Is it worth putting my eggs into one basket?

[kaylan]

Kaylan,

 

You're overreacting. Apparently only you can't see that.

 

You know people have lives as well...and maybe she's just not that into you.

Mr Castle and SJC see my point. And Im fine if shes just not that into me. In which case, dont spend so much time writing me out well written responses and putting indicators of interest in those responses, and dont give me your number either.

 

I dont mind if a girl isnt interested. But dont gimme the digits and then gimme lame excuses when you dont communicate. I think Im allowed to be annoyed by that. I dont ask or give numbers to girls Im not into.

[RebelWithoutACause]

 

The fact that you think Im overreacting by finding her behavior lame, is just beyond me. God forbid that I communicate with others that I find this kind of behavior offputting, especially when she seemed so eager to speak with me initially.

 

I don't think you are overreacting because you find her behavior lame, you're overreacting because you are calling a perfect stranger out on it. She doesn't owe you diddles.

Anyways, I do hope you meet someone less flaky and more consistent. Consistency, to me, is paramount in the begining of a relationship.

[MrCastle]

Kaylan,

 

You're overreacting. Apparently only you can't see that.

 

You know people have lives as well...and maybe she's just not that into you.

 

But Kaylan has already said this. Regardless, I think we can all agree, the girl's actions indicate she's not exactly crawling with excitement to talk to/meet this guy. You don't go 8 hours without so much as checking your phone. The president doesn't even do that, so save the busy stuff. No one in this day and age goes 8 hours without looking at their phone unless they're sleeping.

 

The girl received the message, looked at her phone, and continued with whatever she was doing.

 

When people don't respond to your text, it's not because they haven't received it. It's because they've decided not to answer. They looked at their screen, said "oh, I got a text from so and so", and go back to what they were doing.

 

Let's not pretend that's how it goes down.

 

Now, I do partially blame texting itself in that regard, because it's allowed people to be rude and ignore human interaction as they see fit (imagine ignoring people when they're talking to you in person, face to face. That never happens because that's very rude). But at the same time, all you have to have is common human decency to say something like "I'm busy, I'll ttyl" if you didn't want to talk, and it's all cleared up.

 

This generation lacks common human decency. Someone is messaging you. Respond.

[kaylan]

I don't think you are overreacting because you find her behavior lame, you're overreacting because you are calling a perfect stranger out on it. She doesn't owe you diddles.

Anyways, I do hope you meet someone less flaky and more consistent. Consistency, to me, is paramount in the begining of a relationship.

I see nothing wrong with calling someone out on that. Im a very straight forward, blunt, and honest person. Doesnt matter if I just met someone 2 seconds ago...if they do something to put me off, ill be honest about it. Especially if I think someone else shouldnt have to deal with that lame behavior.

 

I dont see the harm in letting them know Im outright acknowledging their bad behavior and putting it in the air. I dont like to bury stuff and keep quiet just because. Now if she never responded to me, and faded out...I wouldnt have called her out. But to twice text me back, make excuses and then try and act like things are hunky dory. Nah, that deserves a call out.

 

Thanks for the well wishes though. I will admit, dealing with flakes does change my attitude regarding dating though. So many women seem to be this way.

[KungFuJoe]

Mr Castle and SJC see my point. And Im fine if shes just not that into me. In which case, dont spend so much time writing me out well written responses and putting indicators of interest in those responses, and dont give me your number either.

 

I dont mind if a girl isnt interested. But dont gimme the digits and then gimme lame excuses when you dont communicate. I think Im allowed to be annoyed by that. I dont ask or give numbers to girls Im not into.

 

What I'm saying is...why be annoyed? Why even blink? People are going to do all sorts of things and you may never know why. Who cares.

 

I once got a number from a girl who I was talking to all night at a party. It seemed like there was definite interest. I called her up the next day (this was before texting) we spoke for hours on the phone. I tried to set up a date and she was beating around the bush. I left with telling her if she wants, to give me a call and we'll go out sometime, and no pressure. That was that. I didn't get annoyed that she was pussy footing or didn't immediately jump at a chance to go out with me. I don't remember how long before she called me back, but it was long enough to where I never called HER back. I figured if she really liked me, it wouldn't have taken her so long to decide. BUT I was never annoyed or angry and no hard feelings.

 

But I gotta say...just cuz someone doesn't text you back right away...I dunno...that seems like overreacting to me. You gotta be cool about this kinda stuff. You can't get bothered because someone doesn't work on YOUR timeline.

