drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 My GF [23f] and I [24m] have been going out for three months. Things have been up and down like crazy, and I'm starting to think maybe I deserve better, but I need some opinions. First of all, my GF has a complete weird friendship with her best friend, whom used to be my friend as well. I'll call her Cassy. (I've known Cassy for five years, my GF has known her for one year.) My GF and I have been in a few fights in just three months, and usually it has something to do with Cassy. Every time we argue, though, my GF always takes the side of Cassy. Cassy treats me like ****, is rude to me, but my GF doesn't really defend me or anything, and I wish she would. My GF also lied to me once to protect Cassy's infidelity secret. They had been hanging out and were planning to hang out with this guy that Cassy was messing around with behind her BF's back, and my GF told me this, but a few days later she changed her story. When I confronted her about the two different stories, she told me that she lied because she didn't want me blabbing to the boyfriend, who also happens to be good friend of mine. (Apparently the boyfriend already knew the best friend was cheating, but that's another story...) I had a panic attack last night from some serious sexual performance anxiety, and while it was happening my GF said, "I don't want to deal with this right now." And grabbed her phone. Later she told me herself that she thinks I deserve better. She pulls away from me a lot, emotionally, I mean, and is very difficult to communicate with. I feel like I'm invested in this relationship 110%, and my GF is only giving 60%. My GF has this bizarre loyalty to Cassy, and it's hard to explain, but it's really weird. She just always takes her side, doesn't defend me, Cassy has been really rude/mean to me, and my GF has never said anything about it to her. She just tries to 'stay out of it', but I feel my GF should actually say something to her if she's being ****ty to me... right? There's a lot more, but I'm not sure what's important and what's not, so comment for more inquiry on a specific subject if you like. Opinions?
silvermercy Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) The fact that she's helping her friend conceal her affairs should tell you all you need to know about her character. Everything else after that is just irrelevant. In this relationship you will only be second best. Listen to her when she says you deserve better. She knows this even herself. It's the best advice she could ever give you. Take it. (Is this Cassy friend bisexual perhaps?? Not that it matters, you're beating a dead horse right now.) Edited February 17, 2013 by silvermercy 14
meeji Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 From now on, when a guy tells me that I deserve better, i will walk. When people say that i think its bc the guilt is adding up. When they say that, they know that you are treating them well and theyaren't quite returning the favor. When someone says that they are basically saying that they can't or wont push themselves to be better to you or the relationship. Whatever it is, it means that your girlfriend thinks u are settling and by the looks f your story, you wouldnt be losing much if u lost her. You are only 3 motnths into it. Get out while u can 2
5anta Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Hit the road man. As the above poster said, you're beating a dead horse now. It's not the aggravation. It has only been three months and you already hate it. Are you going to be happy if you decide to put up and stay with her? You definitely deserve better. Easier said than done, but make plans to detach yourself and start the process of moving on.
Andy_K Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Your GF lies to cover Cassy's cheating because she knows Cassy will return the favour... 6
kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 People never mean that literally OP. "You deserve better" means "I want someone different from you" 4
ComingInHot Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 When I told a guy he deserves better than what I can give him, I mean it. It is followed (was followed, I'm M now*) by ending the intimate relationship. When I'm told (was told) I deserved better, I agreed, thanked them for their honesty and the intimate relationship was over. In the cases when this happened, we usually remained friends. or at least respectful aquaintences*
iris219 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 "You deserve better" almost always means: "You deserve someone who cares enough to treat you well. Sorry I don't feel this way about you." 1
Krieger Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 to the OP it not what people say it is what people do a lot of the times. Since your gf will lie to cover something up red flags should be going off like fireworks on the 4th of July. I would take my ball and go home and lean from this that if a girl is willing to lie and cover things up for a friend she might do it to you some day and life to short for that. 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 yup, take her at her word and walk... 1
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 The fact that she's helping her friend conceal her affairs should tell you all you need to know about her character. Everything else after that is just irrelevant. In this relationship you will only be second best. Listen to her when she says you deserve better. She knows this even herself. It's the best advice she could ever give you. Take it. (Is this Cassy friend bisexual perhaps?? Not that it matters, you're beating a dead horse right now.) Actually YES, she is bisexual, how did you guess!?!?!? Ugh that's EXACTLY how I feel: second best. 1
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 From now on, when a guy tells me that I deserve better, i will walk. When people say that i think its bc the guilt is adding up. When they say that, they know that you are treating them well and theyaren't quite returning the favor. When someone says that they are basically saying that they can't or wont push themselves to be better to you or the relationship. Whatever it is, it means that your girlfriend thinks u are settling and by the looks f your story, you wouldnt be losing much if u lost her. You are only 3 motnths into it. Get out while u can Hmm okay, thank you. I guess I didn't realize how bad someone admitting I deserve better sounds.
