Another email

February 17, 2013

Another relationship over. Another reason to celebrate. Another notch on this stick. How many have you overseen now it must be close to a thousand. Let's all have a party !

It IS a reason to celebrate. The fellow was toxic; it was a terrible time. Getting out was one thing, healing was another thing all together--he was doing things to try to sabotage my healing as well. Tara gave me tons of guidance when I felt I had no direction; was totally lost. Her wisdom helped me out of that dark situation. She was also very kind and non judgemental. I did celebrate in a way---I got my old self back.

February 17, 2013

"Look, I think I really screwed up. I never realised how much I missed you until I let you go.
This is awful, and it's all my fault.
I would desperately love a chance to prove to you that not only do I sincerely want you back, but I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you, and prove that I'm sincere. No messing.
I'll do counselling, therapy and walk over burning coals if necessary.
What would it take for you to forgive me, so that I can try again?"

God... if you're on LS and reading this... please let me get a message that looks like this one from my ex.

February 17, 2013

God... if you're on LS and reading this... please let me get a message that looks like this one from my ex.

No NA. You've out grown that immature little girl. You would turn her down. There are greener pastures for you in the future.

February 17, 2013

Inserting bullets into 6 shooter

(First pull of the trigger)

I just don't get the glee at every single broken relationships. It is like you would be very unhappy if anyone actually resolved thier issues and made things work. NO CONTACT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It takes a long time for issues to be resolved... most of these issues lie hidden and dormant inside of the person that doesn't want to see them. Therefor the issues never really get resolved

(Second pull of the trigger)

I am not sure. From what I have seen you ALWAYS think it is over. I wonder how many relationships that could have been restored but with your black and white no contact mantra you spout out every single time without exception they turn to dust. It is almost as if you thrive on people's broken realtionships. Like an oxygene.

< .5%

(Pulling the trigger again... got some recoil on this one)

Has it ever occured to you NC may not be the right thing. I mean ever ? Or is any minor disagreement NC automatically. Don't work at things, don't try and resolve things but them cut of your life at all costs ?

A breakup is just that... it's broken because it doesnt work and won't work. Someone is finally honest enough with themselves to see that.

(Pulling the trigger yet again... this is getting tiring... might need ak-47 next time)

You opinion is not the only opinion believe it or not. Many people disagree with your NC at all costs mantra. E notalone for example many people have resolved issues with their ex by NOT following NC.

Enotalone is a bunch of tree hugging noobs. Sure people get back together. But 99% of those people break up again (funny what happens behind closed doors) Do you think they are going to post again and make themselves look like idiots for not listening to people... hell no, they are going to change their screen name, come to LS and promote NC because they actually want to move on with their life and not do that same stupid **** again

(Pulls trigger again)

I am not talking about my ex either. That is bust beyond repair now but I wonder if I had tried to work at it when it went wrong instead of listening to the NC mantra for the 6 weeks when I left her alone we may not have made it work. NC just gave her an excuse to follow onto the next guy. I strongly believe this. So for me NC is very risky.

She had already checked out if there was a next guy in the picture, you stood no chance of stopping her unless his penis was much smaller then yours. In that case she would have come back for a few weeks, maybe months until she found a new guy and repeated step 1... breaking up with you

(Last bullet... thank god... Pulls trigger... BOOM)

Because I took advice on here including you who told me to go NC. Something I deeply regret but cannot change now. I certainly would not do the same again as it just helped to destroy the relationship beyond repair.

Your relationship was destroyed beyond repair... hence the breakup... you seem to be the only person that can not see this. Maybe if you take some time off, play video games, see a shrink, get some MALE buddies, stop focusing and reliving your breakup, you might actually come to see and accept this

(PS... anyone want to buy a used 6 shooter? I need to buy a new screen for my cell phone)

February 17, 2013

God... if you're on LS and reading this... please let me get a message that looks like this one from my ex.

