kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) Well considering how dating can be sort of a numbers game, and that initially you dont know who you will or will not be compatible with, Ive generally held the view that its smart to talk to more than one woman when single. And when one uses online dating, in order to have an active dating life, you HAVE to talk to more than one girl at a time. Anyways, Im talking to 3 girls right now whom I found online (by talking, I mean weve all already exchanged phone numbers). One is a friend of a friend who Ive met a couple times a few months back, and just by chance, stumbled upon her profile. We seem to have a good buddy vibe, and there does seem to be some chemistry there. The second is an older woman whos looking for new friends and possibly strictly casual fun. And the last girl is the one I click with the most and have been thinking about being relationship potential. This is all OKC mind you. Anyways, the last girl and I have a really high match percentage. I looked through some of her match questions and we think alike regarding many things. We exchanged about 4 messages a piece before I asked for her number. The messages started getting pretty long on both our ends too. The last couple got to like 8 paragraphs we each wrote. So we clearly have a lot to say and much we could talk about. Anyways, I get her number a couple days ago, and then I text her yesterday afternoon in order to ask her how her day was going and also what was a good time to call her. Since shes a hostess and works nights, she said early in the day and late nights generally work. The thing that bothered me though, is that she took like an hour and a half to respond to my first text. Then it took her several hours to reply to the second one. She said she accidentally thought she left her phone at home when she texted me late at night, and apologized for getting back to me so much later. Then we texted for a little while last night, and I asked if it was too late to call her (Id rather not have long convos through text). She said she had to be up in 5 hours and was going to bed soon, so I said ok. Anyways, I text her in the afternoon today, just to check in and say hey and ask how her days going. And she says it great, tells me her plans for the day, and asks me how mines going. I respond but then she doesnt reply back. And now its hours later again. I mean I know she had work this evening...but damn, you could at least reply back before work. My problem with this is in the past, whenever a girl (especially ones I meet online) arent prompt in text replies, they end up not being much interested in me. The thing is, we had pretty good chemistry in our messages, and she seemed pretty interested in getting to know me. However, experience has taught me that this kind of text contact is a bad sign...and experience has also taught me to keep your options open. What I was thinking of doing though, was keeping these other two women at bay, and seeing how me and the 3rd girl meshed first. But waiting to see how things go with her could ruin timing with these other two chicks....and thatd be mighty annoying me if the third girl isnt much into me. The other first two gals seem interested in hanging out soon, and Im def interested in going to hang out with the 3rd girl. The big issue here is that I know some women dont like guys multidating. I wont hookup with more than 1 woman at a time, but I see no problem in hanging out with more than 1 woman at a time. But even with that being said, if the topic of seeing other people comes up with the 3rd girl, thatd be awkward. Its online dating, and I figure wed all assume everyone is meeting more than 1 person...but then again, some girls talk to many guys in messages and then select one to give their number and go out with. Plus, even though I havent heard a response to my last text yet, the 3rd gal has check my profile a couple times throughout the afternoon and evening. So Im like 0.o. If you can check my profile, then you can reply to my text. What say you? Im prolly thinking ahead of myself. But I dont wanna be hanging out with multiple women and running into drama. But I also dont wanna have a boring dating life because I let flakes cause me to drop other women. Edited February 17, 2013 by kaylan
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I think people over analyze **** they don't need to. Just talk to who you want to talk to, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If it does work out, and a relationship starts, stop talking to other girls. Dating is easy, people thinking too much is what makes it complicated. 3
SJC2008 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Kaylan I'm not big on multi dating but from a fellow mans POV, women can get a date online in 10 seconds so you should multi date. So no, don't put all your eggs in one basket!