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Hit the road man. As the above poster said, you're beating a dead horse now. It's not the aggravation. It has only been three months and you already hate it. Are you going to be happy if you decide to put up and stay with her? You definitely deserve better. Easier said than done, but make plans to detach yourself and start the process of moving on. Ugh alright. I just feel like I already have so many feelings for her. I told her I love her for the first time on Friday night.
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 to the OP it not what people say it is what people do a lot of the times. Since your gf will lie to cover something up red flags should be going off like fireworks on the 4th of July. I would take my ball and go home and lean from this that if a girl is willing to lie and cover things up for a friend she might do it to you some day and life to short for that. Yeah. She said she lied because she was afraid I would tell the guy about what I knew and cause drama (which I did actually, but I told him because I started to realize I couldn't trust my GF), but still, a lie is a lie is a lie, right?
silvermercy Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Actually YES, she is bisexual, how did you guess!?!?!? Ugh that's EXACTLY how I feel: second best. It's quite easy to tell. From the way she acts so obsessive over your own gf. The problem is your gf seems to return the same exact feelings (if not more so). Gather your own conclusions about that... Imagine if this friend was male. Would you still accept their behaviour? Never settle for second best.
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 It's quite easy to tell. From the way she acts so obsessive over your own gf. The problem is your gf seems to return the same exact feelings (if not more so). Gather your own conclusions about that... Imagine if this friend was male. Would you still accept their behaviour? Never settle for second best. Yeah she does act very obsessive over her, and I already told my GF that if her best friend was a guy, I wouldn't even have allowed all this to continue. I don't know for some reason I do, the best friend introduced us to each other, and I know she means a lot to my GF, etc. If the best friend was a male, there is no way I'd be with my GF right now. They have sleep overs, take sexy photos together (grabbing boobs and stuff), the list goes on and on. My GF also won't call me when they are together, but I think that's because she knows we don't get a long. Ughhhhhh this sucks.
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Let me ask you guys something though. Does it make any difference that I did talk to the guy about the issue? I felt like I couldn't 100% trust my GF after she changed her story twice about two different things, so that's why I told him. I thought he'd be appreciative, but instead they got very upset, I guess because they are trying to work through it, and they felt like I was opening up an old wound. Sometimes I get too self-righteous, so maybe that had to do with it too. My GF DID tell me not to say anything about it, and I did, does that change any of this? On the whole I guess I'm just trying to downplay that she lied to me as being okay. I asked this huge rant on Reddit, and some guy was like, "No duh she lied to you she knew you'd go and run off and tell the guy, which she told you not to do, which you did!" Does that justify any of her behavior? I also have been maybe not the best boyfriend, I'm not very sensitive and I've said a few things that might have hurt along the way. I just want to make sure that this thread isn't completely one sided, there are things I've done wrong to her too, like pressuring her to be my type...
silvermercy Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Yeah she does act very obsessive over her, and I already told my GF that if her best friend was a guy, I wouldn't even have allowed all this to continue. I don't know for some reason I do, the best friend introduced us to each other, and I know she means a lot to my GF, etc. If the best friend was a male, there is no way I'd be with my GF right now. They have sleep overs, take sexy photos together (grabbing boobs and stuff), the list goes on and on. My GF also won't call me when they are together, but I think that's because she knows we don't get a long. Ughhhhhh this sucks. You must realise there is actually no difference though. Male or female. You are being taken for a ride. Unless you'd like to be an open relationship. And, even then, you'd still be second best. As expected, their sexual behaviour when together is telling and points out to your gf also having strong bisexual tendencies. If I was in your place I would consider this as actual cheating, not an occasion of your gf preferring her best friend over you.
