StanMusial Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 ... and I'm not going to. But it has opened up a rift in our 3 month romance. Here's the back story. I work as an IT consultant and I got an offer I couldn't refuse in a town that is roughly 1 to 1.5 hours drive away. I've been on the site for about 6 months now. My initial plan was to get a feel for the duration of the gig and then make plans to move over there if I felt it was more long-term. Right now, that is looking to be the case. So I have started looking into renting or purchasing a condo in that area. I met this girl in the town I would be moving to through a friend this past fall. It was not expected and sort of came out of the blue. But she has a lot of features that I like and I can see a future with her. We have been seeing each other on a more frequent basis lately... she has a nice place of her own and I have stayed overnight a few times. She has met some of my friends and I have met some of hers but there have been no family introductions. Anyway last night at dinner I mentioned to her for the first time that I was considering moving to be closer to my job, since it is likely I will be on site for 2+ years. She said, "Why don't you just move in with me?" I had never even considered this so I was surprised and I played it off like she was joking around... but she was serious. Our food came to the table and we changed the subject but agreed to talk about it later. But I could tell it bothered her that I did not take this seriously. I think maybe she thinks I don't take our relationship seriously but that is not the case. I just think it is too soon for this step. Once last thing... I have never been married nor have I ever lived with a girlfriend. My past two LTR's have been with girls that lived in my neighborhood or at least 5 minutes away so it was never something that came up. Has anyone experienced something like this? How did you refuse the next step yet keep the relationship moving forward?
Eggplant Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 She has to respect your boundaries. You can't be expected to take such a big step before you feel ready. You've only known her 3 months, so the chemistry is still clouding everything. You don't even know her very well! If you get into a disagreement, you both need to be able to step back and retreat. In 6 months, you may or may not still be together. People end up staying in relationships long past when they should have ended simply because it's too hard to move out. My ex-boyfriend was a little hurt that I didn't want to move in after 5 months. I could see that whatever I said, it was going to hurt his ego, so I just avoided the topic.
Author StanMusial Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 She has to respect your boundaries. You can't be expected to take such a big step before you feel ready. You've only known her 3 months, so the chemistry is still clouding everything. You don't even know her very well! If you get into a disagreement, you both need to be able to step back and retreat. In 6 months, you may or may not still be together. People end up staying in relationships long past when they should have ended simply because it's too hard to move out. My ex-boyfriend was a little hurt that I didn't want to move in after 5 months. I could see that whatever I said, it was going to hurt his ego, so I just avoided the topic. Thanks, I agree. My policy is to avoid unnecessary drama and hopefully the topic won't come up again for a while. It might be unavoidable though since I am seriously considering moving anyway.
acorn Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Just tell her the truth! Tell her you think it's too soon and she will understand if she truly respects your decisions You should also tell her that you are worried if you move in so early that it will jeopardize your relationship and you want more time to feel things out before making a big decision In the mean time, you could have more frequent sleepovers to show her you are serious about her. Just ease into it. You don't want to rush the decision
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