 

And anyways, I'm a firm believer that, if you meet the right woman, these kinds of "issues" don't even come up. If she really likes you, she's gonna find a way to get back to you because she's been thinking about you all day.

 

I don't know how old you are, but I quickly got to a point where if I got ANY kind of "funny" feeling about a girl, I would distance myself and eventually stop contacting them. And it was never any sweat off my back. When I met my wife, there was never any concern about who contacted who...we couldn't get enough of each other right from the first moment.

 

When you meet that right person...everything just falls into place.

[kaylan]

Again...texting back over 8 hrs later? And Im overreacting? This is a girl who gave me her number. Whats overreacting about finding this behavior annoying. Sorry that Im not a guy who lets this stuff go under the rug. Im not pissed about it, Im not angry about it. Im a tad annoyed...but I have other girls to talk to and will do my thing.

 

Im just too honest and forthright not to share my feelings

 

But it is what it is. She responded saying shes not normally like this and that she cant text at work. And that whenever she doesnt respond, its because of that. But lol...I texted her before she went to work both nights, and she responded to me after she left the bar tonight. So spare me female lol

 

And youre right about having the right person make thing fall into place. Ive already decided to back away from this chick because of this. Because if I decide to give her a shot, ill always have a funny feeling that says trouble is a brewin'

Edited February 17, 2013 by kaylan

[Archgirl]

I'm always seeing two or three at once, when there is no-one serious in my life, I assume they are too.

The text message thing, honestly, I do that when my time is being taken up texting/calling another guy who I prefer but I like the other guy (you in this instance) enough to want to keep him in the basket so I reply just enough to keep him around without tying up my phone. Sorry, it sounds really nasty when I see it written like that, hope you at least appreciate the honesty...if not the content...

 

EDIT: Oh yeah and the replying late at night thing, it's because it's after the guy she prefers has gone to bed.

Either that or she's read some chick dating advice manual which says wait 8 hours before calling and always give him the impression you have an exciting busy life. In which case she's not a keeper anyway.

Edited February 17, 2013 by Archgirl

[irc333]

I'm an advocate of this too, ESP when it comes to online dating because if you hold out for one woman you've met online, you have to be prepared for her to flake or be prepared to walk away.

 

Because

 

1. Of the 3 women, 2 of them might not be willing to even meet with you.

2. If you meet all 3 of them for a quick meet, chances are 2 of them will not want to see you again

 

Just examples, but you get my meaning, they might be so pre-occupied with other men as well, just as you're preoccupied with other women.

 

Funny thing though, some women I've met online reply to me, "I've been talking to this one guy now, so I'm seeing how this goes".

 

But yet, I see them sign in on a daily basis. lol

 

 

 

Well considering how dating can be sort of a numbers game, and that initially you dont know who you will or will not be compatible with, Ive generally held the view that its smart to talk to more than one woman when single. And when one uses online dating, in order to have an active dating life, you HAVE to talk to more than one girl at a time.

 

Anyways, Im talking to 3 girls right now whom I found online (by talking, I mean weve all already exchanged phone numbers). One is a friend of a friend who Ive met a couple times a few months back, and just by chance, stumbled upon her profile. We seem to have a good buddy vibe, and there does seem to be some chemistry there. The second is an older woman whos looking for new friends and possibly strictly casual fun. And the last girl is the one I click with the most and have been thinking about being relationship potential.

 

This is all OKC mind you. Anyways, the last girl and I have a really high match percentage. I looked through some of her match questions and we think alike regarding many things. We exchanged about 4 messages a piece before I asked for her number. The messages started getting pretty long on both our ends too. The last couple got to like 8 paragraphs we each wrote. So we clearly have a lot to say and much we could talk about.

 

Anyways, I get her number a couple days ago, and then I text her yesterday afternoon in order to ask her how her day was going and also what was a good time to call her. Since shes a hostess and works nights, she said early in the day and late nights generally work.

 

The thing that bothered me though, is that she took like an hour and a half to respond to my first text. Then it took her several hours to reply to the second one. She said she accidentally thought she left her phone at home when she texted me late at night, and apologized for getting back to me so much later. Then we texted for a little while last night, and I asked if it was too late to call her (Id rather not have long convos through text). She said she had to be up in 5 hours and was going to bed soon, so I said ok.

