Stone Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I have been in my realtationship for 1 1/2 years, I love my boyfriend dearley we have some bedroom problems that we're working on but all in all we have a great relationship and plan to marry soon. In the meantime, this guy who is a client and now our mortgage broker has been flirting with me ( I never usually bite when someone flirts) but this time I did and I like it at first it started as innocent flirting (witch I know my current b/f doesn't really care about.) and now it's getting to HOT to the point where I want to EXPERIMENT with this other person. I feel horrible for thinking like this I have never cheated on anybody or even thought of it. DO you think that this behavior is revealing some hidden problems in my current relationship? This other guy is also attached. Is it possible we're just fantisising about eachother? How the hell do you stop WANTING to cheat?
Pocky Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 How the hell do you stop WANTING to cheat? Tell your boyfriend what you just told us. Open communication is a necessity in relationships.
Moose Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 stoneheather, I don't know how religous you are. But how about the promise that you will pay for it. Maybe not in this life, but you will pay. Think about the potential relationships you'll ruin, or disease you may get....the guilty feelings you'll be trying to hide. What if you find everything in this man that isn't in your B/F, will you end it with your B/F and become the OW? Please re consider if you haven't already, or if you know that you never will go through with it, stay away from the temptation. Good luck Moose
Pocky Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Moose! Ick..not the religion guilt trip. Don't you know that doesn't work nowadays? Lots of good "religious" folks are having affairs. You usually do better than that... Tsk tsk
Moose Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Moose! Ick..not the religion guilt trip. Don't you know that doesn't work nowadays? Lots of good "religious" folks are having affairs. Yeah, I know that religious guilt trips probably don't work like they used to. That's the problem with this world now and days. It wasn't all religious guilt trip in my post though. When will people learn that being faithfull to one another is the only true key to happiness as far as relationships go? How do you communicate that without referring to religion? You see it day in and out on the OW forum. Stay true to the one you've agreed to spend the rest of your life with. Stay true to the one you're committed to. Then you won't have the lies, or guilt haunting you every time the question or accusation of cheating comes up. I guess I'll never understand it. Yes, I've been tempted, and I still get tempted, alot! But, knowing what I know, I'll never go through with it. I couldn't live with myself if I allow my family to get hurt that way.
tokyo Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Oh well, he will not be much better tahn your boyfriend, but you will have messed up your relationship. Would be different if you had serious feelings for the other ("Finally found my soulmate!!!"), but in this case it´s just your hormones.... Maintain a bit of mental discipline....
Author Stone Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 In mooses defense. the religion card works on me... NOW it wouldn't have a couple years ago but I am TRYING to become more religious. Unfortunately when you are "tempted" you forget all about religion and How you will pay for it. Moose that reply is deffinatly what I needed to hear Thank you.
Moose Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Glad I could help. Good luck on becoming one of God's children. Let me know if I can help you in any way.
Author Stone Posted August 31, 2004 Author Posted August 31, 2004 HAHA I need all the help I can get. In the past I was a professional sinner as you can see, the past want's to come back
Moose Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Well, it doesn't get any easier. You'll notice that the more you try to fly right, the more things get in the way. This is supposed to happen. The trick is realizing that there is no way you can win on your own. The forces going against you are supernatural and we are just mere humans. It's going to take a lot to resist temptations like this one. Unfortunatley, you're going to run into a lot worse the more you try to get right. Hang in there!
moimeme Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 You have to remember you're still an animal. Lust is our biology trying to get us to procreate. It doesn't mean you're in love. It doesn't mean you're 'meant' to be together. You can easily become attracted to people who are total disasters as partners. So when lust tells you to pay attention to someone, tell it to go to hell because it doesn't know what it's talking about. Lust doesn't give a hoot about your emotional life or the feelings of your boyfriend. Like any other desire (french fries, ice cream, a whole bag of cookies), it just wants itself fulfilled at any cost. It is a powerful force - it's supposed to be. So what you have to do is stay far enough away from anybody you start lusting after that the attraction can't get you. Don't try to persuade yourself you can hang around with the person and ignore the lust - like having a couple bags of chips open on the table in front of you, the temptation can be hard to fight. Stop flirting. Cut him off cold. It's the only way.
meanon Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 I don't think you should tell your boyfriend. If you decide there is a problem in your relationship, that's the time to talk to him. It sounds as though you are already dealing with the problems you have. Don't worry too much about having been tempted, it happens to most of us at some time. If it has made you doubt your relationship, delay the wedding until you know the problems you spoke of can be resolved to the extent that you are confident that marriage is the right step. The best guide to the strength of the relationship is how happy it makes you both, rather than how much you love each other. You are in control of your own life, nothing will happen unless you choose it. Being tempted is not the end of the world, it's how you respond to it that is important. If you are confident that you can resist this man then stop feeling guilty for having the thoughts. If you are seriously tempted, then avoid him.
Author Stone Posted September 1, 2004 Author Posted September 1, 2004 I had to have lunch with this guy to sign papers for my mortgage and I told myself before I got there, I would sign say thank you and leave. That didn't happen I kissed him!!! and I liked it. Now I feel horrible. I can't believe I did it. I told myself I wouldn't flirt, or bite when he flirted but I got weak and dove right in. This sucks!!
meanon Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Woops! Well, now you know you can't see him any more. He's too tempting.
Mr Spock Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Originally posted by stoneheather I had to have lunch with this guy to sign papers for my mortgage and I told myself before I got there, I would sign say thank you and leave. That didn't happen I kissed him!!! and I liked it. Now I feel horrible. I can't believe I did it. I told myself I wouldn't flirt, or bite when he flirted but I got weak and dove right in. This sucks!! Or, you could just f*ck him and not feel guilty about it. Or, you could not see him anymore. But it's hard to go back to a problematic relationship knowing there could be something better out there. Not better THAN your SO, but better for YOU. Either way, the decent thing to do would be to gently dump your SO and pursue what you really want. And if he's what you really want, then put this silliness out of your head-you may be attracted to quite a few others than your BF.
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