heartbroken26 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Well its been a while since I browsed this site. I've just been busy with life and busy moving on. My story dated my ex for 10 years, he cheated and left me for her. I spent the first couple months obsessing- it wasn't healthy at all. I did the usual- cried, begged, and showed up unannounced. My self- esteem was so low. Now, 7 months later I am thinking WTF was wrong with me?! OMG I was crazzzzzyyyy- no wonder he didn't want me back! I wouldn't want me either. I was so desperate and needy its embarrassing. Today, I am healed and happier than I was 7 months ago. Am I fully healed? NO, but I know I never want him back or to ever see/hear from him again and that is enough for me. If i do run into him then I would say Hi, and just see him as somebody I use to know. I hope he's happy with her. I can never see myself with him again. The thought of me with him creeps me out a little. He still runs through my mind, but it's not the same feeling it was 7 months ago. I guess I learned to let go and forgive him for cheating on me and that's what I needed to do in order for me to let go. I don't think about how he cheated on me, nor does it make me angry anymore. I use to get so angry about the the thought of him creeping, lying, and cheating. Today, when he runs through my mind it's just a simple memory and it goes away quick. You can never forget the memories you once shared with someone. He was my first love and I will never forget him. I don't regret dating him and wish that we broke up on a better note, but hey stuff happens. I was with him for 10 years and that was a huge portion of my life. He was all I know, but now I have grown so much as a person. I would have never been this strong, independent and happy if I was still with him. So I am glad we broke up. I am a better person today and I can look back at my mistakes and know to never make the same ones again. I advanced in my career, developed good relationships with friends and families which I never had while with him. I met many guys, but I don't want to date anyone right now- I just enjoy being single. I am not restricted to anything or anyone, I do what I want and most importantly I am developing a relationship with myself. After 10 years with someone I never really developed my own identity and now its my time to get to know myself. I am trying new things which I would have never done with him. I have a good group of young, single, good looking friends for support and we party, travel and are enjoying our single life. I worked on my fitness, toned up, I know I look good, and have never been happier. So for those of you who are going through a BU- things will get better. Time does heal wounds. You just have to be patient. Its ok to care, cry, and think of them-it's just part of moving on. And each day just know that you are moving one step closer to moving on. You can never forget someone- just remember that. 7
KatZee Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 These are the updates I hang around here to hear about! 1
na49 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I've been having a crappy day today, but reading that was very refreshing. I'm 4 months post BU, 3 months NC and I know I'm feeling better than I did when the BU first happened. but she's been running through my mind so much! I just want her to get the f*ck out of my head! She doesn't want me! Why do I want her? Why do I think she wants me? I've been going to the gym, trying to work on being so shy (which hasn't worked, I'm still nervous about introducing myself to new people) but I hope that I can feel the way you feel some day. I know dating isn't in my future, so I just want to be happy with my single life.
cavalier99 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) When month post BU did you feel you turned the corner? Was there anything specific you did or was it just time, NC and keeping busy with the things you mentioned. I know recovery time is different for everyone. But if you could elaborate on what some of the phases you went thru that would be great! Im 4.5 months NC and feeling a lot better but still wondering when indifference hits or what you felt leading up to it. Thanks. Cav Edited February 17, 2013 by cavalier99 1
denxnis Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I guess I learned to let go and forgive him for cheating on me and that's what I needed to do in order for me to let go. I don't think about how he cheated on me, nor does it make me angry anymore. I don't regret dating him and wish that we broke up on a better note, but hey stuff happens. . That, that right there is true progress. Those moments when you embrace change and surprise yourself by accomplishing things you never thought you were capable of; that's what life is about. It's not about depending on someone else to make you happy, it's about living life to the fullest and constantly pushing forward without staying stagnant. 1
Author heartbroken26 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 When month post BU did you feel you turned the corner? Was there anything specific you did or was it just time, NC and keeping busy with the things you mentioned. I know recovery time is different for everyone. But if you could elaborate on what some of the phases you went thru that would be great! Im 4.5 months NC and feeling a lot better but still wondering when indifference hits or what you felt leading up to it. Thanks. Cav Well we officially broke up in April 2012, but I didn't go NC until August and I am so glad I went NC because I would have never moved on. From April to August I made no progress at all. In August I decided to go NC. I changed my number and just told him to never contact me again and that's the first day of my healing. That is the biggest challenge to make and you're doing great by staying NC. It will take time and everyone heals different. Don't compare yourself to me or anyone else you know. It's ok to still be hurt and I have my moments where a simple reminder gets me down, but I smile and embrace it because I was happy at that time and I am glad I was once happy. Its better to be loved than to never be loved at all. But for 2 months I was sad, depressed and he was all I ever think of. I went out just to pass time and didn't enjoy it. I worked and kept busy and on my days off I made plans to do something with friends. I never stayed home, slept in or watch TV- which was my old life. I talked about him all the time and noticed I was annoying my friends, so I had to stop. I journal-ed through the entire break up and I can see my progress from there. I noticed my entries were less of him and more of what my plans were and what I had accomplished. Sometimes I forget to mention him until the very end. I mean he was the purpose of the journal. I pushed myself to date guys that I didn't like and I just wasn't ready for it. I did it for the experience and just to get myself out there, also for practice. I didn't fall for any of the guys and quite frankly I like the attention. I keep some of them as good friends and it's important to network. If I go out or want to do something I'll always have someone to do things with. When I go out I try not to talk about him- trust me nobody wants to hear it and you wont have fun if you do. I notice NOW that I go out because I want to and I actually enjoy it. I think that was just recently NYE that I felt that way. I made it through the holidays alone and yes I thought of him and was a little said, but I didn't let it ruin my day nor will I let it ruin my life. I know one day I will find someone who I will love and will love me like nobody ever has. But.. for right now I don't want to commit to anyone right. I feel I need my time to go on adventures with friends, get to know myself and make me a better person for the next person I meet. Nobody is going to love me if I don't love myself. And you never need a man/woman to make you happy. Learn to make yourself happy is what I learned. You control your own happiness he/she doesn't. So get out of this hole soon and get on with your life. Life is too precious and short to be sad. I am a ER nurse now and I see so many people struggling, dying, families crying and I see this break up as minor compared to what they have gone through. Yes, a break up is painful, but be happy that you're not the one in the ER. But it's perfectly ok to feel the way you do. Time will pass and your anger towards him will subside. I was so angry with him the thought of him and her pissed me off and made my race heart, but I think after I went NC after 2 months of not hearing anything at all from them (that means don't FB stalk them or ask friends about them) I started to move on and not feel any anger. That's the next step of moving on. You will feel angry and that's normal, but then one day you will wake up and he/she wont be the first person on your mind anymore. And when he does make his way to your mind you wont be as angry. You will still think of him for a long time. i still think of my ex, but I dont care about him. He just pops into my head and that's it. I don't dwell or replay the bad memories anymore like I use to. You will stop this, trust me it'll will take time and it starts by you making another step-accepting it. Its never going to work out between you two and why would you want him back? After all he made you come on to this site seeking advice from strangers. I did the same, its ok. Just get yourself out there and do things with people. Keep busy, do things you love and I know its hard. I did these things and I was still sad, but later you will get through it and start to feel happy again. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for the great response. This gives me hope! Glad your doing great. 10 years is a long time and to feel like you do in 7 month is quite a accomplishment. My RS was 8 years so i expect ill have some ups and downs for quite a while..but that's ok. Take care. Cav
LoveVictim Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Thank you very much for your post. I am new to the sad world of divorce and am currently in the early self pity stage It gives me great hope to hear your story and that there is indeed life after divorce
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