runwithwolves Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I am married as of 9 years. I have for the last 5 years been slowly falling in love with a coworker. We kissed and confessed our feelings on the Friday before July 4 weekend 2004. We are together every day at work. We have kissed and hugged, and he fondled me at work at the end of July. Then in the 2nd week of August, he said that he thought his feelings might be real. My feelings are real, I really believe this in my heart. But instead I told him that no matter what happens at the end of the day, I am going home to my husband. This part is also true. No matter if I am in love with my coworker, I am going home to my husband every night. I also told my coworker that I would really like to give myself up to the Lord, and noone else. This is true, too. My coworker and I then kissed for quite a long time and held each other. It was the most passionate time that I have felt in so long. We then went to my house, and he and I began to actually make love. But then he stopped suddenly, and said this is not right. Then he left abruptly. Now, everyday is almost unbearable for me, because I work with him, and see him, and talk to him, and touch him. Now I have sent him an email inviting him to come over one night when my husband was away, and then he did not get the email in time to come over. He said, "I have missed out on my chance at happiness". Since then, we have not talked about anything other than work, and I really don't know if I ever want to. But I also ache inside for his touch and his kiss. I feel as if I am going through the stages of grief. Only I will still see the person everyday. This is very hard for me.
uriel Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I'm sorry you're going through this. It's just a mess. You need to cut off all non-work contact with your coworker. Then, you need to do some serious soul-searching about your marriage. Do you want to stay in or out? You say you'd never leave your husband. Well, you've already left him emotionally and you're about to do it sexually, too (well on your way). The only way you can be in love with someone else is if you aren't completely present in your marriage. You may tell yourself you love your husband and that what you are doing on the side doesn't detract from that, but it's not possible. There's a big degree of loving by habit, going through the motions, and not being fully alive in the marriage. You are going outside of it because there's something missing in it for you. What is it? How can you get it or get it back? This is what you should be thinking about if you are really committed to staying. Otherwise, you should be contemplating divorce. -- uriel
runwithwolves Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 thank you for your words of encouragement. I obviously did not feel comfortable sharing this with anyone else. I understand what you are saying, and I think it is best. I am doing alot of soul searcing about my marriage right now. thanks again.
Matilda Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 If you are really serious about staying in your marriage, you need to change jobs. Also, you need to address whatever problems are going on in your marriage that led you to seek attention elsewhere.
CurlyIam Posted August 31, 2004 Posted August 31, 2004 I think what you most need right now is an ending to this situation. So go to this other man and talk to him. For your peace of mind. Either make up or break up with him. You need closure. I may add you could solve the problem all alone - as in decide to stay ithin your marriage or not, if you should change your job or not, but you seem quite confused. So get all the help you can. You're a big girl, go out there and face your problem. Good luck, Curly
runwithwolves Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Thank you all for your information and caring. I believe that talking with my coworker would not give me any more closure than I have known already, but maybe not wanted to accept. He is done with it all, and not interested in anything further. If he was, he would have said so by now. I don't think he ever intends to take this any further than a work relationship again. I have made one decision today. I don't intend to take part in any outside of work activities with him agian, or really others that I work with, so as this does not become an issue again. I never knew there was a site like this where I could share my feelings and honestly get feedback from caring individuals. Thank you again.
CurlyIam Posted September 1, 2004 Posted September 1, 2004 Lots of luck with putting your decision into practice. It must be really dificult for you, to do this all alone... Don't be afraid to share, talking about this is the first to healing. Doing what you set up to do are the nexp phase. So keep your friends close... Cheers, Curly
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