animalover Posted February 17, 2013 Posted February 17, 2013 All I am gonna say is:... There is different kind of couples. You are right, I thought you had intentions to be exclusive with a woman you have feelings for... If that is not the case I am sorry .... I didn't understand your question! If you are going to endure her having other relationships and her having sex around just because you don't dare to take the necessary actions... well everyone gets what deserves in this case...
Author AverageCat Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Who says a tiny private place can't be as fun as a big resort? It's still plenty cool and she should be excited to go with a personal tour guide. She should have sex with him if that's part of the fun for her. You're not willing to be a man and claim her. It would be low of you to try and keep her monogamous for the trip just out of jealousy. Don't ruin her trip and don't ask her to be exclusive. If you really care then you can bring it up after she returns. I would be willing to claim her (whether this trip happened or not). But like you said maybe this is not the perfect time since I don't wanna prohibit her from having her fun. Also there are certain rules that I have never crossed... like asking a girl to be monogamous. I believe it should be the girl to bring it up. Otherwise I will never know if it was her wish, or if I just "pressured" her into this. I will probably bring it up when she returns and if I think this was a successful test for us. And if like someone said I'm giving her "rope enough to hang herself"..... Then maybe so shall be it.
animalover Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I would be willing to claim her (whether this trip happened or not). But like you said maybe this is not the perfect time since I don't wanna prohibit her from having her fun. Also there are certain rules that I have never crossed... like asking a girl to be monogamous. I believe it should be the girl to bring it up. Otherwise I will never know if it was her wish, or if I just "pressured" her into this. I will probably bring it up when she returns and if I think this was a successful test for us. And if like someone said I'm giving her "rope enough to hang herself"..... Then maybe so shall be it. That is also fine! Just don't forget to buy her some condoms... you would not want to get STD's...
mitchell Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 I'm thinking she is testing you. She wants to see how you will react. She secretly wants you to jump in and ask her to be exclusive and then just have the two of you go away together. If not, she thinks of you as just a f-buddy and is happy to have this guy pound her under the stars of some Mexican beach. 1
Emilia Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 Also there are certain rules that I have never crossed... like asking a girl to be monogamous. I believe it should be the girl to bring it up. Otherwise I will never know if it was her wish, or if I just "pressured" her into this. I will probably bring it up when she returns and if I think this was a successful test for us. And if like someone said I'm giving her "rope enough to hang herself"..... Then maybe so shall be it. that's just fear and insecurity talking. If you want her to be monogamous, own that feeling and talk to her about it. There is only so long you can 'pressure' someone into not screwing around. If she wants to, she will just leave you. Of course your ego will have to deal with that rather than stay in denial....
candie13 Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) ok, simple girl from Eastern Europe talking here : If you've seeing each other for 6 months, sleeping for 4 and more intense during the last 2... to me, the two of you are in a relationship. I don't care how you Americans label it, if it's "mutually exclusive" or "committed", blah blah blah. So, if you like that girl and chose to make her part of your life for the last 6 months, she should be pretty important, and ideally, some nice strong feeling might be haunting you right now. IMO, you should: - bite the bullet and ask to be "exclusive" if you did not (in a very casual, not serious way, if you two are that sensitive about this subject) - if you are exclusive, then you should trust her It's not like you can just say "I don't want you to go there". I think you should say: "I like you, I trust you and I will miss you a lot. Have tons of fun and come back quickly" You should think that we are in February, now, but at some point, in a month or two, she will think of real holidays, not just long weekends. What will you do then? oh, and the worst possible thing you can do is not to address your insecurities for fear of appearing "clingy". I think there's nothing more sexy than a man who embraces his feelings and comes clean. Totally totally sexy, in my book, strange how guys are so hung up on that (maybe it's just vulnerability making them act all weird :) ). If you're not confronting you fear, it will eat you up and poison you and your relationship. That will be your own doing, no one else to blame. Honestly, after 4 months of sex, not asking someone not to sleep with anyone else isn't "clingy", it's reasonable. my 2 cents, anyway. oh... and don't forget, with time, if you continue to see a someone, your "relationship / thing" will evolve, so will feelings... and sometimes... even expectations. Refusing to admit this may mean losing your girl, at some point. can't have only the "fun/casual" part and not the "responsibilities". I think you may be close to reaching a milestone, in your "thing" just sayin'... Edited February 18, 2013 by candie13 1
