How do you cope on a bad day?

February 15, 2013

I posted my first post yesterday and it was my attempt at being upbeat, and deep down I was feeling good. So here I am posting again, just because this is a great place to rant and share my feelings.

I basically woke up this morning feeling rubbish. I have been sleeping loads lately, maybe because of the cold weather but I always seem to wake up and just not have the ability to move. Not until I know if I don't move I'll be stupidly late for work and likely get in trouble.

I end up siting there, berate myself about the past and what I should have done to be a better and more thoughtful partner, I berate myself about how I am in bed feeling sorry for myself missing someone who has gone for ever, and I berate myself about my lack of motivation for the future. The latter has probably got to be the worse as I can lie there all day (at the weekend) and think of all the things I should be doing to move forward and be positive, but instead I just hurt inside and find it hard to move. I justify it by having a hang over, which as you can imagine makes things 10x worse.

How do you cope with this rut and break free?

I am a loss right now. I think the hardest part if finding any meaning in terms of the future as it now seems just so levelled as if I am just existing.

Now I'm berating myself further right now just thinking of how lucky I am to just be healthy and have the ability to get up in the first place. I just want to shout aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Am I just being too impatient in wanting to feel normal again, it has only been six weeks? I'm not even sure what normal is. Is it just the experience of coping on a daily basis? This seems like a terrible fate sitting here typing this. Sigh.

This from the Caliguy NC guide helps me be positive but I just feel it goes in one ear and out the other unless I try and quote it like a mantra

You simply cannot lose on an investment in yourself.

Once you've done the work, it's there. Forever
And you can share it with whomever you choose.
Be the best 'you' you can be.

Is distraction useful other than taking your mind off the problem at hand? Do you think I need to feel this pain to process it properly? I just find it hard to cope when I am feeling like this and everything seems negative. I know it's a giant dollop of self loathing but I can't help it!!!!

So any advice, stories or web links to cope on a bad day would be amazing, or even a dose of wake the f*ck up :s Thanks for listening

February 15, 2013

Sorry you're having a bad day. I was having a bad day on V day and what worked was just writing a letter with everything on my mind. I didn't send it but it was cathartic. I'm a little over 2 months NC and it is mostly better for me. Expecting to have those ups and downs with fewer downs as the weeks go by.

February 15, 2013

You need to give it more time. It's been barely 6 weeks.

If you can find a place to scream your lungs out, it'll definitely help you release the tension you've been accumulating inside of you out. Physically getting it out always helps.

Getting busy can be a temporary fix. But I'm sure one day you'll still have to sit down and let the dust settles. For me, I made myself busy to "run away" from my source of pain. At the end of the day, I realized I still need to face the harsh cold truth.

When I was at your stage, I kept listening to motivational and dharma talks. Some nights I play these talks and listen till I fall asleep.

Your motivation will slowly come back (whether you like it or not) but making conscious effort to pick things up will help you get back to your old happy self faster.

And on a bad day, just keep breathing. Relax and chill a little. Before you know it, the day is over and a new day is awaiting you.

Keep thinking positive and all the best to you!

February 15, 2013

Today is a bad day for me too. I think that besides the fact that I just had my heart torn out and stomped on, I'm also feel very sleepy, so maybe that magnifies the sadness and hopelessness. I don't know what to do to feel better...so far I have written about it on my private blog, wrote about it on here, and cried a lot. I guess we just have to just get through it and hope tomorrow will feel a little better. Or maybe later today will feel a little better. Just keep on keeping on. Not much else we can do, huh? :/

February 15, 2013

I posted my first post yesterday and it was my attempt at being upbeat, and deep down I was feeling good. So here I am posting again, just because this is a great place to rant and share my feelings.

I basically woke up this morning feeling rubbish. I have been sleeping loads lately, maybe because of the cold weather but I always seem to wake up and just not have the ability to move. Not until I know if I don't move I'll be stupidly late for work and likely get in trouble.

I end up siting there, berate myself about the past and what I should have done to be a better and more thoughtful partner, I berate myself about how I am in bed feeling sorry for myself missing someone who has gone for ever, and I berate myself about my lack of motivation for the future. The latter has probably got to be the worse as I can lie there all day (at the weekend) and think of all the things I should be doing to move forward and be positive, but instead I just hurt inside and find it hard to move. I justify it by having a hang over, which as you can imagine makes things 10x worse.

How do you cope with this rut and break free?

