Struggling dudes Part XX

[JuneJulySeptember]

So lately, I've been poking my head around in threads where it doesn't belong, and it's been pretty ugly. Insecurities leading to picking unattractive partners, and picking apart attractiveness levels of past girlfriends and boyfriends. Etc. I don't have any place in a thread like that.

 

I just want somebody to share a beer with, have sex with and tell how shi**y my day went. Fine. People operate differently.

 

So, anyway, I'm kinda/sorta dating this gal. But here's the beauty of it. She calls me first. She texts me first. She invites me to events. She implies physical contact with me. And we've barely started dating. Without any of the over-emotional where are we going with this and pinpointing the exact moment she fell for me. Amazing, huh?

 

So, here's my nice, short advice for my struggling buddies here, and please nobody take offense to this.

 

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand as long as you are on the right path and doing something about it. And I am. I'm doing a lot.

 

Hope that inspires you guys.

Edited February 16, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[Necris]

So lately, I've been poking my head around in threads where it doesn't belong, and it's been pretty ugly. Insecurities leading to picking unattractive partners, and picking apart attractiveness levels of past girlfriends and boyfriends. Etc. I don't have any place in a thread like that.

 

I just want somebody to share a beer with, have sex with and tell how shi**y my day went. Fine. People operate differently.

 

So, anyway, I'm kinda/sorta dating this gal. But here's the beauty of it. She calls me first. She texts me first. She invites me to events. She implies physical contact with me. And we've barely started dating. Without any of the over-emotional where are we going with this and pinpointing the exact moment she fell for me. Amazing, huh?

 

So, here's my nice, short advice for my struggling buddies here, and please nobody take offense to this.

 

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand as long as you are on the right path and doing something about it. And I am. I'm doing a lot.

 

Hope that inspires you guys.

 

 

So are you saying go after more "masculine" (tomboyish) women?

 

Also congrats, but how did you meet this woman anyway?

[JuneJulySeptember]

So are you saying go after more "masculine" (tomboyish) women?

 

Also congrats, but how did you meet this woman anyway?

 

Not tomboyish per se, but less girly and emotional.

 

I have another friend my age (early-mid 30s) who has done badly with women for much more obvious reasons than I and now he has a serious GF. She is the same. Ignores his sloppy habits, is fairly laidback, etc. Laidback is what you want.

 

I think it's very difficult for a struggling guy to satisfy a more girly girl. It's a bad mesh.

 

I met her through a friend. I went out with my buddy, and he called her out, thinking nothing of hooking up anybody. We had a few beers and some decent conversation and I just pounced. Sure, that scenario leads to rejection a lot, but you gotta take your swings.

 

What's so funny about this message board is that people tell everyone to stop the toxic threads, to be more positive and go out and do something. And then when I make a change and make a positive thread about making positive changes, they get no responses. Lol.

 

Anyway, date day today.

Edited February 16, 2013 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxoo]

I think going for women who wear less make up is a good idea for guys who are struggling (and not just because I'm a low-make up woman ).

 

Women who wear less make up may be more down to earth, less concerned about looks (hers and yours), and generally more comfortable in their own skin (less concerned about what society thinks, the Joneses, etc). She's comfortable with herself as she is.

 

The problem is....does she get noticed?

[Treasa]

I think going for women who wear less make up is a good idea for guys who are struggling (and not just because I'm a low-make up woman ).

 

Women who wear less make up may be more down to earth, less concerned about looks (hers and yours), and generally more comfortable in their own skin (less concerned about what society thinks, the Joneses, etc). She's comfortable with herself as she is.

 

The problem is....does she get noticed?

 

I don't wait to get noticed. I go about my day, and if I see something I want, I reach out and grab him.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think going for women who wear less make up is a good idea for guys who are struggling (and not just because I'm a low-make up woman ).

 

Women who wear less make up may be more down to earth, less concerned about looks (hers and yours), and generally more comfortable in their own skin (less concerned about what society thinks, the Joneses, etc). She's comfortable with herself as she is.

 

The problem is....does she get noticed?

 

If she opens her mouth, she does.

[xxoo]

If she opens her mouth, she does.

 

Ok, but then you are assuming she notices you

[Negative Nancy]

I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

I can attest to that. While I would not describe myself as a non-girly woman (I care alot about make up), I do not really care about fashion and the latest trends. I would describe myself as someone between plain jane and caring about looks and style, but I don't fall completely in either category.