Author AverageCat Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 ok, simple girl from Eastern Europe talking here : If you've seeing each other for 6 months, sleeping for 4 and more intense during the last 2... to me, the two of you are in a relationship. I don't care how you Americans label it, if it's "mutually exclusive" or "committed", blah blah blah. So, if you like that girl and chose to make her part of your life for the last 6 months, she should be pretty important, and ideally, some nice strong feeling might be haunting you right now. IMO, you should: - bite the bullet and ask to be "exclusive" if you did not (in a very casual, not serious way, if you two are that sensitive about this subject) - if you are exclusive, then you should trust her It's not like you can just say "I don't want you to go there". I think you should say: "I like you, I trust you and I will miss you a lot. Have tons of fun and come back quickly" You should think that we are in February, now, but at some point, in a month or two, she will think of real holidays, not just long weekends. What will you do then? oh, and the worst possible thing you can do is not to address your insecurities for fear of appearing "clingy". I think there's nothing more sexy than a man who embraces his feelings and comes clean. Totally totally sexy, in my book, strange how guys are so hung up on that (maybe it's just vulnerability making them act all weird :) ). If you're not confronting you fear, it will eat you up and poison you and your relationship. That will be your own doing, no one else to blame. Honestly, after 4 months of sex, not asking someone not to sleep with anyone else isn't "clingy", it's reasonable. my 2 cents, anyway. oh... and don't forget, with time, if you continue to see a someone, your "relationship / thing" will evolve, so will feelings... and sometimes... even expectations. Refusing to admit this may mean losing your girl, at some point. can't have only the "fun/casual" part and not the "responsibilities". I think you may be close to reaching a milestone, in your "thing" just sayin'... I like this post very much. Yes these were her actual 1 week holidays, but she is choosing something else right now because of pricing mainly., although I never told her I was uncomfortable... I agree accepting your insecurities and fears is the first step to accepting and being confident about yourself. Also I don't understand what you say about "responsibilities". I have never been n a relationship before. What are responsibilities. I mean you have a good time with the person. You're there when they need you. But besides that.....
ChessPieceFace Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Sorry, maybe I don't understand the "casual sex" mindset, but I can't imagine either of the following: - Letting someone I romantically cared about sleep with someone else (who you've said is a sleaze) - Letting someone I cared about get sucked into what you've described as an overstated/false 'vacation spot.'
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 My opinion? (which you dont have to listen to) I think your relationship is ridiculous. Just tell her you want to be boyfriend/girlfriend. If she doesnt want to, then now you know and you dont have to waste any more time. If she likes you, she will LIKE that you asked. You guys already act boyfriend/girlfriend, seriously what is the big deal? Im an adult and dont have time for this kind of crap. I need someone honest who can communicate, thank you and goodnight. I would have peaced out awhile ago if I were you 1
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I think the problem here is that OP has the guy feeling that she wants to play the field a bit more... and he prefers to keep a low profile and allow her to do her thing than losing her... lame because she is using him like a doormap... and guess what... when she get tired of him she will just move on! Yeah they both are using each other while not admitting they want to play the field...they pretty much are made for each other. Sounds mean, but hey, sometimes the truth is mean.
Author AverageCat Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 A bunch of you guys are off track. None of us is playing the field atm. We're just being cautious about our feelings. And it was me who wanted to play the field at the beginning. She agreed to it. Now I'm going back to my tracks and wanting something serious. She's following. That's it. We're going on 3 day trip to San Diego next weekend and we see each other whenever we can, 2-3-4 x / week... More serious than that.... EDIT: This topic was just made from me overthinking....
dasein Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Agree with mitchell on this. Have been in this situation many times where an undefined relationship woman starts injecting the prospects of other men, trips etc. in a mildly manipulative attempt to move the relationship forward. If you want exclusivity, she is "bringing it up" enough to prompt you to act on your feelings. If you don't want exclusivity, then she can sleep with whomever she wants and go on whatever trips with whatever possibilities. Lots of guys have some gimmick like this to attract women. It's cheezy, but get used to it. 1
kimberlydoll Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 I see what you are saying OP but if I were her I would not be assuming you want exclusivity I find in FWB situations men may act like a boyfriend but it rarely ends up with them wanting to be your boyfriend. Alot of times men are manipulative and will act like they like you because they dont want the sex to go away. Its confusing and thats why FWB's arent my thing. Obviously, you arent doing this but unfortunately, the other men who do this ruin it for you. If you want something, you need to ask. You are being TOO cautious in my opinion for how long youve been seeing each other.
Author AverageCat Posted February 25, 2013 Author Posted February 25, 2013 I see what you are saying OP but if I were her I would not be assuming you want exclusivity I find in FWB situations men may act like a boyfriend but it rarely ends up with them wanting to be your boyfriend. Alot of times men are manipulative and will act like they like you because they dont want the sex to go away. Its confusing and thats why FWB's arent my thing. Obviously, you arent doing this but unfortunately, the other men who do this ruin it for you. If you want something, you need to ask. You are being TOO cautious in my opinion for how long youve been seeing each other. We had a heart to heart talk one day out of the blue.She said she was getting confused cuz we were getting close, but she never knew what my intentions were, or if I treated any girl I was seeing like that. I told her she was what I wanted...and I was the one confused since sometimes she wouldn't open up too much. We admitted to not having seen anyone else in the last few months and since then we ve been treating each other like bf and gf. Again this whole thread is just me overthinking
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