If my ex wrote that, I would see through it in a heartbeat; it was just one of his games and he said the same thing to every lady. What he didn't realize is that I am like "Kevin Bacon"; somehow connected to all his ex's!!! I graduated with one, neighbors with another growing up, was a friend of a friend to him, etc. We all ended up comparing notes. The man is close to 50.

February 17, 2013

Firstly, Hi BandB - I remember you from when I first joined, good to see you back and completely over your abusive ex.

Secondly, Zammo - don't shoot the messenger! You sound like a whiney boy who is blaming his mummy for making him take the 'nasty' medicine to make him better.

Tara, and others on here take time out to help others. NC is NOT a way to get your ex back or to solve any problems you had within your relationship. It is a way to HEAL yourself the quickest when it IS over. But it is only advice - noone has a gun to your head forcing you to follow it. Take responsibility for yourself, follow the advice that rings true to you - ignore what doesn't. Make your own mistakes and learn from them, but please....PLEASE stop blaming everyone else.

February 17, 2013

Girlfriend treated me like dirt for most of our relationship, after we broke up, she texted after a year, it was under the guise of "friendliness" asking me how I've been, what's new in my life, you know being nice..my reply was short and curt which must have been a surprise to her from the doormat she once knew, but that man was dead!

Well her response quickly shed any doubt she had changed or was writing to find out about my well being but that was cool because she was just doing her. That is whom she is, they think they can still game play and f*ck with you, but unless you're an idiot their BS has irrevocably changed you and made you anti-BS

There's no one to stroke their egos so they reach out. Simple

Is this really true though, is this really what happens, that they will reach out to the one they dumped - and who they assume will automatically reply at the drop of a hat - when they need an ego boost?

February 17, 2013

Yes, it's true.

But of course, they would never call it, or admit to it being an 'ego boost'.

They would protest along the lines of,

"well, I just missed you... I just wanted to reach out and make sure you were okay.... I just wondered how you're doing......I just wanted to say hi... I just...I just....I just...."

It's thoughtless, and frankly, utterly self-serving.

February 17, 2013

Yes, it's true.
But of course, they would never call it, or admit to it being an 'ego boost'.

They would protest along the lines of,

"well, I just missed you... I just wanted to reach out and make sure you were okay.... I just wondered how you're doing......I just wanted to say hi... I just...I just....I just...."

It's thoughtless, and frankly, utterly self-serving.

What, even several - or more - years later? I've never done this myself.

February 17, 2013

Tara I forget if I ever asked you about this but I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

When my ex was still contacting me before I blocked her saying stuff like "We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"

What the F*CK did she want? Did she really miss me? Did I ruin any chance at reconciliation by ignoring her?

February 17, 2013

I am not picking on you Tara. I know a lot of people follow your sage advice. I guess it had turned to sh*t as she did not have strong enough feelings for me anymore and the new guy on the scene did not help matters. But it is done now. I am moving on and Valetine's day was the last obsticle. I still have this hollow and empty feeling and I am trying to fight not to become a bitter middle aged Man. But is is hard. I have spent yet another empty and lonely weekend on my own knowing my ex is basking in new love and probably having a lovely day out in the Sun today with the new guy so I struggle very hard with feelings of " I did not deserve this " I treated her and her daughter very well, never abusive, never cheated, always loving so if I did that but it was still not enough for her and where I am now I feel I am damaged goods now and will never trust my heart to another woman and that makes me sad as I have a lot to offer but just can't see it happening again. So all in all. I will live my life one day at a time but I feel it is over for me now as far as ever having a happy, stable and long term, loving relationship ever again. I wish you Tara and all on Loveshack all the very best and my love.

February 17, 2013

Tara I forget if I ever asked you about this but I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

When my ex was still contacting me before I blocked her saying stuff like "We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"

What the F*CK did she want? Did she really miss me? Did I ruin any chance at reconciliation by ignoring her?

My opinion would be yes. Others will disagree but if I got that message I would have seen her, as to me it sounded very genuine. Breadcrumbs, ignore but something of real substance like this I would definately act on it. Alas I never got any sort of a message like this from my ex.

