ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? I think it's because I thrive when in a relationship. I am happiest when I am sharing my life with someone else. And even when it's over, and even after I accept it's over, I still miss it. All the good times, and even the bad. I miss it all and I mope on and try to stay busy. It isn't until I meet someone new that I can actually feel truly over the previous relationship. It's as though I can feel the void in me until it's filled. And this isn't about rebounding. I have no desire to do that. I just wish my time between relationships could be happier. I'm sure it has a lot to do with getting older and wanting to settle down. Perhaps I am more depressed about that than anything.
5anta Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? I think it's because I thrive when in a relationship. I am happiest when I am sharing my life with someone else. And even when it's over, and even after I accept it's over, I still miss it. All the good times, and even the bad. I miss it all and I mope on and try to stay busy. It isn't until I meet someone new that I can actually feel truly over the previous relationship. It's as though I can feel the void in me until it's filled. And this isn't about rebounding. I have no desire to do that. I just wish my time between relationships could be happier. I'm sure it has a lot to do with getting older and wanting to settle down. Perhaps I am more depressed about that than anything. I share your same sentiments. Being in a relationship is fulfilling to me as well. I find that I thrive in a relationship and that I have more energy. Loneliness is a terrible thing. It doesn't mean I am clingy though. However, I am over my ex. I know we don't have a future together. Even after 3.5 years of dating, I got over it in a couple of months. Don't be depressed. Believe me, I long for a true companion, but it doesn't stop me from being happy while I am single and looking.
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I'm the opposite. I've always felt relieved to be back on my own. However, I don't have the opportunity to enjoy being on my own so much these days, mostly because I'm married.
rocketman122 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? I think it's because I thrive when in a relationship. I am happiest when I am sharing my life with someone else. And even when it's over, and even after I accept it's over, I still miss it. All the good times, and even the bad. I miss it all and I mope on and try to stay busy. It isn't until I meet someone new that I can actually feel truly over the previous relationship. It's as though I can feel the void in me until it's filled. And this isn't about rebounding. I have no desire to do that. I just wish my time between relationships could be happier. I'm sure it has a lot to do with getting older and wanting to settle down. Perhaps I am more depressed about that than anything. yes, im like this as well. Im built for relationships. I can be on my own but I prefer with someone. Im very touchy feely/loving and I need to have someone to love. I cant do the grieving period. I wait 1-3 weeks then I need to find someone so I can start again. it brings me down hard when im by myself. it is normal. I think finding someone helps you get over that partner much faster. everyone copes with break ups differently. for me it works well. I can cut the person out of my mind faster, get back to my new partner, work doesnt suffer and im grumpy less time. nothing wrong with that. 1
Author ScienceGal Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Do you ever feel guilty for meeting someone new? I do. No matter how much time has passed, I always get a little anxiety in my stomach. As though I am doing something wrong by starting to replace the memories with new ones. Probably just the final stage in letting go
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I am completely the opposite. I thrive when I am single and suffocate in relationships. I am always relieved to be back on my own.
