my ex accused me of cheating on her and said she doesn't trust me.

February 17, 2013

I broke up with her about 6 weeks ago for holding hands with guys infront of me. generally dancing with one guy all night and her going to the bar with him, she'd just disappear for an hour at a time some nights when we were at the club.. I didn't like it so I ended the relationship. I was absolutely devastated though I loved her so much I didn't want to end it but it was really really hurting me...

anyway after I went no contact, she got in touch offered the friendzone, again I went no contact.. she came back to me with her life problems.. so I had to stick around, they were pretty scary I lost sleep hearing about them.

went for coffee, holding hands, say's she loves me bla blah blah doesn't want a relationship though.

went out last night sober.. she comes upto me and says that I already had somebody else lined up before I ended things and that id been flirting with this girl for a while and that she doesn't trust me.. I tried to get her to sit and talk to me about it because I was pretty in shock and upset.. she told me to text her but I just walked away.

I've thought about it all today.. and I was just wondering if she said that to me to try and get me to understand how she feels about me accusing her of things? is she trying to get a reaction out of me..

all this stuff really interests me because I can't work it out.

I can't imagine she'll get in touch. probably best to just go no contact forever.. but it's really really irritating me. I've been really upset and mad about it all night/day. my stomach in knots I feel sick.

I didn't have anybody else lined up. she knows I didn't. it's pretty obvious I've been devastated.

I think it's because people accused her of having somebody else lined up too. but she didn't.

I can tell she still loves me when she looks at me, she gets sad and she always gives me a really long cuddle.

I really really regretted ending the relationship but felt that I had to. I wish we could have worked things out.

Edited February 17, 2013 by calgary

February 17, 2013

I'm not sure why you are entertaining her. I understand you love her. We all love our exes (mostly lol), but damn, you're making yourself even more miserable than you should be.

February 17, 2013

She is just bouncing you around. She isn't looking for a serious relationship with you. And that is why her actions reflect that.

You sound a little controlling about her being in view of you all the time when you are at events together.

But either way, just because you both like each other doesn't mean there is enough for a relationship. There are expectations that go with a relationship and either way those expectations aren't being met here.

No point in making yourself miserable with her. Easier to just find someone who is a better fit.

February 17, 2013

yea it's true I do feel like I was a little controlling especially in her eyes. I still don't think she'd like to see me holding hands with girls she doesn't know though. I just don't know what she's playing at or why!

February 17, 2013

You have to ask yourself what attracted you to her?

What is it about her that has your interest?

February 17, 2013

That does not sound controlling to me. If you go to a club together and she vanishes for an entire hour...... something's up.

This girl is going to milk your attention for years if you let her. There is no reason for you to speak with her.... she told you herself... she doesn't want a relationship. In woman speak that means I want to bang other dudes and then come watch a movie and.cuddle.with you.

Is.that what you want?

February 17, 2013

That does not sound controlling to me. If you go to a club together and she vanishes for an entire hour...... something's up.

This girl is going to milk your attention for years if you let her. There is no reason for you to speak with her.... she told you herself... she doesn't want a relationship. In woman speak that means I want to bang other dudes and then come watch a movie and.cuddle.with you.

Is.that what you want?

the sad part is, is that she's actually the only girl I know around here who hasn't slept around. she's ridiculously flirty but hasn't done anything with anyone else. so it seems a shame to let it go. it's like my friends always told me not to get jealous because she was coming home with me, but I still got jealous and it probably killed the relationship.. either way she seems desperate to keep me in her life.. i don't know what's going on, i think i really hurt her feelings! it's like now I've been accused of cheating and that she doesn't trust me, i'm really upset about it, like my stomach is in knots about it.. so now i know how i made her feel kind of thing ? like i'm annoyed about it, if she got in touch i'd probably swear at her.. but maybe that's how i made her feel? i feel like she wants me to learn a lesson or something.

February 17, 2013

You have to ask yourself what attracted you to her?

What is it about her that has your interest?

she was just so innocent and sweet and funny.. and so beautiful. i felt lucky to have her. i feel like i instantly fell in love with her, i still feel lke when we see each other she feels it too, you can tell she's sad and misses me but tries her hardest to be tough.. she won't leave without some form of contact from a hug to holding hands. she always looks really sad when we say bye.

i'm interested.. because she's more complicated than i can handle i think i find that attractive and that's my own problem.. i like when i can't understand things. i just want to be able to work out why she is doing this. i just want to know. but i can't find the answer.

