andrew24 Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I have been with my fiance for about 13 months and we got engaged after about being together for 9 months. She is 23 years old and I am 24 I love her so much but we don't have much of a sex life. We first slept together for the first time about 8 months ago. At that time we made love about once a week. After we moved in with each other it was sometimes more but it averages about once a week. She gets so mad at me when ever I ask if she is in the mood but I am always horny. I rub her back all the time and I also rub her feet. Also I make sure that she has an orgasm every time that we do it. I don't like to brag but I know that I am good with oral sex. I also do a lot around the house to make things easier on her. We are getting married May of next year and I am so scared that this may continue after then. I will not be able to handle spending the rest of my life with someone that does not like to sleep with me that often. I would be happy if we have sex just 3 times a week. Other than our sex life she means the world to me and I don't want to leave her. I need some help on how to approach her about this because she gets pissed off whenever I talk about sex with her.
uriel Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 You've got to sit her down and, in as non-judgemental a way as possible, just come right out with this. Tell her you're concerned about this because you're feeling this dynamic isn't good for the two of you (you wanting, her resisting, this becoming a source of tension). You want to honestly understand how she's feeling about your sex life -- whether she's feeling it, or whether she thinks she's just not that sexual of a person (at least not as much as you). Ask her how you think you two can strike a better balance between your needs. See what she says. During the conversation, be honest about how often you'd like to have sex (3 times a week). But, also be receptive / open to hearing what she'd prefer, too, or what would make sex better for her. -- uriel
mommabug Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 i have the same problem only the roles are reversed. my boyfriend doesn't have as much interest in me sexually as i do with him. i find it hurtfull and fear he isn't in love with me anymore. i don't know what else to think cause i've never met a guy not interested in sex. typically for women anyway, sex or lack of it is usually the result of their emotional state. a lack of desire is usually linked to resentment and/or anger or doubt about how you feel about her or how she feels about you. perhaps she has had a bad sexual experience in her past that inhibits her from enjoying it now. another possibility is a mild depression. i know that when i have been depressed the last thing i wanted to do was have sex. i only did infrequently out of a sense of duty to my boyfriend (which by the way ,no one should ever do). there could also be a physical reason it is uncomfortable for her that she might be too embarressed to discuss. for example, chronic yeast infection, a sensitivity to seamen (the ph of sperm irritates some womens vaginas ). if she is uptight about sex she may not be able to relax her mucsles enough to comfortably accept your penis. or if she is stressed or really tired her body may not be responding with enough natural secretions to make sex comfortable. only your fiancee will be able to answer why she's is not into it. but, presuring her for sex more often will only push her further away. i would back off completely and see if eventually she initiates sex with you. then it is on her terms, with no expectations from you for her to put out. she could be feeling resentful because she thinks you are never satisfied. be patient, try loving her without expecting to make love to her. continue with the backrubs etc. but be patient, women are complicated. even if we want to have sex our bodies don't always cooperate for several reasons. ps: if this is a big issue for you both and it doesn't resolve i would strongly suggest some counselling before you tie the knot! good luck, i wish you both love and happiness. by the way, got any ideas why a guy might not be interested? he blames it on being tired. but like i said every other guy i know wouldn't pass up on sex even if they hadn't slept in a week!
Mr Spock Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 My advice-do NOT get married until this is sorted out.
DerangedAngel Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 My advice-do NOT get married until this is sorted out. Yeah. I agree. I think you've gotten some great advice, andrew. Good luck. -DA
goodnbad Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 Maybe she feels you are just using her to satisfy yourself? Sure you are pleasing her, too, but perhaps she is feeling like a mannikin that just happens to be there when you are 'always horny'. My own sex life with my dh is zero and aside from the reason being he is horrible in the hygiene department (which I am assuming you are not), part of it was that he was always coming up to me for a quick feel (as if I were produce instead of having more than t*ts and *ss going for me) and a whispered "I'm horny" in my ear. Perhaps on occasion that was okay, but it got to the point where it got on my nerves, since that was ALL he ever did, no change in foreplay preludes. Ho-hum. I started to feel like that above-mentioned mannikin. I'm just saying maybe there is something she is seeing or feeling (or not) that is putting her off sex? Not in you personally, but maybe in your techniques? I hope that doesn't sound rude. It could just as easily be something wrong with herself, perhaps she is depressed, or having second thoughts about pre-marital sex, or having some health problems that make sex painful? There's only one way to know for sure: ASK! goodnbad
tiki Posted September 2, 2004 Posted September 2, 2004 I'm no sexpert but kinky sex makes for the best sex for me! Kinky it up. Get kinkified!
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