sithazazel Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 So, I haven't dated in a long time, I've been concentrating on my career. Recently I tried online dating just for fun and well I met this girl. she actually made contact with me and we both preferred to meet face to face. Our first meeting went well and we have gone on several dates. Tonight will be our 4th date, but I am having doubts about her. We are both extremely busy, but I've also noticed shes extremely shy. Shy to the point where I can't tell if she is comfortable or not. she also apologizes for her awkwardness and says she has a good time but at times she just seems very disconnect. she also hates talking on the phone and not that great of a texter either (her words). She does make a small effort with me though. shes also in her mid 20s and I am in my late 20s. I do like her but at times it feels like I am trying to hard. During our second date we had a lot of alone time in a cozy little cafe and there were moments where she really opened up, and by the end I really wanted to kiss her but I didn't, we did hug though and flirted in the car. Third date I was determined to establish better physical contact but we went to a loud restaurant and she seemed really uncomfortable, it got better when we were in the car and she opened up a bit more. but it felt like we took a step backwards. Now it has been over a week since I last saw her (she has grad school exams) but we txted (initiated by me) a few times over the week and she said she wanted to see me this weekend. I am having trouble gauging this "dating" situation an what she wants. Should I still go for the "4th date" kiss? I figure it would either move things along or freak her out. any thoughts would be appreciated
Apolodor Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 She's perhaps led a sheltered life and all this is new to her. I met girls like that when I was in grad school -- their main focus was on their studies and they wanted the "career" thing before anything else. There is nothing wrong with this situation provided you are comfortable with taking things slowly. I don't think you need to think in terms of kissing or physical comfort, when the moment is right it will happen naturally. You need to focus on helping her have a good time, the rest will come naturally.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Have you talked to her about her personal/romantic life? Have you talked about what's going on in her life otherwise? family, work? Did you get any reason to believe that she's got something else going on in her life that would cause her to be somewhat distracted or out of touch? However honestly, I just don't thinks she's that interested or she's someone who's got some personal issue going on that maybe gives her anxiety or she's got some other problem she isn't be open about. In four normal dates you should be having a good time and enjoying each others company, right now it just seems like you're kind of dealing with each other until something significant happens. She's either waiting on you to make something happen, or she's just trying to develop some kind of chemistry with you. How do you even feel about her? you obviously posted about her so you have a good amount of interest, but what makes you so sure that you're really interested in this girl if the interaction with her seems....sluggish. It's going to be difficult for you to gauge interest since you're new to the dating world, and your lack of initiative and confidence is going to turn a lot of women off. It's a difficult learning curve unless you just meet someone you really click with, where the dating rules don't really matter. Even people who date or have experience, things can change easily when there is actually a strong sense of chemistry rather than just the process and humdrum of going on dates as if you're just awkward friends. I think you should either be more open and direct with or make a move. At this point you've got to clear the air a little bit, there doesn't seem to be a sense of a strong romantic interest, I wouldn't blame you for bailing at this point...but think of it overall as a learning experience, if you get too invested, self-conscious and concerned with how she feels then you're going to be in your head way too much...right now you've got to flex a little and push the boundaries, make some mistakes and then when you come across the right girl you'll have some of the cobwebs outta the attic. Don't take it seriously and become invested or over-analyze one girl, just keep rolling with the punches and flowing. OLD is not for people who get wrapped up into one person and treat them like the beginning and the end of whether they'll be successful or not...you've got to be able to let things roll off of your shoulders to make it through the rough patch of getting used to being out and dating.
Eggplant Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Maybe there wasn't instant chemistry. Maybe she is just very shy. Don't get too stressed out about it. You don't have to decide whether to marry her or anything. It's just dating. Continue to see her if you want, and see some other girls as well.
coffeebean201 Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 If she agrees to go on another date with you, it means she likes you. Maybe try something more fun, to get her laughing. What about miniature golf? De-stress from from her exams and there is the potential for some physicality to the date. Just avoid getting too competitive about the golf while you are with her.
NYC-BigKat Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 So, I haven't dated in a long time, I've been concentrating on my career. Recently I tried online dating just for fun and well I met this girl. she actually made contact with me and we both preferred to meet face to face. Our first meeting went well and we have gone on several dates. Tonight will be our 4th date, but I am having doubts about her. We are both extremely busy, but I've also noticed shes extremely shy. Shy to the point where I can't tell if she is comfortable or not. she also apologizes for her awkwardness and says she has a good time but at times she just seems very disconnect. she also hates talking on the phone and not that great of a texter either (her words). She does make a small effort with me though. shes also in her mid 20s and I am in my late 20s. I do like her but at times it feels like I am trying to hard. During our second date we had a lot of alone time in a cozy little cafe and there were moments where she really opened up, and by the end I really wanted to kiss her but I didn't, we did hug though and flirted in the car. Third date I was determined to establish better physical contact but we went to a loud restaurant and she seemed really uncomfortable, it got better when we were in the car and she opened up a bit more. but it felt like we took a step backwards. Now it has been over a week since I last saw her (she has grad school exams) but we txted (initiated by me) a few times over the week and she said she wanted to see me this weekend. I am having trouble gauging this "dating" situation an what she wants. Should I still go for the "4th date" kiss? I figure it would either move things along or freak her out. any thoughts would be appreciated Yes go & kiss her & tell her how u feel 'cause at least u have a girl that is giving u a chance. I wish I could find that but girls look the other way when they see me so I guess I'm doomed to be alone but maybe there's a little hope for u .
Author sithazazel Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for the responses guys. I really appreciate the feedback. We went out tonight, had a good time. unfortunately it was cut short as she has more exams monday. She apologized several times about being a bad date, to which i reassured her I thought she was great and that I enjoyed being with her. We did have a talk and lets say "cleared the air". I am glad we did, turns out shes not looking for something serious. She said I was a great date and she likes hanging out with me though and to give her more time. I said OK and agreed to keep hanging out with her. I will give it a chance but I am approaching this differently now, not getting to invested.
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 turns out shes not looking for something serious. She said I was a great date and she likes hanging out with me though and to give her more time. I said OK and agreed to keep hanging out with her. I will give it a chance but I am approaching this differently now, not getting to invested. She's using you as a distraction from her exams and for getting her attention fix. And by the sound of it you're going to let this continue to happen. Why? If somebody tells you directly they've no romantic interest in you, why keep hanging around? Unless you really need a friend, you're better off without somebody who's rejected you.
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