NYC-BigKat Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 This is what my friend told me today when we went to the supermarket & he is so right but I dont know how when I feel rejected by everything around me all the time u know. Then when I was in the cereal section buying this box of marshmallow pebbles 'cause it taste so good this girl I think was 13 or 14 ask me shouldn't I be eating grown up cereal & then when I told her it dont really matter if it tastes good she said she could tell I was a outcast & then walked away really fast. I felt so low after that & I told my friend what happen & he says that my uncle is a blacksheep & does very well so why cant I?
Archgirl Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It starts with self acceptance. If you like marshalloe cereal then you like marshmallow cereal and f*** anyone who thinks its their business, you're gonna do what feels right for you. If you have no confidence, then that's fine, you're ok with that because that's who you are and who gives a **** about what anyone else thinks about it. 3
londonlad Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 The first step to becoming a confident man is to stop caring so much about what other people think. Especially people you don't know. Even people you do know, especially men will try to knock your confidence as part of playful banter or natural male competition. There are a lot of women/girls out there who will take bad attitudes with you for no or very little reason. Brush them off and focus on the kind polite girls. As for overall confidence. You need to train your mind to relax for a start. You should also know what you are good at in life, what you have to offer others and that other people are far from perfect themselves. In short confidence is not a hat you put on it's more like something you stock up over time and then draw on bit by bit. But that will come as you get older. Your brain chemistry and development effects are not doing any favors right now, basically making you more sensitive to things. 4
Author NYC-BigKat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 The first step to becoming a confident man is to stop caring so much about what other people think. Especially people you don't know. Even people you do know, especially men will try to knock your confidence as part of playful banter or natural male competition. There are a lot of women/girls out there who will take bad attitudes with you for no or very little reason. Brush them off and focus on the kind polite girls. As for overall confidence. You need to train your mind to relax for a start. You should also know what you are good at in life, what you have to offer others and that other people are far from perfect themselves. In short confidence is not a hat you put on it's more like something you stock up over time and then draw on bit by bit. But that will come as you get older. Your brain chemistry and development effects are not doing any favors right now, basically making you more sensitive to things. This was very good thanks . I felt some confidence when I finally got a job after school but then I realize that I cant drive & people always act like they dont see me so I felt bad again . Sometimes I wanna be just like my uncle kenny 'cause he dont care about nothing at all & is high a lot & is always meeting lots of new people & lots of girls of all/any ages & yet he's a outcast in a way 'cause he has no job & cant get any & just dont care. I wanna get to that stage of not caring but I'm still sensitive & feel like lots of people are judging me when they see me. Should I stick with my uncle this spring/summer & beg him to make me stronger like him?
Archgirl Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 No. If he's high all the time he probably hates himself more than you do. The trick with other people judging you is to always follow your own internal compass, if you are acting in a way that is in accordance with what your compass tells you is right for you then whether people are judging you starts mattering less and less. But it takes time, and you need to start accepting yourself for who you are, you are intrinsically valuable, regardless of what you do or don't do. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Do what I do. Just don't give a crap about what other peoples opinions of you are. Realize that most people in the world won't ever care about you, most who know you exist won't like you, Some will actively hate you, and a cherished few will really like and love you. Find that cherished few who will really like you and to hell with everyone else. That will make you confident. 1
mickleb Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 this girl I think was 13 or 14 ask me shouldn't I be eating grown up cereal & then when I told her it dont really matter if it tastes good she said she could tell I was a outcast & then walked away really fast. Little sh*t. Sometimes I wanna be just like my uncle kenny 'cause he dont care about nothing at all & is high a lot & is always meeting lots of new people & lots of girls of all/any ages & yet he's a outcast in a way 'cause he has no job & cant get any & just dont care. Please don't be like Uncle Kenny. Everyone in this world is good at something. What are you good at?