I am a loss right now. I think the hardest part if finding any meaning in terms of the future as it now seems just so levelled as if I am just existing.

Now I'm berating myself further right now just thinking of how lucky I am to just be healthy and have the ability to get up in the first place. I just want to shout aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Am I just being too impatient in wanting to feel normal again, it has only been six weeks? I'm not even sure what normal is. Is it just the experience of coping on a daily basis? This seems like a terrible fate sitting here typing this. Sigh.

This from the Caliguy NC guide helps me be positive but I just feel it goes in one ear and out the other unless I try and quote it like a mantra

Is distraction useful other than taking your mind off the problem at hand? Do you think I need to feel this pain to process it properly? I just find it hard to cope when I am feeling like this and everything seems negative. I know it's a giant dollop of self loathing but I can't help it!!!!

So any advice, stories or web links to cope on a bad day would be amazing, or even a dose of wake the f*ck up :s Thanks for listening

First thing you need to do is get off the alcohol. I know it makes the pain in your chest go away, but after the effects wear off and as you said it makes you feel worse. Just know that you will feel better just by being off of the alcohol for a while.

Also, it's OK to feel negative and rant because you are in pain and letting it out is better mentally.

Once you've ranted and gone through the stages you've got to face reality and work through the process.

If you work it out you will feel better. Do not distract yourself and try to make it go away. It is there and you will b a better person for it.

February 15, 2013

6 weeks for me too and I'm exactly the same with the negative thinking. I seem to be able to have positive thoughts and accept that I will get over this.....for literally 5 minutes,then all the familiar negativity creeps back in. It's like having 2different people in my head,one saying "you can do this"and the other chipping in"no you can't!"

i try to distract myself,but find my mind wandering. In self help books it tells you to think about the relationship as much as you need to,but not to obsess about it...wtf, it doesnt actually tell you how to stop obsessing!!

Like everyone says,we all just need to get through the next hour,the next day etc and things will gradually get better.Being on here is a good distraction,although I'm not entirely convinced it's the best thing. I actually can't believe,looking back, how quickly these 6 weeks have gone. We'd never had a day apart,and now 42 have gone by

February 15, 2013

6 weeks for me too and I'm exactly the same with the negative thinking. I seem to be able to have positive thoughts and accept that I will get over this.....for literally 5 minutes,then all the familiar negativity creeps back in. It's like having 2different people in my head,one saying "you can do this"and the other chipping in"no you can't!"

i try to distract myself,but find my mind wandering. In self help books it tells you to think about the relationship as much as you need to,but not to obsess about it...wtf, it doesnt actually tell you how to stop obsessing!!

Like everyone says,we all just need to get through the next hour,the next day etc and things will gradually get better.Being on here is a good distraction,although I'm not entirely convinced it's the best thing. I actually can't believe,looking back, how quickly these 6 weeks have gone. We'd never had a day apart,and now 42 have gone by

It's enough to drive you insane isn't it?! One day I am happy, moving on forward than the despair creeps in and all the thoughts about what they are doing, where are they, why me. Obsessing, you hit the nail on the head with that term. Coming on here is a double edged sword. It's amazingly cathartic to write how you feel, to read that others have been and done the same before and have come out better and stronger, but then it dregs up all those memories too.

I do think it's better to be here right now as it is helping but yeah, it can feel a little too much at times. I find myself checking whenever I haven't been doing something as a current distraction. Obsessing is my middle name!

I think it scares me the idea of letting go, moving on. These feelings however upsetting they are feel like something. The alternative just seems daunting, the emptiness, but then it is a trick of the mind and the heart because this is empty too if not worse as we are holding onto something that no longer exists and someone who has moved on.

I thought the same thing the other day, I couldn't believe it was the middle of February. I look back and think where has the time gone and how did I cope without her? I suppose that question answers itself and shows that we both are surviving and moving forward, ever so slowly.

So maybe in another six weeks we won't be on here any more except to tell people our own success story and how they can do it? There's always hope

February 15, 2013

First thing you need to do is get off the alcohol. I know it makes the pain in your chest go away, but after the effects wear off and as you said it makes you feel worse. Just know that you will feel better just by being off of the alcohol for a while.

Also, it's OK to feel negative and rant because you are in pain and letting it out is better mentally.

Once you've ranted and gone through the stages you've got to face reality and work through the process.

If you work it out you will feel better. Do not distract yourself and try to make it go away. It is there and you will b a better person for it.

