mickleb Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Seems like the situations resolved itself, 49 but had it not, you could've met her. When discussing if there should be a second date just say 'I'm sorry but I didn't really get the chemistry vibe' then ask if you can be her friend. She may have some hot mates / you my have a hot buddy for her! Nothing to lose...
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Please stop being afraid of women. It's not cool, and women won't think its cool either. I know. But it's easier said than done.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Seems like the situations resolved itself, 49 but had it not, you could've met her. When discussing if there should be a second date just say 'I'm sorry but I didn't really get the chemistry vibe' then ask if you can be her friend. She may have some hot mates / you my have a hot buddy for her! Nothing to lose... Yeah that's what I planned on doing. Meeting her, seeing if anything was there or not. This wasn't a thread about what I should do, rather about how I feel about not being attracted to somebody who had seemed to express some (albeit small and apparently fleeting) interest in me. I felt guilty. Like I was doing something wrong. From the looks of it, most people think that's not how I should have felt.
Anela Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Yeah that's what I planned on doing. Meeting her, seeing if anything was there or not. This wasn't a thread about what I should do, rather about how I feel about not being attracted to somebody who had seemed to express some (albeit small and apparently fleeting) interest in me. I felt guilty. Like I was doing something wrong. From the looks of it, most people think that's not how I should have felt. It's weird, when you're so used to worrying about being rejected, to be the one (potentially) rejecting someone else.
SJC2008 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Don't feel guilty. OLD will drive down an average/cute mans standards to women he wouldn't hit on IRL. You feeling guilty tells me you won't use her for a lay if you go out with her and aren't attracted to her so kudos to you!
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You're taking dating too seriuosly. It's should be fun. Let go of the intense feeling of guilt and all that nonesense. Nobody's life is on the line here. If someone sounds even marginally interesting go grab a cup of coffe with them. Don't project any hopes and expecations on them. If you're not attarcted you don't have to see them again. Wash, rince, repeat until you find someone you click with. And have fun in the process. Seriuosly, stop being so serious.
mickleb Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Yeah that's what I planned on doing. Meeting her, seeing if anything was there or not. This wasn't a thread about what I should do, rather about how I feel about not being attracted to somebody who had seemed to express some (albeit small and apparently fleeting) interest in me. I felt guilty. Like I was doing something wrong. From the looks of it, most people think that's not how I should have felt. No, you shouldn't feel in the least bit guilty about it. That part of us is animal, to some extent. It either happens or it doesn't. You shouldn't feel obliged to feel attracted to someone just because they take some interest in you. Can I ask - is she a fattie? Or was it something else? I ask because, if that's the reason, she does have some responsibility in how she presents herself with her pictures. If she is large and only posts head shots that give no indication of that, you won't be the first or last one to respond in a similar way. Tough but true.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 No, you shouldn't feel in the least bit guilty about it. That part of us is animal, to some extent. It either happens or it doesn't. You shouldn't feel obliged to feel attracted to someone just because they take some interest in you. Can I ask - is she a fattie? Or was it something else? I ask because, if that's the reason, she does have some responsibility in how she presents herself with her pictures. If she is large and only posts head shots that give no indication of that, you won't be the first or last one to respond in a similar way. Tough but true. Yeah, she was. I'm not a fitness Nazi (except when it comes to myself) so I'm not usually overly judgmental about that kind of thing. But it was beyond what I think I could be attracted to.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 You're taking dating too seriuosly. It's should be fun. Let go of the intense feeling of guilt and all that nonesense. Nobody's life is on the line here. If someone sounds even marginally interesting go grab a cup of coffe with them. Don't project any hopes and expecations on them. If you're not attarcted you don't have to see them again. Wash, rince, repeat until you find someone you click with. And have fun in the process. Seriuosly, stop being so serious. I agree. I've only been on dates with 2 guys from OLD. In chatting with each of them beforehand, I said we'd just meet up and have a fun night. If we click, cool. If not, we had a fun evening. Don't put any pressure on a first meeting. It's just a date
mickleb Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Yeah, she was. I'm not a fitness Nazi (except when it comes to myself) so I'm not usually overly judgmental about that kind of thing. But it was beyond what I think I could be attracted to. Really - it's not your fault! If anyone doing OLD chooses photos that are deceptively flattering, they only have themselves to blame when reality starts kicking in. It sounds like you were still prepared to give her a chance anyway, so you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You sound very sweet and sensitive about the whole affair, actually. Better luck next time - because there will be many more next times, don't worry. 1
Emilia Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I finally got a response on a dating site, and a phone number. There's only one problem: she added me on facebook and I looked over some of her photos (she had only one "shoulder up" photo on the dating site) and let's just say that the full bodied photos aren't very flattering (they even make her face look bad). But I can't help but feel lousy and negative towards myself. Like, who am I to think I'm "better" or more attractive than someone else? If I was really able to get someone better, why haven't I? Remember our conversation in another thread when you said we would never be able to establish what hurts more: childbirth or being kicked in the balls? You said you were never responded to/never approached, I said I was being approached by creeps. Now you are experiencing what I talked about: contact with members of the opposite sex you don't fancy. This sort of thing happened to me about 3 times in a row on OLD additionally to fake profiles thrown in too, I'm not touching another dating website ever again.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Remember our conversation in another thread when you said we would never be able to establish what hurts more: childbirth or being kicked in the balls? You said you were never responded to/never approached, I said I was being approached by creeps. Now you are experiencing what I talked about: contact with members of the opposite sex you don't fancy. This sort of thing happened to me about 3 times in a row on OLD additionally to fake profiles thrown in too, I'm not touching another dating website ever again. Very true. Although in this case it's a single member as opposed to "members" and I contacted her first. And she didn't strike me as a creep or try to send me naked pictures or anything like that. But yes, it's a similar situation. I do want to thank everyone in this thread for their kind words and advice. 1
eleanorhurting Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Very true. Although in this case it's a single member as opposed to "members" and I contacted her first. And she didn't strike me as a creep or try to send me naked pictures or anything like that. But yes, it's a similar situation. I do want to thank everyone in this thread for their kind words and advice. you seem like a very sweet guy I hope it works out for you 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Like I said though, I'm willing to see what happens. Perhaps those just aren't very good photos, perhaps we'll get together and there won't be any attraction on her part, who knows. But I can't help but feel lousy and negative towards myself. Like, who am I to think I'm "better" or more attractive than someone else? If I was really able to get someone better, why haven't I? That's great. I would love to meet you if you have that attitude. Of course, I am a man. I say go for it. See it out and see where it goes. You said yourself you don't get a lot of shots. Just don't be half a@@ at it. If you like her, don't let your thought that you might be able to get better looking affect you. You're one of the guys who has little to no experience, right? You may be able to come out of this with some experience and increased confidence and an overall good experience if you play your cards right.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 That's great. I would love to meet you if you have that attitude. Of course, I am a man. I say go for it. See it out and see where it goes. You said yourself you don't get a lot of shots. Just don't be half a@@ at it. If you like her, don't let your thought that you might be able to get better looking affect you. You're one of the guys who has little to no experience, right? You may be able to come out of this with some experience and increased confidence and an overall good experience if you play your cards right. Well, I had planned on meeting up with her. But she wrote me a message saying she had changed her mind. Considering the circumstances under which she replied to my message in the first place, I don't think she actually wants to date anyone at all. She just sounds indecisive I guess. C'est la vie.
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