newsbug Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 I broke the NC. I was feeling good today and was thinking everything was okay and I had accepted the fact that he left me and I convinced myself he just needed to figure out what was going on in his mind and then we'd be back together. All was good. So I looked at his facebook. And there she is, commented on everything. He made a funny comment about if you didn't like this certain show he didn't think he could be your friend and she commented that it was a good thing she wasn't trying to be his friend. And he and his mom liked her comment. Ugh...just kill me. I knew better...but I did it. Now I just feel horrible. I just can't understand it still...and I know I probably never will which is why I need NC. I need to get away from the idea that he will be right back...he just got scared and he needs a few days. I need to stop lying to myself. He doesn't love me anymore...it's not fair and it's not right, but it is what it is. Ugh. 2
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I left the house as soon as I did that and went and saw my parents. As soon as I left there...a bit ago...I finally got the strength and the will and I deleted any type of way for me to contact him or be able to spy on his facebook again. It stinks and I hate that it has to be that way. I hate that this happened at all...I know I didn't do anything wrong. If it was just me that he didn't like and that's why he left for the other girl, then he should have left a year ago since I haven't changed at all. I haven't gotten nicer or meaner or fatter or skinnier. I'm exactly the same person I was last year when we met. So this is all on him. Now the healing will really start. And I'm not going to beat myself up too much about this set back since it's still so soon after the dumping and seeing what I saw made me realize 100% that I don't want to know what's going on with him. It won't make me feel better. And I'm more important than that. *nods to self* 1
jumbojet123 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I have been lying to myself for a month. All I do now is cry and sleep on the sofa for a few hours a night to wake up to panic attacks of dreams of being back together with him. Pathetic. Never letting my guard down again. You only have yourself in the end. 2
coffeebean201 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 That was painful. Sorry you had to read that. Hope you have a really good night! Hugs 1
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 That was painful. Sorry you had to read that. Hope you have a really good night! Hugs Thank you. But ya know, sometimes you have to have a hard knock in the head just to be reminded of what is really going on. It's best to face the facts than to live on a hope that won't happen. Today was the first time I told someone that he left me for another girl. Before I was saying that he dumped me for no reason, even though he never gave me the exact reason...he tip toed around it and I didn't want to see the truth because it just hurt too much. I know it's not good or healthy to wonder what's what with me and what did I do wrong, but when your fiancee leaves you for another woman, it's hard not to. But my Daddy pointed out that nothing about me had changed...I may have become happier over the year and that's not a bad thing. So it can't be me...it has to be all on him. I'll never know what clicked or changed in his mind to where he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me to wanting that other girl instead. And it doesn't really matter. It happened and this is what I have to deal with. And it really is better he decided that now than after we got married. A lady told me about her sister...her sister had been married around 16 or 19 years and she had been spending time at the hospital with her dying son for about 5 or 6 weeks and that's when her husband told her he had been sleeping with someone else while she was at the hospital and he left her. And he took all the insurance money after their son died. Then she had a stroke. So...at least I'm not having to deal with all of that. This sucks, but it could be worse. 4
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I just got a friend request from the girl he left me for. But then it disappeared immediately. Wtf is that about?!
Simon Phoenix Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I just got a friend request from the girl he left me for. But then it disappeared immediately. Wtf is that about?! Could have been an accident.
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Could have been an accident. That's what I have to assume. But it means she was trolling my page. I was really afraid it meant she was trying to send me a message but hit the wrong button. I know..I thought way too much about it..but that was like a punch to the gut. Ugh...
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Ugh...my cousin just told me she sent him this picture that talked about the karma of f**king over a good girl is the b**ch you end up with. I told her to please not contact him anymore and she said that wasn't the first thing she had messaged him. It's like she broke the NC for me behind my back. I haven't been all phycho towards him...and that made me feel better about myself. Like, he can be the ******* that dumped me for some other girl, but I wasn't going to let him see me break down and be the crazy person I'm feeling like I have become, but she has been crazy b**ch emailing him over and over and he's going to think it's coming from me. And I haven't even really talked with my cousin about this! This sucks, and I know I can't do anything about it because I'm in NC and it doesn't matter. Ugh!!
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 long after you have forgotten all about both of their sorry a$$es and moved on with someone great. that's why she was stalking your fb page, she was curious. i am finding all this v hard, and we were nowhere near where you and he were, so i have massive amounts of admiration and sympathy for you. now you've blocked fb, keep doing what you're doing, you will get there much more quickly than you think, by the sound of it. oh and tell your cousin thanks, but you're making me look as if i care, so can you stop! 1
Author newsbug Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 I told her that. I just hate all of this. I know the only way to get past this is to go through it...but I'm just sitting here thinking of way to get a hold of him and just praying to universe that he will message me and tell me how sorry he is and he wants us back. I should go out and find something to get into but I kind of want to be able to wallow for a bit too. I have have to try and put a happier face on tomorrow for work...maybe it's good to have a sad day alone sometimes. I dunno. I just wish I could lay down and die right now.
Debbie2508 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Sorry you're feeling so down today, news bug. I'm right there with you, if it helps. I know how you feel about needing to wallow and have sad days. But, I also think we need to try to make a conscious effort to stop thinking of the what should have been's. I know it's hard, I was also engaged, and don't understand how he could ask me to marry him but leave 10 weeks later. I guess we just have to accept that we're never gonna make sense of it all, we just have to somehow work through the pain and hurt and come out the otherside, as stronger people. I don't want to die, but living's not that great right now...just wanna feel better. 3
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Hang in there, newsbug, hard as it may be, and hard as it may be to believe - you're doing all the right things.... Hugs!! 1
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