Is it worth putting my eggs into one basket?

[amolya]

No...woggle is right.

 

Texting is the worst thing to happen to dating since OLD.

 

Look at how many threads and posts pop about miscommunication via texting.

 

"What did he mean?"

"How come she didn't reply right away?"

 

And on and on and on.

 

Texting is for the socially decrepit if you're using it to establish a relationship. If you're already in one, then yeah, text all you want. But when you barely know the person and you do the bulk of your initial communication via text, something is wrong.

 

So true, I was going to edit my post to say something similar. Texting is pretty crappy form of communication itself, and I think it's unfair to assume things about a persons interest or communication based on their texting behAviour

[kaylan]

If I gave a guy my phone number, and he didn't call, I'd move on. Simple. Why try to analyze people you haven't even met? Or call them out on their behavior?

Wow. People dont read OPs or thread posts at all do they?

 

I had said that she has a busy schedule and i knew this before getting her number. Thats why I texted her to see when a good time to call would be. Then that first night of communication she gets back to me late and says shes too tired to talk on the phone and had to slee soon to be up early.

 

So clearly I wasnt showing any lack of interest.

 

Also, ill call out who I wanna call out. Im an outspoken dude who doesnt let lame behavior slide. I just like people to know their bs doesnt go unnoticed in case they try to pull it on me again...or try to pull it on the next person

[carhill]

I wont hookup with more than 1 woman at a time, but I see no problem in hanging out with more than 1 woman at a time.

 

This was (probably still is) common in my generation and, from listening to my parents when younger, theirs as well, so that dates back to the 1930's anyway. Women have been entertaining the romantic intentions of multiple men for generations. That doesn't mean they have been having sex with multiple men at the same time, though I'm confident some have. I always expected it, and was rarely disappointed. Seeking a mate is often, and mostly, a brutal competition, at least around here. YMMV.

 

IMO, do what you do. Don't worry about the ladies. They're adults. If they don't like it, billions more to be encountered. You can rest assured they don't carefully ponder your feelings while out on a date with another man. They're enjoying themselves, as you should. Good luck.

[Yamcha]

Im not gonna meet a girl I havent even spoken to on the phone yet

Why not? I can see the argument that you should get to know the person first, but you can get to know them for hours over the phone and have no compatibility in person. Then it's a colossal waste of time. And then you go on here and complain about them not returning your texts and ****. Doesn't seem like the best of choices, in my humble opinion.

[KungFuJoe]

Wow. People dont read OPs or thread posts at all do they?

 

I had said that she has a busy schedule and i knew this before getting her number. Thats why I texted her to see when a good time to call would be. Then that first night of communication she gets back to me late and says shes too tired to talk on the phone and had to slee soon to be up early.

 

So clearly I wasnt showing any lack of interest.

 

Also, ill call out who I wanna call out. Im an outspoken dude who doesnt let lame behavior slide. I just like people to know their bs doesnt go unnoticed in case they try to pull it on me again...or try to pull it on the next person

 

So you overthink AND you overreact.

 

This will probably fall on deaf ears, and I don't know how much success you've had in dating or how old you are, but I can tell from your posts that you are going to have a VERY hard time finding a woman for something long term. You're eventually going to wear her down with all your over analyzing and calling her out on every little misunderstanding.

 

You're also very stubborn with a "my way is always the right way" attitude.

 

You sound very uptight as well. Remember, women like easy going and "cool" guys. They like their drama, but the drama they like is the exciting and exhilarating kind. Your kind of drama is energy sapping and overbearing.

[Casablanca]

No...woggle is right.

 

Texting is the worst thing to happen to dating since OLD.

 

Look at how many threads and posts pop about miscommunication via texting.

 

"What did he mean?"

"How come she didn't reply right away?"

 

And on and on and on.

 

Texting is for the socially decrepit if you're using it to establish a relationship. If you're already in one, then yeah, text all you want. But when you barely know the person and you do the bulk of your initial communication via text, something is wrong.

