shadow15 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Tonight I had sex for the first time in 2 years, and I didn't enjoy it and just regret it. Hell I didn't even wanna do it anymore but I felt obligated I had too. Guess you can say I'm one of those weird kind of guys who wanna care about a person when your doing that stuff. I suppose the good guy in me is just picking at me, but its helping me realize that I don't wanna have sex again until its with somebody I care for. Casual sex just doesn't do it for me. I suppose I'm just different.
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 No, many guys feel the way you do. You tried to have what's known as 'replacement sex'. That doesn't work. And it's compltely different to impersonal sex. Your motivation here was to get a girl out of your mind. Impersonal sex is just for the hell of it, a bit of carnal fun. The ACTION wasn't wrong. Your motive was. You're not long out of your teens, but you're way too intense and hard on yourself. Lighten up, because you'll have time as a fully-fledged adult to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Time yet enough for that. For now, loosen your grip and let your backbone slip.... 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Tonight I had sex for the first time in 2 years, and I didn't enjoy it and just regret it. Hell I didn't even wanna do it anymore but I felt obligated I had too. Guess you can say I'm one of those weird kind of guys who wanna care about a person when your doing that stuff. I suppose the good guy in me is just picking at me, but its helping me realize that I don't wanna have sex again until its with somebody I care for. Casual sex just doesn't do it for me. I suppose I'm just different. This (bolded) by the way, is sheer BS. If you were a girl saying that, everyone would be crying out 'rape'! How did it come about that you had sex? Who exactly obliged you? How did they make you do it? What forced you into that position? Were you put in such a position that to say 'no' would have jeopardised your safety? How many people were involved?
Krieger Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I am the same way and that I wish I could be like every other guy and sleep with any thing moving. I have only had sex with one girl ,but I wish it has with a girl that cared about me .
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 No, many guys feel the way you do. You tried to have what's known as 'replacement sex'. That doesn't work. And it's compltely different to impersonal sex. Your motivation here was to get a girl out of your mind. Impersonal sex is just for the hell of it, a bit of carnal fun. The ACTION wasn't wrong. Your motive was. You're not long out of your teens, but you're way too intense and hard on yourself. Lighten up, because you'll have time as a fully-fledged adult to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Time yet enough for that. For now, loosen your grip and let your backbone slip.... This is ridiculous...I don't even know where you came up with this theory...did the old man give you an elaborate excuse as to why he sleep with Sally at the office so you could tell yourself he was just trying to get over you? This just seems highly personal and in tune with a personal experience...typical of how many women judge situations without having any insight into the functionality of men as a whole. I'm sorry that you have only been exposed to one type. If the ACTION didn't feel good or satisfying to him, why is that not a question of your morals instead of his? does he not have a right to feel the way he did during this act or is he just simply lying because he's in denial of a possible half-truth. It could be in fact that he was trying to get over another woman, release the clutches from his heart which she holds...but it may also be him feeling pressured to conform coming to find he needs a more personal relationship before engaging in that act. This (bolded) by the way, is sheer BS. If you were a girl saying that, everyone would be crying out 'rape'! How did it come about that you had sex? Who exactly obliged you? How did they make you do it? What forced you into that position? Were you put in such a position that to say 'no' would have jeopardised your safety? How many people were involved? That is also not sheer BS...can I ask the same questions of a woman because she was forced to have sex with a man by accidentally or unwittingly putting herself in a situation? Women attest to this all the time and plenty of women piggy back the girl power thread, yet when a guy felt pressured to perform in a situation because his "man-hood" may be judged then he's not in the same boat as the girl who felt "obligated" to give some random douche her vagina for the same of just simply being in a situation to have sex...even though she was not ready for it. Both sexes need to take responsibility for their actions and roles in a situation...nobody should play the victim and act like they were molested. However, I can completely imagine a man getting into a situation and forcing himself to go along with it even though he doesn't feel the comfort level needed and the connection. Just because some people can sleep with just about anyone they choose for "casual sex" doesn't mean everyone's brain is wired or even emotionally in the same way...so get a clue. Some people actually do it for a genuine connection or don't feel a desire to do it at all....even for a "primal" experience...not to mention how many people complain about the "quality" of sex when engaging in that behavior the majority of the time because they actually had a high expectation regarding it. More often than not I see the people who engage in "casual sex" on a frequent basis, having a few screws loose emotionally/mentally, trying to feel a personal void through external validation or utterly pitiful self-esteem. There are very few who I've seen engage in that behavior who actually seem to do it for the pleasure and maintain the detachment...however it can be said that those people as well may be control freaks and detach emotionally with the opposite sex for their own personal reasons. This really comes down to the person in question...however I don't really see this as a noble cause or so casual, especially when typically one person wants more than the other person anyway. So I question the level of "casual" in casual sex if feelings are eventually getting involved anyway. Sorry just don't see a lot of people not getting attached, from even something as "primal" and casual sex.