 

Hence, I also don't care about fashion in men, or waxed eyebrows, or any of that metrosexual stuff. I don't care about stereotypical "hot" men or men that society or the majority of women think is "hot".

 

As an example, I bet this man would be the type of 90% of women in society and many men and women would probably agree that he is very good looking objectively and that he must be very successful with women.

 

Der Bachelor 2013 Intro - YouTube

 

But in reality he is actually very unattractive because he is very wussy-like, hesitant and comes across as self-conscious and insecure.

 

So my point is, good-looks really are not as important as men make it out to be and definitely aren't the end-all-be-all and to women, who are less shallow than men, the man they are with often times becomes the most attractive man anyway, even if society's conventional "taste" would be different. So men have an easier time to work with what they are given. Women, on the other hand, if they have an unattractive face, they are doomed because men go for looks first and foremost.

 

At least to me, the man I am with becomes the hottest man ever to me and the only one I think about, but I don't think you can expect the same from a woman who sees the man as a fashion accessory to her shoes (this is something Coco Chanel said about men, by the way) and who therefore needs the man to be as stylish and fashion-conscious as her in order to get "approval" from her girlfriends.

 

But you've been alluding at the problem most struggling guys have: they go for the hottest girl and then complain that women don't want them, yet overlook the nice plain jane who would treat them like gold.

 

If struggling men focused more on those women instead of all the hot women out of their leagues, they could be happy too.

 

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

Yes, see my point above.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand

Hence my favorite saying always is: with the right person you can't do anything wrong and with the wrong person you can't do anything right.

[Truthsayer]

If struggling men focused more on those women instead of all the hot women out of their leagues, they could be happy too.

 

 

 

 

That's a myth. The majority of struggling men aren't looking for just maxim models. You could do a poll on this forum and see that.

[Estate]

So lately, I've been poking my head around in threads where it doesn't belong, and it's been pretty ugly. Insecurities leading to picking unattractive partners, and picking apart attractiveness levels of past girlfriends and boyfriends. Etc. I don't have any place in a thread like that.

 

I just want somebody to share a beer with, have sex with and tell how shi**y my day went. Fine. People operate differently.

 

So, anyway, I'm kinda/sorta dating this gal. But here's the beauty of it. She calls me first. She texts me first. She invites me to events. She implies physical contact with me. And we've barely started dating. Without any of the over-emotional where are we going with this and pinpointing the exact moment she fell for me. Amazing, huh?

 

So, here's my nice, short advice for my struggling buddies here, and please nobody take offense to this.

 

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand as long as you are on the right path and doing something about it. And I am. I'm doing a lot.

 

Hope that inspires you guys.

 

Weren't you playing a major role in some of those threads only a week ago, now you have it all figured out?

[Estate]

Also... I really want to add something constructive to this.

 

This right here is an example of a guy "just not getting it".

A week ago the world was ALL wrong, no girl will ever love me... this week... he's met a girl, he knows her a few days and he's got everything figured out.

 

This guy who's figured it all out knows this girl all of 5 minutes.

 

By his own admission SHE is making all the moves yet HE knows how to get girls now? Some girls makes the moves, but moreoften they don't so he's learned nothing here by just lucking out.

 

He now "gets" women... but by his own admission all he wants is to drink beer, f**k someone and make them listen about his miserable sh*tty day.

But he's "got" her now so I guess she'll just have to deal with that. Let's not by any stretch actually make an effort to make this girl feel special in any way. Sit back relax, you've got her now, what could go wrong???

 

Well a lot actually... once the initial honeymoon week is over, think this attitude will keep her around? Not for long.

And then she disappears or begins to act more distanced, stops making all the moves....

 

... next thing this guy who had it ALL figured out is back to square one... has no girl.... but no worries, now he got a girl he knows EXACTLY how to get another, right?

 

Sure! Sit around, drink beer, and wait for a girl to jump on your lap and f*ck you while you whine about your day.... you've got it all figured out now!!!

[Shardish]

I'm struggling guy but not in terms of not being able to attract women, I have attracted and still attract women of all races, shapes and sizes, my problem is when things get intimate either emotionally or physically, once that starts to happen alarm bells sound off in my head and like a Tortoise I retreat back into my shell as it were. It's highly problematic and terribly embarrassing.

[Necris]

Also... I really want to add something constructive to this.

 

This right here is an example of a guy "just not getting it".

A week ago the world was ALL wrong, no girl will ever love me... this week... he's met a girl, he knows her a few days and he's got everything figured out.