February 17, 2013

She is gaslighting and/or projecting (look up the meaning). But she is no longer the problem here. You are. This girl is clearly immature and manipulative yet you continue to engage her.

Your reasons to want to stay with her are quite frankly pathetic. You need to set higher standards for yourself. Attractive, complicated, manipulative girls while initially intoxicating, end up toxic. You need aim higher. ALOT higher.

The solution is simple. A relationship with this girl will NEVER work and will leave you very hurt, confused and devastated in the long run. Let her find someone else to play her games with. Some other sucker to dance to her tune.

You need to move on from all this...For the next month keep a low profile. Stay away from places you could meet her (but who am I kidding you were hoping to meet her last night). Auto delete any texts. Auto hangup any calls. You won't though, because she still has you under her spell. While you remain under this spell prepare for another 55 posts on LS and a ***t load of confusion..

Stop posting new threads looking for the answer you want! You go NC, you don't engage her and you move on.. It is that simple. Start working on yourself and leaving her behind. When you break the spell you will wonder what you ever saw in her. I have dated hot manipulative chicks before. Over rated. Let them be other guys problems.

Edited February 17, 2013 by Mack05

February 17, 2013

DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? End this now. Cut her out completely. If you see her walk the other way. Block her, cut her out like a disease. Time to go black. Disappear like a ninja.

These games aren't helping you at all. This is all on you at this point. How much more of this do you want to take. Are you ready to give it up? Time to take this BU seriously. My 2 cents. Cav

February 17, 2013

block her. she's obviously playing, or she doesn't want to loose yet she wants to have other options. Not good.

February 17, 2013

DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? End this now. Cut her out completely. If you see her walk the other way. Block her, cut her out like a disease. Time to go black. Disappear like a ninja.

These games aren't helping you at all. This is all on you at this point. How much more of this do you want to take. Are you ready to give it up? Time to take this BU seriously. My 2 cents. Cav

true. I feel like the balls in my court. I gave her a look of disgust infront of all her friends and just walked away when she said to get in touch.

i'm just curious as to why girls do stuff like this ? why is she doing this ? what's it all about ? i'll move on but why she's trying to mess with my brain at all ?

February 17, 2013

true. I feel like the balls in my court. I gave her a look of disgust infront of all her friends and just walked away when she said to get in touch.

i'm just curious as to why girls do stuff like this ? why is she doing this ? what's it all about ? i'll move on but why she's trying to mess with my brain at all ?

Who knows. Immature? The attention might make her feel good?. She might have some residual feelings but not enough to date you again? She is letting go slowly and still has some control? In any case all this helps her..not you. You suffer..she doesn't. This is all at your expense. Take back your power and man up. She is history.

Cut that immature b*tch out of you life. Your never going to recover like this. Cav

February 17, 2013

You are not meant to understand the 'psyche' of a girl like this. You will never understand why she does the things she does, so wasting time trying to figure her out is pointless...Just accept she is not good for you and that she operates on a completely different wavelength to you.

If you keep posting new threads reacting to different things she does, people will stop replying. Why? Because what's the point?

Edited February 17, 2013 by Mack05

February 17, 2013

Why are you still in contact? Every day you have a new thread about some crazy crap she's doing or saying and every day you get advised to stop contacting her. And every day you refuse to do so and repeat this cycle. Seriously dude, when is enough enough?

February 17, 2013

true. I feel like the balls in my court. I gave her a look of disgust infront of all her friends and just walked away when she said to get in touch.

i'm just curious as to why girls do stuff like this ? why is she doing this ? what's it all about ? i'll move on but why she's trying to mess with my brain at all ?

A) it's not just girls who do stuff like this and b) who cares? There's no answer that will satisfy you. You are trying to find logic in the illogical. It's a useless enterprise.

February 17, 2013

Why are you still in contact? Every day you have a new thread about some crazy crap she's doing or saying and every day you get advised to stop contacting her. And every day you refuse to do so and repeat this cycle. Seriously dude, when is enough enough?

I avoided the club she went to. went to a new place I've been going to.. she showed up.. I can't just get up and march out of a place every time she walks in ? for a start i'd look like I was in elementary school. and also my friends are friends with her friends still. so she pulled me to a side and told me whatever she'd made up.. which is just another excuse to go get coffee right ? I didn't text her like she asked. I gave her a look of disgust and walked back to my friends.

she just keeps showing up.. making excuses for us to talk. but doesn't want a relationship.. I suppose i'm just curious like I said.

she is immature though. but so am I for tolerating this I suppose.

