Long distance boyfriend has major mood swings

[acorn]

I really need some help and advice from you guys! So me and my boyfriend have been in a long distance relationship for 1 month and together for 9 months in total and lately he has just had so many mood swings!! Like one day he will be all happy and sweet and the next day he will be cold and distant

 

I've asked him what is wrong but he doesn't tell me, he just says that I should know. How CAN I know? I'm not a mind reader and honestly, believe me I have not done anything to upset him. I think what is upsetting him is when he goes through our old messages and reads things that I sad that upset him.

 

Well that was months ago! We were just getting a feel for our relationship and frankly, I think he needs to move on

 

So I would just like to know what i should do. He says he is the only one that can make himself happier so I guess he thinks I can't make him feel better. I think once he gets past this phase, these things won't come up again. Also, I am not going to break up with him and he won't with me either.

 

When he's "hot", it's AMAZING, the best thing I could possibly imagine. When he's "cold" I feel so sad and worthless

Edited February 16, 2013 by acorn

[TaraMaiden]

One:

have you expressed the opinion that he's being unfair, and that no, you're not a mind-reader?

 

Secondly:

He does kinda have it right - only HE can MAKE him happy.

nobody should have to ever depend on anyone else to find their 'centre of balance and peace'.

 

When will you next see him?

 

How old are you guys?

[acorn]

I have told him that it's unfair and that I can't read his mind but he just says that he hates the word unfair blah blah blah

 

I'm seeing him in 4 months

 

I'm in my last year of high school and if it all goes well I'm planning on studying in his country to be with him

[TaraMaiden]

Oh yeah... sounds like a keeper.....:rolleyes;

 

Look I'm not being a downer....but I wouldn't plan that far ahead, if I were you....

 

Especially if he's in a different country.

 

I still don't know how old you are.

I can't tell from what you say, even mentioning 'school'.

 

In the UK, high school means college... and that's 19 - 22 yrs....

[HenryWinkler]

If he's under 21, guys can just be weird sometimes. His behavior is pretty unacceptable, but I remember being young and prone to stupid stuff too. It could be something personal that he is dealing with, or maybe its academic? Those are my first guesses. Try talking about your family and things going on that you like and don't like in it, then seeing if he opens up about that. Then try talking about school, grades, and see how he responds to those.

 

Those are the first two I would think that would cause him to be acting that erratically assuming he's a fairly young guy (not out of university.)

 

The only other normal thing I can think of is that its the addition of distance to the relationship that is causing him problems. There's nothing that you can do, really, aside from reassuring him and being there. Aside from that, there is the possibility that he's thinking about starting something local and going through emotional turmoil over that.

 

Just tell him that you need honesty about what is causing him trouble and promise that you are there to listen and support. Maybe he is just getting a bad K:D ratio in Call of Duty half the time, who knows. Just be there, and if it keeps up, keep gently nudging him to open up, and always be open to listen to what's going on. Guys talk between the lines sometimes, so don't forget that either.

 

Wish you two the best of luck!

[acorn]

Thank you so much for the great answer! I'll try to talk to him about stuff and see if he opens up then I don't think he would be starting something local because I would know.... but who knows really!? He is kinda the guy that doesn't really open up But thank you for the advice