 

This guy who's figured it all out knows this girl all of 5 minutes.

 

By his own admission SHE is making all the moves yet HE knows how to get girls now? Some girls makes the moves, but moreoften they don't so he's learned nothing here by just lucking out.

 

He now "gets" women... but by his own admission all he wants is to drink beer, f**k someone and make them listen about his miserable sh*tty day.

But he's "got" her now so I guess she'll just have to deal with that. Let's not by any stretch actually make an effort to make this girl feel special in any way. Sit back relax, you've got her now, what could go wrong???

 

Well a lot actually... once the initial honeymoon week is over, think this attitude will keep her around? Not for long.

And then she disappears or begins to act more distanced, stops making all the moves....

 

... next thing this guy who had it ALL figured out is back to square one... has no girl.... but no worries, now he got a girl he knows EXACTLY how to get another, right?

 

Sure! Sit around, drink beer, and wait for a girl to jump on your lap and f*ck you while you whine about your day.... you've got it all figured out now!!!

 

Yeah I didn't learn much from reading OP's story seems like he just got lucky, good for him I guess as long as he can keep it up.

[Eternal Sunshine]

 

 

Der Bachelor 2013 Intro - YouTube

 

But in reality he is actually very unattractive because he is very wussy-like, hesitant and comes across as self-conscious and insecure.

 

 

YES! Bachelor seems like a weak, spineless, people pleaser. His personality is a complete turn off, despite how hot he may be by conventional standards...

[Necris]

 

As an example, I bet this man would be the type of 90% of women in society and many men and women would probably agree that he is very good looking objectively and that he must be very successful with women.

 

Der Bachelor 2013 Intro - YouTube

 

But in reality he is actually very unattractive because he is very wussy-like, hesitant and comes across as self-conscious and insecure.

 

So my point is, good-looks really are not as important as men make it out to be and definitely aren't the end-all-be-all and to women, who are less shallow than men, the man they are with often times becomes the most attractive man anyway, even if society's conventional "taste" would be different. So men have an easier time to work with what they are given. Women, on the other hand, if they have an unattractive face, they are doomed because men go for looks first and foremost.

 

 

 

YES! Bachelor seems like a weak, spineless, people pleaser. His personality is a complete turn off, despite how hot he may be by conventional standards...

Just curious are we joking here?

[Archgirl]

Not tomboyish per se, but less girly and emotional.

 

I have another friend my age (early-mid 30s) who has done badly with women for much more obvious reasons than I and now he has a serious GF. She is the same. Ignores his sloppy habits, is fairly laidback, etc.

 

Anyway, date day today.

 

I think by the sound of it you mean you prefer women to girls - doesn't sweat the small stuff, has her own life and doesn't make you her world, accepts you as you are as long as you accept her, doesn't need you to bolster her self esteem, doesn't want lots of empty gestures just a real connection, fun and honesty.

I'm dying to know how your date went btw

[fortyninethousand322]

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

I don't know. This is 13 one way a baker's dozen the other. A lot of the "non-girly gals" I've met are a lot more...something. I can't quite put my finger on it. They usually aren't interested in inexperienced guys. Not the ones I've met anyway.

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

 

Eh, yeah this a good idea. Easier said than done though.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand as long as you are on the right path and doing something about it. And I am. I'm doing a lot.

 

Having no real income just magnifies my problem of being inexperienced. Having one or the other problem is ok, but both is a problem.

[Archgirl]

I don't understand how income is a problem?

And I think maybe stop talking yourself down for inexperience - like there's no shame in still being a work in progress, everyone is, and everyone was inexperienced at some point.

[yongyong]

What is non-girly girls?

 

To me, a girly girl is who dresses everything perfect from heels, skirt, shirt, hair, makeup, jewelry and even her purse.

I am pretty sure there are guys who think she is sexy just because she put on some skirt and cheap looking heels.

 

The common conception for a girly girl is that they are bitches and hard to deal with.

Well try hitting on a girl wearing hoodies and no other feminine stuff.

Let me know if they were easier to deal with because they lacked female characters.

 

Women needs to look like women and needs to behave like women to appeal to most guys. (I can already tell some american women are getting mad at this comment)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

[Archgirl]

What is non-girly girls?

 

To me, a girly girl is who dresses everything perfect from heels, skirt, shirt, hair, makeup, jewelry and even her purse.

I am pretty sure there are guys who think she is sexy just because she put on some skirt and cheap looking heels.