February 17, 2013

Tara I forget if I ever asked you about this but I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

When my ex was still contacting me before I blocked her saying stuff like "We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"

What the F*CK did she want? Did she really miss me? Did I ruin any chance at reconciliation by ignoring her?

Hi na, I'm not Tara, but hope you don't mind me putting in my two pennies worth....

IMO she was 'just' saying she misses you and misses talking to you- full stop. No more, no less. She was not saying 'I made a huge mistake, I want you back etc. It is usually pretty clear when they want to reconcile and even then it may not be genuine.

I blocked an ex of mine - phone, emails, changed my landline number, changed jobs and moved house (the last one wasn't specifically to avoid him).....and he STILL found a way to contact me when he wanted to try again. So even if you have blocked her, I believe she would find a way to contact you if she really wanted to.

February 17, 2013

Tara I forget if I ever asked you about this but I wanted to know your thoughts on this.

When my ex was still contacting me before I blocked her saying stuff like "We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"

What the F*CK did she want? Did she really miss me? Did I ruin any chance at reconciliation by ignoring her?

What did you want Man ? For her to deliver her heart in a box for you ? This was a very strong and genuine message for me. No breadcrumbs and this is what I mean about the NC mantra. You followed it to the letter even though the door was opened again and that is what annoys me about this NC at all costs. Still, you made the decision to ignore it and it is too late now.

February 17, 2013

Hi na, I'm not Tara, but hope you don't mind me putting in my two pennies worth....

IMO she was 'just' saying she misses you and misses talking to you- full stop. No more, no less. She was not saying 'I made a huge mistake, I want you back etc. It is usually pretty clear when they want to reconcile and even then it may not be genuine.

I blocked an ex of mine - phone, emails, changed my landline number, changed jobs and moved house (the last one wasn't specifically to avoid him).....and he STILL found a way to contact me when he wanted to try again. So even if you have blocked her, I believe she would find a way to contact you if she really wanted to.

I disagree. The problem with this site is it is totally negative, always suspecting the worst intentions and that is quite often not the case. It could be, you see, and take a seat LS and NC followers as this may come as a shock, she could just have meant she really did miss him and really did want want to talk to him and actually did want to try and work things out. Certainly I would have taken it at face value and seen her. A big error I think he did not but we all make our choices don't we ?

February 17, 2013

We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"

This. Everyone can be cynical and I can hear the NO CONTACT people getting uneasy but how on Earth did you not follow this up ? Ok, people may say it is breadcrumbs but for me this is not. I have had breadcrumbs and they were nothing like this , more like when I spilled my heart out " meh ". Nothing whatsoever.

February 17, 2013

I disagree. The problem with this site is it is totally negative, always suspecting the worst intentions and that is quite often not the case. It could be, you see, and take a seat LS and NC followers as this may come as a shock, she could just have meant she really did miss him and really did want want to talk to him and actually did want to try and work things out. Certainly I would have taken it at face value and seen her. A big error I think he did not but we all make our choices don't we ?

Not negative at all, quite the opposite. Simply pointing out that you don't have to be worried and angst ridden if you have blocked someone because if they really want to reconcile, they will find a way.

Anything else is just breadcrumbs.

February 17, 2013

Not negative at all, quite the opposite. Simply pointing out that you don't have to be worried and angst ridden if you have blocked someone because if they really want to reconcile, they will find a way.
Anything else is just breadcrumbs.

But it wasn't was it ? It seems to me to be a heartfelt and genuine attempt at reconciliation. Still some people will only ever see something else and you know what ? sometimes there isn't. Just a person trying to reconnect, like I think his ex was trying to do.

February 17, 2013

If anyone really feels they have made the entirely fatal mistake of breaking up - they will do whatever is possible.

na49,let's look at this logically, and not with those emotional tear-stained glasses which it's easy to confuse things through:

Your ex was contacting you with those words before you blocked her.

Did she know where you lived?

