eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Over the past 11 months I dated on and off a man who was not right for me... I have written about this extensively. I don't think he is a bad person and I gave him many, many chances because I really like to believe people can change (I feel I have changed, for the best, from mistakes I have made in the past). After it has been over I have vowed to a) not settle for someone who is not that into me b) have higher standards So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? 4
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Over the past 11 months I dated on and off a man who was not right for me... I have written about this extensively. I don't think he is a bad person and I gave him many, many chances because I really like to believe people can change (I feel I have changed, for the best, from mistakes I have made in the past). After it has been over I have vowed to a) not settle for someone who is not that into me b) have higher standards So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? what are indigo chidlren?
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 what are indigo chidlren? some guy i dated briefly a while back told me a I was an indigo child. Basically they are these people who have some sort of super power? Some new age thing
ThaWholigan Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 some guy i dated briefly a while back told me a I was an indigo child. Basically they are these people who have some sort of super power? Some new age thing Hah, someone told me I was an indigo child too . I do believe in that stuff, but I don't think I'm one.......
Mycteria Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Wow it's crazy how different people are. My list is pretty much the exact opposite of yours. Sorry I don't have anything to add, I just thought it was funny. And no, your list isn't too extreme. In fact it's pretty basic. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) some guy i dated briefly a while back told me a I was an indigo child. Basically they are these people who have some sort of super power? Some new age thing have you been told you have a high iq? and do you feel sometimes retarded....i do all the time...lol....definition of strange......has my name there.....smilin......indigo is a pretty color though...its the color of dusk.....i dont think humanity has super powers ...i think the highest power of human life is evident in living prophets.......i do think god gives gifts or callings to people,of heightened awareness in certain areas or traits....never heard of indigo children.....i think special children exist though autism , mentally impaired,down syndrome....loving kind and beautiful hearts...i am thinking of one special child now and he always makes me smile..and he has god's hands all over him he is protected and nurtured and loved completely by loving parents....special children exist....they are nto indigo...thanks eleanor i never would have known the term...even though i dont believe it.......deb Edited February 17, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Wow it's crazy how different people are. My list is pretty much the exact opposite of yours. Sorry I don't have anything to add, I just thought it was funny. And no, your list isn't too extreme. In fact it's pretty basic. Reallly? for a second I thought I was being too picky. When I think about it, then m en i have met most of them did not meet these standards and then ones that did are not interested in me.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Indigo children sounded to me like smurfs or the people from Avatar or if like the Blue Man Group had kids or something. Learn something new every day I suppose. Your list sounds fine. Sounds like me almost exactly. Except for having ambition part. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I feel hopeless and the ambition isn't what it should be. But yeah, your list sounds fine. 2
tbf Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It's a term used to avoid stigmatizing people who are different. There's also some correlation between Indigo children and ADHD.
Mycteria Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Reallly? for a second I thought I was being too picky. When I think about it, then m en i have met most of them did not meet these standards and then ones that did are not interested in me. Hmm well I don't know where you're looking but if you can't find a Christian guy who bathes regularly then you're looking in the wrong places! 1
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It's a term used to avoid stigmatizing people who are different. There's also some correlation between Indigo children and ADHD. This is actually shedding light on a conversation I had with someone back in college. She was from another country and told me that when she was a kid the other kids on the street called her "blue" because she had paler skin than everyone else. I was very confused and had no idea what that was supposed to mean. I figured it was just a thing in her language. Now I know, it was probably just lost in translation.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Hmm well I don't know where you're looking but if you can't find a Christian guy who bathes regularly then you're looking in the wrong places! Definitely! But a Christian guy who bathes and who is ambitious and is not shorter than me? Seriously there are so few... I think every item there is in the list for a reason! During the course of a year I had 2 reiki holistic yoga guys who were very into me. I guess there is something about my "aura"
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Good list. Let's go grab a drink. I might end up in Chicago. It is a very, very slim possibility though. It looks like it will be beantown
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Indigo children sounded to me like smurfs or the people from Avatar or if like the Blue Man Group had kids or something. Learn something new every day I suppose. Your list sounds fine. Sounds like me almost exactly. Except for having ambition part. Sometimes I have it, sometimes I feel hopeless and the ambition isn't what it should be. But yeah, your list sounds fine. what is your definition of ambition? to me it is someone who went to school and got a degree and is trying to have a job or has a job that they are passionate about and they are trying to do it well. I know the education part might sound a little snobby. Sorry about that.
sillyanswer Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? Depends on the city.