I totally agree that texting shouldn't be used to get to know someone, talking on phones and obviously in person dates are the best. But texting is very convenient and just because some people over analyze everything and response time, doesn't make it a bad thing...those are the same people that would over analyzing how long it took someone to call them back

 

I use it to iron out details after we've made plans over phone or in person or when I can't make a phone call. If I'm dating someone we will usually text eachother about our days and once in a while I'll call to say hi and talk, but for small talk, if it isn't in person, I'll take texting. It is also useful to send information, like last night, went to a bar where a band was playing, the girl I'm talking to texted me her specific location in the bar...there was no way she would have been able to call me without leaving the bar to tell me where she was at in there because of the noise.

 

So texting can be great if used right. It shouldnt be used to really get to know someone, but it is great for quick small conversations and ironing out details. Think of it it like writing a letter to someone, just much quicker, or I guess an email, just sent through a different medium. It is all about how you use it. For those who have texting complicate things for them, if it wasn't texting, something else would have complicated things.

[Casablanca]

Why not? I can see the argument that you should get to know the person first, but you can get to know them for hours over the phone and have no compatibility in person. Then it's a colossal waste of time. And then you go on here and complain about them not returning your texts and ****. Doesn't seem like the best of choices, in my humble opinion.

I agree, also, I don't like talking to someone on the phone I haven't met, it is always awkward.

 

If I meet someone through OLD, I will suggest a meet up before talking on the phone, then if that goes well, I'll call her the next day to try and set up a second date

 

If I meet someone in person, I will call them no problem and talk with them to set up a date if I just got their number, and have no problem doing that because I have already conversed with that person in person.

[KungFuJoe]

I totally agree that texting shouldn't be used to get to know someone, talking on phones and obviously in person dates are the best. But texting is very convenient and just because some people over analyze everything and response time, doesn't make it a bad thing...those are the same people that would over analyzing how long it took someone to call them back

 

I use it to iron out details after we've made plans over phone or in person or when I can't make a phone call. If I'm dating someone we will usually text eachother about our days and once in a while I'll call to say hi and talk, but for small talk, if it isn't in person, I'll take texting. It is also useful to send information, like last night, went to a bar where a band was playing, the girl I'm talking to texted me her specific location in the bar...there was no way she would have been able to call me without leaving the bar to tell me where she was at in there because of the noise.

 

So texting can be great if used right. It shouldnt be used to really get to know someone, but it is great for quick small conversations and ironing out details. Think of it it like writing a letter to someone, just much quicker, or I guess an email, just sent through a different medium. It is all about how you use it. For those who have texting complicate things for them, if it wasn't texting, something else would have complicated things.

 

I did say that once you've established some of sort of "feel" for the other person, then texting is fine.

 

But the problem with texting (and email and any non verbal form of communication that is "quick") is that it's impossible to convey TONE.

 

TONE is the number one most important aspect in communication. Tone is EVERYTHING.

 

You can say the same phrase, and depending on tone, it can mean two totally different things.

 

"Joe did what? What an a-hole!"

 

How would you interpret that comment? Without tone, you don't know if the person saying that really thinks Joe is a piece of **** *******....or if he's saying that with a joking snicker.

 

So yes, texting can be useful. But when you're first getting to know someone, pick up the phone and speak to them.

[KungFuJoe]

Guys and girls,

 

If you're uncomfortable talking on the phone with someone you've never met, perhaps the reason why you're on LS is that you have some type of social anxiety that you need ironed out?

 

I mean, has absolutely normal social interaction degraded so much that you fear the sound of your own voice?

[RebelWithoutACause]

I totally agree that texting shouldn't be used to get to know someone, talking on phones and obviously in person dates are the best.

 

Texting is to be saved for when you've managed to marry them. It should be used to touch base on who's buying the milk and toilet paper. If you wanna get to know someone, meet them IN PERSON!

[KungFuJoe]

Texting is to be saved for when you've managed to marry them. It should be used to touch base on who's buying the milk and toilet paper. If you wanna get to know someone, meet them IN PERSON!

 

THIS x1000.

 

Use it for VERY simple messages. Messages that are direct and NOT open for interpretation.

