Diesel_Power Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 6 months and decided to split up in December. Things were awkward and we didn't talk hardly at all up until just recently, like the beginning of February. Since I started talking to her, my feelings that I once had for her have returned. She is okay with texting me. I told her that I missed her and she said she missed me too. She then said that she wanted to start talking to me again. I am not sure whether or not she meant that as she wants to talk as friends or more than that? I know while we were broken up, she started hanging out with a couple of guys, but from what I can tell and what everyone has told me, she has nothing serious with any of them. I've noticed she is always on her phone texting people, so I don't know whether she's got something with someone else or not. I'm just not 100% sure. Like I said, we have started to talk and text a little bit again, but I want to try to get things to move forward. I just don't know what the next step is and I don't know how to tell whether or not she wants to get back with me again. What do I do? What can I do to get her back? Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 6 months and decided to split up in December. Things were awkward and we didn't talk hardly at all up until just recently, like the beginning of February. Since I started talking to her, my feelings that I once had for her have returned. She is okay with texting me. I told her that I missed her and she said she missed me too. She then said that she wanted to start talking to me again. I am not sure whether or not she meant that as she wants to talk as friends or more than that? I know while we were broken up, she started hanging out with a couple of guys, but from what I can tell and what everyone has told me, she has nothing serious with any of them. I've noticed she is always on her phone texting people, so I don't know whether she's got something with someone else or not. I'm just not 100% sure. Like I said, we have started to talk and text a little bit again, but I want to try to get things to move forward. I just don't know what the next step is and I don't know how to tell whether or not she wants to get back with me again. What do I do? What can I do to get her back? Thanks. You obviously still love her. She has moved on. She's "friend-zoned" you. She wants you to be a buddy, not a bed-fellow. She has no desire whatsoever to reactivate or revive previous sentiments. You're the "soft place to fall" guy. On the back-burner. The 'option' not the 'priority'. If she really, really felt she wanted to try again, there would be more tears perhaps, and more effort, definitely. She wants you as a friend to make herself feel better about dumping you, not to make you feel better about being back in touch. I would outright ask her, to tell you straight: "Do you want us to get back together now, and to try again? Just answer me, 'Yes' or 'No' please. That's all I ask." I guarantee she will prevaricate, or maybe say "Possibly, some time in the future, but right now, I don''t know, i don't think so...." Or something in that vein. Guaranteed. WHEN you get that reply, I then recommend you text her and explain that friendship is not enough, it's too painful because you still have deep feelings for her, and so you have to go - and STAY - No Contact. (Read link in my signature. Updated 2013). The first post is the NC guide itself. The remainder of the threads, explains what breadcrumbs are, and how to deal with the friend-zone.....and why it's important to not break No Contact. Ever.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 6 months and decided to split up in December. Things were awkward and we didn't talk hardly at all up until just recently, like the beginning of February. Since I started talking to her, my feelings that I once had for her have returned. She is okay with texting me. I told her that I missed her and she said she missed me too. She then said that she wanted to start talking to me again. I am not sure whether or not she meant that as she wants to talk as friends or more than that? I know while we were broken up, she started hanging out with a couple of guys, but from what I can tell and what everyone has told me, she has nothing serious with any of them. I've noticed she is always on her phone texting people, so I don't know whether she's got something with someone else or not. I'm just not 100% sure. Like I said, we have started to talk and text a little bit again, but I want to try to get things to move forward. I just don't know what the next step is and I don't know how to tell whether or not she wants to get back with me again. What do I do? What can I do to get her back? Thanks. Well seeing as that you posted this in the second chances forum, I am going to suggest that you allow yourself to be friend zoned for the time being. Remember, before you two developed a romantic interest, you were "friends" who enjoyed spending time together. Now, basically, as her friend, you must exhibit the same behavior that attracted her from the beginning. Become the man that she fell for. In weeks time, if this friendship isn't leading anywhere, then slowly fade away and no longer serve as her crutch. Tbh, the fading away stage may just rope her in. Keep your head up.
Addison312 Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 You should just call her up and ask her on a date.
H3Drvr Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 99% guarantee that she's tossing you breadcrumbs. As soon as she finds someone else, you'll be tossed aside like yesterday's doughnuts. Like Tara said, if she is really interested in starting up with you again, she will tell you with much conviction and without any doubt. Of course knowing how all dumpee's think, your gonna hang onto that 1% like your life depended on it. Your better off maintaining NC and when and/or IF (big if) she ever comes around, she will definitely make it known. If you really only want to be a platonic friend, ask yourself if you can imagine her having hot steamy sex with someone else and not feel any pain or jealously. If you can honestly bear that idea...you might be able to be really friends.
tvball11 Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 (edited) The next step is you cannot give her too much attention. Then she will have the power to use you as a doormat and like other said use you until the next best thing comes along. Make it gradual...ask her out on dates...coffee first (not too much), then fun dates, then start to get more intimate (only when she gives you the signs). DO NOT BRING UP ANYTHING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP AT THIS TIME. Dont just assume she is texting other guys and if she is you just ignore it (until you are back with her). Again slow when the time comes you will know when to push back at a relationship. Oh yeah and Cardinal rule: Dont Tell her you miss her or love her (until you are out of the friend zone) this will push her away and you will become her safety net. If she asks "Do you miss me"? Just be general and say yes. Edited February 16, 2013 by tvball11
Recommended Posts