Necris Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I think one of the reasons why I do so terrible with women is that I'm continously approaching the wrong women. I just approach women that I like, but unfortunately unlike some guys I never approach women that may feel attracted to me, I basically approach women blind. Unfortunately I'm unsure how to know if a woman is interested in me without it being obvious, I never see any of these "signs" with any women I meet and the ones I think I do see are actually imaginary. Also another issue is race, I'm a Black guy and I realize that when I ask out non-black women alot of them simply won't be attracted to me just for that reason alone, and add in my lack of charisma and its just not happening. Unfortunately I don't really know any black women, and in my area black people in general are few in number. And of the ones I do see its rare to find a single attractive black woman that I would like to date, they always seem to have a boyfriend, or just unfortunately unfriendly. Anyway any tips on how to improve my skill of recognizing who to approach and who not to approach? Also does anyone else feel they have a similar problem?
todreaminblue Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I think one of the reasons why I do so terrible with women is that I'm continously approaching the wrong women. I just approach women that I like, but unfortunately unlike some guys I never approach women that may feel attracted to me, I basically approach women blind. Unfortunately I'm unsure how to know if a woman is interested in me without it being obvious, I never see any of these "signs" with any women I meet and the ones I think I do see are actually imaginary. Also another issue is race, I'm a Black guy and I realize that when I ask out non-black women alot of them simply won't be attracted to me just for that reason alone, and add in my lack of charisma and its just not happening. Unfortunately I don't really know any black women, and in my area black people in general are few in number. And of the ones I do see its rare to find a single attractive black woman that I would like to date, they always seem to have a boyfriend, or just unfortunately unfriendly. Anyway any tips on how to improve my skill of recognizing who to approach and who not to approach? Also does anyone else feel they have a similar problem? I am the opposite I only kamikaze for guys who truly have my interest, guys that approach i do give a chance regardless of whether i am attracted if they can chill in the friend zone......I have had guys pursue on the relentless scale, my nikes get a work out.......and i go out on dates with the calmer person the one who gives me a little space to breathe....i get skittish....if you approach a horse you dotn go i m gonna ride ya.im gonna gonna getcha ....crap the horse runs off..ok bad analogy ....... i think you should approach who you want to approach.....why do you feel you have no charisma Necris?....deb 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I'll tell you a little story. When I was in college, one of my roommates had this girlfriend. Let's call her Janine. Janine had a bunch of single friends. Whenever there were other guys in our house, Janine would be like, "I'm gonna hook you up with my friend XXX." It was ALWAYS based on looks though. Dan isn't good enough for Theresa. Ooh. Maggie would like Joe. One of my other roommates was a tall good looking mixed guy, and she automatically offered to hook him up with every single one of her friends. It's not surprising that she never offered to hook me up once. Fast forward SEVERAL years. One of my buddies wives is a cool chick. Let's call her Audra. Audra has tried to introduce me to every one of her friends, and some of them are HOT. Like way hotter than Janine's friends who wouldn't give me the time of day. She always thought I had at least a chance. Wanna know why? Because they were HER friends. What's the lesson? Birds of a feather flock together. Janines hang out with Janines, and Audras hang out with Audras. You can tell from their posts here which LS posters are Janines and which are Audras. Of course, there's in-betweens, but you get the point. If you're hanging out with a woman and she never offers to hook you up, but offers to hook up other guys, you can be fairly certain you will have little chance with her or her friends. Find your Audras. 1
ltjg45 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Also does anyone else feel they have a similar problem? Exact same problem with me. I'm simply not attracted to black females. I may lust for them but, heavens forbid, a good number of black females has terrible fashion sense. Like this one female that I was lusting for at first on the city bus only to notice that when she applied lip stick, she has pink on the outer of her lips and red in the middle. It couldn't look any uglier. Whatever boner I had was gone when I saw that. There is simply very few socially-accepted attractive black females. I'm sticking to my guns. I'm still looking, primarily, for a non-black female. It will have to take one hell of a black female for me to change my tune and I doubt she will be available for the taking. I suggest you do the same.
