My GF told me I "deserve better".

[pbjbear]

Guilt is speaking to her. She knows she not treating you well

 

I would ditch her. Id love to have a guy who is willing to give that much and other women will be more appreciative and give back.

 

Acting the way she did while you were having sexual issues is cold man....let her go

 

I know people on here are quick to say DUMP HER but I do think this is a case where you can do that without feeling you are overthinking or jumping the gun

[ascendotum]

Actual cheating because they grab each other's boobs and stuff? Hmm I never thought of that. She did tell me once that she fantasizes about being with girls.

She has lesbian fantasies. Oh boy. She has a really great new gal pal that she is very touchy feely with + has sleep overs at her place where she turns her phone off + sticks to her side over you in discussions + this new gal pal also happens to be bisexual. lol

Cassy's getting it from 2 on side. She's already grabbed more than boob with this girl, that's why you are getting that line, because she feels guilty over cheating on you. Sorry but I think you should take her advice, and find someone better for you.

Edited February 20, 2013 by ascendotum

[drakewrites]

Guilt is speaking to her. She knows she not treating you well

 

I would ditch her. Id love to have a guy who is willing to give that much and other women will be more appreciative and give back.

 

Acting the way she did while you were having sexual issues is cold man....let her go

 

I know people on here are quick to say DUMP HER but I do think this is a case where you can do that without feeling you are overthinking or jumping the gun

 

Wow thank you that means a lot. Yeah that was pretty cold I just tried not to think about it when it happened, or maybe thought it was my fault for having the anxiety attack, but you're right, that's pretty damn cold. I felt so humiliated when she said that and grabbed her phone.

 

I actually broke up with her yesterday morning after reading all of yalls replies. There really is some way better advice on here. I used to use this site, but when I found reddit I started using it instead, and it seems like the people here are so much more caring and thoughtful. Everyone on reddit judges you by your previous posts.

[drakewrites]

She has lesbian fantasies. Oh boy. She has a really great new gal pal that she is very touchy feely with + has sleep overs at her place where she turns her phone off + sticks to her side over you in discussions + this new gal pal also happens to be bisexual. lol

Cassy's getting it from 2 on side. She's already grabbed more than boob with this girl, that's why you are getting that line, because she feels guilty over cheating on you. Sorry but I think you should take her advice, and find someone better for you.

 

Thank you. I'm not sure if she's done more with this girl, but the fact is, based on her interaction with her, I just can't trust her at all really. Sucks, but you're right, something more could have happened, and I think she might have fantasies too.

[ascendotum]

Thank you. I'm not sure if she's done more with this girl, but the fact is, based on her interaction with her, I just can't trust her at all really. Sucks, but you're right, something more could have happened, and I think she might have fantasies too.

 

I realize we don't know for sure, but in your boots those thoughts I wrote would be spinning in my mind. Like others said, if Cassy was a guy you would be really pissed off with their relationship, but since Cassy is a bisexual & cheats and your gf fantasizes about doing a girl, then for me its very close to being in the same category as if she getting really chummy with another guy.

Usually whenever I have heard of someone getting the line 'You deserve better' its when they a getting dumped or rejected.

[miss_jaclynrae]

How is her best friend "mean" to you, when you guys are friends as well?

 

 

I am in no way defending her emotional distance, but I also think there is more to the story.

I still don't think you two should be together based on what you said, but I do not blame her for changing her story. That isn't something I would interfere myself with and is too much drama for me.

 

You are friends with her best friends boyfriend who is being cheated on, of course she changed her story, she is torn between her loyalty to her best friend who has been around longer than you.

[drakewrites]

How is her best friend "mean" to you, when you guys are friends as well?

 

 

I am in no way defending her emotional distance, but I also think there is more to the story.

I still don't think you two should be together based on what you said, but I do not blame her for changing her story. That isn't something I would interfere myself with and is too much drama for me.

 

You are friends with her best friends boyfriend who is being cheated on, of course she changed her story, she is torn between her loyalty to her best friend who has been around longer than you.

