lamariposa Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) I walked into a relationship with some bad timing. He and I have known each for a bit over a couple of years. He was married when we met. We worked for the same company but not in the same office. We saw each other a couple of times a year. When we did see each other, we liked to hang out as friends. In between, we talked online sometimes, infrequently. It was obvious to me that we both liked each other, but we never acknowledged it and put it aside in respect of his marriage and just acted as friends. A year and a half ago, right after he and I saw each other again, he went home and left his wife. He didn't tell me about it. In fact, he didn't talk to me again for 3 or 4 months... even though he says he had wanted to very badly... because he needed the time to himself to get himself together after leaving a marriage. As soon as we sat down together again and talked, we ended up getting together and started dating. He and I dated for over a year. The relationship was troubled though... he had commitment problems, citing that he was married for the entirety of his twenties and had regrets about not dating and having more sex partners. He was constantly worried about things getting "too serious" between us, and yet serious was just happening naturally because we were falling in love with each other. We moved in together. We loved each other and we made sure to tell each other that. A lot of stressful stuff started happening all at once. He lost his job... I stood by his side and said, "Hey you have a lot of money in savings, why don't you take some time off from the conventional 9-5 and put your heart into some of the stuff you've been working on in your free time?" He agreed and we decided we were going to move again out of the country so we could live cheaply. But around that time, we started fighting over some petty stuff. I figured he was depressed because of his job loss. He started to get distant and weird... and the more I tried to comfort, the worse things got between us. He started to say I was smothering him and we had one final fight over it and he announced he was leaving... by himself. He suddenly was telling me how friends and family were warning him about getting into a serious relationship with me so soon after leaving his marriage. And how he feels like hasn't had enough time on his own as a bachelor. And that he felt like he needed some time alone to live that life. He also said there were some issues between us, like me having jealousy issues. I agreed I needed to work on that but that I knew it wouldn't just change overnight. I asked him to stay a week to make sure he really was sure of everything. He stayed a few extra days. During this time, we were very close. We kissed, we made love, we held each other all night long as we slept. We told each other we loved each other. We talked a lot. He told me he wasn't closing the door on me for good but that he needs this time to himself and doesn't want to keep me waiting as he does this, that he thinks I should live my life and not just wait around for him to come back. He promised we'd see each other again. He left about a week ago. He's now in another country. We've e-mailed a couple of times, but I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't think his needs are totally unreasonable... everyone should know who they are on their own... I just think the timing between us has really sucked. But I love him and I want us to get back together--I know it won't happen tomorrow or next week, but I'm not sure how much distance I should give him. Should I just let go entirely and let him find his way back to me if I'm still available? Should I break contact? I don't think there is anything horribly wrong with our actual relationship... he and I have had amazing times together. It's been the best relationship I've ever been in and I would spend the rest of my life with him... and kind of feel that he feels the same with me... assuming he gets that bit of... freedom he needs. At the same time, I don't want to compromise my sense of self-respect. I don't want to be dangling on a hook being told to wait while he goes out and dates around. He's explicitly told me that he's not left intending to date or anything... that this is him just being on his own, but I understand that dating is a possibility. Edited February 16, 2013 by lamariposa
Recommended Posts