Lykke Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Hai loveshack and happy people! Recently I've been going through some posts to find similar situations to what I am going through right now. I decided to explain my situation instead, as I feel like I need some advice in order to get my head straight. Heres the formal info: I'm a guy. I'm 21. I'm a student in Denmark. As part of my personal being, people tends to describe me as a leader-type, mature and a good friend. Yay! I've had a female friend through the Internet for 3 years, who I recently decided to man up and take the next step with. Let's call her B. She's the usual "damaged" type of girl, that we all know. B has been in alot of bad relationships and therefore been let down in the past and throughout most of the life. I'm the type of guy, who earns friends and trust by always being supportive and generally being interested in the persons I talk to. B is 4 years older than me, with a kid from another relationship. This kid is amazing. The father back then decided to split, because he didn't want the kid. He now shares the kid with B however. I earned my trust by being interested in her, and she decided to share some of her past with me, which I absolutely liked. We would usually talk every night, or at least try to. During the 3 years of friendship she shared alot of her former relationships and some of the relationship she was in with me, usually saying how negative they were. Back to the situation. We met up back in late 2012. I spent money and time on traveling to her(Quite the distance and all) because I decided to risk taking the next step. Time went by pretty fast that weekend, and as things escalated we ended up in bed. A lot of sexual tension too. When I left ,she asked if I could come back, and as confused as I was, my answer was "As friends, sure". As I went home the usual "I miss you" texts started appearing, and we talked about meeting up again. That's where I got hooked and fell in love. She did too. We both seemed happy for a while, but I was having trouble finding out if she really wanted it, so I made the mistake of talking to her best friend, which nothing good came from. Let’s call him H. Before this, she told me in confidence, that she during the period(Last year - 2012) before we met slept with alot of guys, but I was the only one who meant something. The rest was just "fun" and happened to be one night stands. The friend(H) told me, that B did the same thing to him during the summer last year. Calling him special. I snapped, and told him that she also slept with me and and her other ex, which she told me in secret... The friend then went mad on her, and she naturally lost her trust in me. Because I did something THAT stupid. My own words. As time went by, the friend told me I was just a random f***, which she didn't even like. However she texted me and said that this guy was just mad and retarded. Still posting <3 and calling me baby. - Note: Due to living in different countries, texting is kinda expensive The friend kept approaching me, saying that I would end up getting hurt, so I pasted some of the chat to her. Back then I didn’t want to believe him. The normal chat and texting however still went on. We kept sharing info about what we did, and at this time she was changing her job as a teacher. So I thought things were fine. She still told me about her day and her mood. She met the friend and two others over the week of New Year, which was an agreement they made a long time ago. Naturally I felt insecure in her, so I asked her what she would do, if any of them made a move. She said I should stop worrying, because I was in her heart and in her head. As they went home, I asked her to be honest with me, and tell me about the week. She then went mad at me, going "nothing happened - I don't get why you are this paranoid". I later asked if we were okay, after all I had done, which she said "Of course - I' amazed you haven't given up on me yet" to. I went "Never", because I feel for her. White knight and all We met up a second time on my initiative. She just started working and was stressed, so I took time of and flew to another country to see her again. As we met up, she seemed distant and always on her phone, prioritizing it over me. I blamed it on her having her period and didn’t really react to it. I acted naturally, still in love and all, kissing and hugging her if I got the chance. At night, we still cuddled up, but there was nothing sexual going on. Due to her period. Except her being distant, I felt the weekend went okay. But at Sunday hell broke loose. An hour before I had to go home, she decided we shouldn't be dating anymore, because I was "paranoid about who she talked to and who she was with". Her words. I agree, I might have acted a bit paranoid and jealous, because I asked her who talked to multiple times, because she spent more time on her phone. I asked her to at least give it a second thought and she said "okay". As I was in the plane, I texted her (Breaking the law! ) and said I felt bad about being this jealous. I also said it kinda hurt that she split just like that on me, and again she went mad, saying she did a whole lot for me but she had enough of my paranoid snooping and jealousy. I easily make assumptions based on chat (As in the case with her friend) As a normal reaction to being left in the dark, I started pushing her to tell me what happened between us. One night she would say it was because of my jealousy, one night she would say I made assumptions and painted her like a cheater and on others she would acted casually, talking normally. I promised myself and her that I would change for the better, and get stronger. Letting go of the jealousy, but she said that all this was a pattern she has seen before - And that these were just empty promises, as I was desperate. Some true trust issues going on huh ^^. Either way, she kept making different arguments, such as she was kinda unstable nowadays or that I’m desperate. She also said she can’t trust someone to change, if they’re going to hurt her. One night she completely blocked me off, letting all communication go through her best friend - The same friend as before. H told me the following: she lost her feelings for me, when I broke her trust. And that she wanted to meet up again, to see if the feelings would reblossom. They didn't. So of course she was gonna leave me. She cuddled/kissed/hugged me, because she needed someone close. As friends, after this night, she said we were okay. Going "I'm not happy, but I'm not mad either". Normal week went by, untill I talked to the same friend again. He told me to back the f* off, because I was just annoying her, making her rebel against my actions, by not respecting her decision to not tell me the truth. So I did. He told me, that if she wanted to be friends, she would contact me eventually - Might not be the first couple of weeks, but you don’t just give friendship up that easy. He also said that she already slept with someone else, to show me that she has no feelings - I'm not sure I should trust this guy tho, as he tends to lie. As she is not my girl anymore either, I don't really care. So I went No Contact mode (NC) and worked on myself for a bit. So this is where I am at. Sitting at a café, writing my side of the story. It’s been two weeks of No Contact, and 3 weeks ago since the break-up. As Valentine approaches, I can’t help but feel bad about my actions towards her. What is done is done however, and I took the path I did. B never really told her friends about me until recently, but that’s part of her personal being. Just right about now I’m having trouble reading what to do. I honestly do not want give up on her, but I assume there is not much more I can do, without being painting as a stalker. People told me really to reconsinder, if she is worth the drama – But as any other person, I can’t really force her to feel anything for me either. I suppose it is part of her damaged self, that scared her off. So let me hear your opinion Loveshack! – Why did she react like she did? What is going through her mind? Am I 'just another guy'? Starring: Me, myself and I. B - The girl I adore, and had a crush on for a while. H - Her best friend, who she used to date during summer. Edit: Seems I'm still living in denial that her feelings are just gone like that. Mine ain't at least. The dating and flirting went on for about half a year, with a lot of flirting prior to it. TLDR;: Met a girl, who has been my friend for 3 years. Took the next step, confused and all about my feelings. Made the mistake of not being completely confident in her and talked to her best friend about her. Things snowballed, and we met up again, so she could she if her feelings would come back. They didn’t. I naturally tried winning her back, which didn’t work. I was told to back off, and now I’m afraid I screwed up the friendship as well. ___ Happy Valentine! Best regards, Martin Edited February 16, 2013 by Lykke
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