 

Sorry I guess I should have been a bit more clear. We WERE friends at the beginning of me and my (now ex) gf's relationship. More like friends that hung out every once in a while. But during our relationship, over time things got worse and worse with this mutual friend, to the point where she and her BF hate me.

 

So you think it's okay then that she changed her story? I mean I do understand her not wanting me to blab or say anything, but once she told me the secret I feel she should continue telling me the truth, not lie. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know.

 

Hmm, well, she's been very mean to me in person. Once we got in a fight and she was kind of at the center of it, and I tried to talk to her in person at the bar and she got up mid conversation and left. I talked to her a few minutes later and she said "I just don't give a **** anymore." I went to my GF's house crying that night for how sad I was that she treated me like that. She's also told me GF a lot of things about my past that weren't too bright. She's texted me a few times and said rude/mean things like "I don't want **** to do with you" etc. She ignored me for weeks when I was trying to find out if we were still friends or not, etc

[miss_jaclynrae]

Sorry I guess I should have been a bit more clear. We WERE friends at the beginning of me and my (now ex) gf's relationship. More like friends that hung out every once in a while. But during our relationship, over time things got worse and worse with this mutual friend, to the point where she and her BF hate me.

 

So you think it's okay then that she changed her story? I mean I do understand her not wanting me to blab or say anything, but once she told me the secret I feel she should continue telling me the truth, not lie. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know.

 

Hmm, well, she's been very mean to me in person. Once we got in a fight and she was kind of at the center of it, and I tried to talk to her in person at the bar and she got up mid conversation and left. I talked to her a few minutes later and she said "I just don't give a **** anymore." I went to my GF's house crying that night for how sad I was that she treated me like that. She's also told me GF a lot of things about my past that weren't too bright. She's texted me a few times and said rude/mean things like "I don't want **** to do with you" etc. She ignored me for weeks when I was trying to find out if we were still friends or not, etc

 

 

 

I think you BOTH have some growing up to do.

[johnnyk]

Everything you've said about GF sounds ****ty.

 

Do you actually feel happy in this relationship, despite the bad times and the bad feelings you get? I think a good relationship requires that you both respect each other, and have each other's backs. Doesn't sound like this is the case with you.

[apple OR orange]

This means if you stay its ok for her to use you as she told you she wont treat you as good as you treat her.

 

At this point i would speak the unspoken word...

 

"ooo wow, really, i was hoping you was going to get better, but as you admitted your treating me bad, yes, thanks for confirming you a nasty bit of work, thanks for using something i would need to work out rather than you prefer to cheat on me and not tell me about it when that happened"

 

Then never speak to her again.

[drakewrites]

Everything you've said about GF sounds ****ty.

 

Do you actually feel happy in this relationship, despite the bad times and the bad feelings you get? I think a good relationship requires that you both respect each other, and have each other's backs. Doesn't sound like this is the case with you.

 

I mean there were a lot of times being happy with her, but there was always a lot of bad times too. No I don't think she had my back, I think she had her friend's back. It's all over now though.

 

She is asking me if I want to try again, that she's so sorry, that now she understands, etc. I told her I would wait a bit and think about it, but I'm beginning to feel that I should tell her I'm done for sure. If I decide that, should i tell her, or should I just not text her again?

[drakewrites]

OH god, people please help, my ex is currently talking to me on Google and asking me to come see her... ugh this is so painful...

[ja123]

Hey, you said you were going NC for at least a week I thought, on the advice of you friends.

 

I'd suggested going NC for at least a month, if not forever.

 

Don't go see her, as you'll only get caught in that crazy web again. Do you want that? Re-read you post from the beginning.

 

Staying in touch with her will slow down your healing process. A part of that process is feeling grief. And, yeah, feeling grief and lousy sucks, but we've all been there. There is an end to it eventually.

 

She like a drug to you now, it might feel good at the moment but you'll end up paying for it.

 

Stay strong, don't go.

