 8- be into you/appreciate you 9-strong personalities 10-feel like a best friend/good chemistry 11-not clingy 12- leader I think these are quite high requirements depending on what quality of man it takes to make you feel cherished/have strong personality/leader/ambitious etc. Those are very subjective and I get the impression you are aiming high. Do you think you right now bring the qualities that this kind of ideal man would want in a woman?
xxoo Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Requirements 3-6 are easy to find. It's when you mix in 1,2, and those 'hidden' requirements in ur paragraph. 7- make you feel cherished 8- be into you/appreciate you 9-strong personalities 10-feel like a best friend/good chemistry 11-not clingy 12- leader I agree that those "hidden" requirements are high, as they should be. Although some of them contradict, like "best friend" and "not clingy" depending on what you mean by clingy. I suspect that, when you meet a man who meets those gut-level requirements, the cerebral requirements on the first part of the list will go out the window....
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I would add to your list: - being / acting altruistic (think of me once in a while, compared to his immediate needs. I am a nice person, I want a nice guy too) - willing to be in a trusting, loving relationship (not scared if things go well) - believes in marriage (I know I am good enough to date, thank you very much) - wants to have children, at some point (no kids, deal breaker) - patient (I am not, would love someone to balance me) - have his own life, his own hobbies, his own friends - communicates openly what he likes/ wants and what he doesn't - no lying (or omission); no exclusivity? I should know about that. - good talker (crazy about sharing thoughts, books, films) - not against art or classical music (if he doesn't like that, it would be cool if he'd occasionally tolerate my dragging him to one or two similar events once in a blue moon) - reasonably active - willing to accept to compromise, if in a relationship (I am) - open mind - warm or at least, at ease with a warm person (I need to be displayed affection, by gestures or just words; I couldn't live with a totally introvert, I'd drive the guy crazy) - fair in fights
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I agree that those "hidden" requirements are high, as they should be. Although some of them contradict, like "best friend" and "not clingy" depending on what you mean by clingy. I suspect that, when you meet a man who meets those gut-level requirements, the cerebral requirements on the first part of the list will go out the window.... I guess I can only define clingy by example. A man who is telling me he loves me within a month of meeting me to me is clingy (has happened to me twice). Or someone who will call me several times a day at the beginning stages of dating to ask me what I am doing is clingy. I like taking things slow and steady. By taking the lead I mean someone who will pick up the phone and call me and ask me on a date if they are interested! I am so fed up with lame texting seriously! I want someone who will call me again after our first date if he liked me and make plans for the second and not flake. Be bold. I don't need for the person to agree that gay marriage is right I just don't want someone who doesn't believe that gays should have rights... or who are intolerant of them... i don't know if that makes sense...
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I think I bring good things to the table but I am trying to make myself better every day. I went through some difficult times and I have been in therapy trying to make myself better. I also have recently acknowledged that I have difficulty regulating my emotions but this is also something I am working on. the positives: 1- I have a strong work ethic and I have worked very hard to get to where I am but I think I have a good balance. I like to relax and have fun! I also am picking a career where the option of going part-time when I have kids and still be able to substantially contribute financially to the household is totally possible. 2- I take good care of myself physically. I am in shape and I am not ugly to look at. In fact, I would say I am kind of cute 3- I am a great listener. 4- I am very giving and like to do things for the people I love. Ever since I learned how to cook I love cooking for my family and Fred loved it when I would cook for him and even bring lunch to him to school. I would also surprise him with cupcakes from his favorite bakery whenever he was stressed. 5- I don't like playing games. 6- I celebrate it when my partner has a life apart from me. Fred would go out and have fun with his guy friends all the time and to me that was cool. 7- I am supportive of people's goals. 8-I am funny and I make fun of myself all the time! I think I am pretty fun to be around! 9- I try to see the best in people and I like to think that people can change (which has been my down fall in the past) 4
EasyHeart Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I think people got way to hung up on the specifics of #1 in Eleanor's list. If we rewrote it as "Shares my religious values", I think it's a pretty basic consideration that everyone looks for in a partner. And 'liberal Christian' is probably the most common designation people in the US would use to describe themselves, so it's certainly not a very tough standard. Minneapolis is swarming with people like that, and I suspect you'll find the same in Boston. When I think of women who have requirements for men that are too picky, I think of things like: "Must be at least 6'5" "Must have blonde hair, blue eyes and no body hair" "Must have graduated from an Ivy League school" "Must play at least two musical instruments" "Must be an expert ballroom dancer" "Must make at least $300,000 a year (absolute minimum) but never work more than 30 hours a week" "Must have a boat or a private plane, and preferably both" "Must have a 4000 sq. ft. house on a lake that is immaculately decorated" "Must be willing to let me completely redecorate his immaculately decorated 4000 sq. ft. house" I consider things like "doesn't smoke" and "has ambition" as kind of basic things I would look for in anyone I interact with, let alone date. And let's be brutally honest here: Eleanor is young, smart, pretty and well on her way to becoming a doctor. She's pretty much the holy grail of women that most men are looking for. Like ES said, if she can't be picky, then who can? Please don't settle for losers, Eleanor!!! 4
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Which means she'll be yo-yo'ing back to us for years to come like a therapist except we aren't getting paid. well, you aren't forced to read... you have a terrible attitude!
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Basically you want someone who is clingy but not too clingy. Where did you get that? I understood it as into her but has his own life too. 1
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 ha, I was talking to one of my male friends and here's his advice (I really liked it): "over thinking, over analyzing. Stop taking sh"t and start dating!". People are sooo immensely different and surprising and wonderful, it's silly to have lists or make things of how you want them to be or behave. What you don't want them to be or behave is most important. Anyway, I loved my friend's saying, I rest my case...
MyPoutine Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Your list seems very reasonable and also realistic. Good luck!
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 you have a terrible attitude! Yes, blatant jealousy does that to a person.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 For a woman who wants a relationship you need more humility and get back with Fred or stop obsessing over him. I don't want a relationship right now. I would want one in the future. I am trying to take what happened with Fred and learn from it so that I will not make the same mistakes again in the future.
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