 

Problem is people nowadays go through entire conversations over text. Whenever I find myself texting my wife and it gets to a point where we're sending more than 3 or 4 messages back and forth I just pick up the phone and call her.

[StanMusial]

Here's my take OP but I'm reading between the lines so you might have to clarify some things.

 

You haven't met any of them so you are working off photos. You seem to like Girl #3 the most or you wouldn't have started this thread. She's a hostess in a restaurant. These are clues to me that she is fairly attractive, likely the most attractive of the 3.

 

With that established, she probably has a really long queue of guys vying for her attention. Based on the communication frequency you may be in the middle or back of the queue, not at the front. My recommendation to you would be to go ahead and see if she will agree to a date. Put the ball in her court and don't waste too much more time. Be ready to move on to the next one.

[kaylan]

Wow. Some people here really arent getting it.

Here is the deal.

 

On cellular networks, voice traffic takes priority over data traffic for emergency reasons. If the towers that her phones connect to have a lot of voice traffic, your assumption that she is receiving the message as soon as you send it may be wrong.

 

Additionally, depending on how far she is from a tower, the signal may be less than ideal which can also delay the delivery of messages. Her apt/home may also have thick walls that interfere with reception and she may have "dead spots" where she has no signal. (To state the obvious: no signal = no sms delivery.)

Are you serious? Are you really trying to make cell phone tower and sms delivery excuses for this girl? Especially when she acknowledged and apologized twice for take forever to get back to me.

 

I routinely get text messages well after they are sent. Sometimes I don't get them until the next day.

She got them when I sent them.

 

I also don't check my phone every 5-10 minutes to see if anyone has texted me because my sense of self-worth is not connected to an electronic device or connected to being available or aware of what other people are doing. If I have my ringer off (which I often do) I won't get any audible cue that I have a new message.

Oh spare me. This isnt about self worth. This is about being consistent...like another poster said. Consistency is paramount in the early stages of dating. Her actions now dont match up to the initial interest she showed.

 

Im not asking her to be glued to her phone. A reply takes 10 seconds.

I think this lady is lucky that you have decided to move on. She's holding down 2 jobs and not jeopardizing that by paying more attention to her phone than to getting her job done. I'm guessing the last thing she needs is someone that whips themselves into a neurotic frenzy because she is not literally waiting by the phone to hear from them.

 

She has a life.

Wtf are you talking about? 2 part time jobs doesnt leave someone with barely a minute to quickly reply to a text. Especially if she sent me a text a bit before she had work anyways. And especially if shes able to text me as shes leaving the bar, telling me shes been drinking since she got off work.

 

How can you not see that this is not how you show interest properly to someone? You dont text me back for hours, yet you can tell me how awesome your night out drinking was at almost 2am?

 

In what was is it a neurotic frenzy to calmly mention to her that she doesnt seem into it? Women, when really interested in a new guy, dont behave like she is. So youre right...shes better off not talking to a guy she isnt into.

Why not? I can see the argument that you should get to know the person first, but you can get to know them for hours over the phone and have no compatibility in person. Then it's a colossal waste of time. And then you go on here and complain about them not returning your texts and ****. Doesn't seem like the best of choices, in my humble opinion.

Um...how OLD works is usually you message someone, then have phone conversations before you meet. Why in the world would I meet someone whos voice Ive never heard. For all I know she could be a completely different person, or a guy. No one would be telling a woman to meet a guy from OLD that shes never ever spoken to on the phone. Plus I wanted to see if the way we clicked on messages, could cross over to a phone convo. For me, girls I usually have great spoken conversations with, are girls I have good chemistry with.

So you overthink AND you overreact.

 

This will probably fall on deaf ears, and I don't know how much success you've had in dating or how old you are, but I can tell from your posts that you are going to have a VERY hard time finding a woman for something long term. You're eventually going to wear her down with all your over analyzing and calling her out on every little misunderstanding.

Um...dude. Part of the reason Ive gone through the bull crap I have in dating is because I didnt analyze enough, or I let obvious gut feelings of disinterest slide past my vision.

You're also very stubborn with a "my way is always the right way" attitude.

