Everything seemed perfect, don't understand what happened

[36Degrees]

My boyfriebd of 7 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago, practically out of the blue. I had noticed that he had been a bit distant the week or two before, but I didn't think that things were this bad.

 

What I'm struggling to get my head around is how his feelings could just change. We got along really well, enjoyed each other's company and never seriously argued. Everything seemed perfect until this happened, and I don't know why his feelings just flipped. He said himself that it was nothing I said or did, and it's not that out relationship was dysfunctional, he just didn't feel as strongly about me and our relationship as I did and it was unfair to string me along. He also said that it was just something he couldn't reconcile within himself.

 

In a way I understand, but in another way I feel like there must be something that happened that caused his feelings to shift. I don't know how he could go from thinking that we had a future together to not wanting me anymore in the space of a few weeks. It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

Has anyone gone through anything similar from either perspective? I could really use some advice as I feel like all this confusion is preventing me from moving on.

[th90]

My ex did the same and we were together for 7 years. I was having lunch and he told me he'd call in a few minutes and I was eating away happily so when he called I started telling him what I was having and he answered with "I don't think things are working out". It was out of the blue and definitely devastated me.

 

The thing is it doesn't matter 7 years or 7 months. I'm positive something has happened with him whether it involved a 3rd party or not but I'd assume so. We were even making plans for holidays within the same week. It didn't make any sense to me how his feelings just changed but it did.

 

All you need to know now is he wanted you out of his life whatever the reason is. It's just as simple as that. We're just overthinking and overanalyzing things because we are left in disbelief and shocked at their behavior.

[newsbug]

The exact same thing happened to me. We were engaged and we were so happy. We never fought and we had a great time together. I didn't see this coming in a million years. He also had become distant, but he was working out of state and a lot of long hours..so I just chalked it up to be tired and junk. Then just Monday he told me he didn't think we should "date" any longer. We were engaged, not dating. I still keep wondering what happened and he would never tell. He told me it had nothing to do with me, but how could it not? I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter what happened. And really if he was to tell me that he was just tired of my fat butt, or any reason really, would it matter? Would it make me feel better? Because it wouldn't change the fact that he is still gone. No matter what the reason, no matter how happy we were..it doesn't matter. He is now gone and we are over and now I have to just move on. I'm not ready to, but I don't have a choice. The reality is he is gone and it is over. So..it sucks, but there's not much you can do. Just try and keep your head up and keep going everyday and hopefully things will start to get better and it will start to get easier. That's what I keep telling myself at least.

[StraylightRun24]

My boyfriebd of 7 months broke up with me 3 weeks ago, practically out of the blue. I had noticed that he had been a bit distant the week or two before, but I didn't think that things were this bad.

 

What I'm struggling to get my head around is how his feelings could just change. We got along really well, enjoyed each other's company and never seriously argued. Everything seemed perfect until this happened, and I don't know why his feelings just flipped. He said himself that it was nothing I said or did, and it's not that out relationship was dysfunctional, he just didn't feel as strongly about me and our relationship as I did and it was unfair to string me along. He also said that it was just something he couldn't reconcile within himself.

 

In a way I understand, but in another way I feel like there must be something that happened that caused his feelings to shift. I don't know how he could go from thinking that we had a future together to not wanting me anymore in the space of a few weeks. It just doesn't make sense to me.

 

Has anyone gone through anything similar from either perspective? I could really use some advice as I feel like all this confusion is preventing me from moving on.

 

Unfortunately this happens. My ex basically said the same thing and while I'm sure they both didn't mean anything malicious when saying, "It's nothing you said/did...etc," it actually hurts more because the translation in our heads is something along the lines of, ".....It's just you," and that sucks a lot more than if you did or said something to cause the BU.

 

There definitely could be outside factors. In my relationship there could have been two (worked and was still friendly with the previous BF and was planning on moving across the country this up coming summer), but to be honest it really doesn't matter. What matters is that it's unfortunately over. Would knowing if there was an outside factor change anything? Maybe....but most likely not. It's a tough pill to swallow, but keep your head up! It does get better even if you sometimes don't think it is.

[36Degrees]

Thanks for the replies everyone.

 

I don't think there are outside factors involved - when we were breaking up I asked him if there was someone else and he said no, and that he wanted to end things before anything like that had a chance to develop.

 

It just confuses me how he could feel like we had a future together and then be so wrong about it. I guess that's never happened to me so I can't relate. Yeah, I've been the dumper before, but never because my feelings failed to grow. What I mean is, I've fallen out of love before, but I've never failed to fall in love with someone like he did with me. That's why this is so difficult I think, because how can you feel like you are going to be with someone for a long time, and then just stop feeling that? I didn't start acting any differently, we didn't start arguing or anything, so I just don't understand where his feelings went.