todreaminblue Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I'll tell you a little story. When I was in college, one of my roommates had this girlfriend. Let's call her Janine. Janine had a bunch of single friends. Whenever there were other guys in our house, Janine would be like, "I'm gonna hook you up with my friend XXX." It was ALWAYS based on looks though. Dan isn't good enough for Theresa. Ooh. Maggie would like Joe. One of my other roommates was a tall good looking mixed guy, and she automatically offered to hook him up with every single one of her friends. It's not surprising that she never offered to hook me up once. Fast forward SEVERAL years. One of my buddies wives is a cool chick. Let's call her Audra. Audra has tried to introduce me to every one of her friends, and some of them are HOT. Like way hotter than Janine's friends who wouldn't give me the time of day. She always thought I had at least a chance. Wanna know why? Because they were HER friends. What's the lesson? Birds of a feather flock together. Janines hang out with Janines, and Audras hang out with Audras. You can tell from their posts here which LS posters are Janines and which are Audras. Of course, there's in-betweens, but you get the point. If you're hanging out with a woman and she never offers to hook you up, but offers to hook up other guys, you can be fairly certain you will have little chance with her or her friends. Find your Audras. one thing though, i would never offer to hook up a guy i was interested in myself....that would be horribly depressing....i would want him to be happy for sure.....not with one of my friends....so i think that stands true fro the janines or the audras.....i dont think any woman with half a brain would...and i have half a brain ....so there.....;0)..and i wouldnt do it..lol....a working half the other is in lalalalalala land.....deb 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 one thing though, i would never offer to hook up a guy i was interested in myself....that would be horribly depressing....i would want him to be happy for sure.....not with one of my friends....so i think that stands true fro the janines or the audras.....i dont think any woman with half a brain would...and i have half a brain ....so there.....;0)..and i wouldnt do it..lol....a working half the other is in lalalalalala land.....deb Well. Janine had a boyfriend of 5 years who was my roommate and Audra is married to one of my best friends, so they were obviously not interested in me. But I think the qualities of men that a woman chooses to hook up with her friends speaks volumes about her and her friends and what they look for in men. 2
todreaminblue Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Well. Janine had a boyfriend of 5 years who was my roommate and Audra is married to one of my best friends, so they were obviously not interested in me. But I think the qualities of men that a woman chooses to hook up with her friends speaks volumes about her and her friends and what they look for in men. true.......i look pretty deep into my friends i invest, so i love them don't give a crap what anyone else says......my friends accept me warts and all, as i accept them......i have taught my girls to look deeper.....my friends are the same......huge hearts..still wouldn't hook up a guy i liked with someone else..i can be altruistic.....not when i am in love i am not altruistic with someone i feel for...however i am a retired matchmaker...i hav eto worry abotu my two daughters, baseball batting guys off if have too......throw jellyfish at them.....;0)...deb
AD1980 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Its hard to know who the right or wrong girls are especially if youre like me and get no signs of interest i unfortunately cant read a womens mind before i approach and know if shes a wrong or right one Well only know if its a right one when a women finally says yes
todreaminblue Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Its hard to know who the right or wrong girls are especially if youre like me and get no signs of interest i unfortunately cant read a womens mind before i approach and know if shes a wrong or right one Well only know if its a right one when a women finally says yes and it might take a couple of nos.....for that right woman to say yes...best wishes......deb
AD1980 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 and it might take a couple of nos.....for that right woman to say yes...best wishes......deb oh its much more then just a couple of no's lol
Author Necris Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 I'll tell you a little story. When I was in college, one of my roommates had this girlfriend. Let's call her Janine. Janine had a bunch of single friends. Whenever there were other guys in our house, Janine would be like, "I'm gonna hook you up with my friend XXX." It was ALWAYS based on looks though. Dan isn't good enough for Theresa. Ooh. Maggie would like Joe. One of my other roommates was a tall good looking mixed guy, and she automatically offered to hook him up with every single one of her friends. It's not surprising that she never offered to hook me up once. Fast forward SEVERAL years. One of my buddies wives is a cool chick. Let's call her Audra. Audra has tried to introduce me to every one of her friends, and some of them are HOT. Like way hotter than Janine's friends who wouldn't give me the time of day. She always thought I had at least a chance. Wanna know why? Because they were HER friends. What's the lesson? Birds of a feather flock together. Janines hang out with Janines, and Audras hang out with Audras. You can tell from their posts here which LS posters are Janines and which are Audras. Of course, there's in-betweens, but you get the point. If you're hanging out with a woman and she never offers to hook you up, but offers to hook up other guys, you can be fairly certain you will have little chance with her or her friends. Find your Audras. Personally I've NEVER had female friends try to introduce me to women or help me in the dating arena in the slightest way possible. Once in my life one of my guy friends introduced me to a girl that he wasn't interested in, but unfortunately she wasn't interested in me she was still interested in him.