Trust me, Ive done a lot better with women once I adopted the "my way or the highway" routine. Girls who give me "funny feelings" because of flaky or disinterested behavior, have always been games or drama if I actually gave them some of my time. So Im going by experience here.

You sound very uptight as well. Remember, women like easy going and "cool" guys. They like their drama, but the drama they like is the exciting and exhilarating kind. Your kind of drama is energy sapping and overbearing.

Oh gimme a break. Ive played it cool before...and when you play it cool and dont notice or let someone know you notice their off behavior, they take advantage and think its ok.

 

Sorry, but I dont like any drama. And this girl isnt getting any drama from me. Shes simply getting told "hmm Im getting the wrong vibe here like youre not into this. Thats cool...it is what it is". If she wants a cool guy, she will def get a cool guy now who doesnt give a damn.

 

Now today she wants to send me a text to tell me good afternoon, and that shes having a hectic day and hopes we can talk later if its not too late. Riiiiight.

[KungFuJoe]

kaylan,

 

You know what you are? You're a people pleaser. I think you know what that means. Basically, you try to hard to make people like you...and when they don't like you, because you've put in all this effort, it makes you feel down and it hurts your self confidence.

 

You might think I'm off my rocker and that's fine...but this is the impression I get from your many posts and threads on LS. The reason why you are over analyzing this situation to the point of obsession is because you feel she "owes" you something because of the effort you put in.

 

This girl owes you NOTHING. She could tell you to **** off and that's well within her rights. You gotta stop thinking in terms of "I put in x amount of effort, I expect x amount of reward". That's not how life works.

 

That's why I keep stressing "be cool", "just relax", "have fun", "stop caring so much", "just BE COOL". I'm not saying go around with an "I'm an indifferent jerk who doesn't give a crap" attitude. I'm saying...hey...sometimes things don't work out the way you expected and THAT'S PERFECTLY FINE.

 

This thread should not be 5 pages long (it really should not have even existed) and with each additional page it grows with you actively participating in it just continues to prove my point.

[kaylan]

Here's my take OP but I'm reading between the lines so you might have to clarify some things.

 

You haven't met any of them so you are working off photos. You seem to like Girl #3 the most or you wouldn't have started this thread. She's a hostess in a restaurant. These are clues to me that she is fairly attractive, likely the most attractive of the 3.

 

With that established, she probably has a really long queue of guys vying for her attention. Based on the communication frequency you may be in the middle or back of the queue, not at the front. My recommendation to you would be to go ahead and see if she will agree to a date. Put the ball in her court and don't waste too much more time. Be ready to move on to the next one.

Also this. She is an attractive girl, and I do think we clicked. But Im not gonna rush and race to beat out competition I dont know about. Either shes into me and wants to do something about it, or she isnt.

 

If shes not, shell move out of my queue and another girl will take that spot. No biggie. Considering that she doesnt seem to have enough time to text or even talk on the phone, I cant see her having any real time to date either. And when you add to that fact that she lives an hour away from me, and us clearly having different communication styles....it prolly wouldnt work.

 

No biggie. Im not sweating it. What Im sweating is the inability of some people to see why I would interpret her behavior as disinterest and god forbid I mention it to her in a calm and quick manner.

[StanMusial]

Also this. She is an attractive girl, and I do think we clicked. But Im not gonna rush and race to beat out competition I dont know about. Either shes into me and wants to do something about it, or she isnt.

 

If shes not, shell move out of my queue and another girl will take that spot. No biggie. Considering that she doesnt seem to have enough time to text or even talk on the phone, I cant see her having any real time to date either. And when you add to that fact that she lives an hour away from me, and us clearly having different communication styles....it prolly wouldnt work.

 

No biggie. Im not sweating it. What Im sweating is the inability of some people to see why I would interpret her behavior as disinterest and god forbid I mention it to her in a calm and quick manner.

 

Girls I know IRL who use OLD told me that you have to act REALLY fast or you lose out. Like maybe three messages and then arrange a date. That is second-hand advice obviously but as good as any most likely.