 

The common conception for a girly girl is that they are bitches and hard to deal with.

Well try hitting on a girl wearing hoodies and no other feminine stuff.

Let me know if they were easier to deal with because they lacked female characters.

 

Women needs to look like women and needs to behave like women to appeal to most guys. (I can already tell some american women are getting mad at this comment)

 

Spot on mate, so is at least one Australian woman.

I really resent the implication that all women are in need of advice to attract a man, like that is the fundamental purpose of our lives - it's not, that bit is easy.

However if you'd like I can return the favour; i've got some really sharp succinct pointers on how not to alienate women

- no. 1 is: don't be a judgemental d***head and don't tell us what to bloody wear!

We don't give a s*** about what guys like you think about our appearance.

[yongyong]

You can wear baggy jeans, cheap sandals, nose rings, trash tattoos and whatever the F-ck you want.

 

I will just talk to my type like any other guys

 

Women's brain: we wear short skirts and show cleavages just because we like it, not to show it to other men. :lmao:

 

 

 

 

Spot on mate, so is at least one Australian woman.

I really resent the implication that all women are in need of advice to attract a man, like that is the fundamental purpose of our lives - it's not, that bit is easy.

However if you'd like I can return the favour; i've got some really sharp succinct pointers on how not to alienate women

- no. 1 is: don't be a judgemental d***head and don't tell us what to bloody wear!

We don't give a s*** about what guys like you think about our appearance.

[Els]

 

1) I think you guys are best off going for non-girly gals. More 'one of the guys' kind of gals. It's REALLY a big difference because I have dated both types now. Just trust me and if you find one, POUNCE on her, because they are relatively rare. They might wear less makeup and stuff like that, but I know you guys don't really care about that. I think struggling dudes/girly girls is a really bad match. No more on that for now.

 

2) Never wussy out. If you have some sort of a connection with a girl, pounce. I mean don't feel bad that you wussed out on not asking that girl that was dancing on the pole at Club 99 last night. That's fine. But if you are having a decent conversation with some gal at a bar over a beer, POUNCE. See it out.

 

3) Here's the dead truth. I'm unemployed. Yes, I have two masters degrees but currently no job. And yes, I still got a woman to date me. It doesn't matter where you are. The right gal for you for RIGHT NOW will understand as long as you are on the right path and doing something about it. And I am. I'm doing a lot.

 

Hope that inspires you guys.

 

I think this is all generally good advice. Most of the more 'average' guys I know (I hate using that term, but you guys use it so much that I decided, eff it, I'm hopping on the bandwagon ) who are in happy Rs have probably done all of that.

 

#1 is only applicable if the guy in question actually still likes the girl, though. Average dudes like yongyong are way better off alone than 'settling' for such a girl if he doesn't like her. Better to leave them for the guys that do like them.

 

#2 and #3 are both really spot-on.

[yongyong]

I looks like when I bring up 'girly' word around women here, they get insecure or offended. are you guys jealous of them getting more attention? do you feel inferior in front of them? then why?

 

anyways, I dated this girl. she was not a girly girl. she didn't wear full makeup and didn't pay much attention to her clothes.

But she had a model body and I could tell I would still like her after makeup is gone. So I guess I can say I liked her physical appearance not her make up, nice dress and heels.

 

The thing is when you make love to someone (especially after taking shower lol), everything will be gone.

If you are going to date someone for a while, you would have to like their naked body.

 

Some guys are not stupid. they are not going to fall for her just because she is 'girly girl' (meaning she knows how to take advantage of makeups, clothes, underwear to make her look a lot better than naked)

 

 

 

 

 

 

#1 is only applicable if the guy in question actually still likes the girl, though. Average dudes like yongyong are way better off alone than 'settling' for such a girl if he doesn't like her. Better to leave them for the guys that do like them.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I like this post. You sound like you are genuinely happy and very much at ease with yourself. Best of wishes.

 

Thank you. Things are progressing well. We already have plans to hang out multiple times in the next few weeks, which means likely less time for LS.

 

I wish all of you struggling guys good luck.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think by the sound of it you mean you prefer women to girls - doesn't sweat the small stuff, has her own life and doesn't make you her world, accepts you as you are as long as you accept her, doesn't need you to bolster her self esteem, doesn't want lots of empty gestures just a real connection, fun and honesty.

I'm dying to know how your date went btw

 

Yup. That about sums it up.

 

The date went great. Thanks.