rocketman122 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Do you ever feel guilty for meeting someone new? I do. No matter how much time has passed, I always get a little anxiety in my stomach. As though I am doing something wrong by starting to replace the memories with new ones. Probably just the final stage in letting go yes, very much so. I feel like I still belong to that person. my love is with them. but the more I go on dates with them, I release that part from me. 2 things that arent good from not time out between relationships is 1, you wind up comparing them. she's not the same as my x or I loved when x did this. or even the way they smell or taste ;)and thats a big topic by itself) and 2 is still having feeling for the person and you dont give the new person a fair chance. even girls that were so great that I met after it was hard for me to commit. I wanted to smell my ex so badly. just to hold her and feel at home. ES thats ok if you need to be more independant. not everyone is the same. you need to find someone who's the same mindset as you. and who loves cats thats how cats are. they do their own thing. I like dogs also and need that companionship because I love to love. it gives me strength to give. 1
Jamesblame Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I am completely the opposite. I thrive when I am single and suffocate in relationships. I am always relieved to be back on my own. I am as well. I think the fear of never finding someone else is resolved when you date someone, but overall, the older I get the more comfortable I become being "alone" until a person comes around who really compliments my life. I spent all the time in my early twenties and teens chasing every girl, now my legs are tired from doing what I want to do! 1
Jamesblame Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? I think it's because I thrive when in a relationship. I am happiest when I am sharing my life with someone else. And even when it's over, and even after I accept it's over, I still miss it. All the good times, and even the bad. I miss it all and I mope on and try to stay busy. It isn't until I meet someone new that I can actually feel truly over the previous relationship. It's as though I can feel the void in me until it's filled. And this isn't about rebounding. I have no desire to do that. I just wish my time between relationships could be happier. I'm sure it has a lot to do with getting older and wanting to settle down. Perhaps I am more depressed about that than anything. Just remember that your partner is supposed to be a pleasant addendum to yoru life. They aren't and will never be able to make you happy in your life. Also, the best way to get into a realtionship is to work on yourself and make sure your single life is what you want your life to be. This may be why bachelor men are seen as so attractive by women--they enjoy their life, and are living it to the fullest. Now even happily single its normal to be a bit sad when thinking of your ex. Your BIG EX. For me, I got over my ex fiancee after one year, 7 girls, and two short term monogamous girlfriends. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I used to be this way, but I have slowly become less dependent on being in a relationship to be happy. The lesson I learned was that you can never depend on someone else to be happy, because that person can be taken from you, for one reason or another. I'm still down for a little while after a relationship, but I move on much much quicker than I used to. I'm still working on the not looking back and thinking what if part.
KatZee Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I cant do the grieving period. I wait 1-3 weeks then I need to find someone so I can start again. it brings me down hard when im by myself. it is normal. Everyone copes differently but I wouldn't say that what you're doing is normal OR healthy. Most people take a time out to reflect, mourn the loss, re-establish themselves. The end of relationships hurts, and a lot of people try to mask over the pain just like what you're doing. My ex did it with his ex when he started dating me weeks after they split. But after being involved with him, he had so much baggage. So many issues. He isn't a happy individual. He hides everything, he never faces anything, he doesn't work through anything. Masking problems and running from them will only hurt you in the long run. And that's why you're brought down so hard when you're alone. There ARE issues there.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I used to be this way, but I have slowly become less dependent on being in a relationship to be happy. The lesson I learned was that you can never depend on someone else to be happy, because that person can be taken from you, for one reason or another. I'm still down for a little while after a relationship, but I move on much much quicker than I used to. I'm still working on the not looking back and thinking what if part. I agree with this completely. But it's true that I don't really stop thinking about an ex until I really like someone else. I like having someone to dream and fantasize about. And it can't be just anyone - I have to care about him. One of the best things about a new relationship is I get to stop mooning over the previous guy - and moon over someone new! haha It's a huge relief.
eleanorhurting Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I agree with this completely. But it's true that I don't really stop thinking about an ex until I really like someone else. I like having someone to dream and fantasize about. And it can't be just anyone - I have to care about him. One of the best things about a new relationship is I get to stop mooning over the previous guy - and moon over someone new! haha It's a huge relief. I'm curious what happened to whats his face? How are you doing? to the OP, I am sort of like this. Definitely struggling with learning how to be alone...
carhill Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Can never fully get over an ex until I meet someone new I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? Haven't yet, but that's probably due to being an only child, as I never grew to be dependent upon close interaction to feel 'completed', hence feeling incomplete until a new potential filled that space. I think it's 'normal' if it's within your realm of existence, relative to your life path, and the relationships which result are positive ones for you *and* the person who's 'someone new' enabling you to 'fully get over an ex'.