 

My point is it might not be disinterest per se but she is probably struggling to juggle all of her options. Then again, it could be disinterest in the sense that there are others that jostled ahead in the queue and they are taking up the interest.

[kaylan]

Girls I know IRL who use OLD told me that you have to act REALLY fast or you lose out. Like maybe three messages and then arrange a date. That is second-hand advice obviously but as good as any most likely.

 

My point is it might not be disinterest per se but she is probably struggling to juggle all of her options. Then again, it could be disinterest in the sense that there are others that jostled ahead in the queue and they are taking up the interest.

In my view, no girl is ever so important that I need to put through much more effort than her in order to beat out other competition.

 

She should either be on the same page as me, or things will simply fade out. In the past, when girls have liked me enough, I didnt have to worry about others guys in some queue. When a chick is actually legit interested in you, you wont have to compete with other dudes really.

 

You two will simply show mutual interest, and go on a date and see if things click. I should have to push buttons harder than she does.

[sweetjasmine]

Guys and girls,

 

If you're uncomfortable talking on the phone with someone you've never met, perhaps the reason why you're on LS is that you have some type of social anxiety that you need ironed out?

 

I mean, has absolutely normal social interaction degraded so much that you fear the sound of your own voice?

 

This isn't exactly fair. In kaylan's situation, it wasn't a matter of not wanting to talk on the phone.

 

And more generally, some of us just hate using the phone. I'd much, much rather talk to a stranger face-to-face than talk on the phone. And it's not fear or social anxiety (had to make regular calls at my old job and had no problem doing it), but just general dislike for it.

[StanMusial]

In my view, no girl is ever so important that I need to put through much more effort than her in order to beat out other competition.

 

She should either be on the same page as me, or things will simply fade out. In the past, when girls have liked me enough, I didnt have to worry about others guys in some queue. When a chick is actually legit interested in you, you wont have to compete with other dudes really.

 

You two will simply show mutual interest, and go on a date and see if things click. I should have to push buttons harder than she does.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with all of this. I think OLD operates on a different wave for whatever reason(s). I had no success with it, I can only speak to what others told me about it.

[todreaminblue]

my girls have always told me not to answer texts as soon as i get them,its apparently not cool .......but seeing i determine my own coolness level and dont follow what they think is cool.......i answer as soon as i read them...if a guy is relentless......and if i hear the phone beeping at me every five minutes i leave it for a little while because it makes me feel pressured and skittish.......i have currently lost my mobile phone......that happens often....so it is possible she left her phone at home etc.......i am not a frequent texter so it takes em a logn time to write one message......i get ribbed about this......but i actually put thought into what i write try to make it perfect so i delete and correct spelling......

 

 

so no i cant multiple date even if i wanted too......i dont think it helps to multiple date never have......once in my teens i was dating two guys at once, i double booked the same tiem the sam eday ....i went out with one and forgot about the other date.......that other date tracked me down , where i was with this other guy........there was almost a fight.......and i really hurt th eguy i forgot about ....so since that episode i never put myself in a position....one guy is enough for me to handle...i dotn know how others do it......i just cant mentally cope with two ......you might coem across flakes you might have it not work out.....love si a risk isnt it? why carry 67 little baskets of eggs......whose to say you wont drop them all.....not all at once but over a course of months even you will end up losing eggs.......so if i am goign to lose eggs i would rather drop just one basket than 67 of them....clean up the mess in one go take some time out.....and then pick up another basket....makes sense to me..you always have a risk of not being compatible doesn tmake it any less of a risk to have more options.....i think probability would make it a higher risk of more incompatibility a higher ratio of egg lossage..deb

[kaylan]

This isn't exactly fair. In kaylan's situation, it wasn't a matter of not wanting to talk on the phone.

 

And more generally, some of us just hate using the phone. I'd much, much rather talk to a stranger face-to-face than talk on the phone. And it's not fear or social anxiety (had to make regular calls at my old job and had no problem doing it), but just general dislike for it.

Exactly. I was actually very excited to have our first phone conversation, considering how much we had to say online and the things we had in common. Now, even though she says she hopes we can speak later tonight, Im just feeling not into it and turned off.

