RcBunnys2 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 months now, and we live together. He hasn't had a job this whole time. When we first got together he was just finishing college for his second career, so I was more flexible and was trying to help him find a job. Though he only had one course and was not actually attending school at the time.... He is now graduated. We are both on social assistance. I am currently about to start a full-time course and after that look for work. Before this I was looking for work, I had almost a dozen interviews but with the market the way it is employers are able to pick and choose and I don't have much experience. My boyfriend has had two interviews in the last 7 months. His new career is hard to break into so he has even said he will try and find any job, like something he already has years of experience in, in order to get by until he can break into his new career. He tells me goals he sets but he has not once actually met one. He applies online to jobs (mostly when I have found them for him) and that's about it. He has gone to a couple job fairs on his own, but has yet to actually hit the pavement with some resumes. I know he is capable of working and he has shown drive at times but it isn't constant. Lately he is back in the habit of staying up late and sleeping past noon (unless I wake him up), then staying on his computer all day. He says he is doing job search stuff but I am not really sure. I am at my wits end.... i love him to death and I can't imagine leaving him (I have thought about it before over this, but actually doing it is completely different). I'm trying to be supportive, but whenever I think about it too much I get upset... so I try not to think about it. Sorry for the long rant. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated, thanks!
Jamesblame Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 So...you're both unemployed and on assistance, and you're upset at him? I'm a bit confused. Stop focusing on your bf and focus on yourself. It sounds to me like you're both in the same position. 1
Author RcBunnys2 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I'm going to school full-time though.
goodmanz Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I'm going to school full-time though. Worry about yourself and what you're doing. You've only been dating 7 months. Its not his reaponsibility to get a job and support you just because you have no money and will be going to school full time. Bottom line is you're both unemployed so you don't really have room to complain. I've worked and gone to school full time so that's no excuse not to have a job if you really want some money coming in. Sounds to me like you're both pretty unmotivated. 1
Author RcBunnys2 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 It's not about the money. I have enough money saved up that it is not an issue. I don't need to be supported. I'm moving forward with my life and doing things with my days. I feel like he isn't really trying unless I'm pushing him, but I try not to because I know he needs to do it on his own.
MsSmurf Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 months now, and we live together. He hasn't had a job this whole time. When we first got together he was just finishing college for his second career, so I was more flexible and was trying to help him find a job. Though he only had one course and was not actually attending school at the time.... He is now graduated. We are both on social assistance. I am currently about to start a full-time course and after that look for work. Before this I was looking for work, I had almost a dozen interviews but with the market the way it is employers are able to pick and choose and I don't have much experience. My boyfriend has had two interviews in the last 7 months. His new career is hard to break into so he has even said he will try and find any job, like something he already has years of experience in, in order to get by until he can break into his new career. He tells me goals he sets but he has not once actually met one. He applies online to jobs (mostly when I have found them for him) and that's about it. He has gone to a couple job fairs on his own, but has yet to actually hit the pavement with some resumes. I know he is capable of working and he has shown drive at times but it isn't constant. Lately he is back in the habit of staying up late and sleeping past noon (unless I wake him up), then staying on his computer all day. He says he is doing job search stuff but I am not really sure. I am at my wits end.... i love him to death and I can't imagine leaving him (I have thought about it before over this, but actually doing it is completely different). I'm trying to be supportive, but whenever I think about it too much I get upset... so I try not to think about it. Sorry for the long rant. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated, thanks! My advice is to give him the boot until he gets his act together. From the very beginning of your relationship you established yourself as his mom or caretaker or both. That is not your job, so quit. You have your own challenges to deal with and he is dragging you down. All of the energy you're spending coddling him could be spent bettering yourself and improving your own situation. 1
kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It's not about the money. I have enough money saved up that it is not an issue. I don't need to be supported. I'm moving forward with my life and doing things with my days. I feel like he isn't really trying unless I'm pushing him, but I try not to because I know he needs to do it on his own. I understand you OP. Ambition in a mate is important to an ambitious person. I wont lie, your boyfriend does sound somewhat lazy. He shouldnt need you to find job applications for him. He should be proactively applying and sending his resume out to as many jobs as possible. And guess what? When I couldnt find a job in my field, I took a job outside of my field so I would at least have income and stability until I can break into my field. Your boyfriend needs to get with the program. Theres no reason his woman should be more motivated for him to be working than he is. And hes not even in school and just stays home all day. Id understand if he was a student like yourself, since class makes it hard to take most full time jobs...but he doesnt have that excuse. I know I couldnt date a girl too long unless she showed me she had drive and ambition. Because I wouldnt want to have to worry about supporting her. Be supportive OP, but be honest with him and let him know that it seems he isnt trying. Be honest and let him know how you feel and that all this gives you doubts about the future. PS - BTW, how old are the two of you? And why didnt he continue to work in the field he already has a degree in while he went to school? Also, what level degrees are these? Trade school, Associates, Bachelors? Or what?
