My ex girlfriend and i finally made up as friends. What's the next step?

[dwight 12345]

My ex gf broke up with me 2 months ago due to her losing feelings. We were very happy before but i was really stressed out with my personal life but i never told her and i saw it was effecting our relationship. I didn't take her seriously with all the hints she was giving me that she will leave me until i lost her. I was stupid for not talking about what was bugging me.

 

When we broke up she said that this happens to her a lot in relationships and it would be best if we were to just remain friends with benefits. (This is complete B.S. I know i am the one that caused her to break up with me. I started to act like how we were when we were just friends with benefits. I didn't treat her like my girl.) It sounds like she is just keeping me around until she replaces me but she's not, this girl is legit. I didn't realize that until a couple weeks ago.

She said she was afraid to lose me and i'm the best boyfriend/best friend she never had.

 

After we broke up we were still on good terms until over winter break i said "don't talk to me unless you want to makeup." I also didn't give her enough space. I kept bringing up the relationship. So she didn't talk to me at all, even after i apologized a week later.

 

A few weeks ago i found out that she is dating this guy who is in college that she met through her sister. I felt like i had no chance getting her back because he is a couple years older than me and her sister introduced him to her.

 

I tried talking to her as a friend at school, i even apologized for what i said over winter break and that she should look past all the bad things in the past and remember how close we used to be. She just blew me off and told my friend to tell me that she doesn't want to be friends with me because of the stuff i said to her over break.

 

I let things cool down for a couple weeks and i heard that things weren't going well between this other guy. I also noticed at the same time it looked like she started to miss me. I thought she was just using me as a backup. So on valentines day i got her this beanie she really wanted while we were going out. I told her "Happy Valentines day, i got this for you a while ago and i should have gave it to you a while back. I hope this will make things better between us." She looked very happy and i went up for a high five but she said she wanted a hug. So i gave her a hug and it was the longest firmest hug between us. She was carrying around the beanie the whole day at school.

We are slowly rebuilding our friendship but she still seems a little hesitant talking to me. I think in time things will get better.

 

The next day she looked really sexy. We were walking to class together and talking a bit with some friends. Until she purposely says to one of my friends that she is seeing someone and asked him if he wants to double date with them. I was right next to her, it's like she wants to rub it in my face. I'm not letting it get to me though. I think the stuff with the other guy is dying off, i'm not sure though. I know this because of some friends.

 

Later that day in school, i was sitting next to my friends on the bench in the basketball gym and surprisingly she left class and came. She was sitting right behind me. She could have sat anywhere else but decided to sit behind me.

 

Yesterday, i saw a picture she posted on Instagram wearing the beanie i gave her. I'm sure she knows that i saw it. I'm still not sure if she misses me and is trying to tell me subtly or if she just likes the beanie. I'm trying not to over think things.

 

What do you guys think? Am i doing things right in order to win her back?

I know that i have to gain her trust again so i should be the one doing the interaction first for now right?

[BarbecueMan666]

How old are you both? - Just out of curiosity so I can get a better read on this. Since so far - if what you're saying is not jaded in the slightest, then it could well be she's kinda playing with you, but does indeed like you.

[dwight 12345]

She's 17 and I'm 18.

That's what I thought too but she's not that kind of girl. Sometime she plays games but it's rare. At the moment im almost sure shes being pretty serious.

I also have dated a few women after our breakup and I do understand/read women easily. I know that I want her, not need her.

I also doubt she probably is playing me because the other guy isn't that into her as much as she is into him so she's falling back onto me. Or she realizes that I was the better guy.

Edited February 17, 2013 by dwight 12345

[KatZee]

Nope. I wouldn't say you're doing the right thing at all if you want her back romantically. You're setting yourself up real damn fast to be friendzoned.

 

She dumped you two months ago. Already in that period of time she's dating someone else.

 

I don't think she's so much "rubbing in your face" the fact she's dating... it's just that there's no romantic feelings for you on her end, and the fact you're agreeing to be her "friend" she thinks she can talk like that around you!

 

She wore a piece of clothing you got her. So what? I wear stuff my ex got me and I flat out hate him. It's just clothes and they mean nothing on a personal level to me.

 

If there was still love on her end, she wouldn't be happily dating and having double dates. She most certainly would be in pain and not acting so super friendly and normal. You being around isn't going to show her what she lost. She can't miss what's always around. Go on with your life. Go live it. Stop focusing on her. You're going to be breadcrumbed until the cows come home and you're going to analyze and over analyze every. single. little. thing. she does from this point out. You're already doing it. "Omg she wore my hat!"

 

NC, heal, move on.

[dwight 12345]

But if I have any chance at all getting back with her, I have to remain friends with her otherwise all the emotional bond will disappear.

[Simon Phoenix]

But if I have any chance at all getting back with her, I have to remain friends with her otherwise all the emotional bond will disappear.

 

Absolutely 100 percent incorrect.

[TaraMaiden]

But if I have any chance at all getting back with her, I have to remain friends with her otherwise all the emotional bond will disappear.

 

dwight 12345, just because you post multiple threads, doesn't mean the advice will be different.

 

Let's try to get this through your head -

 

I T ' S O V E R.

 

There is nothing left for you there, emotionally.

She's dumped you, doesn't want you any more, has finished with you, and there IS NO 'Emotional Bond'.

The only 'emotional bond' is the one you imagine could ever still exist... And it's a mix of love, hope, wishful thinking and disbelief that this could actually be a happening thing.

 

But it is.

 

She's not there for you any more, and what's more, never will be.

 

Read my reply to you in your other thread - and follow the link in my signature.

Friendship right now, is the last thing you need.

In fact, friendship isn't what's happening here.

She is not a friend to you, and you're hanging on like a sick lovelorn puppy.

 

Go No Contact.