 

Anyways, I text her in the afternoon today, just to check in and say hey and ask how her days going. And she says it great, tells me her plans for the day, and asks me how mines going. I respond but then she doesnt reply back. And now its hours later again. I mean I know she had work this evening...but damn, you could at least reply back before work.

 

My problem with this is in the past, whenever a girl (especially ones I meet online) arent prompt in text replies, they end up not being much interested in me. The thing is, we had pretty good chemistry in our messages, and she seemed pretty interested in getting to know me. However, experience has taught me that this kind of text contact is a bad sign...and experience has also taught me to keep your options open.

 

What I was thinking of doing though, was keeping these other two women at bay, and seeing how me and the 3rd girl meshed first. But waiting to see how things go with her could ruin timing with these other two chicks....and thatd be mighty annoying me if the third girl isnt much into me. The other first two gals seem interested in hanging out soon, and Im def interested in going to hang out with the 3rd girl.

 

The big issue here is that I know some women dont like guys multidating. I wont hookup with more than 1 woman at a time, but I see no problem in hanging out with more than 1 woman at a time. But even with that being said, if the topic of seeing other people comes up with the 3rd girl, thatd be awkward. Its online dating, and I figure wed all assume everyone is meeting more than 1 person...but then again, some girls talk to many guys in messages and then select one to give their number and go out with. Plus, even though I havent heard a response to my last text yet, the 3rd gal has check my profile a couple times throughout the afternoon and evening.

 

So Im like 0.o. If you can check my profile, then you can reply to my text.

 

What say you? Im prolly thinking ahead of myself. But I dont wanna be hanging out with multiple women and running into drama. But I also dont wanna have a boring dating life because I let flakes cause me to drop other women.

[soccerrprp]

The sinister thing about online dating is that EVERYONE is either tempted or succumb to the GIGS. I suspect at least that some of you are already in the grip is GIGS. You too have become a part of the problem with online dating.

 

Fortunately, I have met some ladies who are serious about finding someone for LTR and once in a relationship, cease communications and try to work on the one at hand. If it doesn't work out, return to the OLD site. But, to actively communicate with multiple potential partners w/o making an effort to make some commitment after having dated a few and made a decision, is simply another sad symptom of the dysfunctional society we live in.

 

I've multi-dated in the past and it is not fun. But, once I have a strong interest in one, I stop OLD communications and focus on her. I also expect the same of that person.

[Archgirl]

The sinister thing about online dating is that EVERYONE is either tempted or succumb to the GIGS. I suspect at least that some of you are already in the grip is GIGS. You too have become a part of the problem with online dating.

 

Fortunately, I have met some ladies who are serious about finding someone for LTR and once in a relationship, cease communications and try to work on the one at hand. If it doesn't work out, return to the OLD site. But, to actively communicate with multiple potential partners w/o making an effort to make some commitment after having dated a few and made a decision, is simply another sad symptom of the dysfunctional society we live in.

 

I've multi-dated in the past and it is not fun. But, once I have a strong interest in one, I stop OLD communications and focus on her. I also expect the same of that person.

 

I suggest you re-read the thread before you impress us all with your wisdom and success. No one here is talking about dating multiple people long term, or about dating a few without making a commitment. Perhaps after re-reading you might have some actually relevant advice instead of thinly veiled boasting and self-aggrandizement. I look forward to it.

[JourneyLady]

I'm an older person, but truthfully I hate texting. Family often texts me and there have been some misunderstandings I've had to straighten out due to stupid punctuation errors on my phone. Not only that, the battery runs down quickly and if I am out somewhere, I might not be able to charge it until I get back...

 

And then there's forgetting the &(*&% thing, thinking it's in my purse when I leave and it's not.

 

I'm not dating yet (still getting over last relationship) but if I were and dating multiple people, I'd be getting finger tired if they all wanted to text me and not actually meet up. I find it's easy to miss a message if you have multiple messages - sometimes I've discovered my daughter has texted me two or three days after. And vice versa.

 

A lot depends on what phone and service you have, your age, your experience with texting, etc. For me, I'd hate to have a "texting" relationship with a guy. It just seems so ... shallow. I'd want to know how the physical chemistry was first before I put too much time into it.

 

As an aside - when I'm online browsing a certain dating site (just to see what's out there at this point in my age range) there's a guy that seems like he's on there all the time just wanting to chat. Yet doesn't have much to say. It's sort of annoying because I just want to check out a profile the site sent me and then log off and get back to work. But he wants to chat. Seems like he's on there every time I get on, so I figure he doesn't have many friends or much of a life outside the dating site.

