BetheButterfly Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Hello, For those who have been married and have kids, when did y'all have your first baby? Did you have a baby right off, or did you wait a couple of years? What is your advice concerning when to have a baby and about being a wife and a mom, or a husband and a dad? My husband and I are feeling more and more ready to have a baby. We love each other very much and are very happy together because we both strive to place each other before ourselves. We consider ourselves one flesh and a team! We both want to have children and love them and take great care of them! We have been married for a year and know each other for 2 years. We don't know if we should wait very much longer, since we are both 35 years old. One of my friends said that we shouldn't wait for very long, because of my age. What do you think and why? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!! 1
sb129 Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Hello, We have been married for a year and know each other for 2 years. We don't know if we should wait very much longer, since we are both 35 years old. One of my friends said that we shouldn't wait for very long, because of my age. What do you think and why? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!! My advice to you is if you are thinking this way- get onto it straight away! Your friend is right. My H and I got married 4 years ago after 3 years together, and I fell pregnant with our daughter a month after our wedding. (I turned 32 a month after she was born). We made lots of friends our age with similar age children in the town we live in and its been great. Unfortunately when we started trying for a second child when our daughter was about 1.5, after a year of trying, I was diagnosed with secondary infertility and doctors said it was actually amazing I managed to conceive my first child so quickly given the state of my reproductive system. Six months of fertility treatment later I managed to get pregnant again via IVF and we are expecting a second daughter in a few weeks. If I had waited any longer to have kids, I might have missed my chance altogether- I'm 35 now. My situation isn't that common, but after hearing about it a couple of my single friends have decided to have some eggs frozen. Sounds like you and your husband have all the right ingredients to be great parents. Get busy! 3
sb129 Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 PS- Some further advice- if you do start trying now, and nothing happens within six months, seek medical advice. The sooner you can get onto any potential obstacles to conception the better. I know so many people in their 30s who have had to have some kind of intervention to conceive- sometimes its as simple as seeing a fertility advisor who helps you pinpoint the optimum time in your cycle, or taking supplements to boost your fertility.
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Sounds like you and your husband have all the right ingredients to be great parents. Get busy! Yupp!!.....
tbf Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Before saying much else, what's stopping the two of you from taking the plunge?
Whatitistoburn Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 (edited) I agree with sb129 but ultimately, my answer is WHEN YOU'RE READY. We're married for years but still don't have a baby. Things just keep getting in the way, like moving, buying a house, family tragedies. We have pets and they're like our babies! Looks like you are ready so go for it! Good luck! Edited February 17, 2013 by Whatitistoburn 1
dichotomy Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Without medical assistance, it gets harder to conceive naturally, and there are genetic risks for the baby (like downs) from older parents. Again you can eliminate those risks if you have children later (like I did at 42) but it is going to involve medical procedures and it cost you $$$$$ to ensure a healthy baby. Then there is the strain on your body - which is harder as you get older. So You are both happy and want kids? - go for it now! How many you want? 1
ComingInHot Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Found we were pregnant on our One Year Anniversary* I didn't think I was ready. I spent Nine months getting ready* I didn't think we could afford a baby. We put a savings plan together* We didn't own a home. We bought one* I was freaking out that My life would Never be the same. The baby kicked for first time* And I'd never been more Happy, ready, excited that my life would never be the same, until that is, the day I met my son!!! 6
sunshinegirl Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I married at 36, was pregnant at 37, had our son at 38. I'm 39 now and we will start trying for #2 this summer, knowing the risks and knowing it may not be easy. I agree with the others - for biological reasons I wouldn't put it off any further if I were you! 3
tbf Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Before saying much else, what's stopping the two of you from taking the plunge?Bump for Beth to answer. The reason I ask is that your reason(s) for delaying it further, will define my response. Pregnant three times in my mid-thirties, miscarried one. We have two boys.
xxoo Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 The old adage is right. If you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you never will. If everything is stable at home, I'd say go for it! 1
KathyM Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I would suggest not waiting much longer if you are in your mid thirties. Sometimes it takes awhile to get pregnant also. I think the rule of thumb is that if you aren't pregnant after a year of unprotected regular sex, you should seek medical advice. Start trying, but be patient about the results. Most women are pregnant within six months of trying. 2
Silly_Girl Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 You can never afford a baby. You are always too busy to have a baby. The time is never 'right' to have a baby. I fell pregnant accidentally at 19 and wouldn't consider aborting. It certainly was not the best timing! He's 16 now and I am 36. Around the time of my 37th birthday we are marrying and will try to conceive immediately (we plan to practice lots on honeymoon). Also not ideal timing. I think it's worth trying because if you did have any issue you would have earliest warning and could take the appropriate action. Enjoy!!! 2
sb129 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I think the rule of thumb is that if you aren't pregnant after a year of unprotected regular sex, you should seek medical advice. Its reduced to six months if you are over 35. 1
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Before saying much else, what's stopping the two of you from taking the plunge? Finances and the desire of having time alone (just us two) With finances, we have no desire to get on medicaid since we are both healthy, able adults! We want to be able to pay or have insurance that helps us pay, for the costs of pregnancy, birth, and taking care of our baby. Thank God, it looks like after 3 months, my husband will get insurance!!! With the desire of time alone as a couple, it would be nice to do more traveling and spend time together before we become parents, but I understand the points about my age... We also very much want to be parents and one of my husband's friends said we can travel with a baby too, that he did with his kids and they loved traveling.