Author eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Depends on the city. what do you mean? the odds are i will end up in Boston or in Rhode Island. But this is a choice I am making solely on career options I am not going to let the dating pool make me change my mind... I guess I forgot to add age. I am ok with 10 years older (i am 26) but not more than that. Divorced is OK as long as it is not super recent. Kids are OK.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 what is your definition of ambition? to me it is someone who went to school and got a degree and is trying to have a job or has a job that they are passionate about and they are trying to do it well. I know the education part might sound a little snobby. Sorry about that. Yeah that's sounds about right. I have a degree, it's just that the job I thought I wanted to do is no longer something I can morally support anymore. So it's taken me a while to find what I want to do with my life and make a living while doing it. That's why I question my own level of ambition.
sillyanswer Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 what do you mean? Only that it's impossible to say whether your requirements are unrealistic without knowing where you're moving to. Some places have short people or few Christians, for example. the odds are i will end up in Boston or in Rhode Island. But this is a choice I am making solely on career options I am not going to let the dating pool make me change my mind... Oh ok. Boston doesn't sound too exotic. Your stated requirements are just fine.
amaysngrace Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I don't think you're being picky or snobby in fact I think you're selling yourself short. Definitely no man with kids unless he's a widower. Why have that drama? You have a lot to offer. You can afford to be selective and you should be. 1
Fatdrifter Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Over the past 11 months I dated on and off a man who was not right for me... I have written about this extensively. I don't think he is a bad person and I gave him many, many chances because I really like to believe people can change (I feel I have changed, for the best, from mistakes I have made in the past). After it has been over I have vowed to a) not settle for someone who is not that into me b) have higher standards So, here I am writing what I have learned want from a man: 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. I am moving to a new city in a few months and I am excited about the prospect of meeting new people and starting a new life. Do you guys think my standards are too much? aside from 2.2 (finding a job in your field is a hard one) and 5, you sound like you're after a regular joe. Can't shame you for that.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 hi EH <hugs> Your standards are not to high at all (for any city), and in my opinion should be be even higher. 2
mesmerized Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Your standards are low and you sound desperate. With your ex it seems like you had low standards too and it didn't end too well, did it? Having low standards might help you end up in a relationship but usually not a happy one. 2
Shardish Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Your standards are low and you sound desperate. With your ex it seems like you had low standards too and it didn't end too well, did it? Having low standards might help you end up in a relationship but usually not a happy one. Having standards that are exceptionally high might also be detrimental to finding happiness in the long run.
xxoo Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 1- He must be either protestant Christian or Catholic but, I am very, very liberal (or lukewarm, going to hell, whatever you want to call it) so he can't be a hardcore fundamentalist. Basically someone who will share my beliefs and will be OK with going to church and raising our kids going to church but will not beat me over the head with a bible or judge me for believing in gay rights, for drinking wine and for not being a virgin (although I am very open to the idea of saving myself for the right person from here on). 2- He must have an education and ambition in his job. 3- no smokers... no pot no cigarettes. 4- No ex girlfriends who he is best friends with 5- I have a very strong aversion to holistic naturalistic reiki auras indigo children yoga organic because it is SO different than my lifestyle 6- the only physical requirement I ask is that he is not shorter than me (and I am 5'5). It would also be great if he had you know... hygiene and if he could clean up nicely every once in a while This all sounds normal and easy to find. Although I'll add...if you are laid back about your faith, why does it matter if he shares it? What if he is laid back about a different faith, or has none, and is ok with you raising the kids with your laid back faith? Anyway, it's probably a non-issue, because most American's self-ID as Christian, but aren't super religious. Other than those basic requirements I pretty much want someone who will make me feel cherished, who will be into me, who will appreciate me. I like men with strong personalities but who are able to open up and love. I want someone who will feel like a best friend and who I will have chemistry with. I really don't like men who are super clingy but I like men who show interest (like... that they call me!) and who take the lead. That's the tougher part--finding someone who connects with you, treasures you, and can be a good partner. That's hard for most people. 1
StanMusial Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Your standards are low and you sound desperate. With your ex it seems like you had low standards too and it didn't end too well, did it? Having low standards might help you end up in a relationship but usually not a happy one. How are her standards low? 1
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