ALover Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 So me and my gf of 1 year have been talking a lot of our future and staying together for a long time... But recently I've been thinking about my virginity. Firstly, I'm not part of any specific religion, it's just a matter of circumstance that I'm a virgin (AKA I can't get laid). She, however, has had quite a bit of sex, and it's been bothering me. When me and her talk about it, she tells me that sex with me would be special for her, because she'd actually be in love with me. She told me that her other times were just to keep the guy happy so they wouldnt leave her, or that she was pressured into it. It's starting to bother me though, that she's had so much sex before me. Bear in mind that I was good friends with her before we starting going out, so I was pretty much the first person to find out when she banged someone else. Sadly, it's starting to make me not like her, the fact that she's done it quite a lot before me. I'm not sure what it is exactly that bothers me about it, but it just does. Should I end it with her because of this? How can I cope/forget about her past? I know it's unhealthy, but mental images of her getting nailed by other dudes makes me feel sick.
NervisPervis Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Some people can handle thier SO's "number", some can't. You fall into the latter category. I don't think it will work. It's unfortunate, but true. You may need to find someone else. Too bad. And another thing. Since it's not religion, why haven't you had sex with her yet? A year? That doesn't make sense. I'm guessing you can "get laid" now. Don't wait until marriage. She needs to give you a test ride first. All those lovers, she's had some good ones. You don't want her to be disappointed and start looking to strange for gratification later. Edited February 16, 2013 by NervisPervis 1
Njeanne Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 *scratches head* Why do you make such a big deal about her past? And since it's not a religion thing I'm more confussed. You love her, she loves you wtf is the problem then? So you are saying if she didn't had that much sex or was a virgin you'd be head over heels with her? I don't think the problem is related with her, but with you. You make her sound like a slut, which she isn't, because if so she would have cheated on you already by now. Fact that she is been with you for a year and could go without sex for that long proofs how much she loves you. And the "I can't get laid" you said, what is holding you back? Sex isn't about "I have to do it" it's about loving your partner. Too me it sounds like you don't love her at all, so yes imo "for sake of protecting her" break up. She'll find someone else who will love her and want to make love with her. Past is past, if you keep looking into you'll never move on in life. PS: you will find more future girlfriends who will have had sex with their boyfriends (which is a normal thing, obviously!!!) you will have to look into proffessional help, sorry to sound rude but it's how I view the things you written down. I feel sorry for her. 1
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Yes end it with her. Her past is what it is, at least she's not lying about anything, but if you're getting all hung up over it and you're going to resent her for it, then end it now before you drive yourself and her insane. Another poster asked why you haven't slept with her if you've been dating for 1 year - what's the answer to that? Anyways, yeah, end the R because I doubt you're going to get past this.
Janesays Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 How old are you?* *placing bets on both under 20 2
Author ALover Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 ahaha yes we're both under 20! It's not that I havent wanted to, whenever she is lying there ready for me, I always **** up (AKA I can't get it in and I get waay to embarassed). We've done everything else, and she says I'm the first person to ever give her an orgasm, and that I'm the best at the stuff we've done. I feel like I do love her, and we want to have sex, I don't know what I'm worried about but I am! She can't really help me get too experienced, cause her experiences were just 'lay there and take it'. As a side note: Can a couple in my situation (ones a virgin the other isnt) have a perfectly happy long term relationship? It sounds stupid but I sometimes think it isnt possible.
Janesays Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Dude, you just have performance anxiety. You're scared that she'll compare you to the other guys and you'll come up lacking. You're also angry because you feel like if she was a virgin too, you wouldn't have the problems you're having. My current fiance was a virgin when I met him at age 32. I wasn't. And we're very happy with a wonderful sex life. You need to realize that you are just playing mind games with yourself. She's not thinking what you think she's thinking; it's all in your head. Truly. YOU have the potential to be the best lover she's ever had. You just need to clear your mind and focus on the present. There first couple of times are NORMALLY not very good for anyone. It's the experimentation part that's going to teach you allllll you need to know. Enjoy it. 3
dichotomy Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) Here is the basic deal, 1) if you have not had sex because you simply have not had the opportunities - or rather you would have been okay having numerous sex partners yourself if it was available to you. Then maybe you simply need to sow your oats and come back to this gal - or you love her enough - then just let her teach you all you need to know. You will be okay. 2) If you believe that casual sex is wrong - that sex is only for marriage... or maybe just for a special person - then your belief in sex is different than hers and you should end the relationship. There are so many stories about this kind of thing (issues with partners past) on this site, and others, and I have personally gone through it myself. It is difficult. I think it comes down to past sex acts by you or your partner, but that you share the same beliefs on sex. What do YOU personally believe about sex and love or whatever for yourself ????..... then marry someone who shares that belief. Carry no double standards, and do not let what someone did be more important than what they believe in with you. Edited February 16, 2013 by dichotomy
Author ALover Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 Well guys, thanks for your replys. I met her today, and I totally nailed her (literally about an hour ago!) She said she loved it, and I even asked her if she was thinking/comparing me to others during it, and she said no. TBH, my view on sex is this: the special occasions aka first time, last time etc, should be good and meaningful, but the rest doesnt really matter. But after today, I've just been thinking 'wow... it's not that freeking special, why should I worry so much about it?' Thanks guys, I hope me and her have a good relationship together, and I sure hope the fact that she was my first and I was her like 4th doesnt make the relationship any less special than if me and her were both each others first!
JM009315 Posted February 21, 2013 Posted February 21, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together since we were teenagers, we're both now in our mid to late 20s. He was not my first, but I was his first. Years later we're still together.
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