[Yamcha]

Dude, Kaylan, chill out on this whole texting game. Texting or calling girls you haven't met yet is a pretty big waste of time, cause you could meet up and have no compatibility. You should go for the meetup first and let things go from there.

 

Don't get me wrong, I feel you, dog. I had a date last Thursday and we were having some pretty good phone convos. But when we met up...no sexual compatibility there. And to top it all off: When I flat out tell her that if she's not interested she should just say so, she uses the "I'll have to get back to you later," li(n)e. Dishonesty is my pet peeve, so that turned me right off.

 

But to answer your question: Yes, you should have other girls on deck in case the one you're trying to set something up with is incompatible and/or a flaky time-waster. I've got a date next weekend, but you'd better believe that I'll still be looking around. I do lament and wish that I could go after only one girl and they would be as cool and into me as they seem on paper, but that's just not the case.

[soccerrprp]

I suggest you re-read the thread before you impress us all with your wisdom and success. No one here is talking about dating multiple people long term, or about dating a few without making a commitment. Perhaps after re-reading you might have some actually relevant advice instead of thinly veiled boasting and self-aggrandizement. I look forward to it.

 

Archgirl,

 

You clearly don't know me. And, yes, people are talking about multi-dating and I'm giving my perspective. You don't like it, fine. You've expressed as much.

 

BOASTING AND SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT- ouch! My apologies if it "sounded" that way.

 

Again, just my view on multi-dating that some posts are clearly talking about. Perhaps you should go back to the posts that use the words "multi-dating" in them and reassess....

[kaylan]

Dude, Kaylan, chill out on this whole texting game. Texting or calling girls you haven't met yet is a pretty big waste of time, cause you could meet up and have no compatibility. You should go for the meetup first and let things go from there.

 

Don't get me wrong, I feel you, dog. I had a date last Thursday and we were having some pretty good phone convos. But when we met up...no sexual compatibility there. And to top it all off: When I flat out tell her that if she's not interested she should just say so, she uses the "I'll have to get back to you later," li(n)e. Dishonesty is my pet peeve, so that turned me right off.

 

But to answer your question: Yes, you should have other girls on deck in case the one you're trying to set something up with is incompatible and/or a flaky time-waster. I've got a date next weekend, but you'd better believe that I'll still be looking around. I do lament and wish that I could go after only one girl and they would be as cool and into me as they seem on paper, but that's just not the case.

Im not gonna meet a girl I havent even spoken to on the phone yet

[kaylan]

I'm always seeing two or three at once, when there is no-one serious in my life, I assume they are too.

The text message thing, honestly, I do that when my time is being taken up texting/calling another guy who I prefer but I like the other guy (you in this instance) enough to want to keep him in the basket so I reply just enough to keep him around without tying up my phone. Sorry, it sounds really nasty when I see it written like that, hope you at least appreciate the honesty...if not the content...

 

EDIT: Oh yeah and the replying late at night thing, it's because it's after the guy she prefers has gone to bed.

Either that or she's read some chick dating advice manual which says wait 8 hours before calling and always give him the impression you have an exciting busy life. In which case she's not a keeper anyway.

And Im definitely assuming shes doing the first.

 

I dont mind if shes seeing other people, but if you are gonna act interested in me and give me your number, at least be consistent. Ive kept girls in my basket before too, but I at least show them I value speaking to them and show my interest.

 

So thanks for the insight.

[sweetjasmine]

I cant just call her because she works two jobs.

 

...maybe she's busy?

 

It frequently takes me a long time to respond to people's texts, especially if they send them right before or during work/busy hours. I might see a text from my H pop up and not respond until hours later.

 

Chill out, dude. I can see how it could be off-putting, but why waste all this energy on it?

[Woggle]

This is why I am so glad because of my age that I am with a woman who first started dating before texting was invented. It seems to be more of a curse than a gift to you younger folks. If I want to reach my wife I pick up the phone and call her instead of us typing LOL, OMG GTFO ABCD at each other.

[xxoo]

I think you are over-reacting about the text thing.

 

But you shouldn't limit yourself to a person you haven't even met, either.