StanMusial Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Brother if I was you I would remove myself from that situation, quickly and quietly. 1
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 You must realise there is actually no difference though. Male or female. You are being taken for a ride. Unless you'd like to be an open relationship. And, even then, you'd still be second best. As expected, their sexual behaviour when together is telling and points out to your gf also having strong bisexual tendencies. If I was in your place I would consider this as actual cheating, not an occasion of your gf preferring her best friend over you. Actual cheating because they grab each other's boobs and stuff? Hmm I never thought of that. She did tell me once that she fantasizes about being with girls.
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I also wonder how things would be now that Cassy is out of the picture? Or does that even matter? Cassy and I had a big blowup on Friday, and she told me that she wouldn't talk to me OR my GF. My GF was REALLY upset about it, and was asking me why I threw her under the bus, etc. I didn't say anything like that to Cassy though, and next thing you know, last night they are hanging out again even though Cassy told my GF for the second time that she couldn't be friends with her. But I know for sure that Cassy/her BF don't want to talk to me, so now that I know I'm not friends with them for sure anymore, could things get possibly better with my GF since Cassy will be out of it? Or does that matter?
Author drakewrites Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Sorry to double post... I talked to her about her saying I deserved better, and she said she meant it like, I deserved someone who more fit my "type". My "type" has been an issue in the relationship a little... does that change anything?
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 My GF [23f] and I [24m] have been going out for three months. Things have been up and down like crazy, and I'm starting to think maybe I deserve better, but I need some opinions. First of all, my GF has a complete weird friendship with her best friend, whom used to be my friend as well. I'll call her Cassy. (I've known Cassy for five years, my GF has known her for one year.) My GF and I have been in a few fights in just three months, and usually it has something to do with Cassy. Every time we argue, though, my GF always takes the side of Cassy. Cassy treats me like ****, is rude to me, but my GF doesn't really defend me or anything, and I wish she would. My GF also lied to me once to protect Cassy's infidelity secret. They had been hanging out and were planning to hang out with this guy that Cassy was messing around with behind her BF's back, and my GF told me this, but a few days later she changed her story. When I confronted her about the two different stories, she told me that she lied because she didn't want me blabbing to the boyfriend, who also happens to be good friend of mine. (Apparently the boyfriend already knew the best friend was cheating, but that's another story...) I had a panic attack last night from some serious sexual performance anxiety, and while it was happening my GF said, "I don't want to deal with this right now." And grabbed her phone. Later she told me herself that she thinks I deserve better. She pulls away from me a lot, emotionally, I mean, and is very difficult to communicate with. I feel like I'm invested in this relationship 110%, and my GF is only giving 60%. My GF has this bizarre loyalty to Cassy, and it's hard to explain, but it's really weird. She just always takes her side, doesn't defend me, Cassy has been really rude/mean to me, and my GF has never said anything about it to her. She just tries to 'stay out of it', but I feel my GF should actually say something to her if she's being ****ty to me... right? There's a lot more, but I'm not sure what's important and what's not, so comment for more inquiry on a specific subject if you like. Opinions? right or wrong if soem9one were to be rude to an so i had i would be right there standing beside them ...i dont care what he said she said no one has the right to be rude to another....if i had concerns about what an so had done or said i would wait and speak to them in private about it....and offer advice or talk about it........and then it woudl eb up to them adn their choice what they think is best whther to offer an apology o rstand behind what their point was......when you are with soemoen you believ ein them and that means if soemoen is rude you believe enough in them to stand up adn put that person above a friend.....a relationship with a partner is a friendship of the highest order......you should trust them and they should trust you....that means not havign to lie, confiding in them before others, full trust....and total honesty.......otherwise it just doesnt work.......i am an easy tell to a significant other....i dont lie so if i were to hide something a guy will know i am hiding.....if i allow them too get that close to me they know......so i dont even bother.......lying that is.....makes me feel like crap......and yes i have tried to lie.....with an so.....caught out......ill say nothings wrong....and they can always tell.....so i give up eventually......you really need honesty in a relationship and hiding infedelity is not a nice thing to do ....its deceit straight up.....deb
USCGAviator Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 An argument within the first 3 months? Anyone wanna throw the red flag on this?
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