February 17, 2013

I suggest STOP BEING CORDIAL. I know this is tough but you might just need to be a d*ck. If she tries to talk to you walk away or tell her I DONT WANT TO TALK. GOOD BYE. Blow her completely off don't talk to her at all.

She doesn't exist. This is the girl that tore your heart out and put it in a blender. And she keeps on destroying it. She doesn't DESERVE even a word from you. She should be considered like a serial killing stalker.

Edited February 17, 2013 by cavalier99

February 17, 2013

Sigh, Calgary, buddy.....

Just let this one go completely. Get away from her. If she engages you in any way, shut her down.

A long, long time ago I was a little like this. I dated this guy as a total rebound. He was nice, but he clung too quick.

He would be the type to write 10000 loveshack posts after a couple of months of dating.

He had some good qualities. He was very attracted to me and had a way of letting me know that he'd go the moon for me. BUT I wasn't that into him.

I found him rushing too quickly, he didn't know me THAT well. I found him a little too pushy regarding relational things for the amount of time we spent together and when we kissed, it just didn't mesh well, at all.

It just didn't.

BUT I was 19 and felt HORRIBLE about giving him up. I felt like I would just be hurting him unless I had some ironclad reason. Because not meshing with a guy that was otherwise "nice" wasn't enough in my humble 19 year old opinion.

So I told him I wasn't ready for a boyfriend/didn't want a relationship right now. I let him call me and "check" if I was later on. I just couldn't cut the guy loose. And honestly, he wouldn't get himself loose from me either. It caused me some anxiety, but there was something a little addictive about what I would call "drama" now in my post-teen years.

Anyway, I met the guy I would be engaged to for awhile no more than one month after I dumped "nice guy." I was totally "ready for a boyfriend." I jsut didn't want HIM to be my boyfriend and nothing short of waterboarding would have made me admit that to anyone, because I thought I might've turned away that was supposed to be my "prince." I thought maybe I wasn't "mature" enough to accept his advances. Maybe there was something wrong with me.

Well, I liked the new guy quite a bit better and never told the old "nice" guy about him until I was sure the new guy was sticking around. Then I cut him completely loose. Then he would leave me messages about how he had to go and shout at the mountains to feel better about me "leaving" him.

He was overattached. I was underattached with incredibly poor boundaries. That was the only time I ever pulled anything like that. No amount of "niceing" me or "sticking around" or "arguing" with me would've ever brought me back to the old guy. We didn't click and he was rushing things.

This girl is totally playing you. It's terrible. Stop getting played.

And seriously, when someone holds another guy's hand in front of you in a flirty, "I don't care if you are here or not" way, dump them. Then don't look back. Do not engage.

And for the love of all that's Holy, yes you made the right decision dropping her, support the correct decision and make it stick.

February 18, 2013

Sigh, Calgary, buddy.....

Just let this one go completely. Get away from her. If she engages you in any way, shut her down.

A long, long time ago I was a little like this. I dated this guy as a total rebound. He was nice, but he clung too quick.

He would be the type to write 10000 loveshack posts after a couple of months of dating.

He had some good qualities. He was very attracted to me and had a way of letting me know that he'd go the moon for me. BUT I wasn't that into him.

I found him rushing too quickly, he didn't know me THAT well. I found him a little too pushy regarding relational things for the amount of time we spent together and when we kissed, it just didn't mesh well, at all.

It just didn't.

BUT I was 19 and felt HORRIBLE about giving him up. I felt like I would just be hurting him unless I had some ironclad reason. Because not meshing with a guy that was otherwise "nice" wasn't enough in my humble 19 year old opinion.

So I told him I wasn't ready for a boyfriend/didn't want a relationship right now. I let him call me and "check" if I was later on. I just couldn't cut the guy loose. And honestly, he wouldn't get himself loose from me either. It caused me some anxiety, but there was something a little addictive about what I would call "drama" now in my post-teen years.

Anyway, I met the guy I would be engaged to for awhile no more than one month after I dumped "nice guy." I was totally "ready for a boyfriend." I jsut didn't want HIM to be my boyfriend and nothing short of waterboarding would have made me admit that to anyone, because I thought I might've turned away that was supposed to be my "prince." I thought maybe I wasn't "mature" enough to accept his advances. Maybe there was something wrong with me.

Well, I liked the new guy quite a bit better and never told the old "nice" guy about him until I was sure the new guy was sticking around. Then I cut him completely loose. Then he would leave me messages about how he had to go and shout at the mountains to feel better about me "leaving" him.