todreaminblue Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I wish this wasn't the case, but it is. Does anyone else notice this about themselves? Do you think it's normal? I think it's because I thrive when in a relationship. I am happiest when I am sharing my life with someone else. And even when it's over, and even after I accept it's over, I still miss it. All the good times, and even the bad. I miss it all and I mope on and try to stay busy. It isn't until I meet someone new that I can actually feel truly over the previous relationship. It's as though I can feel the void in me until it's filled. And this isn't about rebounding. I have no desire to do that. I just wish my time between relationships could be happier. I'm sure it has a lot to do with getting older and wanting to settle down. Perhaps I am more depressed about that than anything. i think when you get into a new relationship it is the end of the book of an old relationship, its the last word last page ........it is a new beginning and a new chapter in another book that you put yoru heart and soul into writing and completing ....and hoepfull its one that is right fro you to eb writing about....smilin....i dont think its bad to fully move on when in a new relationship and thrive and enjoy what you have.......isnt that what being in a relationship is about writing new chapters, enjoying writing them and living them......and learning all you need to know about that significant other...so yes it happens to me too..but it happens from point of interest or thoughts of a new relationship...so even before i write the book, i have started writing in my head, when i start to think about writing a new book, the old book is finished......i think it happens to everyone whether they realize it or not...that is how i can be friends with my exes, any desire i have had is gone ...to read the book over.....i have no desire to...i am focused on what is ahead not behind...i am ocd in this respect........deb
Author ScienceGal Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) Also, the best way to get into a realtionship is to work on yourself and make sure your single life is what you want your life to be. My single life is definitely what I want it to be. Work, school, gym, volunteer when I can. Right now I am focusing on making new friends and expanding social circles. Of course I am hoping to increase my chances of meeting a potential boyfriend, but I'm not going to rush anything. I've been asked out a couple times and have said no. I am not ready. I used to be this way, but I have slowly become less dependent on being in a relationship to be happy. The lesson I learned was that you can never depend on someone else to be happy, because that person can be taken from you, for one reason or another. I'm still down for a little while after a relationship, but I move on much much quicker than I used to. I'm still working on the not looking back and thinking what if part. I can be happy alone, but not as happy as I am with someone special in my life. This is not only for intimacy, but because I know I want to settle down. I move on faster than I used to as well. After a breakup, I give myself time to wallow and lie in bed crying, but not too long. Being single isn't going to hold me back from living my life. The end of relationships hurts, and a lot of people try to mask over the pain just like what you're doing. My ex did it with his ex when he started dating me weeks after they split. But after being involved with him, he had so much baggage. So many issues. He isn't a happy individual. He hides everything, he never faces anything, he doesn't work through anything. Yes! This is my ex. I asked him when the last time he had been alone was and he couldn't remember. I suppose that explains his depression/anxiety, alcohol abuse and why he always needed to be chatting with other women. Also why he started seeing someone new less than a week after we split. It is hard to determine the "right" amount of time to grieve, but moving on because you're incapable of being alone is just wrong and will not fix anything in the long term. I'm sitting here tonight with a little sad twinge in my chest. I'm lonely, but I am not sad or crying about it. I remember having sick-to-my-stomach feelings at the end with ex. I remember crying from the pain he was causing me. I just went out with a friend tonight and met some of his friends. It made me happy to make new connections. I'll take my little sad twinge and move on, it's better than being with someone who isn't right for me. It's better than feeling "stuck" in a bad relationship. I'll take hope instead Edited February 18, 2013 by ScienceGal
Soxfaninfl Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I like being in a relationship. I don't like being alone and lonely. I was married for 11 years, and I want to marry again someday. My left me for another man. I don't think of my ex wife when I'm in a relationship, but the four women I've dated since my divorce haven't been the ones for me. I go back to thinking of my ex-wife when I'm alone again. I ****ing hate it! I guess I do since she's the only women I've ever been in love with and I share a son with her. I did care for the other women I've dated since my divorce, but I wasn't in love with them.
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