KS11 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 So its definitely finished this time. I know i've posted a lot in the past and, to my own expense, not followed the advice i was given. After many periods of nc and lc..i said that we can't just be friends, she took some time to figure what she wanted and came back saying she wanted to give 'it' a try. I know there are lots of people on here who are hoping that going NC will bring this kind of result, and to say i was happy doesnt come close. Fast forward a couple of months and i've just said goodbye to the person i love more than anything. She said that as much as she wanted to in her head, her heart just doesnt feel anything. I think that was something i probably knew all along, but it hurts so much to actually hear it. Maybe I wouldnt be feeling this bad if i had given up months ago. She asked if we could be friends again one day..and as much I would like to, the reality is I will never be able to. I just cant believe im never going to see her again. I just want this pain to go away.
Author KS11 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I cant believe what ive lost. Even though in the past we went through brief periods of nc i always had the hope that the time apart would make her realise what we had. Now that's happened, she came back and tried but cant feel the way i do i know it really is over. I just want to reach out and hold her. Be strong enough to say 'we can be friends' just so shes still in my life, but i know it could never work now. I keep waking up and it takes a few seconds to realise that its happened. I had a dream last night that we met up and both said that its just stupid to end things and that she loves me. The thought of having to move on, start again makes me feel sick to my stomach. The idea of meeting someone new and going through all the initial stuff just seems so wrong, which is stupid. I cant imagine hanging out, kissing, touching someone else in the same way without wishing it was her. its like theres the biggest hole in my life now which i'll never fully be able to fill.
aliceinthebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I cant believe what ive lost. Even though in the past we went through brief periods of nc i always had the hope that the time apart would make her realise what we had. Now that's happened, she came back and tried but cant feel the way i do i know it really is over. I just want to reach out and hold her. Be strong enough to say 'we can be friends' just so shes still in my life, but i know it could never work now. I keep waking up and it takes a few seconds to realise that its happened. I had a dream last night that we met up and both said that its just stupid to end things and that she loves me. The thought of having to move on, start again makes me feel sick to my stomach. The idea of meeting someone new and going through all the initial stuff just seems so wrong, which is stupid. I cant imagine hanging out, kissing, touching someone else in the same way without wishing it was her. its like theres the biggest hole in my life now which i'll never fully be able to fill. You at least got to enjoy the time you had with her despite her not returning your feelings. It's OK to cherish the feelings. You seem to be an amazing person and in my heart I feel like you will find happiness again. 1
Author KS11 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Thank you Alice, really kind of you to say. I just hope you're right. I just cant help but feel so inadequate. Its like all my insecurities, which i confided in her about, have just re-surfaced. When she came back saying she wanted to it was like all those years of feeling not good enough vanished and now they've just been confirmed once again. She said that there just wasn't the chemistry between us. I've had anxiety/confidence issues and i cant stop thinking that maybe if i was more in control or forward that things might have been different. I know you should never rely on someone else to make you feel good about yourself but she was the first person who took a genuine interest in me but i still wasnt enough. I know you cant make someone feel a certain way and im glad we at least tried. It just hurts so much that for me, I cant even imagine what else i would need in someone, yet clearly there was something i lacked that she needs in someone. How do you not take these types of things personally?
Coping Vortex Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 So its definitely finished this time. I know i've posted a lot in the past and, to my own expense, not followed the advice i was given. After many periods of nc and lc..i said that we can't just be friends, she took some time to figure what she wanted and came back saying she wanted to give 'it' a try. I know there are lots of people on here who are hoping that going NC will bring this kind of result, and to say i was happy doesnt come close. Fast forward a couple of months and i've just said goodbye to the person i love more than anything. She said that as much as she wanted to in her head, her heart just doesnt feel anything. I think that was something i probably knew all along, but it hurts so much to actually hear it. Maybe I wouldnt be feeling this bad if i had given up months ago. She asked if we could be friends again one day..and as much I would like to, the reality is I will never be able to. I just cant believe im never going to see her again. I just want this pain to go away. I know this doesn't make the pain any less but I feel EXACTLY like you, To the tee. To think my ex is with someone else loving him with all her heart after she loved me like for years. Him? Only months. I like you can't believe I will never be able to hold her again and kiss and look into her eyes with her looking at me with those amazing eyes full of love for me. I know what you are are feeling it's just surreal. I came close to getting my ex to try again I met with her twice in the past 4 months and both times we kissed hugged and had that love feeling again only to hear from her the next day she has moved on. So the fact that you had a chance was more than most of us had. I wish i could say something to make you feel better but just know you are not alone. There are many of us here with you.
aliceinthebox Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) Thank you Alice, really kind of you to say. I just hope you're right. I just cant help but feel so inadequate. Its like all my insecurities, which i confided in her about, have just re-surfaced. When she came back saying she wanted to it was like all those years of feeling not good enough vanished and now they've just been confirmed once again. She said that there just wasn't the chemistry between us. I've had anxiety/confidence issues and i cant stop thinking that maybe if i was more in control or forward that things might have been different. I know you should never rely on someone else to make you feel good about yourself but she was the first person who took a genuine interest in me but i still wasnt enough. I know you cant make someone feel a certain way and im glad we at least tried. It just hurts so much that for me, I cant even imagine what else i would need in someone, yet clearly there was something i lacked that she needs in someone. How do you not take these types of things personally? We all go through feelings of inadequacy, but rather than falling into self-loathing or just accepting yourself the way you are make some changes to better yourself. Before someone can love you, you gotta love yourself right? Eventually you'll find that you don't need someone to validate your worth. Edited February 18, 2013 by aliceinthebox
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