Fatdrifter Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 months now, and we live together. He hasn't had a job this whole time. When we first got together he was just finishing college for his second career, so I was more flexible and was trying to help him find a job. Though he only had one course and was not actually attending school at the time.... He is now graduated. We are both on social assistance. I am currently about to start a full-time course and after that look for work. Before this I was looking for work, I had almost a dozen interviews but with the market the way it is employers are able to pick and choose and I don't have much experience. My boyfriend has had two interviews in the last 7 months. His new career is hard to break into so he has even said he will try and find any job, like something he already has years of experience in, in order to get by until he can break into his new career. He tells me goals he sets but he has not once actually met one. He applies online to jobs (mostly when I have found them for him) and that's about it. He has gone to a couple job fairs on his own, but has yet to actually hit the pavement with some resumes. I know he is capable of working and he has shown drive at times but it isn't constant. Lately he is back in the habit of staying up late and sleeping past noon (unless I wake him up), then staying on his computer all day. He says he is doing job search stuff but I am not really sure. I am at my wits end.... i love him to death and I can't imagine leaving him (I have thought about it before over this, but actually doing it is completely different). I'm trying to be supportive, but whenever I think about it too much I get upset... so I try not to think about it. Sorry for the long rant. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated, thanks! You caught a winner. Congrats.
Imajerk17 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together about 7 months now, and we live together. He hasn't had a job this whole time. When we first got together he was just finishing college for his second career, so I was more flexible and was trying to help him find a job. Though he only had one course and was not actually attending school at the time.... He is now graduated. We are both on social assistance. I am currently about to start a full-time course and after that look for work. Before this I was looking for work, I had almost a dozen interviews but with the market the way it is employers are able to pick and choose and I don't have much experience. My boyfriend has had two interviews in the last 7 months. His new career is hard to break into so he has even said he will try and find any job, like something he already has years of experience in, in order to get by until he can break into his new career. He tells me goals he sets but he has not once actually met one. He applies online to jobs (mostly when I have found them for him) and that's about it. He has gone to a couple job fairs on his own, but has yet to actually hit the pavement with some resumes. I know he is capable of working and he has shown drive at times but it isn't constant. Lately he is back in the habit of staying up late and sleeping past noon (unless I wake him up), then staying on his computer all day. He says he is doing job search stuff but I am not really sure. Great. Our tax dollars at work. This is what the hard-working people who pay taxes are supporting. I am at my wits end.... i love him to death and I can't imagine leaving him (I have thought about it before over this, but actually doing it is completely different). I'm trying to be supportive, but whenever I think about it too much I get upset... so I try not to think about it. Sorry for the long rant. Does anyone have any advice? It would be greatly appreciated, thanks! Yeah while the two of you are on public assistance don't have kids. We're facing massive deficits while you and your boyfriend mooch the system. We can't afford this! Edited February 17, 2013 by Imajerk17
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