Didd she know how to write a real letter, and not rely just on emails?

Could she have gotten a florist to bring you a single rose with a message, pleading to be heard?

Could she have got a mutual friend to run the errand for her, in the desperate need to get you to listen?

Did she try any of those things?

So, how much, really do you feel she was determined to contact you for a reconciliation?

Wouldn't you have moved heaven an earth in a similar fashion, if you had dumped her, then realised your disastrous mistake?

Wouldn't you have written her, a message similar to the one I used as an example?

See what I mean....?

The point I am making, is this, to both you AND Zammo:

You both KNOW just how much you love your ex, what breaking up did to you, and what you would have done to effect a serious and sincere reconciliation.

You would have jumped through hoops, and gone to hell and back, if that was what was required.

You were totally committed to trying again.

And here's the point:

Your ex should have felt the same way about breaking up with you.

Wild horses could not have stopped them trying to get in touch with you, to reconnect, to try again, to make it work.

But they didn't.

So, no na49. I think her attempt to get you to talk wasn't really any kind of intention to seriously try again.

Had she been serious - she would have succeeded.

And remember: This was BEFORE you went NC.

Edited February 17, 2013 by TaraMaiden

February 17, 2013

Tara the reason why I love you is because you tell us what we need to hear. Not what we want to hear.

Yes you're right. She did know all of those things, and I'm sure she would have left a voicemail explaining herself. Nope. Just missed calls, no voice mails. I know that I would do whatever was possible because when she blocked me I made a fake account to snoop on her facebook. (which I have deleted btw, no more snooping) Another thing is that these messages were sent during our winter break. Now I'm not trying to analyze anything. but I'll do it anyway. She's home on winter break with no one to talk to. Everyone is busy. She knows I'm not busy. So she reaches out. Now we're back in school, do I think she misses me at all? Hell no!

Reality f*cking hurts... She is over me. She doesn't want to be with me. She'd rather have him over me. OUCH!

Actually I'd been NC for some time and then she started reaching out.

February 17, 2013

Actually I'd been NC for some time and then she started reaching out.

Oh..... sorry.... this is what led me to think she tried it before you went NC....

When my ex was still contacting me before I blocked her saying stuff like "We need to talk" "I really want to talk to you" "I miss you and want to talk to you"......

February 17, 2013

Well I was NC, started getting texts and then blocked her number. She also told me "I know we ended on bad terms, but I'd like to be friends"

February 17, 2013

Aaaah.

The 'let's be friends' tactic.

See.... Does that sound like someone who wants to talk to you, "we need to talk" about a reconciliation - but then tells you they want to be friends.....?

there's a clear contradiction, there, isn't there?

Wouldn't she have said;

"I know we ended on bad terms, but i can't stand the thought of us just becoming friends - I want to try again...."

I'm not trying to rub salt in the wounds.

Quite the opposite.

I'm trying to show you that your instinct was absolutely correct, and it WAS a 'breadcrumb' effort on her part....

February 17, 2013

Lot of bitterness in this thread.

Don't blame people on an internet forum for your own decisions. Most people I've encountered here (while they can be blunt, and honest, which sometimes inadvertently comes off as rude lol) are caring and have gone through the same things you have...and they're trying their best to help you cope.

February 17, 2013

Aaaah.
The 'let's be friends' tactic.

See.... Does that sound like someone who wants to talk to you, "we need to talk" about a reconciliation - but then tells you they want to be friends.....?

there's a clear contradiction, there, isn't there?

Wouldn't she have said;

"I know we ended on bad terms, but i can't stand the thought of us just becoming friends - I want to try again...."

I'm not trying to rub salt in the wounds.
Quite the opposite.
I'm trying to show you that your instinct was absolutely correct, and it WAS a 'breadcrumb' effort on her part....

Well the "let's be friends" text came before the "I miss you and want to talk to you" text. If that means anything. She doesn't want to try again because she's f*cking other guys now while I'm here.

I can't wait to be happy again.

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