MrCastle Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) I think people over analyze **** they don't need to. Any girl I've confronted about being bad at calls/texts always has that same reply. Standard procedure is to refuse any responsibility and pass blame on the guy. Make it out like I'm irrational and needy because it took you 7 hours to reply to a text, when every girl I've ever met is surgically attached to their phone. I'm not buying it. People can write off texts as being silly and unimportant as much as they want, it IS a form of communication and communication is a big part of dating/relationships. In my experience, if you two are not on the same page communication wise, it will not work out. I am a texter. Call me crazy, but I expect you to respond to my texts within a reasonable time frame, or you better have a damn good excuse why you didn't. Edited February 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 ^This is what Im thinking dude. 1
SJC2008 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 People get into wrecks texting:( So unless you're a surgeon or maning a missile silo you better have a good excuse. I know my post is redundant, I just wanted to chime in. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Any girl I've confronted about being bad at calls/texts always has that same reply. Standard procedure is to refuse any responsibility and pass blame on the guy. Make it out like I'm irrational and needy because it took you 7 hours to reply to a text, when every girl I've ever met is surgically attached to their phone. I'm not buying it. People can write off texts as being silly and unimportant as much as they want, it IS a form of communication and communication is a big part of dating/relationships. In my experience, if you two are not on the same page communication wise, it will not work out. I am a texter. Call me crazy, but I expect you to respond to my texts within a reasonable time frame, or you better have a damn good excuse why you didn't. Not my point at all. I am saying he is thinking too much about the multi-dating. Date, talk, do whatever you want. I don't care, talking to 3 girls? GREAT. Have at it, who cares?
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Any girl I've confronted about being bad at calls/texts always has that same reply. Standard procedure is to refuse any responsibility and pass blame on the guy. Make it out like I'm irrational and needy because it took you 7 hours to reply to a text, when every girl I've ever met is surgically attached to their phone. I'm not buying it. People can write off texts as being silly and unimportant as much as they want, it IS a form of communication and communication is a big part of dating/relationships. In my experience, if you two are not on the same page communication wise, it will not work out. I am a texter. Call me crazy, but I expect you to respond to my texts within a reasonable time frame, or you better have a damn good excuse why you didn't.Exactly. Why does it take you hours to respond to me? Text messages dont take that long and I assumed she was interested if she was writing such long replies to my messages and then gave me her number. When she replies later, Im going to give her **** about it jokingly. But chances are Im just going to ignore her. I dont have time for that kinda bull****. Especially when this other girl that Im talking to text me back right away and will talk to me basically all day. 1
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Exactly. Why does it take you hours to respond to me? Text messages dont take that long and I assumed she was interested if she was writing such long replies to my messages and then gave me her number. When she replies later, Im going to give her **** about it jokingly. But chances are Im just going to ignore her. I dont have time for that kinda bull****. Especially when this other girl that Im talking to text me back right away and will talk to me basically all day. Because she isn't invested in you at all, and you are boring her.
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Because she isn't invested in you at all, and you are boring her. How am I boring her if she sends me super long replies in messages and acts all interested in what I have to say and thinks we click? Yet when I text her shes this way. It aint me...its her. But whatever. I got these other chicks. Good for that. Its a shame I keep running into these time wasters and flakers...cus it keeps pushing me to the brink of not giving a damn and being a seriously selfish dater and just getting mine. Cus now Im starting to think most women are like this...flaky time wasters 2
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Have you asked contestant # 3 on a date yet? If not, what are you waiting for? I personally hate texting with a passion. But then again I'm not 20.
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Have you asked contestant # 3 on a date yet? If not, what are you waiting for? I personally hate texting with a passion. But then again I'm not 20. I wanted to speak to her on the phone and actually hear her voice before asking her on a date. I wanted to see how we got along outside of messages and text. And then ask her out at the end of our voice convo. But when shes not communicating through text, I cant really get a chance to call her. Especially since weve both got weird schedules.
KungFuJoe Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Kaylan, Dude you way over think things. Step back, take a deep breathe, and relax. You're gonna give yourself a conniption.
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Don't text her anymore, call her when you think she would be available. If she doesn't answer and doesn't call you back, you'll know she's not interested in more than a penpal. If she answers/ gets back to you within a reasonable ammount of time, ask her out.
