creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I'm more of a homebody and introvert than anything. I build up my energy reserves that I love giving to people not by attention from others, but by tranquility and a certain amount of solitude. That doesn't mean I'm cold. I just prosper by way of quiet time. That wasn't how my ex felt. After 2 years, he decided to go his own way since he wasn't ready to settle down and I was. I understand that. I'm just turning 29. He's 24. Still, this single decision marked the first time I was the dumpee in my life and threw everything up in the air: Have to deal with going from sharing an apartment to living in an apartment by myself. Call utility companies. Call cable company. Get his stuff out of the apartment. Have to find a roommate because this apartment is so big and empty for just me. Have to search for a new apartment for June 1 (not an easy time to find one in my city) Have to continue working in a high-pace job. Have to build a new social group. All my friends moved away right when I started dating him, so the easy thing was to become friends with his. Tonight, I had three emergencies come up at work. Had to cook dinner when he usually did dinner during the week. Searched through hundreds of apartment listings. Arranged viewings for new roommates. I have NEVER been one to panic or feel that much anxiety but right now, my heart is racing, my mind is all over the place, and the stress of it all is getting to me. I had such a peaceful and wonderful life. I am very much looking forward to getting back to that state of mind soon and eventually finding someone who is more willing to spend calm and wonderful nights at home cuddling rather than going out clubbing every night - someone who will work on making a relationship of 2 years work rather than completely abandoning it. My next relationship, when I'm ready for it, is one that I hope will be so much better and so much more permanent. Until then, just need to find anxiety triggers, remove them or avoid them, and regain my energy, footing, and focus. 1
Els Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 One thing at a time, creighton, one thing at a time. IMO your focus should be on taking care of yourself and your job right now. I know it's hard to deal with a fast-paced job while under so much external stress but you have to focus all your energy on coping and handling your job. I'm guessing you make a reasonable amount of money. Get takeaway dinner for a time until you manage to adjust. It saves a lot of time and really doesn't cost all that much if you're earning more than minimum wage. A few days is not that big of a difference when it comes to roommates. Keep the apartment listings and roommates for the weekend when you are off from work. During your downtime from work, breathe. Find a hobby that absorbs you. That gives you peace and delight.
Author creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Elswyth, Yes. I make a fair amount of money, but it's tied up in the need for an apartment right now :-) I do eat lunch out, though. The biggest thing that has helped me is something like the writeup I just did. I had a talk to my sister's boyfriend who is a therapist and he advised that when I experience such anxiety, I let it out in the most convenient way possible. If there is no way to let it out, take a 90 second break and do slow breathing and focus on the most immediate goal to accomplish. I'll make it through tomorrow, then I have a nice 5 hour drive to visit my parents, spend time with my siblings and some close friends, and my newborn nephew. That'll be wonderful. 1
Author creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Oh. Doesn't help that I recently gave up smoking and am going through some nicofits :-P I will not start smoking again, though.
Author creighton0123 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 And I just read that I am going about the apartment search all wrong. I am wondering why I'm not finding anything for June 1 in Boston. Well... it's because June 1 listings don't really come up until March or April as opposed to Sept 1 listings which hit the market in Jan/Feb. I feel more relaxed about that now. I won't touch apartment searching until next month.
drpepper1886 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) MEALS Get a crockpot and start throwing stuff in it in the morning and let it cook while you're at work. You can often make enough to last you the entire week and cook up some vegetables for a side. I make a massive amount of pulled pork or some other dish that cooks all day Sunday so I have meals for week. I also cook a whole package of bacon and make a dozen eggs scrambled and put them in the fridge. This gives me breakfast for the week as well. I then make PBJ's etc for lunches in the mornings, takes like 5-10 min. crockpot recipes and pulled pork what more could you want. OTHER STUFF Make a list of things you need to get done for that day in the morning, 1st item being the most important. When my ex left I made list to call cable company one day and did that over lunch. Next day, I called electric company. Like others have said 1 thing at a time. My place is aso huge but it's a great location and I could easily have a roommate. This is my first time living alone and I'm 28 years old. It's been a massive adjustment but I think it's been great. Even though it's been harder because of the breakup, the time alone has given me so much introspection about my life. I'd suggest not getting a roommate if you can afford. But if it may also help your social situation if you get one, there are positives and negatives for both. If you are going to look for a new place and you have time, set aside just an hour or so a night to make a list of places you like and would be interested in. Then do as the other activities over lunch call a few and set up some times to see them etc. You have plenty of time so don't feel the need to rush to do everything all at once because that will prevent you from getting anything done because you'll be overwhelmed. SOCIAL join meetup.com for activities that you are interested in or find a hobby you are interested in and join a group for those hobbies. Go to conferences etc that are related. Slowly you'll meet people and form relationships with them. It takes time, and don't be hard on yourself if you're not progressing as fast as you would like. There is plenty of time just have patience. PANIC AND ANXIETY google "mindfulness in plain english" it is a free ebook on Mindfulness Meditation. Start meditating right when you get up in the morning or when you get 2-5 min. I'm up to about 20 min 2 times a day now and it's helped tremendously with those things for me. SMOKING I also quit smoking right after the breakup. Check out Alan Carr's "Easy Way" You'll find as I am that this will probably be the best thing to happen to you, sure, it sucks. I still think about her a lot and miss her a great deal. But learning to take care of yourself and live yourself without needing a single thing from someone else will make it much easier to transition in to a new relationship and not lose yourself or rely on that person but instead share your happiness. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-relationships-fail-4-tips-to-make-love-last/ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-love-your-authentic-self/ Let me know if you would like to talk about anything else or ask any questions. Best of luck and have patience! Edited February 15, 2013 by drpepper1886
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