He was overattached. I was underattached with incredibly poor boundaries. That was the only time I ever pulled anything like that. No amount of "niceing" me or "sticking around" or "arguing" with me would've ever brought me back to the old guy. We didn't click and he was rushing things.

This girl is totally playing you. It's terrible. Stop getting played.

And seriously, when someone holds another guy's hand in front of you in a flirty, "I don't care if you are here or not" way, dump them. Then don't look back. Do not engage.

And for the love of all that's Holy, yes you made the right decision dropping her, support the correct decision and make it stick.

thank you for your honesty, this is a story i was looking for really that i needed spelling out. the only differences are that.. she wanted me so bad she did all of the chasing in the start.. she told me she loved me first, she asked me if we were ' together' i didn't do any of the chasing really at all. she completely adored and loved me, we were together for 18 months. it was amazing like it never really felt like there was any problems at all! so i don't really feel like i was pushy. i probably sound clingy on here but i mainly vent on here so i can keep my cool in person haha.

would this make any difference to your story ? i think what i'm asking is... can girls just lose attraction? stop seeing somebody in a boyfriend way and more a friend way ? is there any of that ? like just one day they change and no longer have feelings?

we really got on well apart from in the last few months when i started complaining about the flirting !

it seems weird but she is suffering from stress anxiety and depression a lot lately.

i'm just really sad as you can all tell.

February 18, 2013

Should I use my invisibility for good or for evil?

Calgary you simply haven't an ability to absorb the advice given to you.

1) Go complete No Contact. For the next while you lay low. If it means not going out for a few weekends you will survive. If she contacts you, you ignore.

2) Stop and I mean STOP focusing on what is wrong with this girl. Stop focusing on what she did or didn't do. It has no relevance to your life and never will. It doesnt matter. The only thing to focus on, is understanding she will NEVER be any good for you.

Now will you follow these simple steps to healing? No cause you are worse then she is. You love the drama. Love the obsessing. I fully expect 55 new threads on the things she does over the next 6 months. You getting great advice and having it go in one ear and out the next.

You are a seriously immature guy. And until you address this fact all your life will ever be is 'drama'..

Edited February 18, 2013 by Mack05

February 18, 2013

Should I use my invisibility for good or for evil?

Calgary you simply haven't an ability to absorb the advice given to you.

1) Go complete No Contact. For the next while you lay low. If it means not going out for a few weekends you will survive. If she contacts you, you ignore.

2) Stop and I mean STOP focusing on what is wrong with this girl. Stop focusing on what she did or didn't do. It has no relevance to your life and never will. It doesnt matter. The only thing to focus on, is understanding she will NEVER be any good for you.

Now will you follow these simple steps to healing? No cause you are worse then she is. You love the drama. Love the obsessing. I fully expect 55 new threads on the things she does over the next 6 months. You getting great advice and having it go in one ear and out the next.

You are a seriously immature guy. And until you address this fact all your life will ever be is 'drama'..

hey mack05 like I said.. she asked me to text her.. I didn't I just walked away and pretty much made it clear I wasn't happy. It wasn't my fault she came and hunted me down.. I don't see why I should lock myself in my apartment because 1 girl is out there. im still going to live my life. she wants me to stay in every night crying over her. Why should I do that? it does me good to get fresh air and keep busy with friends. like cavalier99 said maybe I should get a bit nasty with her? but if she's finding out where i'm going , what i'm doing, who i'm with and then showing up at exactly the same moment as me on the same day with some pathetic drama. it's not my fault.. i'm not seeking her out.

I don't want to just completely ignore a girl I've shared 18months of my life with. it makes you look like you're in pain.. you're not going out with your friends.. your ignoring her. that's something I would do when I was 12 and a girl hurt my feelings.

maybe i'm prolonging pain by communicating.. but sitting alone on a weekend definitely doesn't sound like a great way to recover. like I said, i'm not initiating this contact here.

February 18, 2013

hey mack05 like I said.. she asked me to text her.. I didn't I just walked away and pretty much made it clear I wasn't happy. It wasn't my fault she came and hunted me down.. I don't see why I should lock myself in my apartment because 1 girl is out there. im still going to live my life. she wants me to stay in every night crying over her. Why should I do that? it does me good to get fresh air and keep busy with friends. like cavalier99 said maybe I should get a bit nasty with her? but if she's finding out where i'm going , what i'm doing, who i'm with and then showing up at exactly the same moment as me on the same day with some pathetic drama. it's not my fault.. i'm not seeking her out.