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Don't text her anymore, call her when you think she would be available. If she doesn't answer and doesn't call you back, you'll know she's not interested in more than a penpal. If she answers/ gets back to you within a reasonable ammount of time, ask her out. I shouldnt have to do all that. I put my foot forward texting her first the last two days and finding out when shes available for calls. For her to be unavailable for a text, why in the world would I go out of my way to call her. If shes not around for texts, she wont be around for calls. Shes gonna have to show she wants to do this. Otherwise Im talking to two other women and not worrying about it.Kaylan, Dude you way over think things. Step back, take a deep breathe, and relax. You're gonna give yourself a conniption. Do you have any actual advice on the matter at hand?
KungFuJoe Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I shouldnt have to do all that. I put my foot forward texting her first the last two days and finding out when shes available for calls. For her to be unavailable for a text, why in the world would I go out of my way to call her. If shes not around for texts, she wont be around for calls. Shes gonna have to show she wants to do this. Otherwise Im talking to two other women and not worrying about it. Yeah, yeah...you got other girls so why worry, right? Well, you keep telling yourself that cuz you ARE worrying about it. And you're gonna be up all night thinking about it as well. 1
ja123 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Kaylan, I'm thinking she's on the fence with either meeting you or OLD in general. IMO consider asking the other ladies out this weekend. It's not really multi-dating at this point because you're just looking to set up some meet 'n' greets; or, like you said, "multi-hanging out".
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Oh jeez. Really? this is what you text me at 1:45 am? "hey sorry I never text you back! I have been with people all day and started drinking as soon as I clocked out lol. Just leaving the bar and heading home now. Awesome night! How was the rest of your night!?" Granted it was her friends bday today. But wooooow. Even if it was her own bday, Id expect her to have the time to reply to my text from this afternoon. So this girl has twice texted me back hours later, way late at night, with lame excuses to boot. That answers my question for now and future situations. Date as many women as I can till someone proves themself worthy of my solo attention. Because its apparent that when it comes to online dating, you dont get the jist of a persons seriousness, interest, or character through messages on the website. PS - I did call her out and tell her I didnt like the vibe she was sending me. Doest matter how she responds though. Im already very turned off. 3
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Oh jeez. Really? this is what you text me at 1:45 am? "hey sorry I never text you back! I have been with people all day and started drinking as soon as I clocked out lol. Just leaving the bar and heading home now. Awesome night! How was the rest of your night!?" Granted it was her friends bday today. But wooooow. Even if it was her own bday, Id expect her to have the time to reply to my text from this afternoon. So this girl has twice texted me back hours later, way late at night, with lame excuses to boot. That answers my question for now and future situations. Date as many women as I can till someone proves themself worthy of my solo attention. Because its apparent that when it comes to online dating, you dont get the jist of a persons seriousness, interest, or character through messages on the website. PS - I did call her out and tell her I didnt like the vibe she was sending me. Doest matter how she responds though. Im already very turned off. Aren't you overreacting a tiny bit here? She's probably thinking you're a drama queen now. Granted, she doesn't seem that interested but why should she be, you haven't even asked her out on a date. "Calling out" virtual strangers who don't owe you anything makes you look quite uncool.
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Aren't you overreacting a tiny bit here? She's probably thinking you're a drama queen now. Granted, she doesn't seem that interested but why should she be, you haven't even asked her out on a date. "Calling out" virtual strangers who don't owe you anything makes you look quite uncool. Overreacting? How is it overreacting to tell someone that they are sending the wrong vibes? Especially when they exchange long emails with you, give you their phone number, and then twice take forever to text you back and do it late at night (after 1230am) Its not overreacting for me to let someone know thats not that cool and sends the wrong message. Sorry, Im not one to just sit back and act like that stuffs ok. I feel if someones not too interested, then dont reply to my messages nor give me your number in the first place. Be unavailable from the get go. PS - How can I ask her out on a date when she cant even reply to a text?
strawberryshortstack Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I shouldnt have to do all that. I put my foot forward texting her first the last two days and finding out when shes available for calls. For her to be unavailable for a text, why in the world would I go out of my way to call her. If shes not around for texts, she wont be around for calls. Why should you go out of your way to call her? Because you asked her for her phone number. When I give my phone number to a man, it's because I want him to call. Texting is fine, if you're into it (and maybe she's just not a big texter), but eventually, you're going to have to bite the bullet and JUST CALL HER. Not being around for texts doesn't mean she won't be around for a call. She probably just doesn't like texting. You're not making any sense though. You don't want to set up a date until you've talked to her on the phone, but you refuse to call her. How, exactly, do you expect this to work?
