mwhitneyvi Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 In serious need of advice on so many levels right now it isn't even funny. Long story short, I met a man when I was 3 months pregnant, and he stepped right in. We were INSANE over each other. He told his whole family about how he didn't even know women like me existed and that he found the girl he would marry one day. He moved in, went to church with my family twice a week, seemed so dead set on making things work. Job and life issues started, along with pregnancy hormones and we started to fight non stop. Neither of us ever left the house and we were both depressed about it, I got annoyed at EVERYTHING he did, and he thought I was a crazy *****. Which, you know what, I probably was. I woke up to him packing his **** one morning. He refused to my face that he had left me, but yeah, he left me. Spent a couple of days together, broke up officially once and I got him to come back and reconcile. He stopped by I think the day after the initial fight with roses saying he loved being my boyfriend and wanted to be in my life. We spent a full day together (my 21st), and he said he loved me and blah blah. The next day I didn't hear from him and felt like he was ignoring me, so I picked a fight and of course the man left me. He did it with a smile on his face, over the phone. For the next couple of weeks I begged like a madwoman and always got the same response, get over it, find someone else, I'm done, done, DONE. I became the crazy psycho *****, and he definitely let me and everyone else know it. It's been six weeks since we broke up, and he had been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks and they are now officially a couple. Which to me is interesting because he said he was happy single and wanted to keep it that way, and I wasn't worth the hassle of fixing things. We had talked on the phone a few times and I would ask him to come see me and he would say yes then bail, and be unsure. We had a good conversation one night, and he said he missed me and wasn't over me but wanted to let the feelings fade so he didn't ruin his next relationship. He knew we'd end up hooking up, and he didn't want that. Guess those feelings adequately faded... Or are just being channeled into his new awesome gal. Who he told me he was kind of into but there was NO WAY he was going to date her or anything. This was a week before they became 'official.' Clearly I'm not over it. I'm also 8 months pregnant and don't leave and house and have no friends here. I try to occupy my time, but my God is it difficult. I'm always creeping his Facebook and stuff... and when I see pictures of them together I don't freak out, it's just the thoughts that come afterward. My mind is so obsessed, I think myself into a depression. Do I love him? Yes. I want him back, I want to fix things. He was awful to me near the end and I was awful to him for quite a while. He said I was needy and whiny and quite frankly, an *******. Obviously I can't do anything right now because he now has a new girlfriend. Would it be a bad idea to just cool off for a few months, concentrate on the baby, and maybe try again? I hate waiting, and I'm so impatient. I love that he's happy, hate that it's not with me. I don't want to get over him, but it seems like he's well over me. I wouldn't know for sure, I haven't seen him since the day before we broke up. I was his 'dream girl' that went downhill. That makes me believe it can be fixed... He loved everything about me, I just turned into a whack job. Anyway, I don't know what to do with myself in the mean time, I don't know how to shut my mind off. He will chat with me occasionally as friends, but keeps it in a joking manner and avoids hanging out with me. He made a joke the other day about being scared now because of how crazy I was. Have I really scared him off for good? He seemed so happy and relieved the day he left and has been ever since. Any help on what I can even begin to do with myself would be great. I tried ordering a bunch of books, got Netflix, and everything but within 10 minutes my mind wanders straight to him. He's all I've ever known here, and it's sad. I don't want to do anything because every place here reminds me of him, including my entire house. I live right on the ocean and I can't even stand to look at pictures of it because of the time we spent at the beach talking and planning our lives and things. It's more of a taunting thing, I don't cry that often. My mind just tortures me with it constantly. Anyone who's been through anything similar, PLEASE give me some insight. I know I deserve better and everything (he wasn't perfect either), but right now all I want is what I had.
MrBossMan Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 You need to get out of the house. If you're in a rural area, I think you should think about moving to a more populated area with more stuff to do to occupy your time and meet more people. Take a vacation. Find a hobby. Do something. Give your mind time to relax. Forget about the guy. You're in a rut and your life is passing you by. Get off of Facebook and social networks for a long time. Figure out some goals for yourself so you can give your child a better reality and raise your own self-esteem. Take your life back.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 You need to see a therapist. And not just about this issue. This is a symptom of a larger problem. I can read between the lines of your post and see things that happened in your past. Talk to a therapist. 1
Author mwhitneyvi Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I've been trying to get in to see one. I have deeply rooted separation anxiety and dependence on men. It stems from never having my birth mother in my life and the first few years consisted of extremely abusive women. I also ended up being the child who was never good enough, and was thoroughly reminded my entire life. He's the 6th guy in a row to do this to me (did I mention he slept with his ex a few weeks after we got together... yeah), so I know that I'm the problem. My biggest problem is that my mind concentrates on the fact that he doesn't want me. That's the dominating thought over all of them. Big problem.
veggirl Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 OMG all of that in what, 4 months of a relationship?! That is crazy talk. I can't believe you moved a man into your house that early, you didn't even KNOW him. You guys aren't compatible, the honeymoon ended and you saw each others true colors and they aren't ones that compliment each other! Yes PLEASE forget men for a while and concentrate on your baby!!! 1
Author mwhitneyvi Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 I unfriended him on Facebook and that night he decides to talk to me. Just stuff like 'hey bitch what's up' and goofing off. He did the same tonight and I responded with hey what's up? And he went on to tell me that I'm boring and too mellow to talk to? This is the second night in a row he's contacted me for no reason. Does he seriously think we're buddies?
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