I don't want to just completely ignore a girl I've shared 18months of my life with. it makes you look like you're in pain.. you're not going out with your friends.. your ignoring her. that's something I would do when I was 12 and a girl hurt my feelings.

maybe i'm prolonging pain by communicating.. but sitting alone on a weekend definitely doesn't sound like a great way to recover. like I said, i'm not initiating this contact here.

Don't you have any friends that she doesn't have? Go to new places, do new things, don't go where she's going to be. If you were capable of hanging around your ex and not getting all screwed up, that's one thing. But you literally start a new thread every day about something she said or something she did, which indicates that you aren't ready for it.

If you have to, tell her to leave you alone. But stop feeding into it. If you do see her, be short and polite. But just because she contacts you doesn't mean you have to interact. She has you by a string because you allow her to.

February 18, 2013

Taking a few weekends off is actually a great way to recover. If you had some maturity you would understand why. You worry far too much about without others think, instead of doing the right thing by yourself. The fact you can't spend a few weekends alone to reflect is not a good sign. Good Friends would understand why you wouldn't want to go out and if your a guy that worries about ego ( and clearly you are) u can come up with some sort of excuse.

I have no idea what age you are but if you are over 23, I would be beyond stunned. How do you think I know this?

I've seen these stories a million times. I've lived these types of situations. What you are getting here is people who have been through this, advising u on the best way to move on. I mean why keep posting jut to ignore the advice given and make the same mistakes over and over?

So you are refusing to avoid her and u are refusing to ignore her. I will tell u whats going to happen. 6 months of non stop threads on LS. You ignoring the advice. You ending up a lot more hurt then you are now. 6 months full of drama and obsessing about her behaviour. 6 months of this girl making a total idiot out of you.

Personally there is no point in advising you, so I for one wont waste anymore energy. You are determined to take the usual stops along the route to devastation. Some folks got to learn the hard way. In six months time maybe you might follow the 2 points above. What a waste of a good six months though.

Sometimes you have to accept you are wrong about someone and u need to cut your losses. Hanging round like a lap dog trying to 'help' or understand her will make you look more and more pathetic in her eyes as time goes on. Not only that you will start on the road to codependency...

What you fail to grasp Is if his girl ever wanted to come back to you it would be nothing short of a disaster for you. If something is really bad for you isn't it best to avoid it? Dude you just can't grasp the reality and I'd rather try help people that want to be helped. Take care..

Edited February 18, 2013 by Mack05

February 18, 2013

Taking a few weekends off is actually a great way to recover. If you had some maturity you would understand why. You worry far too much about without others think, instead of doing the right thing by yourself. The fact you can't spend a few weekends alone to reflect is not a good sign. Good Friends would understand why you wouldn't want to go out and if your a guy that worries about ego ( and clearly you are) u can come up with some sort of excuse.

I have no idea what age you are but if you are over 23, I would be beyond stunned. How do you think I know this?

I've seen these stories a million times. I've lived these types of situations. What you are getting here is people who have been through this, advising u on the best way to move on. I mean why keep posting jut to ignore the advice given and make the same mistakes over and over?

So you are refusing to avoid her and u are refusing to ignore her. I will tell u whats going to happen. 6 months of non stop threads on LS. You ignoring the advice. You ending up a lot more hurt then you are now. 6 months full of drama and obsessing about her behaviour. 6 months of this girl making a total idiot out of you.

Personally there is no point in advising you, so I for one wont waste anymore energy. You are determined to take the usual stops along the route to devastation. Some folks got to learn the hard way. In six months time maybe you might follow the 2 points above. What a waste of a good six months though.

Sometimes you have to accept you are wrong about someone and u need to cut your losses. Hanging round like a lap dog trying to 'help' or understand her will make you look more and more pathetic in her eyes as time goes on. Not only that you will start on the road to codependency...

What you fail to grasp Is if his girl ever wanted to come back to you it would be nothing short of a disaster for you. If something is really bad for you isn't it best to avoid it? Dude you just can't grasp the reality and I'd rather try help people that want to be helped. Take care..

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/280494-so-annoying

see it happened to you too.. I don't care if your 40 or 24. she knew where you'd be there and she showed up.. why? why do they do this to us ?

I get what you're saying I really do. curiosity killed the cat I know. i'm playing with fire i'm going to get burnt.

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my ex accused me of cheating on her and said she doesn't trust me.

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