Thanks for the reply aliceinthebox. I usually don't drink in January so I had a miserable month off the booze where usually I'd drown my sorrows and all that with friends. But since February I have been going out a bit too much and I know I need to cut down. It won't solve anything except mask the cracks right now and usually the day after is a loss which is just going to amplify it all (nothing like moping in bed to get overly nostalgic about lazy Sundays...)

I am trying to work through it but it is so hard to put on a brave face and smile. I think work is the worse because I have to keep ticking over when I couldn't care less.

Everyone asks the same question over and over again, when does the pain end? I know you can't answer that for me. I'm just going to have to suck it up and make the most of what I have because I can't let someone who is no longer a part of my life hold me back your advice is sound and I am trying to feel the pain, I don't want to ignore it as it's what makes us human.

I just hope I come out the other side open armed for the next person in my life.

February 15, 2013

I might not be in a place to talk, since I'm not even one week past breakup, but have you attempted to do anything to establish a new normal for you?

Here are some of the changes I've made in the last week to establish a new routine and new sense of normalcy:

1. Walk to the subway instead of taking the bus to work.

2. Rearrange the living room to something I would like instead of a furniture layout my ex chose and make it smaller as a result of the new layout (a comfy for one living room).

3. Rearrange the bedroom in order to change where the bed was, making it comfortable for one person to crawl in and out instead of two.

4. Got rid of a king size blanket that we used and bought a warmer, smaller blanket for just me.

5. Setup a cooking routine for a single person (bought "cooking for one" cookbook). I cut and prepare salad for three days, made a point of buying meat in single portions from a butcher shop when needed, etc.

6. Began listening to my favorite music genres more and my LP's, which my ex didn't really care for.

That's where I'm at now. Goal of creating one new "my routine" item per day. Today, it is spending more time with my family, hence a weekend trip to visit them.

What is your new routine going to be? I feel, with the help of others on here, that it is essential in order to begin the extraction of your identity from your relationship with your ex.

February 15, 2013

I think it scares me the idea of letting go, moving on. These feelings however upsetting they are feel like something. The alternative just seems daunting, the emptiness, but then it is a trick of the mind and the heart because this is empty too if not worse as we are holding onto something that no longer exists and someone who has moved on.

I think this is the main thing holding is both back. I'm also scared of letting go. I've never experienced love like that, and I know it was the same for him, despite what happened to make him leave. My head knows that I have to let go to stand any chance of moving forwards, but my heart won't listen!

I think creighton's advice about changing routines is good. I've struggled with the cooking as it was such a big part of "us", now I usually survive on toast, crisps, chocolate etc, as the thought of making a meal alone hurts. Luckily, I'm slim and play lots of tennis so I can get away with it for the time being.

Hang in there, we'll all help each other thru this pain.

February 15, 2013

Last night my family kept me busy to distract me from Vday but after they all left, I just felt really depressed. I ended up doing pushups and squats until I was too tired to think about anything. I'm thinking that by the time I cope and move past this break up, my arms and legs are gonna look a lot better.

February 15, 2013

Haha..... with the amount of time we're all spending in the gym, or other forms of exercise, at least we're gonna look amazing for when Mr or Ms Better than the Ex eventually come along

February 15, 2013

I am with you. This is the worst day yet for me. For some reason this is the day when reality has really and truly set in. She is gone and nothing will bring her back. Period. And it sucks.....bad.

February 15, 2013

How do I cope on a bad day?

Vodka Martini straight up chilled with a twist and a little dirty. 2 olives please.

February 16, 2013

I wish you the best and if you need someone to complain and rant to feel free to message me. Sometimes its easier to open up to a stranger than the people closest to you.

February 16, 2013

Bad days come and go. It's so easy to say that you should have/would have etc., but the bottom line is you can't do anything.

It's easy for people to say "just ignore it and move on", but when you're having a bad day, you can't. And that's ok. Find a way to channel it. Like ak said, write a letter...but don't send it. Play music, play games, workout...

February 16, 2013

Haha..... with the amount of time we're all spending in the gym, or other forms of exercise, at least we're gonna look amazing for when Mr or Ms Better than the Ex eventually come along

Haha you're right Debbie, I'm surprised that love shack doesn't have adverts for exercise equipment and gym memberships instead of all those banners I see saying "date a cougar"

February 16, 2013

I wish you the best and if you need someone to complain and rant to feel free to message me. Sometimes its easier to open up to a stranger than the people closest to you.

