cowgirl22 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I guess it started out when I found out I was pregnant. I was the not ready for the child and wanted to place her for adoption. We hadn't been responsible and we r to blame for that but I wanted to be better and place her to a better family and people who were ready. Before I found out my husband purposed and I said yes. He had promised so many things and we were going to move away and start adventures together. Then I found out we were going to have a baby. My husband was supportive but not of us doing an adoption. I told him I was not ready but I was afraid to lose him so I agreed to keep the child. We ended up buying a house I did not want and staying in a city I do not like. I have been supporting my husband and child for almost two years now and it feels like he hasn't supported me or manned up to the responsibility that he said he would take. I have began to resent him for all of it. After u had my little girl an ex of mine got in touch with me to see how I was. I had postpartum and was very depressed. My husband worked from odd hours and I felt really alone. Most of my close girlfriends had moved away or gone back to the church and I didn't feel like we connected anymore. I have always connected with guys better than girls so when my ex started talking to me again it made me not feel so alone. It was just friendly conversation at first until he told me he loved me and had a hard time getting over me. That's when all the doubts started I grew very unhappy. This ex started promising me all sorts of things. He had a nice job he could support me take me places and just take care of me. My husband was failing to do I know he was trying but he broke all the promises to me that he had made. My husband didn't have a drivers lisence when we met. (reasons for that are with his family) it wasn't a big deal until I became pregnant and he promised he would get his lisence so he would be able to drive and help me out....well that didn't happen. He procrastinated and I drove myself while he was in passenger seat while I was in labour to the hospital. I had to have my neighbor drive me to the pharmacy to get my pain meds after because my husband didn't have a lisence and I was in so much pain I couldn't walk. There are a lot of reasons why I have resentment towards him. Anyways this ex of mine and I ended up telling my husband what was happening. My husband told me he would change. Well he did for the first week and well then just kinda faded back into old habits until he would get scared I would leave him again then it would repeat all over. Well I chose to work on my marriage and stay. my ex and I agreed to be friends and just watch what we said to each other. My ex and I got in a fight about him drinking and driving and I was worried for him and my ex told me he couldn't deal with me in his life and adios. That hurt really bad. I almost ruined my marriage for him and just how he said goodbye and got mad at me for worrying about him really hurt me. Well since then I have been trying to work on my marriage but I dont love my husband anymore. I try to but I dont even wana have sex anymore. I know he is trying and I am too but I am so angry at my husband for a lot of reasons I think it's destroyed our love and im just not sure what to do...
Fallen Petals Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Ok, you said a bunch of times that he's trying, and you're trying...like you're both trying really hard. But my question is this - what are you doing to show you're trying?? Have you gone to counselling together? Did he get his license?? Is he getting a job?? Are you each in IC?? It's easy to say "I'm trying" but there needs to be evidence.
ruh roh Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Please know that I am not judging you in any way. I am only replying so that hopefully I can give you some insight, but take from it as you may. Firstly, I agree with Fallen about pursuing counselling. You could probably benefit from IC and MC. Of course the MC will depend upon both of you wanting to work on saving your marriage. If either of you do not really wish to save your marriage than in my opinion, MC is a waist of monies that could be used for your own IC. I can assure you that jumping into another relationship will not solve any of your problems. As a matter of fact it will only add to the problems that you have now. I find it a little sad that you haven't even mentioned your new child other than to say that you decided not to put her/him up for adoption. Since you have chosen to be a Mom now, you really should be putting your energy and time into motherhood. It is proven that Children learn and comprehend faster from birth to eight months old, than they do at any other time. Please keep that in mind for your child's sake. If you really think that you are no longer in love with your H and he is not helping with you or your child, than you should work towards getting both of you out of this environment. Your Husband is obligated to help support his child and it sounds as though you are providing most of the support anyway. If your H isn't really showing that he wants to be a good Father and you still feel strongly about adoption, than maybe you should re-think this. In all honesty if you really weren't/ aren't ready for the child, there are many loving couples who would love to adopt a child and provide it with a loving, nurturing home. I am not trying to sway you either way, but I also want you know that putting your child up for adoption is not an evil thing.Many young couples have done it and eventually realized it was the best thing that they could have done for the child, given the circumstances. You also need to start working hard on fixing you! You need to be happy before you can attempt to make anyone else happy. Do not let your H define who you are as a woman. I sincerely hope that your marriage can be saved, but if you know in your heart that it is over, than please find a way to move on with your life and start rebuilding. Just please don't jump into the arms of another man like you almost did with an ex. They are an ex for a reason! I send my love and prayers your way and hope everything turns out great for you regardless of your decisions. Just remember that many have been in your shoes and have went on to live happy, fulfilled lives and I wish the same for you.
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