[drakewrites]

Hey, you said you were going NC for at least a week I thought, on the advice of you friends.

 

I'd suggested going NC for at least a month, if not forever.

 

Don't go see her, as you'll only get caught in that crazy web again. Do you want that? Re-read you post from the beginning.

 

Staying in touch with her will slow down your healing process. A part of that process is feeling grief. And, yeah, feeling grief and lousy sucks, but we've all been there. There is an end to it eventually.

 

She like a drug to you now, it might feel good at the moment but you'll end up paying for it.

 

Stay strong, don't go.

 

Yeah I've been re-reading this thread and the other one I posted... some really great replies. I'm not going to go see her, I'm about to just say goodbye (again) and block her. I blocked her on everything but I guess I forgot to on Google+, and she contacted me first and we just kept talking from there... thank you so much. You're right! I needed some extra help though so thank you...

[iKING]

OH god, people please help, my ex is currently talking to me on Google and asking me to come see her... ugh this is so painful...

 

Drake my friend, relax. Don't get so emotionally invested in other's dilemmas. No more tears alright? Save them for when they're needed. Listen to your heart on what you should do about seeing her. Remember to let go when you need to. Suffering is a result of clinging. Try not to let emotions rock your world like this. Stand up soldier, you've got a whole life ahead of you that takes no prisoners. You're a good guy, that much is obvious, but there's going to come a time when you'll need to sort some things out with yourself so you're equipped to handle rough situations without being devastated. Keep that chin up brother.

[RogerWallace111]

"A punk b*tch ain't no lady"

[drakewrites]

Drake my friend, relax. Don't get so emotionally invested in other's dilemmas. No more tears alright? Save them for when they're needed. Listen to your heart on what you should do about seeing her. Remember to let go when you need to. Suffering is a result of clinging. Try not to let emotions rock your world like this. Stand up soldier, you've got a whole life ahead of you that takes no prisoners. You're a good guy, that much is obvious, but there's going to come a time when you'll need to sort some things out with yourself so you're equipped to handle rough situations without being devastated. Keep that chin up brother.

 

Thanks man. I didn't see/call her but man I was close to calling her. She kept saying I didn't give her a chance, etc. It was tough. She admitted that she could have changed the way she handled the stuff that happened with her friends, she said she didn't think it would come down to this, she said all this happened so fast, etc.

 

She's hurting and so am I, and we both miss each other and it sucks. She kept saying too how "I wouldn't allow her back" and stuff. I told her I still loved her and miss her and she said she missed me and to never give up on someone you love. I feel like Grade A ****, lol.

 

I don't know how much of all this breaking up stuff is me actually having a legitimate reason to break up with her, and how much of it is me just wanting to be single. I'm scared that one day I'll look back and be like, "Those were all excuses, I just wanted to be single." I'm trying really hard to focus on the things that I didn't like about her, the things I mentioned in this thread at the beginning... but it's still hard.

[silvermercy]

She kept saying I didn't give her a chance, etc. It was tough. She admitted that she could have changed the way she handled the stuff that happened with her friends, she said she didn't think it would come down to this, she said all this happened so fast, etc.

That's lack of insight. It's clear as day actually. How could she not see it!?

Of course in her head she could mean "oh but I found the man who I thought was the perfect doormat for me but he's not one after all! I'm so surprised! Oh why why did this happen!? I'm crying!"

 

She's hurting and so am I, and we both miss each other and it sucks. She kept saying too how "I wouldn't allow her back" and stuff. I told her I still loved her and miss her and she said she missed me and to never give up on someone you love. I feel like Grade A ****, lol.

You shouldn't be feeling bad AT ALL for going NC. Let me repeat that: AT ALL.

 

Of course you both miss each other. That's very normal.

 

About bolded: Was she referring to you or both when she said that? If yes, this is blame-shifting trying to make you feel bad. And I think she succeeded because of your words "I feel like Grade A ****". Even if she didn't mean it that way, that's not how things in love work. People who divorce can actually love each other, but they still go ahead and divorce because it's the right thing to do. Because there's no other way to gain their emotional health back. And also, I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like true love on her part, or she wouldn't be doing what she's been doing.