[sweetjasmine]

This is why I am so glad because of my age that I am with a woman who first started dating before texting was invented. It seems to be more of a curse than a gift to you younger folks. If I want to reach my wife I pick up the phone and call her instead of us typing LOL, OMG GTFO ABCD at each other.

 

I generally agree, but to be fair, in this case, kaylan was trying to figure out when he could actually call her to talk. Had he just called, they would've been playing phone tag anyways because of their mismatched schedules.

[Woggle]

I generally agree, but to be fair, in this case, kaylan was trying to figure out when he could actually call her to talk. Had he just called, they would've been playing phone tag anyways because of their mismatched schedules.

 

I agree. I just don't think she is interested and if she is trying to back burner I would lose her number.

[MidwestUSA]

Im not gonna meet a girl I havent even spoken to on the phone yet

 

If I gave a guy my phone number, and he didn't call, I'd move on. Simple. Why try to analyze people you haven't even met? Or call them out on their behavior?

[Fleur de Lis]

Here is the deal.

 

On cellular networks, voice traffic takes priority over data traffic for emergency reasons. If the towers that her phones connect to have a lot of voice traffic, your assumption that she is receiving the message as soon as you send it may be wrong.

 

Additionally, depending on how far she is from a tower, the signal may be less than ideal which can also delay the delivery of messages. Her apt/home may also have thick walls that interfere with reception and she may have "dead spots" where she has no signal. (To state the obvious: no signal = no sms delivery.)

 

I routinely get text messages well after they are sent. Sometimes I don't get them until the next day.

 

I also don't check my phone every 5-10 minutes to see if anyone has texted me because my sense of self-worth is not connected to an electronic device or connected to being available or aware of what other people are doing. If I have my ringer off (which I often do) I won't get any audible cue that I have a new message.

 

I think this lady is lucky that you have decided to move on. She's holding down 2 jobs and not jeopardizing that by paying more attention to her phone than to getting her job done. I'm guessing the last thing she needs is someone that whips themselves into a neurotic frenzy because she is not literally waiting by the phone to hear from them.

 

She has a life.

[Casablanca]

This is why I am so glad because of my age that I am with a woman who first started dating before texting was invented. It seems to be more of a curse than a gift to you younger folks. If I want to reach my wife I pick up the phone and call her instead of us typing LOL, OMG GTFO ABCD at each other.

Doesnt sound like you know how to make texting useful

 

To the OP, just go with the flow. If you over analyze every little thing you're going to nuts. Keep expectations realistic and go with it and see where it leads

[amolya]

I totally understand kaylans pov, communication is really important, and if your standards of communication are at a certain level, you shouldn't have to deal with flakey behaviour. That said, I'm personally pretty lax about texting, if someone takes hours to respond it doesn't bother me, and to be fair I do the same. Even if I'm interested in the guy. Just so you can understand why someone can take hours to respond but isn't a flake, here's some reasons why I sometimes do it:

- I may text later because I'm genuinely busy (and I must be an anomaly because I am a female who is not addicted to my phone...I like to put it away or switch it off sometimes simply because it can be distracting with Facebook, the Internet, whatsapp etc there)

 

- I want to think of a good response. I know it's lame, but sometimes if its a guy I really like ill actually think About what I want to say in my text, and that usually means ill wait a while so I can actually type out a decent response

 

- I mimic the guys texting behaviour....if he takes a while to respond so will I

 

- I'm not that interested yet (this is before I've actually spent a few hours with the guy on a date or whatever ). This doesn't mean I can't become really interested but if I've not even spent time with the guy, I'm going to hold bAck a little, and avoid getting excited about a guy, because it could just end up in disappointment..

 

 

I don't know anything about this girl apart from what you've said, but there could be genuine reasons for her texting behaviour. If not texting back quickly is a deal breaker for you, so be it ; everyone's different, but try to understand it may not always mean she's flaky or a bad person..

[KungFuJoe]

Doesnt sound like you know how to make texting useful

 

To the OP, just go with the flow. If you over analyze every little thing you're going to nuts. Keep expectations realistic and go with it and see where it leads

 

No...woggle is right.

 

Texting is the worst thing to happen to dating since OLD.

 

Look at how many threads and posts pop about miscommunication via texting.

 

"What did he mean?"

"How come she didn't reply right away?"

 

And on and on and on.

 

Texting is for the socially decrepit if you're using it to establish a relationship. If you're already in one, then yeah, text all you want. But when you barely know the person and you do the bulk of your initial communication via text, something is wrong.