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) Why should you go out of your way to call her? Because you asked her for her phone number. When I give my phone number to a man, it's because I want him to call. Texting is fine, if you're into it (and maybe she's just not a big texter), but eventually, you're going to have to bite the bullet and JUST CALL HER. Not being around for texts doesn't mean she won't be around for a call. She probably just doesn't like texting. You're not making any sense though. You don't want to set up a date until you've talked to her on the phone, but you refuse to call her. How, exactly, do you expect this to work? omg...people dont read. I cant just call her because she works two jobs. The reason I texted in the first place is to find out when I can call her and when shes available. Read people. And if she didnt like texting, she wouldnt have had a conversation with me last night (after taking hours to get back to me) through text in which she seemed rather prompt with her responses. So shes obviously not adverse to texting. And I refuse to call her because she has not made it seem like shes interested. In which case its turned me off and Im not interested any longer. Like Mr Castle said. Texting is communication and doesnt take any amount of time to respond to someone. To take 8 hours to respond to me on two different nights, and then to do it super late at night...and then tell me about your drinking? And this girls supposed to be 27...jeez. Come on now/ Edited February 17, 2013 by kaylan 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Overreacting? How is it overreacting to tell someone that they are sending the wrong vibes? Especially when they exchange long emails with you, give you their phone number, and then twice take forever to text you back and do it late at night (after 1230am) Its not overreacting for me to let someone know thats not that cool and sends the wrong message. Sorry, Im not one to just sit back and act like that stuffs ok. I feel if someones not too interested, then dont reply to my messages nor give me your number in the first place. Be unavailable from the get go. PS - How can I ask her out on a date when she cant even reply to a text? A girl you don't know, you haven't met and you haven't even spoken to doesn't return your text within 10.3 seconds. And you don't see how you're being overly dramatic? I'm not saying what she's doing is cool, but you are being unrealistic if you expect everybody to have the same communication style as you. Or the same level of interest as you, before they've even met you. If you're getting so worked up over nothing, you either like drama or you're not ready to be dating. 1
Author kaylan Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) A girl you don't know, you haven't met and you haven't even spoken to doesn't return your text within 10.3 seconds. And you don't see how you're being overly dramatic? 10.3 seconds? Are you serious? This girl texted me back EIGHT PLUS HOURS LATER two nights in a row with lame excuses. Who texts someone back that late at night and takes so long to respond if they are interested in them? Only women who arent interested and who are flaky do this. Girls who are into me, even without meeting me or talking to me, dont act like that. I'm not saying what she's doing is cool, but you are being unrealistic if you expect everybody to have the same communication style as you. Or the same level of interest as you, before they've even met you.You clearly dont read. She had no problems promptly texting back and forth with me last night once she finally decided to reply to my text from way earlier in the day. So obviously texting isnt an issue for her. And if she can write essays as messages when she writes to me on the OLD website, and give me her number...youd think her interest would be high enough to simply text someone back that shes busy. If you're getting so worked up over nothing, you either like drama or you're not ready to be dating.Im getting more worked up over how people like you cant see the reality here. The reality is that its offputting to a new dating prospect to take so long to respond to a direct communication, to respond very late at night, and then to talk about how you were drinking and leaving the bar. The fact that you think Im overreacting by finding her behavior lame, is just beyond me. God forbid that I communicate with others that I find this kind of behavior offputting, especially when she seemed so eager to speak with me initially. Edited February 17, 2013 by kaylan
KungFuJoe Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Kaylan, You're overreacting. Apparently only you can't see that. You know people have lives as well...and maybe she's just not that into you.
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