 

I don't know how much of all this breaking up stuff is me actually having a legitimate reason to break up with her, and how much of it is me just wanting to be single. I'm scared that one day I'll look back and be like, "Those were all excuses, I just wanted to be single." I'm trying really hard to focus on the things that I didn't like about her, the things I mentioned in this thread at the beginning... but it's still hard.

OF COURSE it's hard. Is anything ever easy? LOL

 

But hey, listen up, the bad things outweigh the good things by a mile.

Just think about this: Even in an abusive relationship, the abusive partners can be the sweetest angels for long periods of time, but they still end up giving a bruised eye or two to their partners with a "momentary lapse".

 

Stay strong and don't look back now! It's not you wanting to be single, it's you wanting to be free of her. Free to start the search to find the TRUE love of your life that she was preventing you to meet until now. Even if you don't feel like it, go out and celebrate your freedom!

Edited February 23, 2013 by silvermercy

[man_in_the_box]

Good riddance. What a crappy friend and what a crappy girlfriend. I haven't read stories which had AFFAIR written all over it so obviously. Please ditch them both and never return. It hurts thinking about someone letting themselves get stringed along endlessly by some crappy cheating ex.

[iKING]

Thanks man. I didn't see/call her but man I was close to calling her. She kept saying I didn't give her a chance, etc. It was tough. She admitted that she could have changed the way she handled the stuff that happened with her friends, she said she didn't think it would come down to this, she said all this happened so fast, etc.

 

She's hurting and so am I, and we both miss each other and it sucks. She kept saying too how "I wouldn't allow her back" and stuff. I told her I still loved her and miss her and she said she missed me and to never give up on someone you love. I feel like Grade A ****, lol.

 

I don't know how much of all this breaking up stuff is me actually having a legitimate reason to break up with her, and how much of it is me just wanting to be single. I'm scared that one day I'll look back and be like, "Those were all excuses, I just wanted to be single." I'm trying really hard to focus on the things that I didn't like about her, the things I mentioned in this thread at the beginning... but it's still hard.

 

It's a bit late for her to try to salvage this one. You've got a good heart, you need someone who will cherish that. You'll find better bud, you've got plenty to offer. There's no need to feel like the jerk in this mess. That's a manipulation tactic she's whipping out in a last-ditch effort to keep you around. It's noble of her to admit to her mistakes, but that by no means says she has changed. There's serious attachment involved which is why you're having residual feelings and slight changes of heart amid an abundance of reason. Do not fear. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Use rationality on this one to come to a conclusion and stick to it. This internal battle is only going to cause further pain. What you decide to do is ok, whichever way you decide to go, don't worry about what people think of you. Much metta brother, you'll get through this.

[drakewrites]

That's lack of insight. It's clear as day actually. How could she not see it!?

Of course in her head she could mean "oh but I found the man who I thought was the perfect doormat for me but he's not one after all! I'm so surprised! Oh why why did this happen!? I'm crying!"

 

You shouldn't be feeling bad AT ALL for going NC. Let me repeat that: AT ALL.

 

Of course you both miss each other. That's very normal.

 

About bolded: Was she referring to you or both when she said that? If yes, this is blame-shifting trying to make you feel bad. And I think she succeeded because of your words "I feel like Grade A ****". Even if she didn't mean it that way, that's not how things in love work. People who divorce can actually love each other, but they still go ahead and divorce because it's the right thing to do. Because there's no other way to gain their emotional health back. And also, I'm sorry, but that doesn't sound like true love on her part, or she wouldn't be doing what she's been doing.

 

OF COURSE it's hard. Is anything ever easy? LOL

 

But hey, listen up, the bad things outweigh the good things by a mile.

Just think about this: Even in an abusive relationship, the abusive partners can be the sweetest angels for long periods of time, but they still end up giving a bruised eye or two to their partners with a "momentary lapse".