Aww thanks Alice that's really sweet of you. I wouldn't want to bother you with what's going on in my head, it's so random at times and very self loathing. I looked up your posts to see where you've come from break up wise and I wish I could be as half as analytical as you were in those first two months, you were really strong to be able to step back and deal with things head on instead of becoming a mess like so many others have. Maybe as time goes on and I feel stronger inside I'll be able to do the same.

I actually started counselling the other week and it is definitely an expensive way of ranting, but so far so good. You hit the nail on the head abut opening up to strangers. You have no judgements and they can be objective about your situation. Being a guy, it's tough to open up to friends. They all tell you to get back on the wagon but that's the last thing on your mind when your heart has been shattered. I've actually found that there is a lot more than just this breakup to consider in my own life, so maybe things do happen for a reason, but that's abut all the optimism I have at the moment.

Thanks for your replies and feedback, they are genuinely appreciated

February 16, 2013

Today is a bad day for me too. I think that besides the fact that I just had my heart torn out and stomped on, I'm also feel very sleepy, so maybe that magnifies the sadness and hopelessness. I don't know what to do to feel better...so far I have written about it on my private blog, wrote about it on here, and cried a lot. I guess we just have to just get through it and hope tomorrow will feel a little better. Or maybe later today will feel a little better. Just keep on keeping on. Not much else we can do, huh? :/

Unfortunately right now newsbug it seems the best we can do I guess we just have to take away from it the experience and reflect on ourselves however tough it feels right now. Writing does help loads, I've tried writing letters that I'd never send, but then you always wish you had a reply :s yeah tomorrow is another day, and a better one no doubt.

Keep strong, we'll all get through this together

February 16, 2013

I might not be in a place to talk, since I'm not even one week past breakup, but have you attempted to do anything to establish a new normal for you?

Here are some of the changes I've made in the last week to establish a new routine and new sense of normalcy:

1. Walk to the subway instead of taking the bus to work.
2. Rearrange the living room to something I would like instead of a furniture layout my ex chose and make it smaller as a result of the new layout (a comfy for one living room).
3. Rearrange the bedroom in order to change where the bed was, making it comfortable for one person to crawl in and out instead of two.
4. Got rid of a king size blanket that we used and bought a warmer, smaller blanket for just me.
5. Setup a cooking routine for a single person (bought "cooking for one" cookbook). I cut and prepare salad for three days, made a point of buying meat in single portions from a butcher shop when needed, etc.
6. Began listening to my favorite music genres more and my LP's, which my ex didn't really care for.

That's where I'm at now. Goal of creating one new "my routine" item per day. Today, it is spending more time with my family, hence a weekend trip to visit them.

What is your new routine going to be? I feel, with the help of others on here, that it is essential in order to begin the extraction of your identity from your relationship with your ex.

Thanks for the suggestions creighton, you've definitely given me some food for though. I have been neglecting my cooking and I guess cleaning too. Maybe a room rearrangement is called for or even a lick of paint

The nicest thing I've done lately I guess is that I invested in a massive, comfy, soft bath towel. It did feel indulgent but it feels nice and did cheer me up a little small things eh?

February 25, 2013

Can I just say, writing a letter ( but not sending ) it is helping me 23456 times!! feel better, like all the crazy things i want to say to him but im not

February 25, 2013

On the really bad days I go bowling, target shooting, or I go to dinner at places she never wanted to eat at .......and NO, I do not put her picture on the targets LOL.

February 25, 2013

I am going on dates with other men to keep from thinking about him. I spent time with people who complimented me every second and told me how special I was and how much they valued the time they spent with me and wanted to be with me. On day 10 of breakup, day 6 of NC, I kinda still cheat by riding by his house occasionally ( every other day) and somehow find my own sick relief of thinking he might come back begging because I haven't seen any girls car.

Then I imagine all the things he would have to do in order to talk to me again and have me forgive him. Then I get depressed again and take a sigh because I realize he is too arrogant and selfish to do those things which ultimately means he is not coming back. I am waiting for time to heal.

Sign In

How do you cope on a bad day?

Recommended Posts

Nasher

ak8o8

th90

newsbug

aliceinthebox

Debbie2508

Nasher

Nasher

creighton0123

Debbie2508

ak8o8

Debbie2508

Coping Vortex

Lostinlife4now

aliceinthebox

Love Bytes

Nasher

Nasher

Nasher

Nasher

Lillygoose

TheBladeRunner

d0620

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...