Jefezen Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) There are a few ways to tell whether a woman you approach is interested: 1. When you stand near her silently does she look at you and smile before you say anything? If yes, she's likely receptive to you talking to her. If instead she looks at her feet, turns around, starts chatting with someone else, plays with her phone, etc., chances are she's either not interested or timid. To determine whether she's shy, observe how she converses with her friends. Does she say much? Does she seem a little awkward with them? Is she talking to anyone at all? If you conclude she's probably on the timid side, go ahead and chat with her, but be prepared to dominate the conversation and keep it light. 2. When you're talking to the woman, does she look right at you and try to keep the conversation going, or does she seem fidgety and give one and two word monosyllabic answers? If it's the former, proceed, she's probably interested. If it's the latter, she's counting the seconds until you walk away and leave her alone. 3. Does the woman move physically closer to you and/or touch your arm while talking? If yes, you're in excellent shape. If no, you still might be okay, it's just murkier because the woman might not be the assertive type. If she doesn't close in, takes a step back, and folds her arms into a closed stance, she's probably not interested (unless shy, in which case you might still be in the running). 4. Does she look at her phone or watch a lot while talking to you? Does she indicate she wants to grab another drink or go to the bathroom? Does she seem anxious to pull away toward other people? If one of the above happens once or twice during the course of your conversation, don't panic too much, she might be one of those phone addicts, she might really want that drink, she might really need to go to the bathroom, she might be turning toward someone else merely to greet the person for the first time or say goodnight. If it happens a lot, she's seeking a distraction or an opportunity to escape. Take the cue and back away. 5. Does she mention a significant other or male friend who accompanied her? If yes, she's probably not interested in you, at least not as anything more than a friend. If not, you may still be in the running depending on the other factors. Edited February 15, 2013 by Jefezen 1
Author Necris Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Exact same problem with me. I'm simply not attracted to black females. I may lust for them but, heavens forbid, a good number of black females has terrible fashion sense. Like this one female that I was lusting for at first on the city bus only to notice that when she applied lip stick, she has pink on the outer of her lips and red in the middle. It couldn't look any uglier. Whatever boner I had was gone when I saw that. There is simply very few socially-accepted attractive black females. I'm sticking to my guns. I'm still looking, primarily, for a non-black female. It will have to take one hell of a black female for me to change my tune and I doubt she will be available for the taking. I suggest you do the same. For me that's not the issue, I just don't see very many black women, and on top of that of the ones I do see I don't see too many single attractive black women that I would like to date, and on top of that it appears that I'm not attractive to them as well.
bac Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Also another issue is race, I'm a Black guy and I realize that when I ask out non-black women alot of them simply won't be attracted to me just for that reason alone, and add in my lack of charisma and its just not happening. Unfortunately I don't really know any black women, and in my area black people in general are few in number. And of the ones I do see its rare to find a single attractive black woman that I would like to date, they always seem to have a boyfriend, or just unfortunately unfriendly. Anyway any tips on how to improve my skill of recognizing who to approach and who not to approach? Also does anyone else feel they have a similar problem? Most men who cannot find a woman have the problem. You have a chance mostly with people who are similar to you. It means you both have the same age, race, looks, interests, background and everything else. If you are looking for a girl who is really different than you are, you should be really smart to figure out what you might offer to her to make her be interested in you.
Truthsayer Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Not exact but a similar problem. Approach who you feel like. I just want a decent looking women that treats me good but that seems to be a huge challenge. I have no magical solution for you me or any other struggling guy. All my "success" with women has come from my hard work and rarely has it been easy . With any suggestions you get please don't become an emotionless robot. Pretending rejection doesn't bother you is just that, pretending.
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Personally I've NEVER had female friends try to introduce me to women or help me in the dating arena in the slightest way possible. Once in my life one of my guy friends introduced me to a girl that he wasn't interested in, but unfortunately she wasn't interested in me she was still interested in him. You're not hanging out with the right types. Trust me on that one. It might find you years to find the 'right types' but eventually it is possible. I've seen your pics and read your posts too. There's no reason you can't find your Audras.
Fatdrifter Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I think one of the reasons why I do so terrible with women is that I'm continously approaching the wrong women. I just approach women that I like, but unfortunately unlike some guys I never approach women that may feel attracted to me, I basically approach women blind. Unfortunately I'm unsure how to know if a woman is interested in me without it being obvious, I never see any of these "signs" with any women I meet and the ones I think I do see are actually imaginary. Also another issue is race, I'm a Black guy and I realize that when I ask out non-black women alot of them simply won't be attracted to me just for that reason alone, and add in my lack of charisma and its just not happening. Unfortunately I don't really know any black women, and in my area black people in general are few in number. And of the ones I do see its rare to find a single attractive black woman that I would like to date, they always seem to have a boyfriend, or just unfortunately unfriendly. Anyway any tips on how to improve my skill of recognizing who to approach and who not to approach? Also does anyone else feel they have a similar problem? Yea I chase some black women and I'm a white guy. Go figure.
ltjg45 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 For me that's not the issue, I just don't see very many black women, and on top of that of the ones I do see I don't see too many single attractive black women that I would like to date, and on top of that it appears that I'm not attractive to them as well. That's understandable. Down here, there is plenty of black females. However, I'm sure half is taken, most from the other half is not that attractive (and that is due to partly their fashion choices being major turn-offs), and the rest? Well, they aren't attracted to me. There is a few that is and is decent enough to date but I have been scarred from previous meetings to actually step up to the plate unless she is far more attractive overall than me. I can't see me date a black female that is equal to me in looks. Feels like I'm going for too little after the hell that I went through in the past. Non-black women with equal looks? No issues with me.
ltjg45 Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Here's another pet-peeve of mine when it comes to black females. I see them dressed pretty nicely from head down to their legs but what is the deal with them wearing some cheap sandals along with it? I don't understand that at all.
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