Sass Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I recently met a guy and we've been out together a couple of times and spoken quite a bit on the phone and fooled around a little when together. We get along amazingly well. I really enjoy his company and he really enjoys mine. I haven't had the best of luck with guys in the past…probably because they've all been a bit immature. This guy, however, is 33 (I'm 28) and he's very different to what I'm used to. He's open, he's very intelligent, he has integrity etc and he always compliments me on how refreshing and down-to-earth I am, my looks etc. When he first asked me out, he was very keen…wanting to walk me to the station, have lunch (I now don't work near him, so we don't do that anymore). We've spoken numerous times in-between our 2 dates, but we haven't spoken for over a week now because he's been ill. I know all of the above is a positive thing, but why do I feel that I need to analyze everything that's going on? I'm not used to someone who is so open with me for starters. He admits he's a huge 'perve', which is ok, because so am I. He's not embarrassed to talk about anything, but sometimes I find he's a bit too open (I really don't need to hear snippets of his past experiences with other girls). He's not a bragger - far, far from it. Just very, very open. He's a sensitive guy insofar that he treats people how he'd want to be treated. I suppose I'm feeling a bit unsure because we haven't spoken for over a week. We're not an item - we're still getting to know each other - but I'm worried I'm reading things wrong. I sent him an sms during the week (to which he replied) because I didn't want to disturb him while he was ill. Then, on the weekend, I sent him an hi-how're-you-doin' sms and ended it by telling him to call me during the week. Maybe I'm over-analyzing but I really feel that if I didn't message him, he wouldn't have messaged or called me…and he's usually on the ball when it comes to contacting me. I just feel that things have been unusually quiet since we last saw each other, which was 10-days ago. I don't know if this is my gut speaking, or if I'm being irrational because I really like this guy. I can really see myself falling for this guy hard and that scares the hell out of me because I'm scared of getting hurt. I'm already stressing about our 'quiet communication week' and thinking he's backing off, even though it's probably only because he's been quite ill…help! Any insight would be much appreciated. I don't know why I need to analyze everything so much. Funnily enough, I'm not like this when I'm around him…it's only when I'm on my own and thinking about things that I do my head in! aaargh!!!
uriel Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Relax. The only way to know for sure if he's into you is to give him the space he needs to reciprocate. You've already messaged him twice. He responded, which was good. Now the ball's in his court -- to call and when. Don't you dare contact him again until he's been in touch with you on his own. You haven't fallen hard for him yet. Make him work for a it a little bit! -- uriel
chicasha Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 ...and what i'm about to say is going to suck :-( I had the same thing happen...wonderful wonderful guy.....pursued me in the beginning..called me a lot....then it was infrequent. I SMSed him...called him...and only then would he call back....and he'd make plans...but the plans would fall thru. I cared for him a lot....and at the start, I thought 'he was the one'. (ok..i still kinda think that ). couple days ago......i finally asked him what was up. he said...i was a 'great girl, sweet, pretty....and he loved hanging out me as good friend'. UGHHH! needless to say...i'm confused....hurt...and really sad i'm still sad. He was a great guy except that he couldn't make a committment to me, that he was in a 'dating mode'...cos he life was 'too complicated right now'. That hurts, cos i really liked him a LOT...and i still do...and keep wishing things were different. I KNOW this is not what u wanna hear....i'm sorry. Maybe its not the case with you..i hope not. I'm just saying...my experience was exactly the same...and this was the sad outcome
Sass Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 Originally posted by uriel Relax. The only way to know for sure if he's into you is to give him the space he needs to reciprocate. You've already messaged him twice. He responded, which was good. Now the ball's in his court -- to call and when. Don't you dare contact him again until he's been in touch with you on his own. You haven't fallen hard for him yet. Make him work for a it a little bit! -- uriel Thanks Uriel, you're right. He's usually the one who's initiated all the contact and I think because of that, not hearing from him has thrown me a little. He's a very mature guy and I don't think he'd muck about. I just hope that this isn't his way of trying to wind things down...I wouldn't think so though - he's the one that always talks to the future, "...when we go to the beach in summer", "...i'll take you there oneday" etc As one of my friends put it, there's always a 'push-pull' effect when you're in the early stages of getting to know each other. Don't worry - I won't contact him until he contacts me. In fact, I think he just made ME work for a little bit, now it's his turn!!
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