galaxyman Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) I would like to read some advice from men and women regarding this issue: the best way to convey interest to the opposite sex, especially when you are a very shy person. The reason why I am typing this is because I feel like this has become a legitimate problem in my life. I am 26 years old and I have never truly grasped the idea of openly showing your interest to a woman (through flirting, touching, insinuations, etc). I have not had a relationship in 4 years. However, I have gone on many dates, and it always seems like the girl is happy to be with me at first. Unfortunately, their enthusiasm always turns to frustration by the end of the date and I get blown off, regardless of how well the conversation went. I have an illogical fear of being considered sleezy by women. However, my friend has recently changed my perspective on this issue. This guy I know, is literally the most blatantly open person I have ever met when it comes to hitting on women. If he likes her, he will: grab her hand, stare at her breasts, constantly invite her out or over his place, "accidently" tap her breast or other areas. And they love it. Even more surprising, is his admittance that even my closest female friends (most are taken or even married) smile from ear to ear when he acts like that with them. What I'd like is to finally break out of this phobia. If anyone could provide an opinion on what I wrote or some advice, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. Edited February 16, 2013 by galaxyman
Apolodor Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 My friend, the question you should be asking is whether you don't come across a little bit as needy or desperate when you go out with these women you claim you are dating. Try to appear disinterested and have the conversation revolve around things you know these women like. In my experience, not two women are alike. Part of the game is to "read" the woman before you go out on a date and steer the conversation in a direction that she enjoys. Some women would appreciate a fancy meal accompanied by a good bottle of wine, others would feel more at ease in a bar or a coffe house. As I said, it is your job to find out which is most suitable for your date. Cultivate some hobbies and interests that could make you look more attractive in their eyes. You say your friend is "blatantly open". Well, that works for some guys and with certain kind of girls, but my advice is try not to come too strong on your first date. Some women are turned off by that. In general, you can see it in a woman's eyes if she is willing to accept some "bold" gestures, but it's best not to do that too quickly or else you may lose the opportunity of a second date and you lose her trust in you. Unlike you my main difficulty is in getting dates with women I like. I usually score every time I go on a date, but that might be because I know how difficult is to find another one.
Author galaxyman Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Apolodor, thanks for your response. Before I continue, I need to clarify that I referenced my friend not because I wanted to copy him, but to stress the idea that men need to be much more open and obvious with their intentions. I've tried the "dine and date". We could literally be laughing and having a great time at the fanciest restaurant, but this problem still persists: the women I've gone on dates with (which isn't often. I'd say 3-4 a year), lose interest and appear very confused after our date. What I want to do is find a happy middle ground where I can openly just show someone that I want them without appearing sleezy or offputting. I just haven't discovered the way yet.
Apolodor Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Galaxyman, I think what you are looking for what does not exist yet. If we'd had a "formula" for seducing women this world would have been a much happier place... You need to keep in mind that women are social beings who like being taken out (well, most of them consider it as some sort of validation if they go out often). If you are a normal guy, most likely any girl who is available would be happy to take you up on your invitation. However, this does not guarantee that there is any chemistry between the two of you. Also, women laugh easily, so that's not a a good indicator of anything. If you invariably get the same results with your dates it may be because you are aiming at the wrong sort of gal. Have you tried to get to know these women a little bit more before you ask them out? (some phone conversations, etc). I cannot stress well enough how important it is to appear disinterested. The more you are interested in a woman the less likely you are to get her interested in you -- at least in the initial stages of the relationship. I am sorry I can't help more, but hope you don't disheartened and keep persevering. You are still very young!!
Author galaxyman Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Apolodor, I'll definitely take some of your advice. I think you nailed the nail on the head with the "less interest on your part= more on their part". It's something I've been noticing more and more the older I get. I wasn't always that way when I was younger. I appreciate it.
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