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Without medical assistance, it gets harder to conceive naturally, and there are genetic risks for the baby (like downs) from older parents. Again you can eliminate those risks if you have children later (like I did at 42) but it is going to involve medical procedures and it cost you $$$$$ to ensure a healthy baby. Then there is the strain on your body - which is harder as you get older. So You are both happy and want kids? - go for it now! How many you want? Thanks for the advice! We want 2 kids and I would like to adopt too, but my husband is a little iffy on adoption.
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 Bump for Beth to answer. The reason I ask is that your reason(s) for delaying it further, will define my response. Pregnant three times in my mid-thirties, miscarried one. We have two boys. Congratulations!!! One of my sisters has 2 boys, and another sister has 4 boys and 1 girl. My youngest sister is getting married this summer and has no babies yet. I have never gotten pregnant, as far as I know. Finances and spending time alone as a couple are the reasons we have been using condoms as a preventative birth control, until we are ready for having a family. 1
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 You can never afford a baby. You are always too busy to have a baby. The time is never 'right' to have a baby. True. I fell pregnant accidentally at 19 and wouldn't consider aborting. It certainly was not the best timing! He's 16 now and I am 36. Around the time of my 37th birthday we are marrying and will try to conceive immediately (we plan to practice lots on honeymoon). Also not ideal timing.Lol about practicing lots on the honeymoon! That's awesome CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING!!! I think that is so awesome that you kept your child and didn't abort him. Love is so beautiful!!! I think the love of a Mom for her child is one of the most beautiful forms of love in the world!!! I think it's worth trying because if you did have any issue you would have earliest warning and could take the appropriate action. Enjoy!!!Thanks!!! My husband and I talked and we are thinking that in the summer, we will stop using condoms and see what happens!!! 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I think you should have a baby … in nine months! 1
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 I think you should have a baby … in nine months! LOL!!! Sounds like a plan! We'll see what happens!!!
Lauriebell82 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I married at 36, was pregnant at 37, had our son at 38. I'm 39 now and we will start trying for #2 this summer, knowing the risks and knowing it may not be easy. I agree with the others - for biological reasons I wouldn't put it off any further if I were you! Awww, that's wonderful SSG!!! Fingers crossed for you!!! 1
mitchell Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 You mentioned that your husband is helping you learn to work out in another thread. Are you in decent shape? Overweight? I suggest women get into good shape before considering getting pregnant. This will help you have a healthier and happier pregnancy. 2
Lauriebell82 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 As for myself, my husband and I were married for 10 months (together 5 years) when we conceived our son, he's 10 months old now. I was 29 (now 30) so no bio clock issues or anything, we just felt "ready," and it had been "just us" for many years. We were ready for a little baby to add to our family. Some people say we should have waited longer, but we did what was best for us and what we wanted to do. And I would never have had it any other way. So if you are ready for kids, go for it!!! My son is the best thing that has ever happened to me...you will feel the same way when your child is born. 1
Author BetheButterfly Posted February 18, 2013 Author Posted February 18, 2013 You mentioned that your husband is helping you learn to work out in another thread. Are you in decent shape? Overweight? I suggest women get into good shape before considering getting pregnant. This will help you have a healthier and happier pregnancy. I am not 100% toned. Many (though of course not all) people would not consider me overweight, but I do need to lose the weight I put on during Christmas. Eating is so delicious sigh. I also got sick so I had 2 weeks where I didn't work out at all, due to coughing. My husband and I are thinking of no longer using condoms in July. Hopefully by then I will have gotten more toned in muscle and have lost the fat I would like to lose. 1
Lauriebell82 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I am not 100% toned. Many (though of course not all) people would not consider me overweight, but I do need to lose the weight I put on during Christmas. Eating is so delicious sigh. I also got sick so I had 2 weeks where I didn't work out at all, due to coughing. My husband and I are thinking of no longer using condoms in July. Hopefully by then I will have gotten more toned in muscle and have lost the fat I would like to lose. I'm assuming you are probably a little chubby right now? I was when I got pregnant. I was overweight by "their" standards but by like 6 lbs. No problems conceiving, got pregnant in the 2nd month. I would say if you are like 30+ lbs overweight, then losing weight would help prior to conception. I would say that being a bit chunky prior to getting pregnant is a big motivator not to let yourself go during pregnancy. It's easier not to have to lose a ton of weight after pregnancy.
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