londonlad Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) This was very good thanks . I felt some confidence when I finally got a job after school but then I realize that I cant drive & people always act like they dont see me so I felt bad again . Sometimes I wanna be just like my uncle kenny 'cause he dont care about nothing at all & is high a lot & is always meeting lots of new people & lots of girls of all/any ages & yet he's a outcast in a way 'cause he has no job & cant get any & just dont care. I wanna get to that stage of not caring but I'm still sensitive & feel like lots of people are judging me when they see me. Should I stick with my uncle this spring/summer & beg him to make me stronger like him? Well one of the things you have to except is that you never or very rarely get exactly what you want from life. Right now it's not having a car in 15 years it will be not having your own house. In short it's normal for life to be this way so you shouldn't feel you are abnormal. I'd also suggest you don't focus on things you can't change. I'm 5'7 I wish I was 5'11. Can't change it so I let it go. If it's something you can change then take steps to do so. Being strong isn't not caring it's knowing you can deal with whatever happens in life. This is something that will come as you get older and have more experiences. It sounds like you need to work on your body language and posture. People are not going to notice you unless you are noticeable. Start with this, keep your head up and back straight, always. When you are walking, walk a little bit faster than you do now. Act kind of like you would have no problem walking through anyone in front of you, but don't be a dick and ram people just give the impression that you are sure of where you're going. Also try swinging your shoulders as you go. Find your natural swagger. Edited February 17, 2013 by londonlad 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 This is what my friend told me today when we went to the supermarket & he is so right but I dont know how when I feel rejected by everything around me all the time u know. Then when I was in the cereal section buying this box of marshmallow pebbles 'cause it taste so good this girl I think was 13 or 14 ask me shouldn't I be eating grown up cereal & then when I told her it dont really matter if it tastes good she said she could tell I was a outcast & then walked away really fast. I felt so low after that & I told my friend what happen & he says that my uncle is a blacksheep & does very well so why cant I? How you feel confidence if you don't get it... You should have punched that little boob in the stomach. Teach her a lesson not to interfere with people's cereal selection. 1
Author NYC-BigKat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 How you feel confidence if you don't get it... You should have punched that little boob in the stomach. Teach her a lesson not to interfere with people's cereal selection. Thats funny haha but I can go to jail. I dont want any more trouble like the time when I knocked the cell phone out of my date's hand last year. It does seem that confidence only happens if good things go your way but nothing is going well for me so any confidence I get is gonna be fake u know .
5anta Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 How do you become confident? Just be yourself. Don't think of what other people are thinking... just act natural. If you are constantly worried on what other people are thinking about you while you are trying to process something appropriate to say, the thing you are trying to say won't come out right in most cases... and then people will really look at you weird. But if you say something and it still comes out weird, then you are just being you and that's when you start to improvise and to recover from that shortfall. Just don't be so confident that you are cocky and sound like a Mr.-Know-It-All... I think some times I do that =T Also, why are you letting a 14 year old's comment get to you? I'd just smile and think to myself "what a shallow child you are... you have much to learn in life." lol
Titania22 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 It starts with self acceptance. If you like marshalloe cereal then you like marshmallow cereal and f*** anyone who thinks its their business, you're gonna do what feels right for you. If you have no confidence, then that's fine, you're ok with that because that's who you are and who gives a **** about what anyone else thinks about it. I agree with this, it is the first step. As a second step, I would suggest cutting people out of your life that put you down and reinforce your negative self talk. Obviously we can't always cut all these people out of our lives, but the point is minimise the negative people and maximise the upbeat positive people. Also befriending people that have attributes you would like to see in yourself is helpful too. Over-time this makes a huge effect. My personal example is I used to have low self esteem/worth/confident/the whole shebang, and I even married an abusive man who always encouraged me to feel like crap. Later in life when I was finally free of the marriage, I made my home a sanctuary/safe place for my kids and I. When I spoke to my exH he could still ruin my day in a moment, so I got the kids their own phones and refused to speak to him anymore/ come to the door if he was there/ and he wasn't allowed in the house. I also cut out anyone else who had a negative effect on me and minimised time with my parents if they couldn't behave themselves. Now when people come visit they love my place, not because it has anything fancy, but because all three of us are friendly and fun to be around. I went from zero confidence at age 18 to maximum confidence now. Find your own path, what's right and makes sense to you, only keep people around who will respect your right to do things your own way, and gradually you will feel more confident.
KungFuJoe Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 NYCBigKat, I've been reading your posts and I think you have some type of personality disorder. I think it would benefit you greatly to see a therapist to find out if there's something going on in your life or had happened previously that you need to bring out and have a professional take a look at.
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Thats funny haha but I can go to jail. I dont want any more trouble like the time when I knocked the cell phone out of my date's hand last year. It does seem that confidence only happens if good things go your way but nothing is going well for me so any confidence I get is gonna be fake u know . NYC-BigKat, on a serious note, self-confidence comes ony with self acceptance. If you can look youself in the mirror every morning and think to yourself "I'm not that great really, but I'm OK with that", then nobody will be able to shake you. At least that's what I do, and I gotta tell you, I'm a pretty content person.
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