 

Like seriously, even without the responses that take forever, what message does someone think it sends to another person when you text them at almost 2am, saying you just left the bar and have been drinking since you got out of work. Is it wrong to feel that in itself is kind of a turn off.

 

I mean Id expect that from a party girl whos 22 not someone whos 27

I agree wholeheartedly with all of this. I think OLD operates on a different wave for whatever reason(s). I had no success with it, I can only speak to what others told me about it.

I know. I get what you mean. And Im sure she has plenty of options in real life, and especially from OLD. However, if I dont make it as a main interest to her after the connection we seemed to have had, I wouldnt want to hang with a girl who needs me to grow on her in order to leap frog other guys. Either you like me and wanna chill (and can show it), or you dont.

[Casablanca]

Guys and girls,

 

If you're uncomfortable talking on the phone with someone you've never met, perhaps the reason why you're on LS is that you have some type of social anxiety that you need ironed out?

 

I mean, has absolutely normal social interaction degraded so much that you fear the sound of your own voice?

So having better conversations in person compared to on the phone and preferring to meet someone in person before talking with that person on the phone is a form of social anxiety? Meeting a person face to face is more social than talking on the phone. In terms of getting a idea for someone's personality, you can get more information on the phone than compared to text obviously, but you get a much better feel and understanding when you meet them face to face.

 

I just prefer to turn meeting someone online into like meeting someone in person. You can't get a woman's number if you haven't met them yet, so you wouldn't have been able to talk with them on the phone before meeting them.

[rhymes]

Just breezed through this thread so I'm sure I've missed a lot, but it's a comedy of errors in my opinion.

 

I've dated waitresses, hostesses, bartenders, and a lot of other women and I'm sure as it's been mentioned, everyone has different types of communication timelines.

 

The girl I'm seeing now, after our first date, which went awesome, didn't text me for two days to touch base, and you know what? We're still dating two months later....

 

She usually doesn't respond to my texts in a timely manner at all, but guess what? She's busy!

 

If she's with friends, the last thing I expect her to do is whip out her phone and start a text convo with me, or even respond. Hell she's even going to dinner with a guy friend tonight, which I have no problem with, and I don't care if she texts me before or after. If you're busy, out with people, working, texting should be one of the last things on your mind. Enjoy life.

 

Like I said, I haven't read it all, but the fact you haven't even met yet means that she owes you nothing.

 

I'd take it that she generally is busy, and while most people, myself included always have my phone on me, doesn't mean that I'm required to text within an hour or two of receiving someone else's messages.

 

In my opinion you made a big mistake calling her out on the "vibe". Take it easy and breezy, plus you actually need to meet first, no need to already have negative vibes heading into a first date. This girl could be amazing and just because she wasn't all over via text the first few days you have your number doesn't mean she's not interested.

 

I usually give the girls a time frame, say two weeks as a general length, if we've been texting or emailing and we can't meet up within a two week time frame, then I'm done.

 

Focus on the positive, the good emails and good connection and less on the lack of responses. She's not your girlfriend so why expect her to communicate like one?

 

Don't mean to be harsh, just my two cents, but I think you could have handle this a lot better, but perhaps I missed something....

 

God Speed

[Star Gazer]

Kaylan, this is one of the few times () I agree with you.

 

I ended my relationship with Soldier Boy and am dating again, and am finding it super difficult NOT to respond right away to a particular guy I'm dating and super interested in. I actually feel proud of myself if I manage to wait 30 minutes. :lol:

 

But with the guys who I don't really feel a spark with or am not that interested in, I wait a lot longer... like the girl in the OP. Basically, these other guys are my backup plan, and I could care less if they fall through, because my focus is elsewhere.

 

I mean, it's one thing if she takes a while now and again to respond to an initiated text, but when it becomes a clear pattern, or you respond right away and you'd think she's holding her phone in that moment or it's nearby, and she waits AGAIN...? Bad sign.

 

For your own sake, I'd move on.

[Star Gazer]

But you shouldn't limit yourself to a person you haven't even met, either.

 

And this, too.