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Typical tara maiden. Turning a molehill into a mountain. Nooo...I was just trying to establish why exactly he felt he had no choice but to have sex with the girl.... If a girl had said she was being forced to have sex, or felt obliged, or had no choice, she would have so many replies based on her being coerced into doing something against her will. I'm trying to establish that in point of fact, he did this willingly As might a girl using the same phraseology have done. His phraseology was at fault... Why would he have had sex if his heart really wasn't in it?
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 This is ridiculous...I don't even know where you came up with this theory...did the old man give you an elaborate excuse as to why he sleep with Sally at the office so you could tell yourself he was just trying to get over you? This just seems highly personal and in tune with a personal experience...typical of how many women judge situations without having any insight into the functionality of men as a whole. I juat responded to his post... How is that incorrect? If the ACTION didn't feel good or satisfying to him, why is that not a question of your morals instead of his? does he not have a right to feel the way he did during this act or is he just simply lying because he's in denial of a possible half-truth. Of course he has a right. Where have I told him he is wrong to feel that way? I was outlining WHY he might be feeling that way.... It could be in fact that he was trying to get over another woman, release the clutches from his heart which she holds...but it may also be him feeling pressured to conform coming to find he needs a more personal relationship before engaging in that act. Absolutely. But while his actions may have reason, the fact that he felt awful about it may indicate that he felt he was wrong to do it.... I'm not sure why you're coming down on me for this, so far, We're in agreement.... That is also not sheer BS...can I ask the same questions of a woman because she was forced to have sex with a man by accidentally or unwittingly putting herself in a situation? YES OF COURSE!! I even pointed that fact out!! Women attest to this all the time and plenty of women piggy back the girl power thread, yet when a guy felt pressured to perform in a situation because his "man-hood" may be judged then he's not in the same boat as the girl who felt "obligated" to give some random douche her vagina for the same of just simply being in a situation to have sex...even though she was not ready for it. My point was to indicate that if a girl came in with that, those are the questions she would be asked. Which would call out on any BS. I can't bear it when girls cry that kind of coercion, and it turns out it was nothing of the kind.... It's crap and gives guys a bad rep. I was trying the questions on him to indicate that he had a choice.... Both sexes need to take responsibility for their actions and roles in a situation...nobody should play the victim and act like they were molested. 100% completely agree. However, I can completely imagine a man getting into a situation and forcing himself to go along with it even though he doesn't feel the comfort level needed and the connection. Agreed. As indicated in my 1st response.... Just because some people can sleep with just about anyone they choose for "casual sex" doesn't mean everyone's brain is wired or even emotionally in the same way...so get a clue. I agree. Again, it's in my 1st post.... Some people actually do it for a genuine connection or don't feel a desire to do it at all....even for a "primal" experience...not to mention how many people complain about the "quality" of sex when engaging in that behavior the majority of the time because they actually had a high expectation regarding it. Isn'[t this what he's complaining of in his OP? More often than not I see the people who engage in "casual sex" on a frequent basis, having a few screws loose emotionally/mentally, trying to feel a personal void through external validation or utterly pitiful self-esteem. There are very few who I've seen engage in that behavior who actually seem to do it for the pleasure and maintain the detachment...however it can be said that those people as well may be control freaks and detach emotionally with the opposite sex for their own personal reasons. Yes... again, the 1st post by the OP more or less states that.... This really comes down to the person in question...however I don't really see this as a noble cause or so casual, especially when typically one person wants more than the other person anyway. So I question the level of "casual" in casual sex if feelings are eventually getting involved anyway. Sorry just don't see a lot of people not getting attached, from even something as "primal" and casual sex. Some people can, some can't. I'm not really sure what to add here...
Apolodor Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You're not alone. I struggle to have casual sex and every time I do it I feel disgusted with myself for months. For me the best part of a relationship is the "chasing" part, getting to know the girl, developing feelings, surprising her, etc, so by the time we get into the bed, sex is just a corollary of something much bigger and profound. The problem with this is that not many women understand it.... I have recently met more and more women (over 35) who prefer to have affairs with happily married men rather than get involved in proper relationships. It's something that I'll never understand.
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