superbad Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) So basically, I had been seeing this woman since October of last year. We both met at a bar, probably not the most romantic encounter but we seemed to hit it off immediately. She had just gotten out of a rough 2year relationship with this scumbag who treated her like ****. I actually got sucker punched two months in while at our usual hangout. Fast forward a 2-3 months and my apartment is literally littered with her things. Tampons, boots, clothing you name it. She's pretty much living here but I figure we're pretty good together; most people we know kind of assume that she's my girlfriend at this point since we're seen together so frequently. I'm thinking to myself, this works for me - she's pretty cool; amazing body; awesome personality. We're up till 4am playing video games, drinking wine, discussing life you name it. This is working for me. So now I wait until the 5month mark and after a night of drinking at our usual spot; I hear her friend one of the bartenders refer to her as my girlfriend. I'm thinking, screw it - let's give this a shot bro, she's an awesome catch and she's been talking about introducing me to her parents; **** I've met her best friends and even her dog already - obviously she feels the same way. Hell she tells me all the time that she's not seeing anyone else. Soon as we get back to my place I discuss the conversation that i had with the bartender and tell her we should make this official; "I want you to be my girl". I figured nothing would change anyway. Well - she turned me down at this point with the "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now and maybe you want to see other people but I don't; I'm just not ready etc." Needless to say, I'm surprised. We get into this drunken back and forth; long story short it doesn't end well but we get back to talking a few days later it all seems good. She stays over 2nights in a row then -NOTHING. I can barely even get a hold of this chick, suddenly I don't see her for a week straight she's spending more time with her friends, w/e. But it seems like more than that. We'll hang out every now and then still but her personality is...different. It's like she'll hit me up and come over at 3:30am after partying at some bar during mardi gras; she'll smell the flowers i buy her on valentines day and look at me with those familiar eyes that I've grown attached to then sure enough - it's gone. She's reminding me of for lack of a better word; a cunt. Like she's trying to irritate me; to test me with these snide ass comments. Saying she'll call me back when she won't; supposedly "drafted" responses to my text messages that I sent her the night before which I of course never received. Should I ditch this woman? I'm sorry if this post is extremely long, I'm just extremely confused right now. Things where Good; better than good and now I just feel like absolute ****. ------------- ps. No we didn't spend every waking moment drinking. It just came up in mist of my rant and frankly I've already had a few myself tonight. **** doesn't feel good man. Edited February 16, 2013 by superbad
TaraMaiden Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Youy are the supreme example of the super-FWB. She uses your pad like a second apartment, all the while remaining distant and independent. I could while away the hour trying to explain her behaviour, but in a nutshell, she's been bitten hard once by some scumbag, she's going to play things her way from now, and you're they plaything. So: Find a big box, or several black plastic bags. Fill with all her stuff. Take round to her place, dump at front door, and leave. Drop off her radar, go extreme, total No Contact, (see my signature) and live your life, for you, from now on. Sorted.
RebelWithoutACause Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 So you want more and she doesn't. It really sucks but it happens all the time. You've two options, you can continue being her bootie call, or you can cut your loses and move on. If you re starting to catch feelings i'd advise against the first option. It might sound like fun but you'll only torture yourself. Because sh's made it blatantly obvious she's not playing by your rules. The FWB will drag on for months, you'll keep falling in deeper while she'll keep getting even more distant. Your second option is to do what another poster already advised you - pack her stuff, drop it in front of her house annd delete her number. It takes serious balls to do that, but if you do it, you'll be spearing youself a lot of pain.
Yookie Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 I agree with the above poster. She doesn't have the same relationship goals as you do so it's time to move on.
Author superbad Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for all the advice...I'm thinking that I should likely follow through with the original suggestion of packing all her things and leaving them on her doorstep. -- However, that being said it's become pretty clear to me at this point that I've developed some pretty strong feelings for this woman which is not surprising considering all the time we've been spending together. In the interest of not having to deal with all the "what ifs"...I figure that I should just go ahead and put as much of her **** into my gym bag and meet up with her tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to put my balls on the table and tell this girl how I feel about her. If her reaction is nothing short of positive then so be it. She'll have all her **** back and I'm just going to cut all ties then move on with my life.
TaraMaiden Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 Thanks for all the advice...I'm thinking that I should likely follow through with the original suggestion of packing all her things and leaving them on her doorstep. -- However, that being said it's become pretty clear to me at this point that I've developed some pretty strong feelings for this woman which is not surprising considering all the time we've been spending together. In the interest of not having to deal with all the "what ifs"...I figure that I should just go ahead and put as much of her **** into my gym bag and meet up with her tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to put my balls on the table and tell this girl how I feel about her. If her reaction is nothing short of positive then so be it. She'll have all her **** back and I'm just going to cut all ties then move on with my life. Pointless, darling: You already tried that. Soon as we get back to my place I discuss the conversation that i had with the bartender and tell her we should make this official; "I want you to be my girl". I figured nothing would change anyway. Well - she turned me down at this point with the "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now and maybe you want to see other people but I don't; I'm just not ready etc." Needless to say, I'm surprised. That's why things cooled for a while. But seeing as you were happy to continue being her F*uck*buddy she had the impression you were fine with that. Her actions now, show she hasn't changed her mind. And here's the huge problem: You continued investing your 'all' into this. Why, goodness knows; but I guess the fact you're smitten had a lot to do with it. It's a no-go. Her actions have screamed that loud and clear. I really would suggest you do NOT merely set yourself up for more heartbreak. Because that's tragically, what you're doing.... 'One' cannot love sufficiently for 'two'. A commitment is a joint effort. It's all coming from you - and it won't hold. Forget the 'one last time' scenario. By-pass, and end this.
Fleur de Lis Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 I have a variation of the advice above. Box up all her stuff but leave it at your place for her to come get. Simultaneously, go NC on her. She may just want a little space and dropping everything off at her door sends her a clear signal that it is 100% over from your POV. If she comes looking to score after the bars close again, tell her you assumed she was no longer interested and gathered her things for her then wait and see how she reacts. My gut feeling tells me she really digs you but considering the dysfunctional relationship she just got out of when you met that perhaps she is not ready to make that kind of emotional investment yet. You're desire to "make it official" probably made things uncomfortable for her. I guess that at the end of the day you need to decide how much more important it is that she is your "official" girlfriend rather than your de-facto girlfriend.
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