 

Stay strong and don't look back now! It's not you wanting to be single, it's you wanting to be free of her. Free to start the search to find the TRUE love of your life that she was preventing you to meet until now. Even if you don't feel like it, go out and celebrate your freedom!

 

Thank you so much! I think she was referring to me, like if I loved her, then I would be pursuing her again, I think she said that as one last attempt to try to get me to get back with her. Thank you, yeah I'm just always so cautious of my own agenda so I try to be careful... I think you're right though I just wasn't happy. I was always waking up throughout the night checking to see if she had texted me yet, etc, and now that I think about it I guess at some point I just didn't trust her. Whether that was because she already lied to me or because of her weird friendship or whatever, I'm not sure, maybe all the above, but you're right. Thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that that means so much!

 

I already feel WAY better waking up this morning knowing she's out of my life. If I had talked to her on the phone or seen her, I would be going to work questioning EVERYTHING / all the progress I made this week not talking to her. Thank goodness some of you guys are night owls like me, hahaha!

 

I deleted her off of my Google+ and blocked her, I guess that was the last thing I forgot to do. I mean, I didn't really forget, but she never used it, so I figured it didn't matter. Oh well, what's done is done, time to move on and find someone more worthy of treating me with respect! Thank you ALL so much.

[drakewrites]

It's a bit late for her to try to salvage this one. You've got a good heart, you need someone who will cherish that. You'll find better bud, you've got plenty to offer. There's no need to feel like the jerk in this mess. That's a manipulation tactic she's whipping out in a last-ditch effort to keep you around. It's noble of her to admit to her mistakes, but that by no means says she has changed. There's serious attachment involved which is why you're having residual feelings and slight changes of heart amid an abundance of reason. Do not fear. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. Use rationality on this one to come to a conclusion and stick to it. This internal battle is only going to cause further pain. What you decide to do is ok, whichever way you decide to go, don't worry about what people think of you. Much metta brother, you'll get through this.

 

Okay thanks man. Ugh please tell me you have a Twitter, I would love to follow you!

[drakewrites]

Oops, wrong thread.

[drakewrites]

Okay guys, I'm a little confused, I've been going over everything in my head because I feel like possibly I was in the wrong too, so I wrote everything down and posted it on reddit as well as on here.

 

Trying to Discern Where I [24m] or she [23f] Went Wrong in my Last Relationship : relationships

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/378021-trying-discern-what-hell-happened#post4667921

 

It looks like a LOT of people are saying that I expected WAY too much out of her. Did I leave too much out in this thread originally? Or is it that I expected too much AND she was placing me second? Now I'm worried I made the wrong decision... I texted her asking if we can talk today, I feel like I need closure or perhaps just to find out from her if I was expecting too much...

[drakewrites]

Drake my friend, relax. Don't get so emotionally invested in other's dilemmas. No more tears alright? Save them for when they're needed. Listen to your heart on what you should do about seeing her. Remember to let go when you need to. Suffering is a result of clinging. Try not to let emotions rock your world like this. Stand up soldier, you've got a whole life ahead of you that takes no prisoners. You're a good guy, that much is obvious, but there's going to come a time when you'll need to sort some things out with yourself so you're equipped to handle rough situations without being devastated. Keep that chin up brother.

 

Hey man, I'd love some more advice on the situation... I posted a much longer post on reddit: Trying to Discern Where I [24m] or she [23f] Went Wrong in my Last Relationship : relationships and got some interesting replies. One of them being that I was expecting too much out of my ex... do you think that's true? I did put a lot more detail about the relationship on there, so I'm not sure anymore. I just keep going over this over and over and over again, and I'm such a mess right now. I actually made a mistake and texted her this morning, and told her I'd like to talk to her later. I'm not so sure this was a good idea anymore. I might call her still or just not speak to her, I don't know. I'm just so confused. If I was wrong and I shouldn't have broken up with her, should I try again? I'm so lost